For sixteen-year-old Shen Xuan, almost all the plans he had once made for his life had eventually gone against his wishes.
And behind every one of those disappointments was Lu Junheng.
To be fair, aside from the final hundred years of their previous lives, Lu Junheng could hardly be called the culprit behind most of those events. In fact, he was just as much a victim of terrible luck as Shen Xuan was. But Shen Xuan felt that Lu Junheng was simply bad luck incarnate and that the two of them were fundamentally incompatible. That was only natural.
Likewise, Lu Junheng inevitably considered Shen Xuan the greatest disaster of his life. It was only natural that whenever the two of them interacted, their words were always laced with hostility.
Even now, in this new world after time had turned back, Shen Xuan still could not give his relationship with Lu Junheng a definite name.
They were unwillingly bound lovers, the people responsible for completely changing each other’s plans for life, the closest companions who understood each other’s thoughts better than anyone else, and enemies who were always looking for ways to cause trouble for one another.
They had spent far too much time together, day after day, for either of them to avoid becoming an awkward but inseparable part of the other’s life.
They were everything to each other, yet somehow they were also nothing.
But they were still part of each other’s lives.
And no one could simply ignore a part of their own life.
That was why Shen Xuan had to come looking for Lu Junheng.
*
After Shen Xuan finished speaking, the two fell silent.
In the middle of the strange silence, the waiter knocked on the door. After receiving permission to enter, he came in and began serving the dishes.
Once all the dishes had been served, the private room fell silent again.
Shen Xuan glanced at the bright red chilies covering the fish and, with a look of disgust, moved the plate in front of Lu Junheng.
Lu Junheng happily picked up a mouthful of chilies and tried to set the record straight.
“We discussed it before I took your heart, didn’t we? You agreed to it, didn’t you? There’s no need to hold such a grudge, right? Besides, I only lived half an hour longer than you. Shouldn’t all debts be settled once someone dies?”
Shen Xuan did not care about such trivial matters as whether a debt should be forgotten after death. He somehow produced a dagger from nowhere.
“One month. After I came back, I waited for you for an entire month. You never came looking for me, so I came looking for you.”
Lu Junheng felt that something was wrong with that premise.
“When did we ever make an agreement? And reincarnation isn’t something as common as cabbages. How did you know I had reincarnated too?”
“I didn’t.”
Shen Xuan tightened his grip on the dagger and leaned across the table, lowering his gaze as he gestured toward Lu Junheng’s waist.
“But you should know me. When I’m taking revenge, I don’t care what condition my enemy is in. You killed me in our previous life. Whether you remember that life or not, I’ll kill you all the same.”
Lu Junheng: “…”
His hand, which had been resting casually on the table, moved slightly, as though he instinctively wanted to take the dagger away from Shen Xuan.
In the end, however, he did nothing. He merely sighed helplessly.
“I told you a long time ago not to keep playing with those metal toys. But you never seem willing to listen to my advice.”
Shen Xuan stared at him for a moment before finally releasing the dagger. He relaxed against the back of his chair.
“Who told you your advice has never been worth anything?”
Lu Junheng sighed and stopped arguing about it.
“…At this point in our previous life, I was still in Pingjiang. How did you know I was in Nanqing?”
“I guessed. Before I boarded the boat today, I was actually planning to go to Pingjiang. But after I got on the boat, I suddenly felt that I should come to Nanqing first. I’ve always trusted my instincts.”
Shen Xuan casually shifted the blame onto Lu Junheng.
“Either way, this should be your fault. I wasn’t sure you were in Nanqing. If I couldn’t find you after entering the city, I should have simply left—gone to Pingjiang or returned to the academy. Who told you to come over and talk to me?”
Lu Junheng immediately protested, “I wasn’t coming over to talk to you! I was working! I was simply carrying out my duties!”
“Oh, so I was just imagining things. You didn’t actually want to see me.”
Shen Xuan calmly put a mouthful of rice into his mouth before speculating, “So you abandoned the fake identity you’d prepared long ago and came here from Pingjiang just to avoid me? Because you anticipated that I’d come looking for you after waking up, but you’d already decided to use this second chance at life to completely get rid of me. So you abandoned the identity you’d prepared and risked getting caught by the Divine Hall just to come here…”
He sighed sympathetically.
