7
What did he mean by that?
I had been the one yelling through tears, but when Toop opened his mouth, I found myself at a loss.
He disappeared into the bedroom, leaving me standing there, the sea breeze whipping against my body.
Eventually, I wandered to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, and busied myself making breakfast.
When it was ready, I hesitated at the bedroom door, my hand raised to knock but lacking the courage to follow through.
Instead, I sat and waited until he emerged, his face set in a stony expression.
Without a word, he washed his hands and joined me at the table.
We ate in silence.
Sure, the candle had acted as a stimulant last night, but that could not have been all, right?
Its scent might have relaxed us, even sparked some desire, but beyond that?
I tried to piece it together, thinking back.
Normally, there were things I would never dare to do during our time together, but last night, something had driven me to take the initiative, to seek out his body.
His gaze had been softer than usual.
There had been a gentleness to him that was uncharacteristic.
If last night had been purely about lust, he would have just rushed through it without being considerate, would he not?
Was that really it though?
I did not want to be called sulky or foolish anymore.
Even though part of me did not want to be near him, I found myself walking out to the deck to stand next to him after washing the dishes and drying my hands, the sea breeze brushing past us both.
“About that time.”
“What?”
His voice startled me.
When I turned to look at him, I saw his sharp eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms.
Was this fair?
Should I not be the one upset?
So why did I feel so small, so sheepish under his gaze?
Fine, let him look at me however he wanted.
Let him scold me, or glare, or anything else.
I was tired of holding it all in.
Since I had already started, I might as well say it all.
“That time—what you spoke to me here—what did you mean?”
He remained silent, standing still as I stared at him.
“Were you saying you cared about me? That you wanted me to feel good even though you had to endure the urge?”
He still did not respond.
Fine, if he wanted to stay silent, he could.
He had told me to speak up, and I would, because there was one more question I needed to ask.
“Do you even love me now?”
It might not have been the best moment to ask, but it had been weighing on me.
His words last night kept circling in my mind.
If he did not love me, perhaps he was beginning to feel something.
But I did not want to jump to conclusions, so I asked.
For a moment, I thought I saw his eyes flicker, as if betraying something.
But it lasted only a second as instead of answering…
“Ow. Why did you flick my forehead!”
It did not hurt, but I was so surprised I squeezed my eyes shut.
Why had he done that?
I needed an answer, not a flick to the forehead and a smile.
“Foolish.
Sulky.”
“And I’m about to be bipolar like you.”
He did not seem fazed.
If he was angry or annoyed, he would not have shrugged.
I, though, was fuming.
I did not like it—none of it.
I was ready to march back inside when it happened again: just as I turned, his hand grabbed my arm, just as it had almost two hours ago.
“What now?”
“I told you, we’re not the only ones here.”
Earlier, he had said, ‘We.’
“And why do you look so upset again?”
“That’s my business.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
It was all him, making me go back and forth between emotions.
“Alright, Anshan, I wasn’t the one who lit that scented candle outside last night.
You’d already gone inside, so it couldn’t have been you either.
I’m guessing my parents probably had someone keeping an eye on us, and when the opportunity arose, they pulled this stunt.
I want to make sure if that’s really the case.”
“And why are you telling me this?”
“Because I’m going to investigate.
And you’re coming with me.”
“But I—”
He tightened his grip on my arm.
“Did you think I’d leave you alone in the house?”
In Bangkok, he did it all the time.
I used to think it was because of his busy schedule as a famous actor, sometimes so hectic he could not even come home to sleep.
But now I knew—he did not love me.
He did not want me.
Everything I had assumed seemed to be wrong.
Even if his words could be interpreted as concern, like he did not want me to be left alone, I was not going to fool myself again.
I had learned my lesson.
“If there’s someone else here, and they’re not sent by my parents, what could you possibly do on your own?”
“Are you saying I’d be safer with you?”
“At the very least, I wouldn’t have to worry.
Now, let’s go.
“Fine, I would go.
But why, after grabbing a water bottle, a hat, and sunglasses, did he have to take my wrist and lead me out of the house?
My eyes blinked rapidly, unsure how to process this.
I did not like it, yet I followed him anyway.
Was I not supposed to remember the pain and stop hoping?
And yet, my heart raced again.
What about his earlier words—that at least he would not have to worry?
What did that mean?
Was he afraid I would get the better end of the deal, staying in the shade while he braved the sun and wind?
Or was he worried about me?
I was starting to feel as foolish and sulky as he always said.
Mr. Selfish Husband, what was your deal?
And that question I had asked—whether he loved me yet—what was the answer to that?
This was not a deserted island.
For starters, the house had all the necessities.
Then there was the well-maintained path Toop led me along.
The grass had been cleared, and the dirt was smooth, as if it had been regularly used.
It was highly likely there were other people on this island besides the two of us.
But after walking for some time, we had not encountered anyone.
“The sound of water.”
“What did you say?”
