He decided to stop liking Xu Yuanzhe.
Once such a suspicion took root, some of Xu Yuanzhe’s recent actions suddenly seemed to have an explanation.
For instance, the day before yesterday when Ji Wenyu went to do laundry, he happened to run into that person making a phone call in the hallway, and the conversation had dragged on for quite a while.
Or take the second cafeteria, where they used to run into Xu Yuanzhe frequently, but where he now seemed rarely seen.
Neither sleeping nor playing on his phone during the second half of the class, Ji Wenyu stared blankly in the direction of the podium with a dazed expression.
When the end-of-class bell rang, he declined to go to the cafeteria with Ma Ziming and the others, heading straight back to the dorm instead.
The swelling in his ankle, which had rested for a full day and night, had largely subsided, but a distinct ache still lingered whenever he walked.
Ji Wenyu returned to Room 606. Inside, Pan Lejia was fast asleep in bed, emitting loud snores. Huang Bin sat below his bed eating a spicy hot pot takeout he had brought back from the cafeteria, chatting with someone on his phone between bites.
“You are back,” Huang Bin greeted him with his back turned as Ji Wenyu pushed the door open.
“Mn,” Ji Wenyu replied listlessly.
“Where were you ghosting around last night?” Huang Bin clicked his tongue around his chopsticks.
“Group project, just finished the presentation,” Ji Wenyu tossed his backpack aside and climbed into bed without even bothering to change out of his clothes. “I am exhausted. Answer the roll call for me in political theory this afternoon.”
Huang Bin agreed readily. “Got it.”
Another round of sleep carried him straight into the evening, and Ji Wenyu felt as though his jet lag had almost adjusted to US time.
When he woke up, only Huang Bin and Pan Lejia were in the dorm, though both were seated below their beds. Pan Lejia wore headphones while playing a video game, his mouse and keyboard clacking in a rapid flurry. Huang Bin also wore headphones, but he was staring at a PowerPoint presentation on his computer, occasionally jotting notes down in his notebook.
“Reviewing?” Ji Wenyu changed into a fresh set of clothes and strolled over to stop beside Huang Bin.
The latter looked up. “Mn. Computer vision quiz next week.”
“Ah?” Ji Wenyu blinked in surprise. Wasn’t the semester just starting? Why was there already a quiz?
“Yeah,” Huang Bin looked at him. “You didn’t know? He announced it before class ended on Monday.”
“Damn.” The boy let out a sigh and could not help cursing softly. Pausing for a moment, he forced himself to accept the reality and lifted his gaze again. “Do you have notes? Lend them to me so I can cram.”
Huang Bin let out a scoff. “Can you not see I am previewing right against the PowerPoint? Where would I get notes?”
“Then—” The two locked eyes, both knowing what the other wanted to say next.
Class notes, naturally, meant seeking out the academic genius Xu Yuanzhe.
“You go find him.” “You tell him.”
Ji Wenyu and Huang Bin chimed in unison.
Ji Wenyu pressed his thin lips into a straight line, offering a helpless smile. “Together.”
“Fine.” Huang Bin tapped open the dormitory group chat and gestured toward it. “Shall we?”
Ji Wenyu suggested, “Let us go find him in the library. Since you are studying anyway, the library environment is better for it.”
Huang Bin widened his eyes in astonishment. “Well, would you look at that, Old Ji. It is only been a month since the semester started, and you are actually volunteering to hit the library.”
Ji Wenyu replied in an ordinary tone, “I am grabbing a bite to eat on the way. I did not eat at noon and I am starving, I want braised chicken.”
The third cafeteria near the library was famous for its braised chicken.
Hearing him say that, Huang Bin smiled knowingly. “I figured borrowing notes was a sham, and eating braised chicken was the real motive, right?”
“Killing two birds with one stone,” Ji Wenyu shrugged. “Are you coming or not?”
In truth, however, neither borrowing notes nor eating braised chicken was his actual objective.
He wanted to check whether Xu Yuanzhe was at the library at this hour, who he was with, and whether that person really was, as he suspected, in a relationship.
Though they initially planned to go together, Huang Bin grew too impatient and went ahead to ask Xu Yuanzhe for the notes himself.
As they reached the entrance of the third cafeteria, Ji Wenyu suddenly faltered. Terrified of witnessing the very scene he feared, with Xu Yuanzhe sitting intimately with someone else in the library, he used the excuse of eating first before heading upstairs to study, retreating hastily into the cafeteria.
