Compared to the clown, whose emotions were as volatile as walking a tightrope, if forced to choose between the two, You Li would rather stay with the calm doctor.
At least when he maintained a good patient-doctor relationship with the doctor, the man had never laid a hand on him.
However, the two dungeon bosses were clearly cooperating with each other, and the doctor didn’t seem to have any intention of stopping the clown from doing anything excessive to him.
You Li could only use the doctor as a comparison, hoping to calm the clown down a little and make him more willing to communicate with him.
It seemed to be somewhat effective.
When the clown finally released him, You Li carefully backed away from beneath him, supporting himself on his elbows and inching backward little by little as he tried to crawl away.
He hadn’t gotten far when the clown, who had already straightened up, suddenly grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him back. You Li barely managed to sit on the edge of the hospital bed.
The blankets were dragged along with him, half of them tumbling onto the floor.
The clown tossed the scalpel aside.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
You Li flinched at the crisp sound. His eyelids were still wet with tears, and he shakily pressed his legs together.
The clown slightly loosened his mask, exposing only the upper half of his face. He slowly leaned down, as though he had truly taken You Li’s words to heart. His movements were deliberately slower, as if he believed this made him gentler.
The mask was incredibly realistic. Its lips appeared to be split into a wide, exaggerated grin, as though laughing, and at the very corner was what looked like a tear, tightly stitched together with needle and thread.
It covered the upper half of his face, while the exposed lower half had a pair of lips curved in a seemingly casual smile.
The contrast created an eerie sense of separation and alienation.
You Li felt no tenderness whatsoever.
All he felt was the anxiety of being slowly tortured to death before his demise, and the fear that he would not even be allowed to die cleanly and decisively.
Someone licked and kissed his lips.
You Li squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to retreat, but he didn’t dare. His lips remained tightly pressed together, while tears gradually soaked his eyelashes.
The other person’s slender fingers intertwined behind his head, firmly supporting the back of his neck before slowly tightening their grip.
The feigned gentleness beneath that skin was quickly shattered.
After only a few minutes of restraint, You Li was forced to open his mouth.
The hand supporting his head moved forward and pinched his cheek, forcing his mouth open.
At the same time, his tears rolled down his face, mingling with the blood the doctor had just splattered across his skin and blending into the kiss.
But it didn’t feel like a kiss.
It felt more like a wild beast tearing into him in revenge.
As though it were something it had longed for, something it had dreamed of for a very long time.
You Li’s mouth was forced open. When he opened his eyes, all he could see was that terrifying clown mask.
When he closed his eyes again, he could clearly feel the saliva he couldn’t swallow, the wetness slipping from the corner of his mouth.
He finally couldn’t take it anymore.
With a sob, he began struggling backward, but he couldn’t retreat at all. Instead, the clown’s hand behind his head pulled him forward with even greater force.
You Li’s lips were forced forward, and his face was pressed against the cold clown mask. The sudden chill startled him, and tears continued to roll down his cheeks.
He tried to push the clown away with both hands, but before he could move, one hand seized both of his wrists and forcibly locked them behind his back.
The clown pulled his head backward, forcing You Li to tilt his face upward.
His face flushed, his mouth forced wide open in helplessness, leaving him completely defenseless.
The kiss deepened, as though he were about to be completely swallowed by it.
The familiar sensation seemed to drag You Li back to that night, when he had been pinned against the cold ground by an unseen and intangible creature, forced into a posture of accepting whatever came his way, welcoming everything in the darkness.
In the end, trembling with fear, he had curled himself beneath the bed and remained there for the entire night.
How terrifying.
You Li was trembling.
He was trembling because he was being kissed.
He was being kissed by a monster that looked exactly like him.
How terrifying.
The clown, however, seemed to feel no pity whatsoever. He continued to devour You Li’s mouth, going deeper and deeper, as though savoring it with genuine pleasure.
Amid the constant sticky, wet sounds, he chuckled and coaxed,
“Baby, stick your tongue out a little more.”
“Weren’t you very good at stretching just now?”
“What are you afraid of now?”
You Li’s tears kept falling.
His tightly pressed legs were pried apart, and the soft flesh of his body was pinched so hard that the fingers seemed to sink into it.
