“I don’t want to get my memories back.”
No—my eyes shut tightly as his rich, honeyed voice filled my ears.
“Y-you can’t say that. Y-you have to be happy.”
“……Do you want me to be happy?”
“Yes. Being happy is… it’s so important. I want you to be happy, no matter where you go in the future.”
I nodded with all the sincerity I could muster.
His life had been nothing but barren. The Lennox in the book was cold and calculating, willing to do anything for success. That was largely because he couldn’t empathize with or understand other people’s emotions.
If his own wounds didn’t hurt, of course he couldn’t feel someone else’s pain either. That was why even now he was looking at me with those uncomprehending eyes, not understanding what happiness even was.
If just one person had given him love, he wouldn’t have turned out this way.
He lifted me into his arms.
“Then… can’t you give it to me?”
I hesitated, lowering my head, stumbling over my words.
“……I’m just… just the first person you saw when you opened your eyes.”
Like a duckling imprinting on the first thing it sees after hatching, Nox wasn’t so different. His nights and days were simply filled by me, and me alone.
“The one I’m looking at is you. For me, this moment is all that matters. What else could be more important?”
“……”
I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. What could I possibly say to that?
Seeing me fall silent, he seemed to frown slightly. Tilting his head, his gaze cooled as he slowly spoke.
“You already have all of my time. So if you turn away from me now……”
Lowering his head to rest on my shoulder, he murmured softly,
“I hate the thought of anyone else saying the name you gave me.”
“……”
“It makes me want to take you somewhere far away where no one else is.”
I felt his arms tighten around me at that.
“……I might just run away with you like this.”
“……What?”
For a second, the sheer possessiveness in his voice froze me, and I instinctively looked up at him.
Is this… okay? A chill ran down my spine. But his face was so calm it was hard to believe he’d just said something so relentless.
“Wh-what did you just say?”
Lowering his head slowly, he let out what sounded like a low chuckle near my ear. His hot breath tickled the back of my neck, making my fingers twitch.
Just as I was about to stamp my feet in panic, he raised his head, closing the distance until his breath brushed my nose. His lips parted.
“Now you’re finally looking at me. I’d like to make that thought real, but…”
I swallowed hard.
“It’s a joke.”
That didn’t sound like a joke.
I felt like if I didn’t hold myself tightly, my mind would just float away like a helium balloon. His breath tickling the tip of my nose made my head spin. Then he smiled.
As his hands pushed me down, I sank weakly against him, blinking up at him as he sat right next to me.
Then he picked me up and sat me on his thigh, whispering,
“Go to sleep.”
……Wait. Like this?
But he simply closed his eyes.
Feeling his breathing against my neck, I stiffened, unsure what to do with my hands.
Think good thoughts. Think good thoughts. Good, pure thoughts…!
But the way his well-defined muscles stood out in the shadows made it impossible not to notice. Damn it, why does his body have to be so unnecessarily perfect?!
Even without looking, I knew he’d fall asleep like this.
As the silence settled over us, I found myself murmuring in my head, dazed:
Is this okay?
Trapped helplessly in his arms, all I could do was stare at his skin. If I lifted my head slightly, I’d see his closed eyes.
Carefully, I raised my hand and waved it in front of his face. Seeing no reaction, I realized he was asleep.
Swallowing, I poked his arm lightly, but he caught my hand.
“Can’t you sleep?”
“No……”
Looking at me blankly, Nox said, almost casually,
“I could make you sleep.”
……How, exactly?
The question reached the tip of my tongue, but I shook my head and insisted I’d sleep on my own. Only then did he close his eyes again.
I felt his body twitch slightly every time I sighed.
In the end, lying there breathing quietly, I eventually felt my eyelids grow heavy. Maybe it was the stillness. I shouldn’t fall asleep like this, but… I couldn’t fight my drooping eyes.
* * *
“Amy!”
Chirp, chirp. Deep in the forest, I usually woke to birdsong. Blinking my sleepy eyes, I found my sister standing right in front of me, glaring furiously.
Why was she here? And with such an angry face…
I sat up in shock.
“S-sister?!”
……When did I even fall asleep? Goosebumps prickled over my arms.
I’d been sure I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I’d planned to pretend to sleep, then sneak back to my sister’s room, but apparently I’d just… fallen asleep. The thought of me dozing off like that made me want to bang my head against the wall.
