Five years ago, it was the harshest winter the capital had ever known. Bodies of those who had succumbed to hunger and cold were visible everywhere on the streets and alleys, frozen in the same postures they had held in life.
Inside the grandest restaurant in the capital, it was as warm as spring. A group of people sat within, embracing beauty and indulgence, listening to the sound of strings and bamboo flutes while watching dancing girls sway.
Su Ce sat in a private room, dressed in pink, his gaze already somewhat blurred. His skin, usually as fair as snow, was now flushed with a faint pink from the wine he could not handle, lending him a touch of allure.
A young attendant walked quietly to his side, kneeling as he spoke in a low voice: “Young Master Su, you have had too much to drink. Let this servant assist you to your room to rest.”
Su Ce glanced at the attendant upon hearing this.
The attendant’s skin was somewhat dark, his eyes lowered, and his half-rolled sleeves revealed fluid, well-proportioned muscle lines. He appeared quite small, which caused Su Ce’s wariness to lessen.
Seeing that Su Ce did not speak, the attendant tentatively asked again: “Young Master Su?”
Su Ce flicked his sleeves, lifting a hand in mid-air and giving a grunt of “Hmm” in impatience at the urging.
Understanding his intent, the attendant hunched over slightly, placed Su Ce’s arm over his own shoulder, and steadied his waist, rising slowly. “Young Master Su, please watch your step.”
By then, thick, goose-feather snow had already begun to fall outside the restaurant.
Though it was barely a hundred paces, the two were already lightly sweating by the time they reached the room.
As the attendant pushed open the door, they were met with a wave of fragrance.
Su Ce grumbled with displeasure: “What kind of incense are you burning? It’s so unpleasant.”
The attendant’s footsteps faltered. “Young Master Su, this is the restaurant’s new calming incense.”
Whether it was the alcohol hitting his head or the incense being too potent, Su Ce suddenly felt dizzy. Every step felt as if he were treading on cotton; his gait became unsteady, and he began to stumble.
Fortunately, the attendant was quick-witted, his arm encircling Su Ce’s chest.
However, Su Ce grabbed the corner of the attendant’s clothing, and the two fell together onto the bed.
Su Ce froze for a second, eyes closed, but the pain he anticipated never came. Instead, he heard a sharp intake of breath from beneath him.
He half-opened his hazy eyes to meet the gaze of the person beneath him.
Su Ce’s vision instantly focused.
The attendant had a fine appearance—a face of masterful, handsome features, with peach-blossom eyes and brows full of ripples.
But it was precisely this pair of eyes—so bright that it was excessive—that caused Su Ce to freeze, followed immediately by a nameless fire in his heart.
These eyes looked exactly like the person Su Ce loved but could not have. It was because they were so similar—so similar that Su Ce’s love had turned into an厌恶 (hatred) rooted in his love.
Su Ce rose from the attendant and barked: “How dare you embrace this young master! I see you have no regard for your own life!”
The attendant seemed terrified by his verbal assault, scrambling off the bed to kneel before him. “I beg Young Master Su to spare my life; I will vanish from your sight at once.”
“Get out!”
Just as the attendant, hunched over, was about to exit the room, he heard Su Ce’s hoarse voice behind him: “Help this young master pour a cup of water.”
The attendant obeyed, walking respectfully to the table, eyes lowered as he turned a cup and filled it with warm water. Just as he was about to bring it to Su Ce, he heard Su Ce say: “Just leave it there. You can get out now.”
After nightfall, the restaurant was silent as the grave.
When the door was pushed open a crack, all that could be seen was a floor covered in porcelain shards. The intruder stepped into the room, and he noticed that the teacup on the table full when he left was now empty.
The attendant tiptoed around the mess and stood by the bed, looking down at Su Ce, who was curled up in the deepest corner of the mattress, lost in a trance.
He reached out and picked up a strand of his long hair, bringing it to his nose to inhale deeply. The hair carried Su Ce’s unique gardenia scent.
A flash of joyful, eager desire appeared in the attendant’s eyes. He stripped off his own clothes, climbed onto the bed, and gazed at Su Ce.
His breathing grew ragged, his cheeks flushed crimson, and a layer of sweat broke out on his brow.
He reached out to touch Su Ce’s face, his fingertips rubbing back and forth over the tear tracks that had already dried. He leaned slowly toward Su Ce, his fingers moving down to his neck: “Su Ce, do you love him that much? Is that why you find me so repulsive?”
Su Ce’s closed eyelids twitched rapidly, as if he were about to wake, but the attendant showed no fear.
Instead, he slid his hand into Su Ce’s loose collar, wandering over his body, and sighed: “You perhaps don’t remember who I am at all, but I don’t mind being his substitute. As long as you let me stay by your side, it is enough.”
That night, Su Ce had a dream. He dreamt he was sitting in a new bridal chamber plastered with large red “Double Happiness” characters, wearing a bridal veil. He waited with a leaping heart for his fated one to lift the veil.
Footsteps approached, stopping before his bed.
The person did not lift the veil, but reached into his clothing, touching his body inch by inch.
In a world where all was silent, Su Ce could only hear the sound of his own heart beating violently within his chest.
Suddenly, he heard that person laugh aloud, then lean down to press his lips against every inch of his body.
