My heart pounds like it’s trying to break through my ribcage as I perch on the edge of Ashley’s bed. Her childhood bedroom looks exactly the same, posters of bands she outgrew years ago, the purple comforter she’s had since middle school, even that stupid participation trophy from sixth-grade volleyball that she refused to throw away. The familiarity makes this whole situation even more surreal.
“Your parents definitely won’t be home, right?” I ask, my voice cracking embarrassingly. “Like, absolutely sure?”
Ashley rolls her eyes, but I can tell she’s just as nervous as I am from the way she keeps fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “They both work late, Vince. You know that.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Besides, if they did walk in on us fucking, they’d probably jump for joy. Our parents have been shipping us for years.”
“Yeah...” I say, remembering all the not-so-subtle hints from both our families. The forced sleepovers that continued well into our teens. The knowing glances whenever we hung out. The disappointment in my mom’s eyes when Ashley stopped coming over.
An awkward silence stretches between us.
Ashley takes a deep breath, steeling herself like she’s about to jump off a cliff. “Alright, come on,” she says with forced determination. “We have to get naked.”
“Right now?” I squeak, immediately hating how my voice betrays me.
“That’s generally how sex works,” she says dryly, but I can see the nervous swallow, the slight tremble in her fingers as she reaches for the bottom of her shirt.
We undress in the most awkward striptease imaginable. I fumble with my belt buckle for what feels like hours. Ashley gets her shirt caught on her earring and curses under her breath. I keep my eyes fixed on the carpet, the ceiling, the window, anywhere but at her increasingly exposed body.
When we’re both finally naked, we stand toward each other, the two feet between us feeling simultaneously like an inch and a mile.
“For Christ’s sake, Vince, just look at me,” Ashley says, her voice a mixture of frustration and vulnerability.
I force myself to lift my gaze, and suddenly I can’t breathe. Ashley stands before me, completely naked, and she’s... she’s absolutely stunning. Her sandy blonde hair falls loosely around her shoulders now, framing a face flushed with embarrassment. The soft afternoon light from her bedroom window traces the curves of her body. Gentle slopes and valleys I’ve never allowed myself to picture before.
We’re both blushing furiously, the heat in my cheeks matched only by the warmth spreading through my entire body. I’ve known Ashley my whole life, but I’ve never known her like this.
My body responds immediately, embarrassingly, and there’s no hiding it.
“Ah,” she says, her eyes drifting downward, a nervous smile playing at her lips. “He has risen.”
I say nothing, my throat too dry for words. The silence stretches between us like a living thing.
Ashley takes a tentative step forward. “Can I... touch it?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
I nod.
Her hand reaches out, hesitant and curious. When her fingers finally make contact, I nearly jump out of my skin. Her touch is gentle, exploratory, almost clinical in its caution.
“So this is what it looks like, huh?” she murmurs, more to herself than to me. “I mean, I’ve seen pictures, but it’s... different in person.”
I let out a strangled sound that might be agreement. My whole body is tense, caught between wanting to lean into her touch and the urge to bolt from the room.
“You can touch me too, you know,” she says, her voice small but determined. “That’s kind of the whole point of this... arrangement.”
I raise my hand, letting it hover uncertainly in the space between us. Where do I even start? This is Ashley, the girl who once punched me in the stomach for eating the last Oreo, the girl who cried on my shoulder when her dog died, the girl who disappeared from my life. And now she’s standing naked in front of me, waiting for my touch.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit, the words tumbling out before I can stop them.
Ashley lets out a frustrated sigh and grabs my wrist. “Neither do I, idiot,” she says, guiding my hand between her legs.
The moment my fingers make contact with her, we both gasp. She’s warm and surprisingly soft. I let my fingertips explore tentatively along the outside.
“You shaved?”
Her cheeks flush deeper. “I had to practice for the future,” she admits, her voice catching slightly. “You know, preparation and all that.”
I nod like this makes perfect sense, though my brain is barely functioning. My free hand somehow finds its way to her breast, cupping the gentle weight of it as I summon the courage to slide a finger inside her. The sensation is warm and wet.
Ashley lets out a small grunt, her hand still wrapped around me, though her movements have stilled. We’re both frozen in this moment, nervous and overwhelmed.
“Does that hurt?” I ask, worried I’m doing something wrong.
“No,” she whispers, shaking her head slightly. Her eyes are wide, pupils dilated. “It’s fine.”
I nod.
“Keep going,” she encourages, her voice barely audible.
I move my finger experimentally, watching her face for any sign of discomfort. Her eyes flutter closed briefly before snapping back open, like she’s determined to stay present, to not miss anything.
“Is this okay?” I ask, still terrified of hurting her or doing something wrong.
“Yeah,” she breathes, beginning to move her hand on me again with renewed purpose. “Try... try adding another finger.”
I comply, going slowly, feeling her body adjust around me. Her breathing quickens, matching my own.