Seriously, falling asleep in his arms? What was I thinking?
Glancing at her nervously, I tried to laugh awkwardly.
“H-ha ha. Did you sleep well?”
“Do you think I did?”
My sister’s displeasure was obvious as she spoke.
“Do you know how worried I was when I woke up and you weren’t there?”
“S-sorry……”
Well, waking up to find your little sister missing and sprawled comfortably on the sofa in the living room was a shock. Not to mention I’d done exactly what she’d told me not to do…
“‘Did you sleep well,’ huh? Oh, I bet you slept great. Must’ve been real roomy, too.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Your poor, exhausted sister just collapsed last night without noticing that our cute little Amy slipped away. Bad sister, huh? Right?”
“……Sister…”
“I was careless, wasn’t I?”
Knowing full well how scary my sister could be when she was truly angry, I looked away, saying nothing.
“So. Want to tell me what happened?”
“……”
“……Not that I don’t already have a pretty good guess.”
Half irritated, half dumbfounded, she muttered,
“Leaving your sister behind to snuggle up next to cute little Nox, huh.”
Following her gaze downward, I let out a weak laugh.
Little Nox was curled up, fast asleep with his head resting on my lap.
I had no idea when he’d moved, but he probably couldn’t have supported me like this as a child, so he must have shifted after turning back at sunrise.
While I was busy making plausible guesses, my sister’s eyes, which had been on Nox, returned to me.
“You really like Nox, don’t you?”
“What?”
“I mean, even so, you shouldn’t sneak into his room to sleep. Even if his mind’s still that of a kid……”
“No, wait, sister.”
“His body’s basically an adult’s, isn’t it.”
No, that’s not it!
My sister rubbed her face with a complicated expression, mumbling something about how maybe her little Amy wasn’t such a kid anymore.
Listening quietly, I suddenly realized what she was thinking, and my mouth opened and closed like a fish.
I’d seen this kind of misunderstanding before. My sister had it all wrong this time too.
Why did I keep ending up as the one being accused here? There were plenty of reasonable explanations: maybe Nox had come to me as the Grand Duke, or maybe he’d come as a child.
But my sister just stared at me, her expression conflicted, clearly convinced I was the one who went to him.
“Don’t you think maybe Nox came to me instead?”
“Hm? Nox doesn’t even come near my room.”
“Well, sure, but……”
“Just because he looks different doesn’t mean his feelings changed. Even grown up, he doesn’t seem to like me much.”
Her surprisingly accurate observation made me think of Nox asking last night if it was okay to hurt her.
Feeling tense, I swallowed hard and gently stroked the sleeping boy’s hair. His hair was soft and peaceful under my hand, but I couldn’t stop thinking of the warm skin I’d felt last night.
“Come to think of it, even little habits are the same. Like how he wrinkles his nose slightly when he’s displeased or narrows his eyes.”
“You notice stuff like that?”
“Of course. Observing habits was part of my job, you know. Spotting small tells is important when using a sword.”
“Mm……”
Her eyes lingered briefly on the sword propped against the wall. After a moment of reminiscence, she erased her expression and looked back at me.
As I stared back, I suddenly remembered something important about Nox’s condition. His curse had a cycle—exactly fifteen days. For fifteen days each month, he returned to normal.
I didn’t know the exact starting point, but if I was right, the end of this cycle wasn’t far off.
Before she could ask anything, I quickly grabbed her hand.
“S-sister. You’ve seen grown-up Nox, right? There’s something I haven’t told you yet—he doesn’t only change at night. Sometimes he changes during the day too.”
“What? During the day?”
“Yeah. You’ve been out gathering herbs, so you wouldn’t have seen it, but it happens sometimes. I was surprised too.”
I smiled as casually as I could, saying I hadn’t told her because I’d been too shocked that day. In truth, he’d never changed during the day, but if his cycle ended soon, it’d be easier for my sister to accept meeting him naturally if I set this up.
“So he changes irregularly?”
“Mm-hm. I’m not exactly sure, but it seems that way.”
“I see. I was worried about leaving you two alone during the day, but if he’s like that……”
“He’s reliable, right?”
I asked, nodding quickly for her, as if to answer for her. Reliable? More like he could swat five grown men aside without breaking a sweat.
