“……”
…This is just because I’m not used to it.
The first time we killed a monster, my sister cried. Just like I held her blood-soaked hands back then, I clasped his hand now. He seemed to flinch.
When I was certain this tremor came from him, his violet gaze turned toward me.
“...You don’t avoid me. Unlike ‘them.’”
“Yes. I don’t know who you mean by ‘them,’ though. Did you remember something?”
“No. Just a fleeting... trace.”
Still holding my hand, he took a step closer and slowly bent forward.
“...May I touch you?”
I swallowed lightly and darted my eyes aside. The closeness made me tense—it felt almost like taming a wild beast beyond us.
Staring at our clasped hands, I opened my mouth.
“That’s why I said you’re supposed to ask before grabbing someone’s hand…”
“Not the hand.”
“What?”
“I said, not the hand.”
His hand slowly cupped my cheek.
“Here.”
Feeling the rough tips of his fingers, I instinctively stepped back, but he closed the distance I tried to create. His hand, inching downward, finally stopped at—
“...May I touch you?”
—my lips.
The moment I felt his hand brush against them, I jerked back in shock.
“W-Why would you touch… No…”
Nox held me firmly, making retreat impossible, so I covered my lips with the back of my hand and turned my head away. It felt like if I didn’t protect them, something terrible would happen; I couldn’t lower my guard.
But feeling his gaze trailing after me, I was forced to continue.
“Why… my lips?”
“If I can’t, then… what about your hair?”
“No. Why are you even trying to touch me?”
“...Didn’t you say I could if I asked for permission?”
I glanced sideways at Nox and flinched. Was I being too firm in this situation? But still, it’s my body—why wouldn’t I be firm?
I had been tense already, and forgetting that Nox lacked common sense, I might have been too blunt. But wouldn’t it be stranger to just obediently say ‘yes’ right now?
“That permission isn’t automatically granted, you know.”
Nox twitched an eyebrow. He tightened his grip on me before releasing, his expression faintly displeased.
“...It’s difficult.”
“People are supposed to be difficult.”
“Can’t it be easier?”
If people were easy, who would have any worries in this world?
I shook my head, thinking that.
“Please let it be difficult. The more you think it over, the more careful you’ll be—and that’s how you’ll gain someone precious.”
“Does that apply… to my relationship with you as well?”
“What? …Well, I guess?”
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could stay difficult for a long, long time?
I felt uneasy meeting his gaze, so I rolled my eyes away. He was the one inching closer, yet I was the one looking away like I had to explain myself.
I couldn’t stay in the backyard forever, so I stepped out into the garden and handed him a handkerchief.
“Wipe yourself.”
Nox stared at the handkerchief, his face faintly discontent. His stiff expression made me glance at him repeatedly.
“Sit here for a moment.”
“Where are you going?”
“I need to cover up the soil in the garden. I can’t just leave it like that.”
“……”
There was still scattered blood in the garden. My sister might be shocked if she saw it; better to clean it quickly.
Of course, she’s more perceptive than me, so she’d probably notice right away anyway.
But for now, hiding it even briefly seemed better. Too much had happened at once; I needed time to get things in order.
When I tried to stand, Nox didn’t let me go.
“Amy.”
Since when had he been looking at me like this?
He had always been a man with cold eyes. When I first saw him as the Grand Duke, I thought he looked like he had stepped right out of a storybook. Even without his memories, the thought of the cruelty he once held had frightened me.
“...Stay here.”
But with a man this beautiful looking at me like that, I was at a loss for words.
“Don’t go.”
“I’m not going far. I’m just heading to the garden you’re looking at. Just let go of my hand for a moment.”
“When I look at you, one thought keeps coming back.”
His voice grew deeper, echoing in the dark garden.
“The truth is, I…”
I sensed something subtle in his tone, but I couldn’t quite grasp what it was. I looked at his face, half-lit by the blue dawn, drawing closer. His eyes were right in front of me.
“I want to see you during the day.”
In the clear moonlight, my loose hair swayed. Slowly, Nox reached out and took a strand.
“……”
At that moment, I thought of the boy from the day who had whispered “Estella” to me.
“Your hair… it glows even at night. Like a star.”
His violet eyes stared straight at me, just as they had that day. But now, they were rawer, deeper, and far more obsessive.
“M-My hair! It’s not that pretty in daylight. It looks the same as now… N-Nox, it’s just your imagination.”
“Amy.”
“M-My sister’s hair color is prettier. H-Haha.”
“Is that so. I wouldn’t know.”
“You’ve barely even seen her properly, have you?”
“Even if I had, it would be the same.”
His arm slid around my waist, and his low voice sank into my ear.
“I’m looking at you.”
When his strong arms wrapped tightly around me, I flinched, finding myself pulled against his broad chest.
“…So don’t run away.”
His voice was so low it sent chills through me. Reflexively, I placed my hands against his chest, then yanked them away, startled. Bowing my head, I felt my eyes trembling.
His hand, which had been toying with the ends of my hair, slowly traveled up, brushing the back of my head and grazing my nape. His cautious yet rough touch felt like a giant beast nudging a ball with its paw. If claws suddenly extended from those fingers, I wouldn’t be surprised—but they didn’t.
