Peter blinked in confusion and stared at Tony in disbelief.
Tony looked a little nervous, though he was barely restraining a smile.
“So all that stuff you told me about impulsive decisions…” Peter’s face slowly spread into a sly grin.
“And now you fired your assistant the evening before your ‘week of TV shows’?
Are you kidding?” Every few months, after an especially large Avengers operation or major invention, Tony set aside an entire week for interviews, talk shows, and similar appearances so the press would bother him less during the rest of the year.
Peter stubbornly called it his ‘week of TV shows’ and had always wanted to hang around backstage.
Now that the chance had finally appeared, he needed to play hard to get for at least a moment.
“He was annoying me,” Tony muttered, crossing his arms.
“Normally I’d ask Pepper or hire someone else, but she’s busy and there’s no time.” “So you decided to exploit me?
Your underage ‘intern’?” Peter raised an eyebrow with a smirk.
He had nearly said child, but that would have admitted he was still little.
He could not destroy his own reputation.
“I’m suing you.” “So you agree?” “Of course.” Tony smiled and mussed the kid’s hair.
It was extremely convenient to have an underage ‘intern’ permanently available.
*** Peter stood backstage beside Tony and pretended not to be nervous about Jimmy Kimmel being in the next room.
He was not doing a convincing job.
Seriously, though—Kimmel was the coolest host!
Peter had watched his show for years, and now he was standing where the magic happened.
Tony gave Peter a ‘Stop being a fan of someone who isn’t me’ look and felt rather pleased that he had fired that idiot Stuart.
The expression on his kid’s face was priceless.
Tony hooked his glasses onto Peter’s sweatshirt, reread the prepared cue cards one last time while fully aware that he would not say a single word from them, and waited for someone to bring his coffee.
The moment the cup appeared, Peter frowned.
He accepted it from the trembling hands of a staff member who was plainly overwhelmed by the sight of Tony Stark himself.
Tony reached for his drink of the gods, but Peter quickly moved it beyond his reach.
The genuine confusion on Stark’s face seemed to entertain him enormously.
“You thought I was going to let you drink this?” Peter laughed openly, ignoring the people in the room staring at him with wide eyes.
They probably expected him to be fired on the spot.
“You’ve already had seven cups in four hours.
Absolutely not.
You have a bad heart.” “You are a tiny menace.” Tony snorted and accepted his fate.
There was no arguing with this kid.
“I’m already regretting firing Stuart.” “I’m telling Pepper.” “You win.” Peter only smiled as if he had never doubted it.
Which, honestly, he had not.
Tony’s entrance was announced.
He walked onto the stage with a playful smile, lightly ruffling Peter’s hair on the way.
Jimmy greeted Stark enthusiastically and invited him to take the guest chair.
Tony settled into the same chair he had already occupied three times on the show.
Unsurprising.
“Well, handsome,” Jimmy began teasingly.
“Here you are again.
Should I even bother trying to convince you to visit more often?” “I don’t know.
I’m in a good mood today.” Tony smiled, folded his arms, and leaned back.
“But keep trying.
Who knows?
Maybe someone will persuade me eventually.” “A good mood?
Astonishing.” Kimmel grinned.
“Should I thank Miss Potts?” “No, I’m afraid you won’t get through to her.
My wife is terribly busy doing something.” Tony shrugged, drawing laughter from the audience.
“Actually, I just have a cool new assistant who confiscated my coffee.” “Oh God.
Is the guy still alive?” “I don’t know.
He’s backstage at your show.” Tony turned lazily and winked at Peter, who was partly visible near the exit.
Jimmy looked over too and waved.
“The kid could suffer a fanboy attack over you at any moment, so behave yourself.” Kimmel laughed.
Peter stepped farther back, hoping he had not appeared on camera.
The last thing he needed was to become publicly known as Tony Stark’s assistant.
God forbid the news reported it.
His entire class already knew he was Tony’s son.
Tony answered every question with cheerful energy, constantly teasing Kimmel and occasionally mentioning Peter as a terrible little menace.
At least he did not use Peter’s name.
Otherwise school would descend into the apocalypse.
Still, it was sweet.
When filming ended, Peter noticed with a mixture of terror and delight that Tony was returning with the host.
Oh God.
This was so cool.
He only had to avoid babbling like an excited fan, or Stark would remind him of it for the rest of his life.
And he had to stop Tony from reaching the coffee while Peter was distracted.
“Jimmy, meet Peter.” Tony casually reclaimed his glasses.
“Brat, you know who this is.” “Oh, yes.
Hi.
I mean, it’s nice to meet you.” Mission Do Not Babble Excitedly had failed.
Out of the corner of his eye, Peter saw Tony reaching for the cup.
Was he serious?
“I wanted to say you’re my favorite host.
Hold on one second.” Peter lunged and seized the cup a second before Tony could.
Then he moved farther away and gave Stark a displeased glare.
He was definitely telling Pepper now.
The man behaved like a small child.
“You can’t have it,” Peter said, patting the theatrically disappointed Tony on the shoulder before turning back to Jimmy, whose surprise was obvious.