When had I gotten so good at lying? I doubted Nox would even thank me for it. But maybe because she’d already been shocked enough by seeing him at night, my sister accepted it surprisingly calmly.
My sister, after briefly seeming lost in thought, tilted her head with a somewhat serious expression. Her gaze flicked toward the boy sleeping with his head on my lap.
“……So, back to the main point. Just how much do you like Nox that you’d go chasing after him even at night?”
“……Who said I was chasing him?”
Wait—does she seriously think I like Nox so much that I followed him around at night?
“No, I’m telling you, I just ran into him on my way to the bathroom, okay? He couldn’t sleep, so I just helped him fall asleep……”
“Oh my. You’re blushing while making excuses, and you expect me to believe you? Lying, too!”
I was blushing for a completely different reason, but I couldn’t exactly explain that, so I stayed silent. My sister clutched her chest dramatically, pretending to be shocked.
“Oh my goodness. My goodness. I didn’t raise my little sister to be this… this brazen!”
“I said it’s not like that.”
I couldn’t firmly deny or confirm anything as she mockingly pretended to cry, accusing me of lying now too. Rubbing my face in frustration, I let out a quiet sigh.
Her assumption wasn’t entirely unreasonable, but it still felt unfair. The injustice swirled inside me like storm clouds, but I couldn’t exactly tell her the truth either, so I clamped my mouth shut.
“……Okay, fine. Stop teasing me.”
“Aww, even pouting looks cute!”
Watching me sulk, she crouched down, her playful expression fading back to her usual calm one.
“Heh. Nox really does seem to like you. I may have been the one who brought him here, but it seems you’re the one he’s attached to.”
“Huh? Oh… yeah, I guess?”
Her gaze naturally drifted back to Nox, who was still sleeping soundly.
“Honestly, if he’d only gotten attached to me, it might’ve been troublesome.”
“……”
It would’ve been—in the book, at least. But I didn’t say that, just rolled my eyes slightly.
My sister soon muttered something about how it was better that we got along well, then her eyes shifted back to me.
Her always-gentle eyes curved into crescents as she let out a small sigh, patting my shoulder.
“Well, there’s no helping it. If you two get along this well… even if I try to keep you apart, it won’t last, will it?”
“Huh?”
“Once a week only.”
…What?
“And in the living room, not in the bedroom, got it?”
Resolving her misunderstanding to her own satisfaction, my sister smiled brightly, effectively giving me permission to sleep next to Nox—as long as it was once a week and in the living room. She even scolded me with mock seriousness, telling me not to do anything weird.
Wait, hold on. There’s nothing for you to scold me about!
“Even so, sleeping in the same room as such a big grown-up Nox… as your sister, I just can’t quite accept that.”
“No, no, no…”
“It’s fine, really. I said I’ll allow it, didn’t I? But in the bedroom? No way. Not anymore.”
That’s not what I meant!
I was just about to stammer out an explanation when—
“……Amy?”
I turned my head. Nox, now awake, rubbed his eyes with his sleeve and called my name.
“Did you sleep well, Nox?”
……He nodded sleepily.
While I was momentarily distracted by his drowsy voice, my sister immediately ran over to him.
“Oh, you’re this cute in the morning too! And in the afternoon, you’re cute! And of course in the evening! And at night, too!”
Sister? You haven’t even seen him at night as a child!
Watching their peaceful morning greeting, I missed my chance to protest. By the time I thought to object, she was already turning away.
“Let’s eat breakfast!”
As my sister left, I sat there in the living room, staring blankly at the now-awake boy.
“Amy? What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
“N-no. Just… a little shocked.”
“Shocked?”
I still couldn’t believe how easily my sister had allowed me to sleep next to Nox. She was usually so protective of me—that was why I’d worked so hard to keep Nox’s adult form a secret.
Was it really okay to allow this so easily? Letting her little sister sleep next to a grown man?!
Frowning in discomfort, I muttered to myself, but then—
“Nox? What are you doing?”
“Does this make it go away?”
I blinked as he pressed his forehead against mine, staring at me with those clear amethyst eyes, so close I could see my own reflection in them.
He blinked innocently, then lifted his hand from my cheek.
“Is the shock gone now?”
“……Yeah.”
……Though now I felt a different kind of shock.
“……Nox, you’re too close.”
At that, Nox blinked, as if pondering it, then tilted his head and asked,
“……Is being close not allowed?”