Toop, who had finally let go of my wrist after noticing he had been holding it the whole time when we were arguing earlier, asked.
I had been mumbling.
“I said I can hear the sound of water. From over there.”
I pointed to the left, off the main path.
He might call me foolish a hundred times since we had set foot on this island, but I was still Anshan—the guy from a countryside home.
I had spent my life around nature more than he ever has.
What I heard was not my imagination.
I was almost certain there was a waterfall on the island, judging by the secondary trail that appeared to be in use.
If we followed it, we would not get lost.
And honestly, I wanted to see where it led.
“Where are you going?”
“To find the source of the water.
And maybe we’ll find someone else there.”
“You want to find someone else?”
I sighed and looked at him.
“Wasn’t it you who brought me all this way? You’re the one who wants to find someone. I know you want to leave the island as soon as possible.”
That was why he was walking around searching.
“Do you like it here that much? You sound like you want to stay.”
Toop let out an annoyed tch sound as he spoke, but I, with a woven hat atop my head, simply adjusted the brim and walked ahead without answering.
“Anshan!”
This might be the first time he was trailing behind me, but I knew Toop was only following to start another argument.
Whatever.
I firmly believed there was a waterfall ahead.
As for his earlier jab about me liking this place—what I wanted to tell my sharp-tongued husband was that it was not about the location.
It was because this place had both of us.
Because on this island, it was just us.
A chance to be close to him.
Even if my tears had fallen countless times because of his biting words.
“There’s a waterfall—there’s really a waterfall here, Mr. Toop. Do you see it?”
Following the increasingly humid trail, the sight and sound of cascading water ahead nearly made me jump with joy.
My instincts had been spot-on, and the journey under the scorching sun and relentless wind was all worth it.
I had found the waterfall.
“It’s falling from a pretty high cliff.”
I muttered, gazing up at the towering rock face.
I should have brought a camera.
“How do you think the water from a waterfall on this island tastes?”
I turned to the man beside me, but what was wrong with him?
Why did he look so fidgety?
“Mr. Toop?”
He cleared his throat slightly.
“How would I know?”
I nodded, acknowledging his response, before quickly moving toward the waterfall pool with a sudden idea.
“Whoa!”
“Hey—what are you—Anshan!”
Before I could carry out my plan, my husband’s quick reflexes had his arm pulling at my waist, nearly causing me to tumble into the water.
I turned to yell at him for the unnecessary interference, but his alarmed gaze—more so than his usual stern expression—stole my breath.
Heavens, why did the universe insist on playing tricks with my heart?
“What if you slipped and fell?
What would you do if you got hurt!”
“I just wanted to taste the water.
What’s wrong with you?
Why grab me like that?”
I retorted, struggling to break free.
His eyes widened at my explanation, but he released me, allowing me to stand on my own.
I immediately crouched down to scoop up some water for a taste.
“It’s not salty.”
“Who knows if it’s clean enough to drink?”
I wanted to click my tongue at my mean, overly critical husband.
His words were not exactly wrong, but why did he have to say them after I had already drunk the water?
“Tasting just a little won’t hurt anyone.”
I replied dismissively, despite knowing that no matter how clear the water looked, anything from a natural source should be boiled before drinking.
“What’s with that face? Don’t tell me you’re scared now.”
I stood up without responding.
All he did was criticize me.
Could he not use kind words for once?
“Where are you going, Anshan?—H- hey!”
The sound of water splashing loudly filled the air as it rippled and sprayed everywhere.
Watching the scene unfold, I could not help but clutch my stomach and burst out laughing.
“That’s payback for all the times you’ve scolded me—and for throwing me into the sea yesterday.”
“Anshan!”
I raised an eyebrow, flashing a cheeky grin at Toop, who had been shoved backward into the waist-deep water.
Sure, I had shed countless tears over this awful man, but pushing him in like this was not nearly enough.
What was he going to do—glare?
Big deal.
If he thought I would be scared, he should better think again.
“Get me out of here right now, Anshan.”
“No.”
I lifted my chin defiantly, speaking firmly to his icy, commanding tone.
Since he always scolded me anyway, I might as well make this payback worth it.
“Anshan.”
Suddenly, his scolding tone softened, and I froze in place, my triumph cut short.
I turned to look at him hesitantly with a trembling heart.
“Your husband is asking.
Please help me up, won’t you?”
“Y-You don’t have to use that voice on me, Mr. Toop!”
“An.”
“And don’t make that face either.
You’re a professional actor.
You’ve won so many awards.
As if the moment I help you up, you won’t just pull me in with you.”
“In your eyes, is that really the kind of man I am, Anshan?”
I pressed my lips together, refusing to answer.
The hesitation, coupled with the tone of his voice and those sharp eyes glistening with water as he looked at me, affected my heart far more than I wanted to admit.
“Anshan.”
“I’m not helping.”
The best solution was to turn away.
The water was not deep—there was no way he could not get out on his own.
“Anshan.”
“I already told you, I’m not— Mr. Toop…”
When had he climbed out of the water?
