Ruan Chen’s face flushed red in an instant.
Mu Xinghai hadn’t spoken particularly loudly but neither had he lowered his voice. If anyone happened to be nearby, they would definitely have heard it. Panicking, Ruan Chen quickly grabbed Mu Xinghai and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind them. Lowering his voice, he said in embarrassed irritation, “Have you lost your mind? Saying that kind of thing out there.”
Mu Xinghai looked as though it was no big deal at all.
Ruan Chen thought to himself that it was exactly what one would expect from someone like him. For Mu Xinghai, doing that sort of thing probably carried no more weight than eating or drinking. There was absolutely no sense of embarrassment or restraint.
But Ruan Chen still cared about saving face.
Because of that, his cheeks burned even hotter.
Mu Xinghai said, “You’ve already dragged me inside. Aren’t you going to invite me to come in and sit down, Senior Brother Ruan?”
I’m not even your senior brother. Ruan Chen grumbled inwardly. Then he suddenly remembered that his junior sister might come over later. How could he possibly let Mu Xinghai sit down here? If the two of them ran into each other, how would he even begin to explain?
Just thinking about it gave him a headache.
All he wanted right now was to get Mu Xinghai to leave as soon as possible.
Ruan Chen stood silently in the entranceway, blocking the path. With his head lowered, he gave a small, quiet shake.
What he didn’t see was the way Mu Xinghai was looking at him.
There was something burning in those eyes, like fireworks made of ice and snow.
Mu Xinghai didn’t say anything but Ruan Chen could feel that he was angry.
At that moment, Mu Xinghai raised his hand.
Ruan Chen shrank back instinctively, trembling a little as he thought he might be about to get hit but instead, Mu Xinghai simply placed his palm gently against the side of Ruan Chen’s face, near his ear.
Ruan Chen liked the feeling of being touched.
He didn’t move away.
The man’s fingers slowly stroked and toyed with his soft, reddened earlobe.
Mu Xinghai’s fingertips were cold. When they brushed against Ruan Chen’s burning cheek and ear, the contrast made Ruan Chen feel strangely comfortable.
But it also made his face grow even hotter.
The atmosphere was far too ambiguous.
Flustered and confused, Ruan Chen raised his head. His gaze flickered uncertainly as he looked at Mu Xinghai. Rather than pure rejection, it seemed more like a shy, awkward invitation.
He retreated nervously and said, “Don’t touch me…”
But Mu Xinghai had no intention of letting go.
Not only did he refuse to release him but when Ruan Chen lifted his head, Mu Xinghai leaned down toward him, bringing his lips closer.
Ruan Chen tried to lean backward.
They didn’t quite kiss.
Their noses merely bumped lightly together.
Mu Xinghai’s hand slid farther back, gripping the back of Ruan Chen’s head again so that he couldn’t retreat any further. His fingertips searched briefly along the fine hairline at the back of Ruan Chen’s head. He liked touching Ruan Chen’s hair, it was clean and soft.
Soon enough, he easily found the same sensitive spot that had made Ruan Chen’s whole body soften the last time he had pinched it.
He gave it a light squeeze.
Ruan Chen immediately went weak.
The moment he felt that change, Mu Xinghai leaned forward and kissed him.
Ruan Chen let out soft, muffled sounds against the kiss.
His struggling was hardly convincing at all. In fact, it could barely be called struggling.
The dormitory room was very small.
Only a few steps away stood the bed.
Mu Xinghai began tugging at his clothes, laughing lightly as he said, “It’s only early autumn and you’re already wearing thermal pants.”
Ruan Chen knew his clothes looked unfashionable but he had only worn them to keep warm; he had never expected anyone to see them, much less laugh at him for it.
He grew unhappy.
“Then don’t take them off.”
Mu Xinghai chuckled again.
“That won’t work,” he said. “It’s exactly because you put on so many layers the moment the weather cooled down that your whole body feels so warm.”
Warm but not unpleasant.
Ruan Chen smelled clean. His clothes carried the faint scent of orchid laundry detergent and his skin had the simple fragrance of soap.
The scent was fresh and gentle, not cloying at all.
Most men didn’t smell this clean but it wasn’t quite like the scent of a girl either, it wasn’t as sweet.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Senior Brother,” Mu Xinghai murmured near his ear, coaxing him almost like a devil whispering temptation. “If you ever feel like it, you can come find me. I can keep you company.”
Ruan Chen’s heart was beating so fast it felt as though it might explode.
Even at a moment like this, he was still thinking, should he just hurry and finish, satisfy Mu Xinghai and then send him away? Or should he stop now before things went any further?
“I… I have something to do today…” Ruan Chen said.
“Cancel it,” Mu Xinghai replied.
Then he frowned slightly, puzzled. Ruan Chen was usually quiet and withdrawn, who would even be looking for him? A teacher, perhaps?
“Is it your professor?” he asked.
Ruan Chen didn’t dare say that it was his girlfriend.
He hesitated vaguely and said, “I have… homework to write…”
Mu Xinghai didn’t accept the excuse.
“You can write it later,” he said firmly. “What’s so important about homework anyway?”
Ruan Chen’s mind felt hazy now. He had already been teased and handled so much that his thoughts were beginning to melt, almost unable to function properly.
Mu Xinghai teased him lightly. “Don’t worry, Senior Brother. I’ll be quick.”
His broad fingers brushed over the tender skin behind Ruan Chen’s knee, sliding down to the knee itself before tapping lightly, twice, like knocking on a door.
Ruan Chen heard him say simply, “Open up, Senior Brother.”
Ruan Chen thought to himself that he must truly have lost his mind.
He shouldn’t have gotten involved with Mu Xinghai again.
How had things turned into this?