In that moment, I felt an odd sense of déjà vu.
The way he held me tightly, his unfocused gaze—it felt like I had seen this before.
When I realized it, he collapsed against me.
“Nox!”
I couldn’t hold up his weight and sank to my knees, but he didn’t fully fall. He managed to brace himself with one hand, trembling with effort.
“What’s wrong?”
“Haa… It’s nothing.”
Watching the cold sweat drip down his face, I remembered where I’d seen this before—after the chase with the Gllylus.
I hurriedly touched his forehead.
“Don’t tell me… you fought the mercenaries while enduring this pain?”
“……”
His body burned like fire. No wonder I hadn’t noticed; his cheek against my hand hadn’t felt this hot. Now that he’d collapsed, his breath grew harsher, and I knew he had been at his limit—moving and enduring until he couldn’t anymore.
“I told you!”
My voice cracked with urgency.
“I told you the fever would get worse!”
“I… did remember.”
“I told you it was reckless! So why!”
“I couldn’t just… leave it.”
Was there really any other way? No, probably not. He wasn’t wrong.
Still, the helpless sympathy swelling in me made me bite my lip. I pushed his hand away and laid him flat. Lowering the fever came first.
“Wait here!”
I rushed to the kitchen, brought cold water and towels, placing one on his forehead and wiping his face and body with another.
“Ugh…”
He flinched slightly as I wiped his scarred chest, but only briefly. I had no time to worry about anything else.
All the while, his unfocused eyes followed me, blinking slowly, then closing again.
“Lennox!”
Even then, he wouldn’t let go of my hand, gripping it like letting go would be fatal. I didn’t even realize I’d called him by his real name. His violet gaze flickered occasionally, as if checking to make sure I was still there.
“Nox, Nox. You can’t pass out, okay? Can you hear me? This poison causes hallucinations if the fever spikes!”
The Tetethis had clearly flared up again. High fever meant hallucinations, sometimes delirium.
“I’m fine…”
“You’re not fine! Stop saying that all the time. No one could… stay fine like this…”
My voice wavered near the end.
No, I couldn’t afford to break now. As I wrung out the towel, I glanced up—
“Morning?”
When had it gotten so bright?
The pitch-black night had passed; the faint dawn was gone, and sunlight spread across the sky.
I froze, staring at the garden. I had been too focused on him to notice.
The sun was already high above the mountains. Sunrise had long passed—why?
Nox slowly opened his eyes.
“…The sun’s up.”
Seeing his deep gaze under the morning light, I felt a pang of dread.
“Amy, is this… the hallucination you mentioned?”
I clenched the towel, forcing a strained smile. Questions churned in my head, but right now, the burning feverish man mattered most.
“Try to sleep.”
“…Will you stay?”
“Yes. I’ll be here when you wake. Where would I go?”
“……”
He reached with his free hand, fingers grazing my cheek. His unfocused violet eyes watched me quietly, then his hand slipped, brushing the ends of my hair.
“…A star in daylight.”
Murmuring that, he closed his eyes.
I poked him lightly. Whether he was asleep or unconscious, he didn’t open them again.
“What on earth was that…”
Only then did the shock sink in. The real problem wasn’t just his collapse. The fever wasn’t dropping.
Tetethis poisoning worked in stages, and detoxification reversed them slowly. My sister had once suffered from it; I knew the fever couldn’t spike again mid-detox or the poison would grow violent or mutate.
‘No. This can’t happen.’
I should have stopped him more firmly. My careless thought that “he’s the male lead, he’ll be fine” now left me staring at his burning body in fear.
“…Wake up. Lennox. Lennox, wake up.”
Without thinking, I used his real name.
What should I do? What can I do? You can’t just lie here like this. Herbs filled the house, but giving them now wouldn’t change anything.
No, his burning body pinned me in place. Even if moving might help, I felt like leaving him even for a second might be fatal.
C-Can a person’s body get this hot? His ever-rising temperature only conjured worse thoughts.
Finally, when my mind spiraled into the worst possibilities, I desperately clutched his hand.
“Lennox, Lennox, wake up. You can’t stay lying here. Lennox. Lennox!”
So focused on his scorching heat, I hadn’t noticed—the blood soaking his leg. He wasn’t just poisoned; he was injured too.
‘He endured all of this pain?’
Tears pricked my eyes as I squeezed his hand tighter. Please get up. Please… please…
And then—his body twitched. I snapped my head up, eyes wide.
“What… your wound…”
It was healing.
The morning light made it clear: his skin was closing as if time was rewinding, leaving not even a scar.
Not only that—his fevered hand grew cooler, and his breathing steadied.
I stared blankly, slowly lowering my gaze to my hand.
Fwaaah—
A strange yet familiar symbol glowed on the back of my hand.
‘Why… the same symbol from the book and pendant?’
The black mark faded within seconds, dissolving into pale light.
Then I saw him—a small boy, breathing shallowly, his body uninjured and clean.
My vision blurred.
‘I’m… out of breath.’
Panting heavily, like I’d just run a sprint, I still thought clearly. And I understood. This time, I had seen it clearly.
“…It was because of me?”
Even though it was morning, his body had reverted to his adult form, whole and healed.
I muttered in shock, staring at the child in front of me.