“What is it?”
“Does this house have any books on magic?”
“Magic? I don’t think so… no…?”
I tilted my head slightly.
“There aren’t any mages around here, and those books are really expensive. Actually, books in general are expensive.”
My sister would leave the forest about once a month, heading to a remote village on its outskirts. She usually bought books or daily necessities from monster hunters or traveling merchants there.
But the journey through the forest was dangerous, so I couldn’t go with her, and there was always a limit to what she could bring back. Especially books—those were considered luxuries. Most of the books we owned were old and worn, touched by many hands over the years.
“Magic books are hard to get, even for mages. How would we possibly get one? But why are you asking?”
“I want to check my current condition.”
“Ah… magic?”
“Yes. Like you said, there’s no other explanation but magic for what’s happening to me.”
Nighttime Nox still seemed doubtful about turning into a child, but he looked more convinced than before. Watching him ponder seriously, I found myself sinking into thought as well.
“I’ll try to find a way.”
In the original novel, the male lead’s curse wasn’t broken until much later, when he finally met Serenada… but still…
I felt sorry for him. He woke up only at night, with no memories, and even then he was trapped inside a room. The thought made my chest ache.
There wasn’t much I could do to help, but…
“An abandoned house probably belonged to a mage once, Amy. Isn’t that fascinating?”
Suddenly, my sister’s words popped into my head.
“…Ah!!”
Nox looked at me as I clapped my hands.
“What is it?”
“Ah, Nox! I… I might be able to get a magic book.”
“From where?”
“I think I know a way. I’ll tell you once I’m sure!”
If I was right and managed to get a book related to his condition, even if it couldn’t break the curse, wouldn’t it at least ease his frustration?
That thought made me happy. Overjoyed, I grabbed Nox’s hands just like I would with my sister and shook them up and down enthusiastically.
“If I bring you a way, you have to thank me, okay? Got it? And don’t glare at me!”
Chattering excitedly, I noticed Nox’s expression shift strangely. Why was he staring at me like that? It was kind of… scary.
When I stopped talking, his long stare finally broke, and he blinked slowly, almost as if he had forgotten how to blink.
“Nox?”
“…Ah. Yes.”
He nodded slowly, saying he understood. That strange expression from a moment ago had disappeared, and I wondered if I had imagined it.
* * *
“An abandoned house? Yes, it was definitely a mage’s house.”
The next day, my sister answered brightly. She loved telling stories, and now that we were talking about something she knew well, her voice became even more cheerful.
“I think I told you about it before, Amy. Or maybe I didn’t? Anyway, I explored it once while foraging, and it was definitely a mage’s house. There were unfinished magical formulas drawn on the walls, magic circles, and even some books left behind.”
“Books—do you mean actual magic books? Things written about magic?”
“That’s right. I’m not entirely sure, but books about magic are treated as special items. They’re extremely rare.”
I already knew a lot about the abandoned house because my sister often told me stories about the forest—legends, folktales, or even real accounts. The abandoned house had been one of those stories.
But this was the first time she mentioned books. I was glad I asked.
“So the abandoned house is another ‘safe zone.’ That means it’s far from here, right?”
“Not really. It’s actually easy to get to.”
“Really?”
“You know the gardenia tree in front of our house? Just walk straight in the 10 o’clock direction from there. If you’re lucky, you might not even encounter a single monster.”
“…Really?”
“Can you go there, or can’t you?”
She smiled mischievously, tapping my forehead with her finger. The way she looked at me, like she could read my mind, made me flinch.
“Even if you want to go, hold back for now. Remember, the chance of running into dangerous monsters is much higher than not seeing any. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
The cheerful smile on my sister’s face dimmed. Whenever she made that expression, I knew she was thinking of our late parents.
Long ago, our parents had been caught up in a power struggle, and they had sent us away to escape. My sister had endured countless hardships taking care of me as a child. I still vividly remembered the struggles we went through before finding this house.
That’s why, when I learned she would eventually bring the male lead home, fall in love, and die as his first love, I hated it. She had suffered enough—why should she have to die, too? It made me angry, and my heart ached.
“Don’t worry, Sister. I won’t do anything dangerous.”
Her hands were warm. Holding them tightly in both of mine, I nodded firmly.
“We promised, remember?”
“That we’ll be happy for a long, long time?”
“Yes.”
Her bright, warm smile returned as she turned to look beside me. She shook the basket in her hand so hard that herbs nearly jumped out.
“I hope Nox will be happy too. Together with you and me.”