“Oh,” she says softly, almost sounding surprised. “That’s... that’s good.”
A surge of confidence rushes through me at her words. I’m doing something right. Me, Vincent Hayes, making Ashley Chambers feel good. It’s almost impossible to believe.
As I continue exploring her with my fingers, Ashley suddenly jerks back.
“Alright, alright! This is all too much!” She pants, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
I withdraw my hand, immediately worried I’ve crossed some line. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…“
But before I can finish my apology, she grabs my wrist and pulls me down onto the bed, somehow maneuvering me so I’m on top of her, my body hovering over hers.
“Huh?” The question escapes me as I find myself suddenly positioned between her legs, our naked bodies nearly aligned.
“Just put it in,” she says, her voice tight with what sounds like determination rather than desire. “I want to get this over with. The anticipation is killing me.”
My heart hammers against my ribs. This is happening way too fast. “Okay, but... are you sure you’re ready?” My voice comes out as a nervous whisper.
“Yeah, yeah, come on.” She shifts beneath me impatiently.
A thought suddenly hits me through my hormone-addled brain. “What about a condom?”
Ashley shakes her head firmly. “No, it’s gotta be raw. If Dante fucks me raw, he’s more likely to choose me in the long run.”
“Okay...” I reply uncertainly, trying not to think about how weird it is that she’s mentioning Dante right now.
I position myself and try to push forward, but nothing happens.
“That’s not it,” she says with a hint of frustration.
“Oh...” Heat rushes to my face as I try again, aiming differently this time, but still missing completely.
After my third failed attempt, Ashley lets out an exasperated groan. “For God’s sake,” she mutters, reaching down between us. Her fingers wrap around me, guiding the tip to her entrance.
The moment I feel the warmth of her against my tip, I gasp. The sensation is overwhelming, wet, tight, and a thousand times better than my hand has ever been. My entire body goes rigid with the effort not to lose control immediately.
“Push in slowly,” she instructs, her voice softer now, maybe even a little scared.
I begin to ease forward, and my heart pounds so hard I can hear it in my ears. Every nerve ending in my body seems to be concentrated in one place, and the pleasure builds with alarming speed. I can already feel it coming, that familiar but somehow completely different tension coiling tighter and tighter.
The moment I push all the way inside her, something inside me snaps. My entire body goes rigid, and I’m suddenly hit with the most intense feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life.
“Oh fuck,” I whimper, my voice breaking as I start to cum. Hard. I don’t move, can’t move, just trembling above her as I empty myself deep inside her. Wave after wave of pleasure crashes through me, my eyes rolling back slightly as I gasp for air.
Ashley’s eyes widen in disbelief beneath me. “Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously?”
I can’t even respond, still lost in the overwhelming sensation.
“You came already?” she snaps, her voice rising. “We didn’t even get to the actual sex part! What the hell, Vincent?”
Her angry words penetrate the haze of pleasure, and suddenly I’m crashing back to reality. My chest tightens painfully, my breathing becoming quick and shallow.
“I didn’t even… God! I’ve been waiting for this for so long, and you couldn’t last five seconds?” She pushes against my chest, her face contorted with frustration. “This is why I should have found someone else. Someone who actually knows what they’re doing!”
Each word hits like a physical blow. My vision starts to narrow, dark spots dancing at the edges. I can’t get enough air. My heart hammers so violently it hurts. I’m still inside her, but everything feels wrong now, suffocating, terrible.
What if she’s pregnant… My life would be over.
Ashley’s angry expression suddenly shifts. “Wait... Vincent?” Her tone changes completely. “Are you having a panic attack right now?”
“No,” I manage to choke out, though it’s obviously a lie.
Ashley exhales slowly, her expression softening. She stops pushing against my chest and instead wraps her arms around me, pulling me down against her. I’m still inside her, still trembling, but for different reasons now.
“Shh, it’s okay,” she whispers, her hand moving to rub gentle circles on my back. “I’m sorry... this is hard for both of us.”
I focus on her touch, trying to match my breathing to the rhythm of her hand on my back.
“It’s fine that you came in me,” she continues, her voice gentler than I’ve heard it in years. “I was already planning on letting you finish inside me anyway.”
“You were?” I ask, my voice small and uncertain as my breathing slowly begins to normalize.
She nods, a kind smile replacing the earlier anger. “Yeah, I was.” Her fingers thread through my hair soothingly. “It was your first time, Vincent. We can work on that too, alright? This is just the beginning.”
“I believe in you, Vincent,” she whispers, her fingers still running through my hair. “I trust you.”
The gentleness in her voice catches me off guard. This is a side of Ashley I haven’t seen in years.
“I missed you,” she continues softly. “I really did. After everything fell apart between us... I just... I know you’re a good person.”
Her words wash over me like warm water, soothing something deep inside that’s been raw and hurting for longer than I care to admit. And then, to my complete mortification, I feel myself hardening inside her again.