Huang Bin was in a rush to review, so he entered the library alone. The third cafeteria was relatively empty at this hour, and even the normally packed braised chicken stall had only two or three students lingering in front of it. Absent-mindedly, Ji Wenyu stood at the back of the line and purchased a mild-spicy braised chicken set meal. Carrying his tray to a vacant seat, a message popped up on his phone screen from Huang Bin.
[ICE: Holy shit! Ji! You will never guess what I just saw!]
Following nine consecutive exclamation points, Ji Wenyu’s hand shook, causing his chopsticks to slip onto the floor.
[ICE: Old Xu is sitting together with a girl!]
[ICE: She is pretty slim and should be quite attractive, I only caught a back view.]
[ICE: When did Old Xu get taken? He did not even tell us.]
Ji Wenyu’s palms turned icy cold, and for a long moment, he did not know how to respond.
Seeing that he was not replying, Huang Bin’s irrepressible urge to gossip prompted him to switch to a different group chat. In a four-person dorm, there were always at least four different chat groups. Huang Bin switched to a smaller chat consisting only of himself, Ji Wenyu, and Pan Lejia, forwarding the exclamation he had previously sent to Ji Wenyu alone.
Pan Lejia replied almost instantly.
[peterpan: Holy shit? For real? Don’t mess with me, did you see wrong?]
[peterpan: Though now that you mention it, I do recall seeing Xu Yuanzhe chatting with someone quite a lot lately, with a rather intriguing look on his face.]
[ICE: He definitely has something going on.]
[peterpan: Didn’t you two go borrow notes? Did you get them? Try probing him while you are at it.]
[ICE: Oh right, the notes.]
[ICE: When I saw the two of them sitting together, I did not even dare walk over. @A_Fish Ji Wenyu, are you done eating? Come over with me to ask.]
With slightly numb fingertips, Ji Wenyu typed slowly.
[A_Fish: Just started eating.]
[ICE: Fine, I guess I will go by myself then.]
Steam drifted lazily from the chicken in the clay pot, but Ji Wenyu had completely lost his appetite.
A heavy tightness gripped his chest, weighing down on him like soaked cotton that made it difficult to breathe.
The boy sniffed, lowered his head, and felt a stinging sensation prickle at the corners of his eyes.
What are you sad about, Ji Wenyu? Did you not run over here precisely to find the answer?
Huang Bin’s messages kept popping up on the screen one after another.
[ICE: My god, they are sitting so close.]
[ICE: I feel like a massive lightbulb.]
[ICE: Brothers, I am going in!]
[ICE: Got the notes!]
[peterpan: So is it his girlfriend? Did Old Xu introduce her to you?]
Pan Lejia quickly followed up.
[ICE: No.]
[ICE: I mean Old Xu did not tell me who the girl was, and I did not dare ask.]
[ICE: But it is definitely a girlfriend, I have a hunch, you guys know what I mean.]
[ICE: She is gorgeous! She even smiled at me, so polite.]
[ICE: Never would I have guessed that the first person in our dorm to break out of singlehood would be Old Xu, that block of ice.]
[peterpan: Wasn’t this to be expected? Xu Yuanzhe has the looks and the brains.]
[peterpan: Frankly, I think he waited long enough. I figured he had a girlfriend the moment the semester started.]
[peterpan: And our little Yu does not look single either.]
[ICE: When will a good day like that roll around for me?]
[ICE: @A_Fish, are you done eating? I am done scanning, going to go grab seats first?]
Picking up a pair of clean chopsticks, Ji Wenyu listlessly prodded at the chicken pieces in the pot. He sluggishly picked up a piece and took a bite. It tasted bitter.
Whether it was due to pulling an all-nighter last night, his heart was beating with abnormal rapidity.
His stomach suddenly contracted, and he spat the food back out.
Standing up to clear his nearly untouched meal into the tray return area, Ji Wenyu hung his head in lingering bewilderment by the cafeteria exit.
After a long pause, he replied to Huang Bin’s message.
[A_Fish: Send me the PDF, I am heading back to the dorm.]
Lacking the energy to care about Huang Bin’s complaints in the group chat after being ghosted, Ji Wenyu walked back to the dorm with a dark expression, tossed his backpack onto his chair, and crawled straight back onto his bed.
“Hey, why are you back early?” Pan Lejia took off one headphone and craned his neck to look at him.
The boy offered no reply, pulling his air-conditioning quilt up from head to toe, burying his head completely beneath the covers.
Though he had only stayed up for one night, Ji Wenyu felt that even breathing took effort.
He felt as though he had fallen out of love.
