Perona couldn’t be bothered to listen to the two useless men argue over which one of them was more shameless.
She looked at them the way someone might look at two flies that had accidentally fallen into a cream cake—annoying to look at and thoroughly ruining her appetite.
“Horohorohorohoro…”
Perona gently spun the red parasol in her hand.
The four translucent ghosts floating around her let out eerie, mournful cries and slowly drifted toward the two men in the corner.
“Hey! Pink twin-tail girl! Can’t we talk this out?! Don’t get physical!”
Gintoki shouted bravely despite being terrified.
As he spoke, he shrank farther behind Kazuma, trying to tug Kazuma’s towel over himself.
Kazuma slapped his hand away.
“Get lost! Where are your own clothes?!”
At the very moment the two started shoving each other again, one of the Negative Hollows had already drifted in front of Gintoki.
Gintoki didn’t even have time to let out a proper scream.
The ghost simply floated straight through his body.
There was no pain.
No impact.
But the expression on Sakata Gintoki’s face froze.
Those perpetually half-open dead-fish eyes widened blankly, their focus disappearing completely.
He remained frozen in the same position he’d been in while shoving Kazuma, stiff as a statue whose soul had been ripped away.
One second later—
THUD!
Sakata Gintoki dropped to his knees and then collapsed completely, his forehead striking the dust-covered floor.
“I can’t do this anymore…”
“I’m just a worthless bum…”
He muttered in a despairing voice thick with tears.
His voice was as quiet as the buzzing of a mosquito, but in the deathly silent church, every word reached Kazuma’s ears clearly.
“I’m just a heartless boss who does nothing but talk big…”
“I can’t even pay Shinpachi and Kagura their salaries…”
“I trick them into eating rice mixed with mayonnaise every day…”
“Sadaharu can only eat cheap dog food…”
“I’ve been behind on Old Lady Otose’s rent for months…”
“I’m the biggest parasite in Kabukicho…”
Kazuma’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.
W-What is going on?!
Why did this guy suddenly start criticizing himself?!
And why is he exposing all his dirty laundry?!
But this was only the beginning.
Gintoki lay sprawled on the floor, weakly pounding his fist against the ground.
The sorrow in his voice deepened with every word, as though he were pouring out all the regrets of his entire life.
“Kagura’s still just a kid, and I let her go hungry with me…”
“Shinpachi has done so much for the Yorozuya that he even has to force down his sister’s dark matter with a smile…”
“What kind of Yorozuya boss am I…?”
“I’m just scum…”
“Most importantly…”
“I actually…”
“I actually slept with that old hag Otose…”
“That annoying old woman…”
“I’m a monster…”
At that point, Gintoki’s voice completely broke down.
He buried his face against the floor, his shoulders shaking violently as he whimpered.
“My reputation…”
“My name as the Shiroyasha…”
“It’s all ruined…”
“I might as well die…”
“Just let me turn into a puddle of strawberry milk and rot here…”
BOOM—!
It was as though a bomb labeled “common sense” had exploded inside Kazuma’s head.
A chill shot from his tailbone straight to the crown of his head.
That effective?!
He finally understood!
So that’s it!
So this is the truth behind why this guy crossed worlds naked!
He got drunk and slept with someone—and that someone was that terrifying old woman!
No wonder he absolutely refused to tell me!
This ghost’s ability was actually forcing people to confess all the most shameful, darkest, and most embarrassing secrets buried within their hearts!
It was worse than killing someone!
Kazuma instantly felt a chill run down his spine.
This was quite possibly the most vicious attack in the world!
He was just about to retreat and look for an opportunity to counterattack when he realized another Negative Hollow had somehow drifted in front of him.
“Crap…”
He had barely gotten the word out when the second ghost passed straight through his chest without hesitation.
Kazuma froze as well.
An indescribable, overwhelming sense of pessimism instantly drowned out his reason.
He felt as though all the color had drained from the world.
Every plan he had made for the future…
Every instinct telling him to survive…
Everything turned to ashes in that instant.
Slowly…
Very slowly…
He released his grip on his towel.
The piece of fabric slipped to the floor.
Then, like a spineless mollusk whose backbone had been removed, he collapsed beside Gintoki, forming a pair of miserable brothers-in-arms with him.
“Ah…”
“I, Satou Kazuma, am nothing but a complete piece of trash…”
“A pervert…”
“A shut-in…”
Perona hugged her Kumashi plushie and looked at the newest “miserable maggot” lying on the floor.
She laughed smugly.
“Horohorohorohoro… Another one.”
“I died because I was scared by a tractor…”
Kazuma buried his face in the dusty floor.
His muffled voice dripped with humiliation.
“I was trying to buy a limited-edition game…”
“It didn’t even hit me…”
“I…”
“I was so scared that I wet myself and went into shock…”
“And died…”
“I’m probably the only person in the entire world who managed to die in another world like that…”
“Pfft—”
Gintoki, who had already fallen into complete self-loathing, somehow squeezed out an involuntary laugh when he heard that.
The laughter was quickly swallowed by an even deeper despair.
“Because of that, that useless goddess Aqua laughed at me for an entire month!”
“She even drew a picture of the way I died and showed it to everyone!”
“My entire life is a joke!”
Kazuma became more and more agitated as he continued.
He raised his head, tears and mucus streaming down his face.
“I, Satou Kazuma!”
“I lived for seventeen years!”
“I’ve barely even held a girl’s hand!”
“I…”
“I’m still a virgin!”
“A miserable virgin who died because he was scared of a tractor!”
“What right do I have to keep living in this world?!”
“And the worst part is, when I arrived in this world, countless people watched my…”
“My Excalibur…”
“Waaaah…”
“Just let me die already!”
Crying and howling, he repeatedly slammed his forehead against the floor.
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
It was as though he wanted to knock himself unconscious and escape this social death that was somehow even more terrifying than actual death.
The church echoed with the alternating confessions and sobs of the two men.
Only moments ago, they had been arguing with each other.
Now they were kneeling side by side on the floor, competing to see who could become more pessimistic and who could come closest to becoming an inanimate object.
One was suffering over his absurd night with an old woman.
The other was regretting his entire virgin life after dying of fright because of a tractor.
Perona stood before them like an artist admiring her masterpiece.
A satisfied, devilish smile adorned her face.
She lightly tapped the tip of her parasol against the floor and looked down at the two men who had completely lost the will to fight.
“Horohorohorohoro… Honestly, they’re even more pathetic than I expected.”
“But this makes things much easier.”
Perona looked at her masterpiece and burst into delighted laughter.
Sure enough, no matter what world she was in, watching other people sink into despair was one of the most entertaining things imaginable.
The blood-red panel before her clearly displayed that defeating her opponents would grant her a huge amount of Reputation.
These two big fish…
She’d gladly take them.
[Congratulations, Raid Faction Player — Perona has successfully caused Neutral Faction Player — Sakata Gintoki and Guardian Faction Player — Satou Kazuma to lose their ability to fight, severely damaging their fighting spirit. You have gained 100,000 Reputation.]