“No,” Su Ce whispered, but his hand still silently pulled the corner of the quilt to cover himself, shrinking inward in an attempt to create a gap between him and Xiao Huai.
Xiao Huai tried to reach for him again, but was met with Su Ce’s violent resistance of punches and kicks.
Su Ce actually didn’t have much strength; his kicks against Xiao Huai didn’t even cause pain, feeling more like a light tickle.
Yet, Xiao Huai still felt a surge of irritation. He grabbed Su Ce by the wrist and said fiercely, “Is it that you’ve fully recovered now? You still haven’t learned your lesson from last night, have you?”
Hearing the mention of “last night,” the movements of Su Ce’s hands slowed, and he became compliant.
Xiao Huai flipped him over to check his condition.
Su Ce gripped the pillow tightly, feeling his private parts being inspected and touched. The原本 swollen and uncomfortable wound was covered by a cooling medicinal ointment.
Things that he had already become accustomed to, for some reason today, caused Su Ce’s uncooperative tears to slide down his cheeks in large droplets.
After Xiao Huai had taken care of everything for him, he brought the fish porridge that Funing had delivered to his bedside, deliberately ignoring his eyes, which were red from his recent crying.
The two remained silent; one was feeding the porridge while preoccupied with other thoughts, and the other was eating absent-mindedly, not daring to relax his guard in the slightest.
That night, when Xiao Huai entered the sleeping quarters after handling state affairs, he found Su Ce lying flat on the bed, his eyes staring straight at the top of the bed.
Xiao Huai knew that a peace amulet hung there.
It was something Su Ce had grown to treasure greatly after falling deathly ill and, upon waking, inadvertently learning from the palace servants that it was an amulet Xiao Huai had specifically gone to the Buddhist temple to pray for on his behalf.
In those first few days, Su Ce was so afraid of damaging it that he was afraid to hold it, yet when he put it down, he would forget where he left it. This made Xiao Huai very displeased, and he sarcastically remarked, “Su Ce, why don’t you have Funing find an altar and offer incense to it every day?”
During that period, Su Ce was very obedient to Xiao Huai. Upon hearing this, he widened his eyes and asked for confirmation: “Can I really do that?”
Xiao Huai was somewhat amused by him, but his expression remained as cold and displeased as ever: “Then try doing that and see what happens.”
Seeing Su Ce nod, seemingly genuinely starting to think about what kind of altar to find, Xiao Huai hauled him sideways and threw him onto the bed, tormenting him for a long time.
Until the two of them were lying together, gasping for air, and Su Ce lay on Xiao Huai’s chest for so long that Xiao Huai thought he had fallen asleep.
Su Ce suddenly raised his head, his black, overly bright eyes staring directly at Xiao Huai, and said in a voice that had become hoarse from screaming, with a tone of regret: “I’ve decided not to offer incense to it after all.”
Xiao Huai did not speak, looking Su Ce up and down, and let out a questioning “Hmm?” from deep in his throat.
Su Ce adjusted his posture and explained: “Think about it—offering incense involves fire. What if there’s no one around, and a spark drifts onto the peace amulet and burns it? That would be a pity. That is something you personally went to pray for on my behalf.”
Seeing Su Ce being so serious, Xiao Huai’s eyes deepened. He reached out and rested his hand on Su Ce’s head, rubbing it a few times before his interest was piqued again, his palm sliding all the way down along his spine.
Su Ce felt the breathing beside his ears grow heavier…
Memories flashed by like a white horse passing a crack. Now, Xiao Huai, not knowing what was going on in his less-than-efficient brain, asked: “If you aren’t sleeping, are you not tired yet, or what are you thinking about?”
Perhaps it was Xiao Huai’s voice that interrupted Su Ce’s wandering thoughts. He lay on the bed, shot a glance at Xiao Huai from a distance, then turned to his side, facing away from him, and even scooted a bit closer to the wall.
Xiao Huai said nothing; he walked straight over, sat beside Su Ce, took a deep breath, lifted the quilt, and climbed in.
Feeling the movement behind him, Su Ce pressed his body even closer to the wall, leaving a wide gap between the two. Xiao Huai turned his head to look at that gap and stared at that stubborn, resolute back. He reached out to wrap his arms around Su Ce’s waist and pulled him into his embrace. Seeing that Su Ce wanted to struggle again, Xiao Huai could not contain his temper and scolded: “What are you trying to stir up now!?”
Su Ce closed his eyes and said nothing.
But the slightly trembling quilt betrayed him, even though Su Ce thought he was doing a great job at pretending.
Another period of silence passed between them.
Recently, Su Ce had been unusually silent. The person who used to love to pull Xiao Huai along to talk endlessly now didn’t want to say a single extra word to him, except when begging for mercy during intimacy.
Xiao Huai was very annoyed. He believed this was all because Su Ce had gone out and met that man named Qin Zijin. He somewhat regretted agreeing to let Su Ce leave the palace.
Yet, the ones who deserved to pay the price were those who, ignorant of the consequences, coveted the person by his side. They wanted to deal with him but, finding no path, resorted to crooked methods in an attempt to achieve victory.
But Su Ce simply didn’t understand!
Thinking of this, Xiao Huai suppressed the anger in his heart and asked in a tone that wasn’t exactly kind, but was calm: “How did you meet him?”
Who this “he” referred to was self-evident to both of them.
Su Ce’s body visibly stiffened. When he wanted to clench his hands, Xiao Huai quickly took his hand and held his fingers interlocked with his own.
Su Ce had a very bad habit—even though he had suffered enough because of it, he still couldn’t break it: whenever he felt panicked inside, he liked to scratch the skin on his own hands.
