What had I gotten myself into?
An interdimensional princess, portals spewing monsters into my fields, an apparent destiny as a champion in some cosmic battle twenty years in the future... it was all completely fucking insane.
Even so, as Elsa’s breathing deepened into sleep with her small body curled trustingly beside me, I realized I wasn’t nearly as bothered by these developments as I probably should’ve been.
I pulled into the long driveway and cut the engine, replacing the truck’s rumble with silence.
That alone was a rare commodity in my newly monster-infested, princess-occupied life.
I glanced over at Elsa, who was still curled up in the passenger seat with her breathing deep and even.
The baseball cap had shifted during her nap, exposing one pointed ear.
Carefully, I reached over and adjusted it back into place, though there was no one around to see.
"Hey," I said softly, giving her shoulder a gentle shake.
"We’re home."
Elsa responded with a tiny sound somewhere between a whimper and a growl.
Instead of waking, she curled more tightly into the seat while her face scrunched up with indignation.
Even half-asleep, this woman could masterfully convey "how dare you" with nothing but her facial muscles.
"Alright, princess," I sighed.
"Have it your way."
I got out of the truck and walked around to the passenger side.
Opening the door carefully so she wouldn’t tumble out, I slid one arm under her knees and the other behind her shoulders.
From the seat I lifted her with unsettling ease—yes, my System-enhanced strength was improving, but elves must weigh very little, I realized.
Her body was warm against my chest as her head automatically nuzzled into my shoulder.
I carried her toward the house.
It felt natural to carry her like this.
"Mmmmm," she murmured in her sleep with a small smile.
"Strong, handsome champion..."
My ears burned hot.
I managed to unlock and open the front door without jostling her too much, then carried her into the living room.
I briefly considered taking her upstairs to her bedroom but opted instead to set her gently on the couch.
She immediately curled into the cushions, still soundly asleep with one hand tucked under her cheek.
I stood watching her for a moment, struck by how different she looked without her standard imperious expression.
The fierce warrior princess, the supposed champion from another realm, now looked like little more than a tiny, sleepy woman in silky pajamas and a baseball cap.
With a shake of my head, I settled into my recliner a few feet from her on the couch and picked up the remote.
I turned on the TV, keeping the volume low, and switched to a local news channel.
The afternoon newscaster was reporting on crop yields and weather patterns with minimal enthusiasm—normal, everyday concerns that felt surreal compared to my current reality.
"And local corn production is up three percent this year," droned the newscaster, a middle-aged man with little in the way of charisma.
"Farmers attribute this to the new irrigation methods introduced last spring..."
After about fifteen minutes of mind-numbing agricultural updates, I felt my own eyelids growing heavy.
Last night’s monster fight and the afternoon’s princess-wrangling had taken more out of me than I’d realized.
I made my way to the kitchen to brew some coffee while moving quietly to avoid waking Elsa.
I took my time with the French press, measuring the freshly ground beans and heating the water to the perfect temperature.
The ritual was soothing, a small slice of normalcy.
For a few minutes, I wasn’t a lawsuit winner hiding from parasitic relatives or an interdimensional monster-slayer—I was just a guy making coffee.
As I pressed the plunger down on the French press, a warm presence pushed against my back.
Without a sound, Elsa had slipped into the kitchen and mashed herself against me.
Her head maneuvered itself under my raised arm to tuck between my bicep and torso.
"What are you making?" she asked with her voice still scratchy from sleep.
She sounded so cute just then that I almost lost it.
But my surprise won out in the end.
I almost jumped at the feeling of her breasts pushed against me.
"Jesus! Are you familiar with the concept of personal space?"
Elsa didn’t budge an inch while remaining firmly tucked against my side.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t a fan of being sleepily embraced by the prettiest chick I’d ever met—far from it.
In fact, I was normally pretty smooth around the ladies, but there was so much about this new dynamic that had me walking on eggshells.
For one thing, twenty years was a long time, and that’s how long our impromptu-made commitment to each other seemed destined to be.
Also, hooking up with a pizza delivery babe at the end of her shift, ideally one you never had to see again—that was one thing.
Trying not to give overly aggressive, rapey vibes to the pretty foreign elf princess who you knew precious little about was something totally different.
In the end, I figured it was safer to keep my distance.
If she felt my cudgel of a cock pressing into her during one of these moments, I had no idea just how badly that’d ruin things.
But she didn’t seem interested in heeding my warnings about personal space in the least.
She yawned, then spoke.
"Your scent is strangely soothing," she said matter-of-factly.
"I wish to remain near to you. It is my right."
Her statement came across casually, as if admitting to being attracted to someone’s scent was a perfectly normal reason to physically cling to them.
"I’m making coffee," I explained, continuing the pour despite my uninvited attachment.
"It’s a beverage made from roasted coffee beans."
With open interest, Elsa watched as I completed the process.
"We have nothing like this in Elfhaven," she said.
"Our stimulants are primarily herbal or magical in nature."
"Well, this is herb-adjacent at best, and definitely not magical," I said, pouring the dark liquid into a mug.
"Though some might disagree. There are different types of coffee drinks. This is just black coffee—plain and simple. Then there are lattes, which have steamed milk; café au lait, which is half coffee and half hot milk; mochas, which add chocolate; cappuccinos, which have espresso, steamed milk, and foam..."
I trailed off, realizing I was rambling, but Elsa appeared genuinely interested if a bit sleepy, still nestled under my arm.
"Would you like to try it?" I asked, offering my mug.
"Certainly," she replied, taking the mug with both hands.
She took a small sip and immediately sprayed it across the counter as her face contorted in disgust.
"This is VILE!" she exclaimed.