Tuan Yun was doing needlework when for no clear reason at all, a sharp, anxious tightness seized his heart.
Suddenly, someone shouted from outside, “Someone come quickly! Tuan Yun, hurry out and take a look, something’s happened to your man! His head’s been smashed open! His clothes are soaked in blood!”
What?! His fingers jerked and a bead of blood instantly welled up from his fingertip.
All the color drained from Tuan Yun’s face, turning him pale as paper. He rose in a rush and hurried outside but his legs went weak.
Before he even reached the doorway, he stumbled and fell.
Granny Li from next door grabbed him and helped him up, her eyes reddening as well, her voice full of heartache.
“Oh heavens, what kind of bitter fate is this? At home, his own father didn’t care, his mother didn’t love him, worked him like an old ox. Finally escaped that wretched place, only to run into something like this.”
“And the one he married is just as ill-fated, thin-lived and unlucky. You saved his life day and night, spent everything you had to find him work and settle down and yet he keeps dragging you down, never giving you a moment’s peace…”
Tuan Yun was trembling all over, shaking so hard he could barely stand. He had no strength to listen. His eyes could see only the figure being carried back from afar.
The moment he caught sight of him, he rushed forward. “Husband!”
Tears streamed down his face.
As he cried, a voice came from above his head, Ji Zhiwei’s voice. “Tuan Yun?”
Tuan Yun lifted his head through tears, only to see his newlywed husband standing perfectly fine. There was not the slightest wound on his head. His expression was cold and dark, utterly different from the bright, open young man in his memory.
The man stared at him like a snake, his gaze chilling, his lips curling into a contemptuous sneer.
“I am the legitimate second son of a count’s household. You are nothing but a rustic village lad, coarse and vulgar. How could you possibly be worthy of me?”
“You say you saved my life, how do I know you didn’t simply see my fine clothes and try to take advantage of me?”
“Marry you? A foolish fantasy. Absolutely impossible!”
Boom!
Lightning flashed. Tuan Yun jolted awake, his forehead slick with a fine layer of sweat.
A nightmare?
Not exactly. Everything in it had truly happened, just two years ago.
He sat up. The movement drew attention from outside. The maid Zhu’er lifted the curtain and peered in. “Madam? You’re awake? Shall you get up?”
Tuan Yun asked the time. Hearing that it was already time to pay respects, he nodded. “Let’s get up.”
Dark clouds filled the sky. Lightning flickered yet no rain fell.
Inside and outside the room were both dim and gray. Zhu’er lit a lamp and began arranging Tuan Yun’s hair.
Tuan Yun was a xiaolang, a man capable of bearing children. Though his appearance was that of a man, his grooming was very simple.
Zhu’er quickly tied up his hair. When she looked at him in the mirror, a smile bloomed on her face.
A face no bigger than a palm, white as a cloud, perfectly suited to his name. A delicate nose, clear jade-like eyes, a pointed chin. Beautiful yet veiled in a soft, gauzy melancholy.
That sadness suited him all too well, pleasing at first glance, pitiable at a distance. The more Zhu’er looked, the more she felt he was like a figure made of crystal and glass. The servants of the count’s household often gathered together to sneer about how this xiaolang madam was crude and unfit for polite society. In her eyes, that was pure nonsense spoken with empty mouths.
“All right. I’ll fetch an umbrella and then we can go. Madam… Madam?”
Seeing Tuan Yun lost in thought, his brows unknowingly drawn tight, Zhu’er asked gently, “What’s wrong?”
Tuan Yun shook his head and said nothing.
For no reason at all, that unease returned, as if something bad was about to happen.
Master and servant left early.
They went to pay respects to the matriarch of the count’s household. As usual, they arrived first and left last.
The old madam did not speak to Tuan Yun at all, only had him stand at the back. The roomful of sisters in law and female relatives acted as though he did not exist. Only the concubines of the other young masters standing beside him glanced sideways at him, rolling their eyes, as if merely standing near him lowered their own status.
This was nothing unusual. Tuan Yun lowered his eyes, stilled his heart and endured until it was over. What occupied his thoughts more was the weather.
The sky overhead was oppressively dark, pressing down until it felt hard to breathe.
“It looks like a heavy rain is coming. Let’s hurry back.” Tuan Yun said softly once they stepped outside.
Zhu’er answered, then suddenly touched her ear and cried out, “Oh no! I don’t know where my earring fell!”
Zhu’er had been bought from outside and had only been in the household a short time. Her family was poor and the few pieces of jewelry she owned had all been given to her by Tuan Yun. Tuan Yun himself had little and he grew anxious for her. They hurriedly split up, one searching inward, the other outward.
While searching the ground, they suddenly heard laughter and gossip. By an unlucky coincidence, the topic was Tuan Yun himself.
“The old madam really said that? To demote him to a noble concubine? If that was always the plan, why bother bringing a lowly country nobody into the household in the first place? Wasn’t it just to avoid being branded ungrateful?”