Su Ce felt himself held in that person’s arms, but the veil remained untouched. Feeling dissatisfied, he called out in a spoiled, demanding tone: “Huaizhi.”
Hearing Su Ce’s delirious mutter, the attendant’s eyes turned cold, his face darkening. He said coldly: “I didn’t want to rush this, and I didn’t want to hurt you, but how could you call someone else’s name in front of me?”
Su Ce, already unable to hear the outside world, called out again softly.
“Tsk. Call me Ah Huai, Su Ce.”
Ah Huai pinched Su Ce with some force.
Su Ce’s eyelashes fluttered as he changed his call: “Ah Huai.”
Only then did Ah Huai show a satisfied smile, taking his earlobe into his mouth, then gradually kissing his lips.
At this moment, Ah Huai was like a child stealing candy, gently licking the sugary coating before prying open Su Ce’s closed lips to suck on the sweetness within.
Ah Huai’s movements were incredibly careful, yet in the throes of passion, he inevitably forgot all caution.
The pain caused Su Ce to knit his brows, his tears sliding from the corners of his eyes and staining his cheeks; the teardrops fell onto Xiao Huai’s forearm.
Ah Huai patted his back with eyes full of pity. “Did I hurt you? It is my first time, too. Will you forgive me? I just love you too much…”
Finishing his words, Ah Huai used his tongue to lick the path of the tears on Su Ce’s face, then kissed his closed eyelids.
Finally, he laid him flat on the bed and whispered tenderly: “This time, I will make sure it doesn’t hurt.”
Early the next morning, until the heavy snow outside the window had bowed the plum branches, Xiao Huai finally fetched clear water to clean Su Ce’s body with deep reluctance, applied ointment to the swollen areas, and left quietly.
When Su Ce awoke, although the sticky sensation was gone, he still felt somewhat uncomfortable.
Moreover, his head was pounding. As he tried to rise, he felt a sharp pain throughout his body. He managed to sit up with difficulty, only to notice that the porcelain shards he had smashed in his fit of rage the night before had been cleared away.
Not long after, the familiar voice from last night sounded outside the door: “Young Master Su, are you awake?”
Su Ce furrowed his brows slightly, displeased. “Why is it you again? Fetch some water for this young master; I need to bathe and change.”
“Please wait a moment, Young Master Su.”
An incense stick of time later, Su Ce saw the attendant from yesterday, still in his meek and mild manner, carrying hot water inside.
Su Ce pursed his lips. “Why so slow?”
Seeing the attendant turned away from him, silent, Su Ce felt ignored and flared up again: “I am asking you! Are you deaf? What is your name?”
The attendant turned around and placed the wooden bucket to the side. “Returning to Young Master Su, others call this servant Ah Huai.”
Upon hearing this, Su Ce’s expression turned unhappy. It was one thing for his eyes to resemble Fu Huaizhi’s, but how could his name be so similar as well?
Before Su Ce could recover, Ah Huai walked respectfully past him. “Young Master Su, the hot water is ready; this servant will now take his leave.”
Just as Ah Huai was about to leave, his wrist was seized by Su Ce.
Su Ce flashed a fake smile at him. “Did I give you permission to leave? Is this how your supervisor taught you to serve others?”
Hearing this, Ah Huai bit his lower lip, looking troubled as he whispered: “Young Master Su can make Ah Huai do anything, just please don’t go to our supervisor.”
Seeing him on the verge of tears, Su Ce paused. “Fine, come in and serve me while I bathe and change.”
“Yes.”
Soaking in the water, Su Ce finally felt the pain in his body ease significantly.
He closed his eyes, sensing Ah Huai wiping his body, and could not help but recall last night.
He had merely thrown a tantrum after Ah Huai left. How had he suddenly fallen asleep, only to wake up in such agony? Could he have fallen off the bed in the middle of the night? No matter how he thought about it, he couldn’t have fallen hard enough to feel this much pain.
What, then, was the reason? No matter how much he drank in the past, he had never suffered from such memory loss.
He scooped up a handful of water and splashed it on his face, feeling a stinging sensation on his lips. He reached up to touch them, finding it wasn’t an illusion after all.
Before he could reach a conclusion, the door was knocked upon.
“Go see what it is.”
Ah Huai set the cloth by the tub, and as he lifted his eyes to look at Su Ce’s lips, his gaze met Su Ce’s in the air.
“Yes.”
Seeing Ah Huai drag his slow footsteps away, Su Ce felt that this Ah Huai was weird, yet the emotion revealed in those eyes was exceptionally sincere.
It was as if Su Ce were slandering an innocent man.
Not long after, Ah Huai dragged his steps back, standing frozen before Su Ce, saying word for word: “Young Master Su, a servant from your manor has come to seek you.”
Ah Huai paused, then said: “They say Young Master Fu from the Ministry of Revenue is at your manor to find you.”
Su Ce stood up from the tub in an instant, his face unable to conceal his joy. “Is it Huaizhi? Has Huaizhi come to see me?”
He stepped out of the tub, seemingly forgetting the pain in his body, and urged Ah Huai: “Go quickly and get me a new set of robes—moon-white would be best. Huaizhi likes moon-white robes.”
Ah Huai looked at Su Ce’s instantly brightened eyes and the uneven marks on his back, lowering his head to hide the jealousy that filled his gaze, forcing out a single word from between his teeth: “Fine.”