It felt like I had just turned my back on him for barely a minute, yet there he was, walking toward me with that peculiar smile on his face.
“I’m not going to pull you into the water, Anshan.”
I forced an uneasy smile, my feet instinctively retreating. This chapter was copied from g.com without permission.
“Ah!
Mr. Toop!”
“But I will throw you in!”
“You can’t do this to me, Mr. Toop.
I—Ah.
Put me down, I—!”
Before I could finish yelling, the splash of water exploding in the pool echoed loudly, just like yesterday when he threw me into the sea.
My mind spun momentarily, disoriented.
This time, however, it was different—not only in taste but also because the person who tossed me in had jumped in alongside me.
Though puzzled why he did that, the moment I surfaced, I charged at him.
“You’re insane!
Yesterday you threw me into the sea, and today you’re throwing me into a waterfall!”
“And you’re so skilled at payback, aren’t you?
Go on, what else are you going to do to me?”
My fists clenched as I glared at him, fending off before we locked eyes.
“Don’t tempt me, Mr. Toop,”
I warned, before scooping water and splashing it right into his face.
“Oh, so this is how you want to play, Anshan?
Fine.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Ah.
Cough You’re insane, you terrible person.
You’re selfish, insufferable, and completely unbearable—always have been, whether I did what I just or not.
Ugh, you’re splashing too hard, Mr. Toop!”
I raised my hands to shield myself from the cold water that would have been refreshing if I had swim in it instead of being thrown in.
But he was not letting up.
His relentless splashes overwhelmed me as I retaliated with all my might, though it was no different from yesterday, a losing battle.
He was taller and bigger than me.
A single wave of water from him left me coughing and spluttering mid-shout, forcing me to lift my hands in surrender.
“Alright, I give up!
I can’t breathe—cough.”
“Anshan.”
I thought I heard his voice, laced with worry, calling out to me.
But I was too busy wiping water off my face, soaked from head to toe, to see him clearly.
Then suddenly, I felt his hand on my cheek, his breath warm against my wet skin.
My heart fluttered, caught off guard by the gentle touch.
I froze, blinking rapidly, staring at the man I had berated countless times as insufferable.
Toop held my face with unexpected care, dabbing the water from my skin delicately.
“Feeling better?”
My breath hitched as I gazed at him.
What was all that bickering a moment ago?
And now—was this a dream, or had I hallucinated after being tossed into the waterfall’s pool?
“You’re so stubborn.”
“I—”
I wanted to argue against his words that so often left me feeling hurt, on the verge of tears, but what could I say?
If this were a dream, if this closeness between us was only an illusion, what would happen if I dared to do something I had never done before?
Slowly, I stepped closer to my husband, who seemed strangely gentle once again.
Peck.
Rising on my tiptoes, I pressed a fleeting kiss to his lips.
Would that be okay?
“You—”
I faltered, meeting Toop’s gaze as he looked down at me, seemingly stunned.
Was I pushing him even further away?
Would he detest what I had just done?
I only wanted to experience this once.
Even if he pushed me aside or called me shameless, I would remember this soft, fleeting kiss.
“Sh-Shall we head back?”
“Anshan.”
He did not just call my name.
As I turned around, aiming to get out of the water, his hands gripped my shoulders, turning me back toward him.
His eyes locked with mine, and though he said nothing to explain himself, he leaned in.
The closeness was followed by a contact, light but searing on my lips.
My eyes widened before fluttering shut as the kiss deepened.
His lips moved against mine, and my heart raced wildly.
His hands cradled my cheeks, fingers brushing under my chin with a gentle pressure.
“Ah.”
A warm, slick sensation invaded my mouth.
This was not like the kisses I had imagined—I felt like I was drowning not knowing how to move my tongue.
But Toop—my once-heartless yet now-gentle husband—was patient.
He did not rush me.
His kiss was slow yet electrifying, sweet yet searing, and it melted my chest with its tenderness.
Our first kiss was perfect.
“Can you still stand?”
he whispered after breaking the kiss.
I felt unsteady, like my legs could give out in the water.
Luckily, Toop held me, his arms steadying my back.
Our eyes met again amidst the peaceful sound of the waterfall.
On this quiet island, it was just the two of us.
Toop Pasutha, my husband—not just the actor I had once admired but the man who had hurt me intentionally and unintentionally.
Could he love me, just a little?
Could he ever hold me in his gaze like this?
“Insufferable,”
I murmured, barely audible.
“Will you—will you ever love me? Love this wife of yours?”
He did not reply.
Instead, he gave me a faint smile that made my heart tremble.
His hands cupped my cheeks, and his lips pressed gently against my forehead, now bare of its sunhat, sending tremors all over.
His kisses trailed down to my nose, where our breaths mingled, before his lips captured mine again.
And again.
Over and over, we kissed, losing ourselves in the moment.
It lasted what felt like an eternity—our first kiss.
Kisses from him, from my husband, the kiss I had always dreamed of.