Yu Sheng always remembered her goal. She had used New York as a springboard solely to ensure a grander development upon returning to her home country. Utilizing Jiang Qiu was merely a tactic to reduce unnecessary hardships during her life in New York.
Yet, during that period, she had hesitated, beginning to ponder whether she truly could remain in New York.
Ever since that thought emerged, however, the omega had felt a persistent anxiety. From beginning to end, Yu Sheng wanted to prove her capabilities, to show that what she could achieve was no less than what Yu Kunian could do, even though she had differentiated into an omega.
And on that day, Meng Yueyu had told her. “Speaking solely of learning ability, you are indeed considered excellent. But for the partner of a winery heir, you are far from qualified. Your cognitive level, manners, interpersonal skills, not a single aspect is up to par.”
It seemed everyone viewed her this way, and even she herself felt unworthy.
Yet, it was precisely because she had nothing that Yu Sheng had come to New York for further studies, leveraging Jiang Qiu’s power to bluff her way through. If not for this reason, the omega would never have met Jiang Qiu. Thus, she faced the first and greatest dilemma of her life.
Jiang Qiu could arrange everything for her, but… Yu Sheng did not want a path paved for her.
To live a lifetime dependent on Jiang Qiu just because she hadn’t yet tried to establish her own social life? Should she accept defeat and compromise before she had even begun to try?
Impulsive and insecure, Yu Sheng viewed this as another form of charity.
If she wanted to be worthy of Jiang Qiu, yet her status required the alpha’s bestowal, and her superficial achievements were not actually earned through her own efforts, if it had to be that way, Yu Sheng was unwilling.
In New York, she had no family and no friends. If they married, Jiang Qiu would be the only familiar person left in her life. If one day this alpha no longer felt happy seeing her, if Jiang Qiu decided she didn’t want her anymore in the future…
She would be homeless.
Yu Sheng could not be absolutely certain that Jiang Qiu was a choice that wouldn’t go wrong. She possessed zero capital that would allow her to confidently stay in New York, and she didn’t dare place such a wager.
Her initial approach was due to Jiang Qiu’s power, she never expected their later breakup would be for the exact same reason.
Later, upon hearing Jiang Qiu begin to arrange her post-graduation life, Yu Sheng was consumed by fear and self-doubt.
Did Jiang Qiu also believe her attempts were futile?
She didn’t dare ask, terrified of receiving an answer she didn’t want to hear.
The omega began to wonder how long Jiang Qiu’s feelings would last. Was the alpha just casually playing around with her?
Having differentiated into an omega, she could only make a choice once. New York’s protection laws for omegas were not yet comprehensive, if she wagered incorrectly on her future, the outcome would be disastrous. But Jiang Qiu had the backing of the Dominion Winery, the alpha had countless more choices than she did. Even if Jiang Qiu regretted it at any given moment, there would be no consequences.
This disparity caused Yu Sheng’s emotions to gradually spiral out of control amidst repeated bouts of self-doubt. She became rude and spoke the harshest, ugliest words.
She confessed everything, her tone laced with sarcasm, attempting to use the despicable truth of her exploitation to mask the intense insecurity deep in her heart and gain the upper hand.
If the ending was destined to be bad, she would rather be the one to speak first.
Yu Sheng didn’t know how much Jiang Qiu loved her. She wanted to ascertain whether, just as Meng Yueyu said, the alpha would take the initiative to break up after learning the truth of being used. Yu Sheng admitted she was acting out of a desire to test her. She exposed her malice entirely, presenting herself directly to the alpha to show she was not a good omega.
Would Jiang Qiu still love this version of her?
But before she could even wait for an answer, she chickened out. Yu Sheng realized how radical and impulsive her behavior was. She was acting entirely on emotion, what need was there to wait for Jiang Qiu’s response? Even she herself couldn’t accept it anymore.
She didn’t even dare tell Jiang Qiu her reluctance to stay in New York, nor was she willing to ask about it.
She knew better than anyone what kind of person she was.
And so, she fled New York overnight, escaping her own mistakes.
By the time she had suffered through repeated bouts of burning anxiety and finally mentally prepared herself to turn back and pay the price for her errors, she discovered it was already too late. The compensation and apology could not be delivered as imagined. Yu Sheng knew that back then, because of the cowardice deep in her heart, she had missed the optimal moment.
A tear escaped her eye, landing on the sticky note and blurring the handwriting slightly.
Yu Sheng closed her eyes and raised her hand to wipe away the tear stains at the corners of her eyes, smoothing her erratic breathing. Clearly, two years had passed, but those memories were engraved even deeper in her mind, forcing her to repeatedly look back against her will.
She had thought that by acting as she did before, she could secure Jiang Qiu’s pity and be reunited with the alpha. But she was wrong again.
Yu Sheng thought, just how naive am I?
All her hopes now rested solely on the words Meng Yueyu had spoken. Even though Yu Sheng harbored deep doubts, she truly wanted to try one more time. She did not want to lose Jiang Qiu.
The medical examination results came out in the afternoon. Fortunately, her body was completely normal, and there was no need to remain hospitalized, so the omega completed her discharge paperwork as quickly as possible. Jiang Qiu had helped her request a day off, so after leaving the hospital, Yu Sheng went to a dry cleaner, requesting an expedited service.