“Don’t mind him.
His previous assistants spoiled him terribly.” “If I buy you ice cream, will you give me my coffee?” Peter looked at him skeptically and shook his head.
“You’ll buy me ice cream anyway because you don’t want Pepper to learn that a certain someone is behaving like a spoiled toddler.” Jimmy’s jaw appeared ready to hit the floor.
Tony only shrugged as if to say, Yes, this is my life.
“Tony, I want an assistant like that,” Kimmel muttered.
Peter smiled.
Tony declared that there was definitely no one else like him.
Peter threw the coffee into the trash and began to regret accepting the job.
When Tony was difficult inside the Tower, Peter could annoy him freely without revealing their little secret.
Doing it in public was much harder.
Tony was not helping.
*** “Tony Stark, or How to Turn a Conversation About Your Company’s New Developments into a Conversation About Your Assistant” — #1 Trending Jimmy Kimmel Live Comments: TheEllenShow If Tony Stark doesn’t bring that boy onto my show tomorrow, what is even the point of any of this?
Show 713 replies UnHappyGuy Stark: says something about advanced technology and a brilliant future Stark: oh, and I have an awesome new assistant The internet: OHMYGODHEHASANASSISTANT Seriously, people, he told you about the TeChNoLoGy oF tHe FuTuRe and you’re all obsessed with some random guy Show 34 replies TheBbEesTTtY Tony: I have a cool new assistant Tony: the kid might have a fanboy attack Tony: *smiles like a proud father* I can’t.
This is too adorable Show 430 replies JustSteve Guys, at 2:06, when Stark turns around.
I think you can see the assistant’s head for a second Show 1,273 replies *** Peter tried his hardest to ignore the thousands of comments beneath the Jimmy Kimmel episode, but Tony seemed determined to read them aloud at random, turning the already crimson kid even redder.
Peter was ready to quit until Stark used a forbidden weapon: Ellen herself.
How could Peter possibly refuse?
Ellen appeared before the show, clearly eager to meet the ‘very cool’ assistant after the previous day’s Kimmel episode.
Peter barely restrained a fanboy squeal at the sight of her.
Strangely, the need to monitor Tony helped a great deal.
This time, ‘His Majesty’ had abruptly decided he hated Peter’s favorite sweatshirt.
They had not traveled two hundred yards from the Tower before Tony began grumbling and trying to persuade Peter to let him make at least a few changes to his wardrobe.
Peter developed a theory that Tony was deliberately provoking him.
“Hi.” Ellen smiled warmly.
Peter might have frozen if his spider-sense had not warned him that Tony’s hand was approaching his hood.
“Honestly, after yesterday’s social-media explosion, I want to do a show with you even more than I want one with Tony.” “Oh, thank you.” Peter smiled, then rolled his eyes as he sensed a hand near the back of his neck.
“Keep your billionaire hands away from my twenty-five-dollar clearance-rack sweatshirt.” “I’m going to burn it,” Tony muttered.
Peter wondered what exactly offended him.
The fact that it was not designer clothing, or the ridiculous joke about Van Gogh’s ear printed on the front?
Ellen laughed, apparently amazed by the way Peter spoke to his ‘boss.’ “And I’ll dismantle one of your suits and sell it for scrap,” Peter hissed, moving away.
Tony managed to catch him anyway and draped an arm around his shoulders.
“You’re killing me.” Peter could not see his face, but Tony sounded as though he was smiling.
“Well, Ellen, I brought him.
When do we start?” “Please take him away from me,” Peter whispered, rolling his eyes theatrically.
Ellen and Tony laughed as they headed toward the studio.
With his enhanced hearing, Peter could hear the woman interrogating Tony about him.
Why had everyone become so interested?
The press conference had not even happened yet.
*** “Ellen Chats with Tony Stark, or More About the Mysterious Assistant” — #1 Trending TheEllenShow Comments: TheEllenShow I spoke to him, and you know what?
I understand why Tony is so delighted.
That boy is wonderful Show 3,072 replies ElOnMuskOfficial Ellen, you were our only hope.
Why didn’t you film him?
Show 489 replies Eddy&Venny Even Elon Musk is following Stark’s assistant Who the hell are you, dude?
Show 78 replies SpidyGator ohmygodohmygodohmygod this is so cool I can’t believe it RoseT_thetraveler When you simply get a job as Stark’s assistant and suddenly become famous Show 175 replies *** Peter barely survived the week.
By the end, his supposedly insignificant person had become one of the most searched-for mysteries on YouTube.
He had no idea how Tony had managed to avoid showing his face even once during all those press conferences.
Peter was impressed.
Every viewer searching for a glimpse of him was boiling with frustration.
Had he mentioned that all the coolest hosts he constantly watched on television now knew him personally?
The realization struck him once and sent him into a four-hour trance.
And this was only the beginning.
He was almost afraid to imagine what would happen after tomorrow’s press conference.
*** “Tony Stark Announces Press Conference Tomorrow, Promises Everyone a Spectacular Shock!”