At that, young Nox blinked wide eyes. He still didn’t respond to her words, but instead of hiding behind me like before, he gazed at her quietly.
…Nod.
My sister’s eyes widened briefly at his reply, then she smiled radiantly, as if overjoyed.
“Well then, I’d better get going now.”
“Ah, right. You’re going out today, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I told you, the monster hunters are coming back to the village early this time, so I planned my trip around that.”
“Okay. Be careful.”
“I won’t be back for about three days. No one should come here, but if someone does, don’t open the door.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll try to be back as soon as possible.”
“No, don’t rush. Rest well in the village and eat something nice.”
Today was the day she was heading to the village on the edge of the forest. Because of the distance, she usually returned after about three days.
Our parents had died early, and my sister often said that humans were scarier than monsters. But as long as I stayed in this safe zone, where monsters couldn’t enter, there was nothing to fear.
“Come on, how can I rest easy when you’re not there? And now there’s an adorable Nox too!”
Looking reluctant to leave, my sister handed Nox a bunch of snacks she had made that morning.
“Nox, take this too. And this one! You have to try this candy as well!”
Whether he panicked and tried to hide behind me or not, she kept enthusiastically pushing sweets at him. Her face looked so happy.
“Stop that. You’ll just make Nox dislike you again.”
Only after I pulled them apart did she wave with teary eyes, promising to be back soon.
I saw her off to the fence marking the edge of our safe zone, then turned back toward the house with Nox walking closely beside me.
“We’ll be together for three days.”
“…Yes.”
“Then shall we go read some books?”
We sat at the table once we got back inside.
Lessons usually consisted of vocabulary time and general knowledge time. Nox always picked a book from between the fairy tales, and today was no different—he brought one over with an excited face.
“Let’s see… ah, today it’s the Count Tutulu series?”
Nod.
The Count Tutulu series was about Count Tutulu wandering through his mansion, observing various objects. It was often used in noble households to educate children.
I had read it myself when I was very young, and this particular copy had been something my sister bought from a traveling merchant.
“This word is read as ‘Lumen.’ It means candle. And this one is ‘Ceriollare,’ which means candlestick.”
“Lumen.”
“Yes.”
As I continued explaining, a picture showed Count Tutulu walking out of the front door into his grand mansion courtyard. I pointed at the huge mansion he stood before, arms outstretched.
“‘Aides’ means house. A large house like this is also called ‘Aulana Penates.’ That means mansion.”
Nod.
Watching Nox nod gently, I suddenly blurted out a thought.
“Nox, did you live in an Aulana Penates?”
Most likely, yes. A Grand Duke’s residence would be much larger and more luxurious than the one in this illustration.
I pictured the Grand Duke’s mansion described in the book. In that imagined place was the Dawn Knights, ‘Lux,’ who had been kind to Serenada when she stayed there. The scenes with the knights had been quite entertaining.
Looking at young Nox, who was staring at me quietly, I smiled softly.
“I think you did. You look like a young nobleman.”
“…Young nobleman?”
“Yes. Handsome and dignified. Like you’ll grow up to be someone amazing someday. Anyway, that’s how you seem to me.”
“It’s true, though.”
I rested my chin on my hand, staring into those large, blinking amethyst eyes. Right now, he followed me around like a newborn duckling, but someday we’d part ways, and he would follow the heroine, Serenada, instead.
“Someday, Nox, you’ll go back to your real home.”
“…Real home?”
“Yes. Where your real family is.”
His biological father was already dead, and his mentally unstable mother was still locked away in the northern tower. Thinking of his family history left a bitter taste in my mouth.
The male lead had no real family, but he did have a beloved knight order. Weren’t they like family to him? They were probably searching for him desperately right now.
“…”
Scrape.
Nox shoved back his chair, ran to me, and clung to my skirt.
“…Don’t want to.”
“Nox?”
“Don’t want to.”
When he raised his head to look at me, I froze without meaning to. I hesitated, unsure what to say. In the meantime, Nox gripped me stubbornly with his small hands.
In the end, I answered with an awkward smile instead.
“Nox, do you want some candy? Ah… Oh right, Sister made cookies. I’ll bring you some!”
I lifted him onto the chair and rushed into the kitchen, feeling uneasy. I had overlooked how sensitive Nox might be about the topic of home. A pang of guilt hit me.
Even though I was still wary of nighttime Nox, I didn’t want to hurt him. He was already someone full of scars.