Su Ce turned his head and looked at Xiao Huai with an emotion that was hard to put into words, then turned his head back, adjusted his sleeping position, and opened his mouth a few times, unable to speak.
He actually fell asleep.
During those days, Su Ce was forbidden from leaving the palace. Although he was well-kept within the palace walls without much movement, he also seemed to have lost weight very quickly because of it. His eyes appeared even more prominent on his palm-sized face, with vacant pupils and a numb expression that only showed a hint of liveliness and spirit when he picked up his little cat.
At night, Xiao Huai always felt that he was terrifyingly thin in his arms; beneath the thin skin were overly distinct bones. If he used even the slightest bit of force, he could easily snap every one of Su Ce’s ribs.
Perhaps Xiao Huai considered Su Ce’s terrible state, for although they occasionally had close encounters, they never went all the way to the final step.
This was the first time since Su Ce married Xiao Huai that they had been at odds for so long, with neither side willing to lower their head and admit defeat.
Until one night, Su Ce sat on the threshold, his head resting against the door frame, looking out at the brilliantly lit palace and listening to the bustling noise of the outer courtyard. Only the courtyard where he was located was lit by a few dim palace lanterns in the dark of night, and the only person left to come and go beside him was Funing.
Su Ce thought, perhaps it was because he didn’t listen to Xiao Huai, so Xiao Huai never brought him to banquets or allowed him to see others.
He felt a bit like yielding to Xiao Huai.
The cold wind blew the tip of his nose red and made his eyes feel dry.
Forget it, forget it, Su Ce thought. When Xiao Huai comes to sleep with me tonight, I will forgive him. After all, I am two years older than him; I shouldn’t take things seriously with a child.
Forget it, forget it. Everything happened so long ago; we should have patched things up long ago.
Xiao Huai likely didn’t fumble his way back to the sleeping quarters until after midnight. Su Ce listened to his footsteps and, catching the scent of the thick alcohol on him, frowned imperceptibly.
But fortunately, Xiao Huai sat on the edge of the bed with his back to Su Ce, complaining in a tone that sounded somewhat aggrieved: “Why didn’t you let Funing come find me today?”
Su Ce kept his eyes closed tightly and did not answer him.
“We can be together very soon; no one will stop us. You will also be able to appear before the world openly. However, it will still take some time. You will accompany me, won’t you?”
Xiao Huai’s palm stroked Su Ce’s face, and he placed a kiss on his forehead with extreme caution, as if he were something immensely precious.
Then, the edge of the bed became lighter, and the room door opened and closed.
Only then did Su Ce open his eyelids and stare in the direction Xiao Huai had left. Ruminating on Xiao Huai’s words, he felt he didn’t quite understand what they meant.
But he didn’t want to keep fighting with Xiao Huai anymore. He threw a coat over his shoulders and walked toward the study next door.
Xiao Huai had consumed quite a bit of alcohol that night and was curled up on one side of the soft couch.
Su Ce stepped closer; Xiao Huai’s complexion was crimson, and his exhaled breath was frighteningly hot.
He was a little afraid that Xiao Huai might fall ill because of this, and he reached out to touch Xiao Huai’s forehead. But the latter was startled awake by this sudden action. He looked at Su Ce with blurred eyes, and at the moment his gaze focused, a hint of fragility that only Su Ce could see was revealed.
Su Ce felt a twisting pain in his heart as he watched him, and he called out softly, “Xiao Huai…”
Xiao Huai seemed to be confirming whether Su Ce was real or fake, and didn’t dare to act rashly.
“Do you want a hug?” Su Ce leaned closer to him, revealing a comforting smile on his face.
The simple three words caused Xiao Huai’s eyes to redden. He nodded like a small child. Su Ce’s embrace was a warm one, carrying the familiar scent of gardenias, but it was precisely this kind of embrace that Xiao Huai could never forget, even at the cost of destroying everything Su Ce had, just to keep him by his side.
The two embraced for a long time, until Su Ce broke into a light sweat and, feeling a bit stifled, wanted to push Xiao Huai away.
Xiao Huai held him even tighter in his arms and whispered very softly: “Don’t abandon me.”
Su Ce’s body stiffened on the spot, and then he heard Xiao Huai continue, pressing his head against his abdomen like a delirious mutter: “I have already made full preparations; as long as you don’t leave me, it will be fine.”
Su Ce patted Xiao Huai’s back soothingly, sighed, looked out at the round moon that he hadn’t seen for a long time through the window, and softly replied, “Hmm.”
The events of that night faded away as the darkness left.
On the early morning when the dawn light spilled over the earth, both were silent.
Seeing the winter snow thaw, spring approached.
Su Ce was finally permitted to step outside the courtyard and walk within the palace. But whenever he slipped away to the palace gate, the guards would look at him with difficult expressions and apologize profusely: “Apologies, Young Master. The Emperor has decreed that you may not leave the palace for the time being.”
Su Ce could only say: “Alright, alright. I cannot leave today, so I will come again tomorrow.”
Thus, another half a month passed. Su Ce finally found an opportunity to leave the palace beside a secluded palace hall.
It was a dog hole hidden by weeds; the shape was neither too big nor too small, just enough for him to pass through.
Su Ce felt a great sense of joy in his heart, after scouting the location for many days.
Finally, one day, he shook off Funing and the others as he usually did for a walk, walked to the side of the dog hole, parted the weeds, and crawled out.
This was the first time he had strolled on the bustling city streets all by himself. The street vendors shouting on both sides made him feel a unique scent in the air.
That scent was called freedom.
But in the next second, Su Ce felt someone tap him on the shoulder at the corner of the street.