“Times are different now. Two whole years have passed. Two years and he still hasn’t borne a child. What proper household matron would give him a good face? This ‘impropriety’ is the perfect excuse.”
“That’s wonderful, really. Given his background, even being a concubine to the second young master is more than he deserves. The second young master is a man of gold and jade, what kind of exalted figure is he? After losing his memory for a time, he was actually taken advantage of by someone like this, using kindness as leverage and now he’s expected to keep him fed and clothed for a lifetime!”
“First demote him to concubine status. A concubine is no better than a servant. Once that precedent is set, give it time, after that, how he’s dealt with won’t it all be just a matter of a few words from the masters?”
The speakers were senior maids who served at the old madam’s side, each adorned in gold and silver, dressed in fine brocade.
As they spoke, they burst into laughter together, carefree and pleased with themselves.
Behind a corridor pillar, Tuan Yun bent over, his mind completely blank, his body stiff and frozen.
Pat, pat, raindrops the size of beans smashed into the ground, quickly spreading into shallow puddles. The sky, which had been gloomy all night, finally released its rain.
Counting carefully, Tuan Yun had hardly known a single good day in his life.
The moment he was born, his father heard that he was a xiaolang and left without even stepping through the door.
His own mother refused to nurse him, leaving him until his body nearly went cold before dragging him back, beating and cursing him.
At three, a younger brother was born and life grew ever harder. Without comparison, he thought he had simply been born to cold-hearted parents. Only with comparison did he realize that his parents were capable of warmth, food, care, gentle words, all of it existed. It was simply never meant for him.
From the moment he was born, he was the family’s little beast. He did not live to eat; he lived to work.
Work filled every day. Beatings filled every day.
During the years he should have been growing, he never ate his fill. As a result, he never grew tall and even as an adult his face was sallow and thin.
When he was young, his greatest dream was simply to eat until he was full. Later, after saving Ji Zhiwei, he worked while nursing him back to health. Anything good went first to Ji Zhiwei. After they became husband and husband, countless trivial matters awaited his care. He never truly ate his fill.
If a person eats one meal while worrying about the next, how can they ever dare to fill their stomach without restraint?
Tuan Yun asked himself honestly: in the two years since marrying into the count’s household, hardly anyone had treated him as a person.
Ji Zhiwei’s love had vanished, replaced by disgust. His parents-in-law despised his lowly origins. Among the inner household, even the concubines came from families of fifth- or sixth-rank officials, each and every one thought him unworthy. Aside from Zhu’er, even the servants in his own courtyard treated him one way to his face and another behind his back, privately holding him in contempt.
Yet, truth be told, this was still the best life Tuan Yun had ever lived.
He ate his fill. He was warm. He did not have to open his eyes each morning, already exhausted from the struggle to survive. He could even secretly read books and learn a few characters. Sometimes, when he looked into the mirror, he would be startled, scarcely daring to recognize the fair, clean xiaolang reflected there as himself.
Could it be that his parents had been right all along, that he was born with a cheap fate and thin fortune and that even if he managed to live well for a time, it could never last?
As Tuan Yun thought this, his eyes grew wet again.
Zhu’er came over to wipe his tears. The moment someone showed him the slightest kindness, he cried again.
Crying, he said, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t find the earring.”
“Even if I give you a new one, this pair won’t match anymore.”
Zhu’er felt both heartache and amusement but she had no time to comfort him. She cast a quick glance outside and reminded him urgently, “Madam, the second young master has arrived.”
Ji Zhiwei rarely came to this place. Because Tuan Yun was here, he did not even like to return home.
Tuan Yun felt puzzled and hurriedly rose to his feet.
Still, he was not fast enough. Ji Zhiwei did not wait for him to finish tidying himself before entering. He stopped at the doorway, not taking a single step inside.
Outside, the rain poured down noisily. Ji Zhiwei stood untouched by wind or rain, dressed in a formal robe and black boots, tall and composed, every inch the proud young noble.
The distance between them was greater than that between master and servant. They could not even clearly see each other’s faces; only Ji Zhiwei’s cold voice carried across the space.
“There is an outer banquet tomorrow. You will go along with the family.”
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
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Next →
ChaptersChapter 1 · How can you, so crude and vulgar, be a match for me?Chapter 2 · Children don’t just appear out of thin air if you want themChapter 3 · I also grew up reading the classicsChapter 4 · I am willing to dress up as the Goddess of MercyChapter 5 · If Cousin Ji doesn’t like me, do you not like me either?Chapter 6 · He actually summoned such a YamaChapter 7 · Am I not worthy of your attention, Madam?Chapter 8 · I think Lord Cui likes you very muchChapter 9 · Dragon and phoenix twinsChapter 10 · I will never allow anyone to belittle or despise you againChapter 11 · If that’s true, then marry your wife to meChapter 12 · Well, it really is true that one thing can subdue anotherChapter 13 · Extra 1Chapter 14 · Extra 2Chapter 15 · Extra 3Chapter 16 · Extra 4