How had he ended up being pulled into something like this with a man once more? He wasn’t even supposed to be attracted to men.
And right now was the worst possible time.
He had already made plans with his junior sister. She might arrive at any moment.
He was terrified that they would be caught.
Because of that constant tension and fear, Ruan Chen felt even more sensitive than the last time.
Ruan Chen was simply too flustered. Mu Xinghai seemed endless in his energy and the more it continued, the more anxious Ruan Chen became. He was so worried that after Mu Xinghai finished for the second time, Ruan Chen turned his face away and refused to accept another kiss.
“Alright, alright,” Mu Xinghai sighed.
He lightly kissed the tightly pressed corner of Ruan Chen’s lips as a kind of conclusion. Although he still wasn’t fully satisfied, he didn’t like forcing people. So he quietly withdrew.
This older man was really quite nice.
Mu Xinghai thought this with lingering reluctance.
Ruan Chen immediately pulled his pants back on. He had barely taken off his clothes to begin with, so he dressed quickly, so quickly that Mu Xinghai felt a faint sense of defeat.
Mu Xinghai asked, “Are you the type who needs to be held and comforted after it’s over?”
Ruan Chen was like hot iron suddenly doused with cold water, steam still rising yet cooling rapidly at the same time. With a somewhat humble tone, he said, “No need.”
But Mu Xinghai still leaned closer, wanting to kiss him again.
Ruan Chen didn’t dare allow it anymore. If they started kissing again, it might lead to something else all over again. He kept dodging repeatedly.
So flirtatious yet so shy.
Mu Xinghai thought about it but didn’t grab him again.
Ruan Chen said, “You should go now.” Then he added, “When you leave, be careful. It’s best if no one sees you.”
Mu Xinghai cleaned himself up, put his clothes back on and was practically pushed toward the door by Ruan Chen.
He stopped at the doorway and turned around.
“I want to ask you something. Once I ask it, I’ll leave.”
Ruan Chen was already impatient. “What is it?”
Mu Xinghai asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Ruan Chen froze for a moment. He wasn’t even gay! He had only been tempted into this situation! He quickly tried to distance himself from the idea.
“No. No.”
But the question made something spark at the tip of his heart, like a brief electric current. He wondered what Mu Xinghai meant by asking that. Did he want to date him?
That would be insane.
Mu Xinghai looked at his reaction and concluded that the answer was probably true. Then he asked something even more outrageous.
“Then do you have a regular partner? Or an occasional one? Someone you sleep with.”
Ruan Chen felt overwhelmed with shame. It was simply too much. He felt deeply insulted and answered awkwardly, “Just because I slept with you so easily, you think I’m that kind of frivolous person?”
Mu Xinghai didn’t answer directly.
Instead, he took Ruan Chen’s tightly clenched fist and slowly pried open his fingers one by one. Then he gently rubbed his palm, as if trying to smooth away the anger gathered there.
“Be my regular partner,” he said.
Ruan Chen was silent for a moment before asking, “Then what about your girlfriend?”
Using that as a perfectly valid reason, he refused.
“I don’t want to maintain that kind of improper relationship with you.”
Mu Xinghai felt irritation rising in his chest.
“I already told you,” he said. “We broke up.”
“I’m not forcing you to break up.”
“We had already broken up before I met you again.”
Ruan Chen said, “How would I know that? I asked… I asked Jiang Tingting. She didn’t admit that you broke up. Her family situation isn’t good. If you act like this… like this, it’s really not right.”
Mu Xinghai laughed out of anger.
He was so annoyed that he almost wanted to push this stubborn, old fashioned man down and take him again.
In the end, Mu Xinghai decided he wasn’t going to preserve Jiang Tingting’s dignity anymore.
“We really broke up,” he said bluntly. “She cheated on me and it’s true that she didn’t want to break up. She kept asking me to forgive her but that’s impossible. I didn’t tell anyone about it out of consideration for what we once had.”
Ruan Chen was filled with doubt and uncertainty.
Even after Mu Xinghai had left for more than half an hour, he was still standing there in a daze.
His junior sister… cheating?
That girl looked so pure and simple. How could she possibly do something like that?
He simply couldn’t imagine it.
And besides, it was already half past nine.
If his junior sister still hadn’t come by now, it seemed unlikely that she would come at all.
Ruan Chen silently looked down at his phone.
He sent her a message.
“Are you still coming over to my place to work on homework?”
A moment later, his junior sister replied.
“Ah, I’m sorry, Senior Brother. One of my classmates suddenly asked me to go out and hang out and I forgot to tell you. I’m really sorry, really sorry.”
Ruan Chen replied simply.
“It’s alright.”
He went to take a quiet shower and then changed into his pajamas.
From the cabinet by the wall, he took out two discs. One was Waterloo Bridge, the other was Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence. He hesitated for a while, unsure which one he should watch.
In the end, he watched both.
First Waterloo Bridge and then Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence.
He had never been someone who rejected stories that contained same sex love. Sometimes, he was even moved by them. He admired love and longed for it and deep in his heart he hoped that one day he might also possess a love of his own.
But he didn’t.
He never had.
And now, for once, there was a man who wanted to kiss him.
Yet it was obvious that it wasn’t born from pure, wholehearted love.
The thought pulled Ruan Chen back into a long, lingering sadness.
Past midnight.
Ruan Chen was still watching the film when his phone suddenly rang.
It was a call from his junior sister.
The moment she spoke, she let out a drunken hiccup.
“Hello… Se… Senior Brother… I’m at a bar… hic… I drank too much and my head hurts… c.. could you come pick me up?”
Ruan Chen paused the movie immediately.
Without saying anything more, he stood up and began changing his clothes.
“Where are you?” he asked. “I’ll come get you right now.”
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
☕ (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ translator fuel acquired?
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
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ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7