Ashley’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh,” she says, a surprised smile playing at her lips. “You’re ready to go again. Looks like we’re not done after all.”
She shifts beneath me, her arms releasing their hold as she repositions herself more comfortably on the bed. “Do you have like... a praise kink or something?” she asks, a curious tilt to her head.
“I don’t think so...” I mumble, feeling my face grow hot again.
She leans up, her lips brushing against my ear as she whispers, “But you did so good for me, getting hard again so fast.”
The words send a shiver down my spine, and I can’t deny the way my body responds to her approval. Maybe I do have a thing for praise.
“Come on,” she urges, shifting her hips beneath me. “Start moving. Slowly.”
I pull back slightly and push forward, nearly losing my mind at the sensation. The slick, tight heat of her envelops me completely, sending sparks shooting up my spine.
“Oh god,” I gasp, my voice barely recognizable to my own ears.
“That’s it,” Ashley breathes, her hands gripping my shoulders. “Just like that.”
I move again, establishing a tentative rhythm. Each stroke feels better than the last, pleasure building like a current through my body. Ashley’s breathing quickens beneath me, her eyes locked on mine with an intensity that makes my heart stutter.
“How does it feel?” I manage to ask between labored breaths.
“Good,” she whispers, her nails digging slightly into my skin. “Different than I expected, but good.”
A sudden thought hits me as we find our rhythm. “Wait, what about your... hymen? Aren’t you supposed to bleed or something?”
Ashley laughs, not breaking our pace. “I busted it on my bike seat, remember?”
“Oh my god, that’s right,” I say, memory flooding back. “When you tried to jump the curb behind the convenience store and ate shit.”
She nods, her eyes lighting up. “Mom thought I’d been murdered when she saw my shorts.”
Something warm blooms in my chest that has nothing to do with the physical act we’re engaged in. Talking with her like this, laughing about shared memories. It feels like falling back into something easy.
But then I remember this isn’t about reconnecting. It’s not about us. It’s about Caroline and Dante. About Ashley’s obsession with him and my pathetic crush. We’re just using each other.
“Faster,” she whispers, her hands gripping me tighter.
I slowly pick up my pace, watching her reaction carefully. Her head tilts back slightly, eyes rolling in pleasure.
“Yeah,” she moans, “this feels good.”
I focus hard on not finishing too quickly again. The pressure is building again, but I’m determined to make this last.
“Do you want to kiss?” she asks suddenly, her voice small and uncertain.
The question catches me off guard. “It’ll be my first time,” I admit.
“Same,” she whispers, and we both blush again, somehow more intimate than everything else we’ve done.
I nod, my heart in my throat as I lean down towards her face. Our noses bump awkwardly, and I jerk back slightly.
“Sorry,” I mutter, trying again from a different angle.
This time our teeth clack together painfully.
“Ow!” Ashley winces. “Maybe tilt your head a little?”
I try tilting right as she tilts left, and we end up bumping foreheads.
“Jesus, Vincent,” she laughs, but there’s no malice in it. “How are we so bad at this?”
“I don’t know. Maybe we’re overthinking?”
“Probably.” She reaches up, places her palm against my cheek, and guides my face down to hers.
Our lips finally connect, and it’s... weird. Her lips soft. Neither of us seems to know what to do next. We just press our closed mouths together, breathing through our noses, completely motionless.
After a few seconds, Ashley pulls back slightly. “I think we’re supposed to move our lips.”
“Right,” I say, feeling like an idiot.
We try again, this time moving our lips experimentally against each other. It’s clumsy and uncoordinated, but something about the softness of her mouth against mine sends a jolt of electricity down my spine.
“Open your mouth a little,” she whispers against my lips.
I comply, and suddenly her tongue is touching mine. The sensation is so strange and intimate that I momentarily forget to keep moving my hips.
My tongue feels clumsy against hers, like it’s forgotten how to move on its own. The sensation is so new, so overwhelming. Her taste, her breath mingling with mine, the heat of her mouth. Everything inside me tightens suddenly, pleasure coiling and then exploding without warning all over again.
“Mmmmph!” I groan against her lips, my whole body jerking as I release deep inside her again. I can’t stop the sounds escaping my throat, muffled by our connected mouths as wave after wave crashes through me.
Ashley’s eyes fly open wide, staring into mine with surprise as I shudder above her. When our lips finally part, I’m panting like I’ve run a marathon.
“Well...” she says, a hint of amusement in her voice as she catches her breath, “at least you lasted this time.”
I’m still trembling, still moving inside her instinctively even as aftershocks ripple through me. My lungs can’t seem to get enough air, and my vision is slightly blurred at the edges.
“I feel really good, huh?” she asks, watching my face with newfound curiosity.
I can only nod, unable to form words as my body continues to pulse with pleasure. Every nerve ending feels raw and electric, like I’ve been struck by lightning but in the best possible way.
“That’s good to know,” she whispers, a small, satisfied smile playing at the corners of her mouth.