The dry cleaner owner told her to return in the evening to pick it up, and Yu Sheng didn’t plan to wait inside the shop. On her way home, it was dusk. Though it wasn’t raining, the sky was still rather gloomy. A blanket of gray pressed down from above. The omega stood before a red light, tilting her head up to watch it for a long time. She took off her glasses, her pupils trembling slightly.
The red light at this intersection lasted a very long time, long enough for the omega to think about many things.
Yu Sheng dazed off, failing to notice the light change from red to green, and back to red again. As the traffic flowed past her eyes, she was finally snapped back to reality when someone accidentally bumped into her. The other party apologized. After replying with a “it’s fine,” Yu Sheng suddenly noticed the green light was about to end.
Yu Sheng hurriedly stepped forward, crossing the pedestrian lane in the final seconds of the green light.
With nothing immediate left to do, she returned home. Since arriving in Lihua City, Yu Sheng had been living with her two mothers, Yang Jin and Yu Dai. Yu Kunian had his own place and rarely came home.
At this hour, no one was home. Aside from the sound of the omega closing the front door, the house fell completely silent.
The guest bedroom was her room. Because she hadn’t lived here for so many years, the bedroom had been hastily put together. There were very few belongings inside, and Yu Sheng felt somewhat too lethargic to properly settle in.
The only bed was not very comfortable to sleep on. Yu Sheng wanted to replace it, but she had never gotten around to buying a new one.
Several times she wanted to ask Yang Jin if she could help her change the bed, but she could never bring herself to say it.
Yu Sheng knew very well that since her return, her interactions with her two mothers had been somewhat strained. After all, she had lived with her aunt, Yang Yu, since she was very small, moving through almost every city except Lihua City, where she had stayed for only a very brief period.
Over the years, Yu Kunian would call her to chat casually, but Yu Dai and Yang Jin rarely phoned her.
Most of the time, they only spoke with Yang Yu to ask about her current situation.
They, including Yu Sheng herself, seemed not to know how to interact with one another.
Only when the topic revolved around Yu Kunian would Yu Dai and Yang Jin speak extensively. When Yu Sheng took part in those conversations, it always felt like a lump in her throat, leaving her with no choice but to continuously echo their sentiments.
Unwrapping a large box of lollipops kept by her bedside, Yu Sheng lay down on the bed, staring at the one she had pulled out, lost in thought for a long time.
Will someone really love her for a very long time?
Even she didn’t like herself anymore.
After sleeping fitfully for an unknown number of hours, the sky had completely darkened by the time she opened her eyes. Yu Dai and Yang Jin still hadn’t returned.
Yu Sheng picked up the phone beside her. Half an hour ago, the dry cleaner had sent a message saying the clothes were ready for pickup.
Yu Sheng changed her scent blocking patch. When she reached the door, she hesitated for a moment before texting Yang Jin and Yu Dai to ask what time they would return tonight. The reply she received was:
【No need to wait for us for dinner, get some good rest.】
Yang Jin transferred some money to her, but she didn’t accept it.
Since returning, the number of times she had eaten at the same table with them could be counted on one hand. Yet Yu Sheng had no reason to unreasonably demand that her two mothers stop working just to come home and eat with her.
That would be ridiculous. After all, it was just a meal, it wasn’t important to them anyway.
Yu Sheng took a deep breath, went downstairs, and hailed a taxi to the dry cleaner. The temperature at night had dropped significantly. The omega shivered as she stepped out of the car, her nasal passage itching slightly.
She had forgotten to check the temperature before leaving. She was only wearing a sweatshirt underneath, and her overcoat was somewhat insufficient against the cold night wind. When Yu Sheng stepped out of the dry cleaner holding Jiang Qiu’s coat, she suddenly let out several consecutive sneezes.
The oncoming wind brushed past the omega’s cheeks, and it didn’t take long for the tip of her nose to become icy cold. Yu Sheng raised her hand to cover her chilled face, her fingertips trembling slightly as she gripped the sticky note tighter.
She stood frozen in place for a long while before finally hailing another cab. Her destination was Jiang Qiu’s address.
The vehicle traveled swiftly. Yu Sheng gazed at the scenery flashing past the window. The closer she drew to her destination, the more nervous the omega grew. Even after the car pulled up downstairs, Yu Sheng stood before the entrance deliberating for a long time, still entirely unsure of how to open her mouth when they met.
Was she really going to ask about the ring right from the start?
Having fully prepared herself mentally, Yu Sheng took the elevator up. Stopping before Jiang Qiu’s door, the omega pursed her lips, organized her thoughts, and knocked on the door.
There was no response to the first knock. Upon the second attempt, Yu Sheng heard someone inside call out “coming” that voice did not belong to Jiang Qiu. When Wen Yan pushed open the door, Yu Sheng’s feet felt glued to the spot, she wanted to turn around and leave, but she couldn’t move.
Faced with the fact that they were already cohabiting, Yu Sheng was clearly caught entirely off guard. Her mind instantly descended into chaos as she spoke in a flurry.
“I came to… return the clothes.”
She felt a wave of breakdown as she handed the clothes over to Wen Yan, uttering a dry “sorry to bother you” in her state of suffocation, intending to leave immediately.
“She hasn’t gotten off work yet,” Wen Yan spoke up to stop her. “Miss Yu, why don’t you come in and wait?”