“That must have been hard for you.”
Shen Xuan was a compassionate person. He couldn’t bear to see his dao companion suffer so much. He put down his chopsticks and smiled.
“If you really don’t want to see me that badly, why don’t you just be straightforward and die?”
Lu Junheng had been enthusiastically putting chilies into Shen Xuan’s bowl while he talked. At that suggestion, he immediately looked up.
“Wait, wait! What does any of that have to do with anything? Why would I be hiding from you? You wouldn’t actually kill me. I had a reason for leaving Pingjiang.”
Shen Xuan listened attentively.
“A reason… So what was it?”
Lu Junheng said nothing.
Shen Xuan nodded and reached a conclusion.
“So you didn’t include me in your plans at all, just like a hundred years ago, right?”
Lu Junheng hurriedly clarified, “What happened a hundred years ago… I did tell you before I left, didn’t I? It wasn’t planned. There was no plan. It was purely an accident. I did cause you quite a bit of trouble, but you can’t accuse me of something I didn’t do.”
Although he hadn’t managed to give a proper explanation at the time, at least he hadn’t truly left without saying a word.
Shen Xuan let out a short laugh.
Lu Junheng looked away, put down his chopsticks, and stared out the window.
The rain seemed to be getting heavier. Droplets fell from the newly green branches of the trees outside.
He really had never liked this kind of damp weather.
Lu Junheng reached up and shut the window tightly before sighing again.
“Before asking me for a reason, shouldn’t you ask yourself first?”
Shen Xuan picked at the dishes without chilies and chewed a few bites. Then he looked up.
“Hm? Unlike certain people, I don’t like making things complicated. I always know exactly what I’m doing. For example, I’m here right now because of you. There is no other reason.”
Lu Junheng thought about it for a while before reaching a conclusion.
“So after all that, can I understand it as you being worried that something might happen to me and coming here specifically to help?”
Shen Xuan smiled and raised one finger, gently waving it from side to side.
“I told you from the beginning. I’m not here to help you. I’m here for revenge. If whatever accident happens to you isn’t competent enough to kill you, I’ll personally finish the job with my sword.”
Lu Junheng fell silent again.
Strangely, this time he didn’t argue back.
Shen Xuan thoughtfully added, “If you’re planning to change the subject again, I’ll send you to your death right now.”
Lu Junheng’s gaze wandered aimlessly for a moment before finally settling on Shen Xuan’s face.
Shen Xuan hated seeing that hesitant expression on him.
Whenever Lu Junheng looked like that, it was almost certain that he had done something behind Shen Xuan’s back.
Shen Xuan smiled, forcing himself to remain patient as he met his gaze.
“If you have something to say, say it. I don’t have much patience.”
Lu Junheng’s voice was light.
“…Isn’t that how all those stories go? Someone happens to get a second chance at life, then tries to make up for their regrets and stay away from the people who made them unhappy.”
Shen Xuan nodded in agreement.
“You’re right. You really are quite unfortunate for me.”
Lu Junheng’s voice became even softer.
“So… back when we used to argue, didn’t we always say things like ‘If only we had…’ or ‘If I had known…’? Now we really have that chance. I thought you’d prefer to erase your memories of our previous life and let the two of us return to being strangers…”
Shen Xuan stared at him silently for a while before giving a mocking laugh.
“I thought I came here to find answers, not to play an amnesia game with my beloved dao companion.”
Lu Junheng spread his hands.
“Maybe I don’t have the answers either. Getting involved with me can only push your fate toward a direction you don’t want, just like in your memories.”
“So… stopping here and enjoying the normal life you missed out on would be the best choice for you.”
“I understand what you’re saying.”
Shen Xuan calmly summarized his words.
“You still plan to draw a clear line between us while we have this second chance at life.”
He looked up at Lu Junheng and smiled elegantly.
“When you were gambling with my life, why didn’t you draw a line between us then?”
“When you slept with me, why didn’t you draw a line between us then?”