He felt something cold probing at the edge of the fabric tightly binding him.
They were the same fingers that had just been holding the scalpel.
The clown licked away the tears clinging to You Li’s eyelids.
“Why are you crying? You were so sick from the medication that you couldn’t even recognize anyone, and your husband wouldn’t even touch you.”
He twisted the truth with deliberate ease.
“My darling has suffered these past few days.”
Their similar lower faces were pressed together.
You Li finally found an opportunity to speak. He turned his face away, lowered his head, and shrank back as he struggled against the restraint.
“I didn’t marry you.”
He fought to hold back his tears, flustered and helpless.
“Only… only marriage can allow this to happen. Weren’t you… weren’t you my good friend before?”
You Li’s memories had only recovered a little so far. He hadn’t even fully remembered the memories of his repeated reincarnations in this instance.
He desperately tried to find an excuse that would help him weather the crisis.
“You’re just lying to me. You’re lying about us being on the same household registration. That doesn’t count. Don’t do this. Don’t, “
The clown narrowed his eyes.
“Didn’t you say you didn’t remember me?”
You Li nodded vigorously.
“I remember. I said I remember. I didn’t lie to you. I really didn’t lie to you.”
The clown retorted, “So, baby, don’t you remember saying you’d be with me forever?”
His voice turned cold.
“If I’m not your husband, then who is?”
You Li desperately forced himself to come up with a story.
“When I said we’d always be together, I didn’t mean it that way. I meant… as good friends.”
The clown laughed.
“But I clearly remember you saying you wanted to be my bride and marry me.”
His tone softened in a way that was somehow even more dangerous.
“Baby, you haven’t forgotten. You’re just lying to me, aren’t you?”
Did he really say that?
Had he said something like that before?
Had he really said it?
You Li didn’t know.
He desperately tried to remember, but no matter how hard he searched his memories, he couldn’t recall anything.
The clown slowly traced his body, measuring every inch of him.
“Your neck and shoulders are very sensitive. If I touch you from the middle down, you’ll start trembling.”
As he spoke, he did exactly that.
You Li shuddered violently. His back involuntarily arched forward as he tried to avoid the fingertips stroking down his back, and his eyelids became wet again.
“You’re very ticklish. Every time I touch your waist, you can’t stand it and instinctively dodge my hand.”
You Li curled up and bent forward with a sob. The soft flesh around his waist was twisted and toyed with, making his entire body tremble.
The clown knew every inch of his body intimately.
From top to bottom.
From inside to outside.
As if they had originally been one.
“And this mole.”
The clown half-crouched down, almost kneeling in front of the hospital bed, and leaned closer.
His icy breath swept across You Li’s waist and abdomen, reaching the spot You Li instinctively kept tightly guarded whenever he had the chance.
You Li helplessly watched as the clown’s mask dipped down, almost disappearing into his flesh as it pressed against his soft skin.
He could only reach out and push at the man’s head.
“You really like it when I kiss it, don’t you?”
The moment he finished speaking, the clown, like someone who had caught his prey, began gently nibbling at the soft flesh around the mole.
From his posture, it looked as though he might devour You Li alive at any moment.
You Li was terrified.
But after piecing everything together, he couldn’t help but grip the clown’s mask and try to push it away.
“It doesn’t taste good. It doesn’t taste good.”
He was genuinely afraid the clown would eat him.
The clown chuckled softly.
“I won’t eat you.”
As soon as You Li felt him release his hold, he curled up his legs and shrank back against the hospital bed.
“I can’t say things like that to anyone else,” he said, holding his breath. “I’m not used to interacting with other people. I’m a little afraid of strangers. I don’t want to get married.”
The clown asked, “Am I someone else?”
You Li answered, “You’re not.”
The clown laughed gleefully.
But in the next second, You Li added, “If you were me, then it wouldn’t be surprising that you knew where my body is sensitive.”
During their group therapy session that day, he had just woken up from a nightmare and instinctively told the doctor:
“He is me.”
You Li wasn’t stupid.
The clown had the same face as him, although he was much older and taller. It wouldn’t be strange for a dungeon boss to imitate him and replicate his body, which would explain why he knew everything about this body.