He had known Xu Yuanzhe for two years, and he had liked Xu Yuanzhe for two years, yet he never dared let the other person know, nor did he dare let anyone else catch the slightest hint. He had harbored this quiet crush for two full years, only to end up watching that person wind up with someone else.
It was an expected outcome all along, but now that the day had truly arrived, Ji Wenyu still found it painful.
Huang Bin finished airing his grievances and uploaded the scanned notes into the group chat, which Ji Wenyu subconsciously downloaded and opened. Xu Yuanzhe’s neat, elegant handwriting greeted his eyes, so wonderfully familiar that a thin layer of mist rapidly welled up in Ji Wenyu’s eyes, blurring his vision in an instant.
He closed his eyes tightly until he felt the wetness stream all the way down the corners of his eyes into the soft pillowcase.
What on earth did he like about Xu Yuanzhe? Ji Wenyu could not even explain it clearly himself.
That person’s striking eyes seemed to conceal a deep pool of water, drawing him into an inescapable abyss at a single glance.
Xu Yuanzhe’s voice sounded pleasing to the ear, carrying a cool brevity combined with an inexplicable, gentle calm.
Xu Yuanzhe possessed a high bridge of the nose, deep facial features, a tall stature, broad shoulders, and a narrow waist.
Even though Xu Yuanzhe treated him with the same cool indifference he showed the other two roommates, Ji Wenyu always felt that whenever they spoke, Xu Yuanzhe would occasionally cast a glance his way with a hint of an elusive smile floating in his eyes. He often found himself captivated by that smile, forgetting what he was talking about, where he was, and even forgetting how to breathe.
What else.
Whenever Xu Yuanzhe locked eyes with him, he always looked completely focused, wearing a serious expression as he listened to him speak.
Xu Yuanzhe’s fingers had long, elegant knuckles, and accidental brushes revealed a blend of bone structure and body heat. He had experienced the impulse to reach out and clasp those hands countless times.
Xu Yuanzhe’s go-to meal was the chicken cutlet set from the second cafeteria. Ji Wenyu had tried it a few times and found the taste mediocre, leading him to strongly suspect that the only reason the other person liked it was because that particular window always had the shortest line.
Xu Yuanzhe always wore his shirts with meticulous precision, buttoning them all the way up to the very top button, looking every bit like the model student he had been since childhood.
Xu Yuanzhe used a brand of laundry detergent that smelled wonderful. He had secretly bought the exact same one, yet his clothes never quite managed to match that person’s scent. Ji Wenyu guessed that what was missing was simply the scent of the person himself.
Yet he could only watch Xu Yuanzhe from afar, silently embracing him with his gaze.
[A_Fish: Sprained my ankle, going into seclusion.]
Languishing in a groggy haze all night long, Ji Wenyu messaged Huang Bin the next morning when the alarm went off.
[A_Fish: Bring me back some food at noon.]
The morning civil law class was shared with Huang Bin.
For the next three days, Ji Wenyu thoroughly and strictly implemented his philosophy of not getting out of bed unless necessary, and fighting not to get out of bed even when necessary.
He had Huang Bin or Pan Lejia bring him meals, and when no one could, he simply skipped eating. As for classes, he had others answer the roll call, and when that failed to pass muster, he asked for leave from the professors.
“Looks like the romantic luck in our dorm is at play. Old Xu’s iron tree finally bloomed and he got into a relationship, while you ended up heartbroken, huh?” His roommates gradually sensed his unusual behavior.
Naturally refusing to admit it, Ji Wenyu shook his head stubbornly. “Not at all, I am just cultivating immortality through daily routine. Besides, didn’t I sprain my ankle? Moving around is inconvenient, so I figured I might as well stay put.”
For three whole days, he confined himself to his tiny bunk.
Even with his eyes closed, sleep eluded him, and opening them left him feeling perpetually exhausted, turning every single minute into a heavy, sluggish blur.
The music playing through his headphones possessed a lingering melody, its low drumbeats numbing his nerves stroke by stroke. Xu Yuanzhe lived right across from him, barely two meters away. Yet he felt a frantic, agonizing longing for Xu Yuanzhe, filling his heart to the brim with bitterness.
On the third day, feeling on the verge of rotting both physically and mentally, Ji Wenyu finally came to a realization.
Nothing in this world is difficult if you are willing to let go. There are plenty of fish in the sea, why obsess over a single blossom?
Since that person was already taken and any possibility between them was gone.
He decided right then and there to stop liking Xu Yuanzhe.