Elsa shrugged.
"How limiting! Earth customs are so restrictive!"
While Elsa was distracted by a display of fuzzy slippers, I quickly selected some practical items—jeans that seemed to be in her size, t-shirts, a light jacket, and weather-appropriate clothes.
I also grabbed a sturdy leather jacket and boots that could work as makeshift armor for fighting monsters in the event that her platemail bikini getup wasn’t an option at some point.
Mae rang these up separately, leaning in to whisper, "Smart man. She’ll thank you later."
When Elsa questioned the extra bags, I explained they were "monster-fighting fashion."
"Just in case you want to help me in the fields someday," I added.
She seemed doubtful, but accepted my explanation.
"I suppose a warrior princess should have appropriate battle attire, even if it lacks proper ornamentation."
By now it was early afternoon, and my stomach was growling loud enough to be heard in the next county.
"How about some lunch?" I suggested.
"There’s a diner across the street."
Elsa’s eyes lit up.
"More Earth food? Yes, please!" she said, actually remembering to use "please" without prompting.
We made our way to Dot’s Diner next.
The diner was busy with the lunch crowd, and conversations noticeably quieted as we entered, like someone had hit the mute button on the room.
Dot, the diner owner and namesake, seated us at the bar counter with raised eyebrows.
"Haven’t seen you in town for a while, Grey," she said, handing us menus.
"And I don’t believe I’ve met your friend."
"This is Elsa," I said.
"She’s staying with me for a bit."
"How nice," Dot said with the smile of someone who would be spreading this gossip within minutes.
"Special today is meatloaf with mashed potatoes."
Elsa was enchanted by the laminated menus and spinning stools.
"Your eating establishment has rotating seating!" she exclaimed.
"How clever!"
"She’s not from around here," I said to Dot, who nodded as if this explained everything.
After Dot left to get our drinks, I helped Elsa navigate the menu.
She settled on a cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate milkshake, while I ordered the same.
When the food arrived, Elsa stared at it with wide eyes.
She picked up the burger with both hands, studying it from all angles before taking a tentative bite.
Her eyes widened impossibly further.
"By the Silver-Bark Tree!" she exclaimed loudly enough that several diners turned to look.
She quickly lowered her voice.
"This is magnificent! Far superior to even royal fern salads!"
She devoured the burger with surprising speed for someone so small, then moved on to the fries, dipping each one meticulously in ketchup before eating it.
When she got to the milkshake, she took a long pull through the straw with her eyes closing in bliss, then abandoned the straw entirely to chug it.
When she opened her eyes, I was looking at her with amusement.
"What?" she asked.
"You’ve got a..." I gestured to my own upper lip.
Elsa touched her lip, finding the milkshake mustache.
Before she could reach for a napkin, I had reflexively reached across the counter, wiping it away with my thumb.
Our eyes met briefly, both looking away quickly.
The moment was interrupted by the arrival of a tall man in a sheriff’s uniform.
"Afternoon, Grey," he said.
"Don’t usually see you in town."
"Sheriff Miller," I nodded in greeting.
"Just doing some shopping."
The sheriff’s eyes moved to Elsa.
"Don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure. New in town?"
"I am Princess Elsa of—" she began.
"She’s my cousin from overseas," I quickly interrupted.
"Visiting for a while."
Sheriff Miller looked skeptical but didn’t press for the details.
"Interesting. Got some unusual reports lately if you have a minute. I hear there’s been people seeing strange purple lights in the fields near your property when they drive by at night."
I tensed, realizing he meant the portals.
"Is that right? I haven’t noticed anything."
"Keep an eye out, would you?" the sheriff said.
"Might be nothing, might be kids with fireworks or laser pens, but better safe than sorry."
"Will do," I agreed.
After the sheriff moved on, Elsa looked guilty.
"I nearly revealed my identity," she whispered.
"This deception is challenging."
"You did fine," I assured her.
"Just remember, you’re my cousin from overseas, visiting for a while."
As we finished our lunch, I noticed Elsa’s energy flagging.
She became increasingly slouched in her bar stool with her eyelids drooping like she’d just pulled an all-nighter.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I’m exhausted from all this human interaction," she complained.
"It’s terribly taxing. We should return to our dwelling immediately."
"Sure," I agreed with a smirk.
To be honest, I found her sudden onset theatrical exhaustion oddly endearing.
"Let me pay, and we’ll head back, alright?"
She yawned so big her eyes teared up as she nodded at me.
"Okay."
I realized with mild surprise that I was genuinely enjoying taking care of her.
Despite her imperious demands and the trouble she caused, there was something satisfying about showing her my world.
Outside the diner, Elsa moved with exaggerated lethargy, sighing dramatically with each step.
"Why must your vehicle be parked so far away?" she whined.
"It’s directly across the street," I pointed out.
"As you know by now, Sir Grey, my royal feet weren’t designed for excessive walking," Elsa insisted.
"In my homeland, I would be carried by servants or teleported. It is reasonable to expect similar treatment here when possible, I should think."
When we reached the truck, she looked up at me with sleepy and expectant eyes.
I lifted her easily into the passenger seat.
She immediately curled up with a wide yawn.
"Wake me when we arrive at your dwelling," she murmured, eyes already closing.
As I pulled away from the curb, I glanced at the sleepy elf princess beside me.
Her baseball cap had tilted to one side, with a strand of blonde hair falling across her face.
I found myself smiling despite myself.
What had I gotten myself into?