Lu Junheng suddenly began coughing violently.
He took a sip of tea to cover his embarrassment and finally managed to recover his train of thought.
“…I’m afraid you’ll regret it. You and I both know which choice will bring misfortune. Even if the other choice isn’t necessarily the right one, isn’t it still better than repeating the same mistakes?”
“I don’t know what you think reincarnation means, and I don’t care.”
Shen Xuan expressed his opinion clearly, word by word.
“But to me, time is a long line that never turns back. That doesn’t change simply because time has been reversed. My fate was already diverted from its original path more than nine hundred years ago. You can’t change my fate and then expect to push me back onto the original path.”
“So you may have misunderstood something.”
“Whether I want to get involved with you or not isn’t a choice I have anymore. It’s already an established fact.”
He smiled as he finished.
“If you’re sure you still want to keep whining about all this nonsense, I can let you off for now. But the moment you walk out that door, I guarantee you won’t be able to get rid of me no matter where you go. Whatever you want to do, I’ll find a way to make things difficult for you. You know I’m capable of that.”
Shen Xuan really was capable of it.
Lu Junheng fell silent.
Shen Xuan dumped all the chilies from his bowl into Lu Junheng’s bowl.
The two silently finished their meal.
*
After Lu Junheng paid the bill and walked out of the restaurant, Shen Xuan was standing beneath the eaves, holding his bamboo hat and quietly watching the rainy street.
The rain had begun to weaken. Water covered the streets, and the air carried a damp chill.
Hearing movement behind him, Shen Xuan put on his bamboo hat and walked into the rain. He naturally turned around and called to Lu Junheng.
“Let’s go.”
Lu Junheng opened an old umbrella. His voice was as lifeless as the weather.
“Where are you going now?”
“If I was only guessing before, I’m now ninety percent certain that you’ve run into trouble, haven’t you?”
Shen Xuan raised his face and looked directly into Lu Junheng’s eyes.
“My instincts tell me that you need a sword right now.”
“So take me home. We can talk about all the things you’ve been hiding from me while we’re at it.”
Lu Junheng lazily yawned.
“Only ninety percent? What’s the other ten percent?”
Shen Xuan’s eyes curved slightly, and his hand once again closed around the hilt of his sword.
“The other ten percent was me giving you the benefit of the doubt. But apparently, I gave you too much credit.”
Lu Junheng pressed down on the hand that was trying to draw the sword and casually made up an excuse.
“I don’t have a spare room. You’re a grown adult now. Stop thinking about staying at your cousin’s place and find somewhere to live yourself.”
Shen Xuan unhappily emphasized, “I came here for you.”
“I never invited you.”
Lu Junheng’s voice gradually lowered. He turned his gaze away.
“Although I never expected a few words to change your mind, I still don’t want to see you go through it all again… Anyway, if you’re not an idiot, you should seriously think about what I’ve told you. I’m leaving. Whether you want to go back or stay here for a couple of days is up to you.”
He waved at Shen Xuan and left.
Shen Xuan did not follow.
Just as Lu Junheng was about to turn the corner, Shen Xuan suddenly called out.
“Lu Junheng.”
Lu Junheng did not turn around.
Shen Xuan looked up at the gloomy sky and spoke calmly.
“This was the kind of weather when you abandoned me last time too, wasn’t it?”
He idly shook his right hand.
“Lu Junheng, I don’t know if it’s just psychological, but my hand seems to hurt a little.”
Lu Junheng stopped walking.
He turned around and met Shen Xuan’s eyes, which were filled with a sly, confident smile.
Neither of them spoke.
They simply stood there in silence for a long time.
Then Shen Xuan took one step toward Lu Junheng.
Lu Junheng didn’t move.
So Shen Xuan naturally walked right up to him and turned around, urging him on.
“Let’s go. Where do you live?”
…What a troublesome person.
Lu Junheng stood there and rubbed his brow in frustration. In the end, he hurried after him.
As the two walked side by side, Shen Xuan quietly said,
“Don’t worry. You can continue cultivating your Heartless Dao. I have no intention of interfering with you.”