It couldn’t even be ruled out that the other party had somehow shared his memories.
You Li still didn’t know whether what the other person had said about being his childhood playmate was true or false.
Nor did he know why the clown treated him so specially or why he clung to him so tightly.
He softened his tone.
“I haven’t recovered much of my memory, but I only had one playmate when I was a child. Although I don’t remember him very clearly and can only recall bits and pieces, that older brother was a very nice person.”
You Li no longer wanted to pretend that he still remembered exactly who the clown was.
In a desperate attempt to recall something, he spoke very softly.
“He was very good to me. If someone bullied me, he would help me bully them back. With him around, I would never go hungry. He would never let me hear hurtful words or see anything frightening.”
“He would take the pain away whenever I was injured. But then… I don’t know what happened. After I came back from the hospital, he disappeared.”
“He wouldn’t say those things to me.”
“Stop lying to me.”
Confusion filled You Li’s eyes. He had no idea that his words had dealt with the crisis in front of him with astonishing precision.
The clown fell silent for a moment.
Then he reached out and pulled You Li into his arms.
“How did you get into the hospital?”
You Li answered, “I was sick.”
You Li was somewhat at a loss.
The clown was clearly much taller than him, yet at this moment, he bent down and held You Li tightly in his arms. His mask was pressed against You Li’s neck, and he continued to kiss him.
Yet the atmosphere seemed strangely different from before.
You Li didn’t understand what had changed.
The clown hugged him very tightly.
So tightly that it seemed as though he wished he could become one with him.
The clown asked, “What illness?”
You Li shook his head slightly.
“I can’t remember clearly. I was too young at the time and didn’t understand. The director seemed to say there was something wrong with my brain and that I needed to see a doctor to get better.”
“Then I stayed in the hospital for a very long time.”
“When I came back, I used all my pocket money to buy a mirror.”
“But I couldn’t find him in the mirror.”
The clown fell silent for a moment.
“It’s as if you’ve found him in a mirror before.”
After a long pause, he leaned over and kissed You Li.
“Never mind.”
He said it was fine.
“I forgive you.”
I forgive you for forgetting me.
I forgive you for killing me with your own hands.
✦ ✧ ✦
Nycreth
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
☕ (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ translator fuel acquired?
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
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ChaptersChapter 1 · I have amnesia (1)Chapter 2 · I have amnesia (2)Chapter 3 · I have amnesia (3)Chapter 4 · I have amnesia (4)Chapter 5 · I have amnesia (5)Chapter 6 · I have amnesia (6)Chapter 7 · I have amnesia (7)Chapter 8 · I have amnesia (8)Chapter 9 · I have amnesia (9)Chapter 10 · I have amnesia (10)Chapter 11 · I have amnesia (11)Chapter 12 · I have amnesia (12)Chapter 13 · I have amnesia (14)Chapter 14 · I have amnesia (14)Chapter 15 · I have amnesia (15)Chapter 16 · I have amnesia (16)Chapter 17 · I have amnesia (17)Chapter 18 · I have amnesia (18)Chapter 19 · I have amnesia (19)Chapter 20 · I have amnesia (20)Chapter 21 · I have amnesia (21)Chapter 22 · I have amnesia (22)Chapter 23 · I have amnesia (23)Chapter 24 · I have amnesia (24)Chapter 25 · I have amnesia (25)Chapter 26 · I have amnesia (26)Chapter 27 · I have amnesia (27)Chapter 28 · I have amnesia (28)Chapter 29 · Desert Highway (1)Chapter 30 · Desert Highway (2)Chapter 31 · Desert Highway (3)Chapter 32 · Desert Highway (4)Chapter 33 · Desert Highway (5)Chapter 34 · Desert Highway (6)Chapter 35 · Desert Highway (7)Chapter 36 · Desert Highway (8)Chapter 37 · Desert Highway (9)Chapter 38 · Desert Highway (10)Chapter 39 · Desert Highway (11)Chapter 40 · Desert Highway (12)Chapter 41 · Desert Highway (13)Chapter 42 · Desert Highway (14)Chapter 43 · Desert Highway (15)