Even after an extra three hours of solo training in the gym following the hotpot dinner, Shen Huaiyun still couldn’t shake off the inexplicable restlessness simmering within him.
As the saying goes, “What you think about during the day, you dream about at night.” With his mind still swirling with chaotic thoughts before sleep, it was only natural that he ended up dreaming of hazy, disordered scenes.
Skin glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, the mingling of heavy breaths, intertwined legs, and tensed arches of feet.
For Shen Huaiyun, this was a novel experience. His dreams had never before featured people from his waking reality. Of course, it would have been better if the content weren’t so suggestive, and if the other person weren’t the young man currently lying beside him.
He wouldn’t have had to get out of bed so guiltily and flustered, not even bothering to consider whether his movements might wake the other person. Destroying the “evidence” was the most urgent matter.
Those extra three hours of training were completely useless! Maybe I should add another three? If I exhaust myself completely, I refuse to believe I’ll have any energy left for these thoughts!
Shen Huaiyun thought despairingly as he scrubbed his pants vigorously.
The sound of footsteps and running water was enough to rouse the sleeping Shen Tangmo. He slowly sat up, reached for his phone to check the time, and wondered how Shen Huaiyun could still wake up so early after the extra training.
The sound of water didn’t seem like regular washing. What was going on? Could it be a nosebleed from the dry air?
Last summer, Shen Huaiyun had frequently experienced nosebleeds in the evenings and upon waking, often staining the sheets or his clothes. Even using a humidifier hadn’t helped.
He found it too troublesome to see a doctor for such a minor issue and would always deal with it secretly himself. Later, for some reason, it had healed on its own.
A sense of unease settled in the young man’s heart. Had it recurred? But he didn’t see any bloodstains on the sheets or pillow.
He threw off the covers, got out of bed, and walked to the bathroom door, knocking gently. “Is it a nosebleed again?”
The person inside seemed startled, his voice urgent. “N-no!”
“It’s nothing, I just. uh… wanted to wash my face properly!”
Shen Tangmo: “Huh?”
Inside the bathroom, the teenager wished he could slap himself: What a terrible excuse! It sounds so fake and unconvincing!
Better not say anything more; the more I talk, the more mistakes I’ll make.
Hearing such a lame excuse, Shen Tangmo raised an eyebrow, unable to resist speculating about what he might have been doing.
Waking up early in the morning, the sounds resembling laundry, and acting so guilty Could it be a perfectly natural human occurrence?
Nocturnal emissions are a physiological phenomenon, after all. It’s really nothing to be ashamed of. It probably has to do with the content of the dream.
I never thought Huaiyun would have that kind of dream too. It seems his condition has really improved a lot.
But what exactly did he dream about? With a hint of personal curiosity, Shen Tangmo sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Shen Huaiyun to come out.
After a while, Shen Huaiyun emerged carrying a washbasin. He had covered the clean shorts with a damp towel, pretending he was just going to hang the towel. Under the young man’s teasing gaze, he nearly stumbled over his own feet in his haste to flee to the balcony to hang the laundry.
He hadn’t dared to glance at Shen Tangmo earlier because the moment his eyes met that handsome face, he couldn’t help but recall the dream, how the other person had been breathing slightly heavily, his temples damp, gazing intently at him.
Why are these details so vivid in my memory?!
Shen Huaiyun was frantic. Shen Huaiyun was furious with embarrassment.
The other one, however, was completely at ease, taking in every bit of his unnatural demeanor and flushed ears when he opened the door. After savoring the sight for a few seconds, he chuckled softly, got up, and headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
He could make a little extra of what the boy liked a small reward for the three extra hours of training last night.
At this thought, Shen Tangmo couldn’t help but smile, finally understanding why the kid had suddenly pushed himself so hard yesterday.
Huaiyun desired him.
This was truly wonderful.
Exactly what he had hoped for.
Huaiyun’s birthday was coming up in a little while, what should he give him?
He was actually feeling a bit impatient, wanting to confirm the new shift in their relationship as soon as possible. Shen Huaiyun’s reactions seemed shy but not repulsed, so he wanted to push a little further, take a few more steps while he had the chance.
But he also felt it was too fast. They still had plenty of time ahead of them; there was really no need to rush. He could hold back a little longer, wait a bit more, and not interfere with Shen Huaiyun’s own thoughts.
He hadn’t originally planned to force any guidance, but when the opportunity presented itself so clearly, he didn’t want to let it slip.
This feeling was too greedy. Shen Tangmo let out a slow breath, unwrapped two salted egg yolk and pork zongzi, slid them along the edge of the pot into the boiling water, added two sections of corn, and covered the pot.
In a way, he felt like this pot one side scorched by the flames of his own desires, the other hoping for more water to simmer slowly. He forcibly suppressed more of the fire, pretending he was just simmering on low heat.
But flames always find a way to creep back out from under the lid.
So greedy, Shen Tangmo. First, you wanted kinship, then friendship, and now, having both, you crave love. You even long to weave your fates into an intricate knot, one that can never be undone. He mocked himself inwardly.
On the balcony, the young man, having hung up his shorts and towel, leaned against the railing, letting the cool breeze wash over him as he gazed into the distance at the rising sun. He tried to calm his restless heart, hoping to regain enough clarity to seriously consider what he truly wanted.
What did Shen Huaiyun really desire? Before, he had longed to become Shen Tangmo’s other half, no matter how their relationship was defined. But now, faced with a possibility he had never touched or imagined, he felt afraid.
Setting aside desire, the stability of a romantic relationship was far less certain than the kinship and friendship they already shared.
The risks were too great. Perhaps staying in their current dynamic was the better choice no need to face the awkwardness of a failed confession or the possibility of never seeing each other again after a breakup.
Though, if they did get together and later broke up, they’d still have to sit at the same table during holidays and family gatherings.
Speaking of which, would their parents accept such a relationship? They had always treated Shen Tangmo as their own child, even though he wasn’t biologically related and had already moved his household registration out. Could they really accept this without any reservations?
“Sigh…” Shen Huaiyun let out a long breath as he rested his head on the railing.
He wished he could be like his spiritual beast form a little dog, free from overthinking, simply doing whatever he wanted.
Come to think of it, he had never seen Shen Tangmo’s spiritual beast form. After all, it was always the guide who entered his spiritual landscape for treatment; he had never stepped into the other’s inner world.
The young man pushed himself up and shook his head. “Better not overthink it for now. Let’s set a small goal: the first thing I need to do is enter Shen Tangmo’s mental landscape.”
Avoidance and procrastination might be shameful, but they were useful. Let those ambiguous feelings drift a little longer. He could afford to think it over after all, graduation was still far off, and they had plenty of time.