I should feed him something delicious right away, I muttered bitterly as I opened the cupboard—
Crash!
A piercing shatter rang out, making me drop my hand from the cupboard handle. I bolted back to him.
“Nox!”
His face was ashen as he picked up a shattered cup from the table. I grabbed his trembling hand immediately.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
Nox looked between me and the broken cup. His face was completely pale, his small hand shaking visibly.
“…Amy.”
“Wait, you’re bleeding! We need to stop the bleeding—no, a bandage, where’s the bandage?”
His palm was riddled with shards of glass. Horrified, I turned to get herbs, but Nox grabbed me with his trembling hand.
“It doesn’t hurt.”
The boy’s quiet murmur, despite looking like he was in obvious pain, made me stop.
“It doesn’t hurt? But you’re bleeding so much!”
“It doesn’t hurt.”
His eyes fell on his own bleeding wound, staring blankly as though nothing was wrong. His gaze was so pure and unguarded it almost felt wrong.
“That’s a lie.”
Nobody could be unhurt. You could grow numb to pain, but it was still there.
I frowned deeply.
“When it hurts, you should say it hurts. You’re not supposed to hold it in.”
“…Hold it in?”
“Yes. What you’re doing right now.”
As a child, his father had beaten him until he said he wasn’t in pain. Sometimes he used servants to do it; sometimes he did it himself.
Nox couldn’t empathize with others because his father had beaten all sense of feeling out of him.
“When I get hurt, it hurts. When you get hurt, it hurts too.”
“…”
“This is normal, Nox. Anyone would hurt in times like this.”
My eyes lingered on his thin wrist, like a dried twig.
Child Nox looked obedient and quiet, but in moments like this, you could feel something was deeply wrong. It was proof he had already endured abuse at this young age. This was probably the age when the abuse had been the worst.
What could anyone possibly find to hit on such a small, fragile child…?
Staring blankly at his hand, Nox slowly raised his head. His gaze was still clear, but now there was a faint tremor in it.
“…Then… birds hurt too?”
“…Yes. They hurt too.”
I knew immediately which bird he meant—the one he had killed, his father’s bird.
The way his expression faltered told me no one had ever taught him this before.
No one had ever told him:
You can’t do that.
When you get hurt, it hurts.
Being sad and lonely hurts.
No one had taught him even the most basic things. Maybe that was why the Grand Duke version of him had such cold eyes.
“…Nox, did you remember something?”
He shook his head.
“No, I just thought of it.”
“The bird?”
He nodded.
Looking at the nodding boy, I covered his bleeding palm with my sleeve.
“I see. All right, let’s treat this quickly.”
The white fabric stained red like fallen flower petals.
“And don’t forget this, Nox. When you get hurt, it hurts. For you, for me, and for the bird. Okay?”
…Nod.
The boy’s head dipped quietly. Even after hearing that, he still stared at his wound blankly, making my heart ache.
“Don’t touch it. I’ll bring bandages and herbs right now.”
“…Okay.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but while I hurried to fetch bandages, Nox watched me with a slightly different gaze than before.
* * *
“You were injured.”
That night, Nox raised his bandaged hand. The layered bandages stretched a little as he moved it, but thankfully, they hadn’t torn.
“Hey, don’t undo that. I put medicine on it!”
“…”
He furrowed his brows slightly at my words, but his hand stopped pulling at the bandages. I quickly scooted over to him and sat down cross-legged in front of him.
“I’ll change it for you. It must feel uncomfortable… Hmm, should I change it again in the morning? But changing it too often isn’t good either.”
“It’s fine.”
He brushed my hands away as I reached for his. His palm, once full of glass shards, hadn’t healed like magic; it still had to hurt, yet his expression remained indifferent.
“It must still hurt…”
“It doesn’t.”
“Is that a habit? Something you just say out of reflex?”
“What?”
“I mean, whether it’s day or night, you keep saying it doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt.”
I sighed and looked at him with a slightly sulky face.
“You’re not someone who can’t feel pain, so there’s no way it doesn’t hurt.”
I glanced at his bandaged hand.
“Don’t you know holding it in can make you sick?”
How could he look at his own hand so indifferently?
Maybe sensing my gaze, he spoke abruptly.
“It’s not a serious injury, and I’m not suffering from a deadly illness. It’s not something that can’t be endured.”
As always, his face remained almost expressionless. Beautiful, but like a sculpture.
“Are you used to enduring pain?”
His gaze shifted slowly back to me.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything. But… it feels familiar.”
…Familiar?