New Achievement! Good Girl!
Look at you. I guess you aren't just a pretty face. You can follow instructions too. Now if only you could master the art of walking and chewing gum at the same time.
Reward: I paid you a compliment, isn't that enough? Now smile for Daddy. You're prettier when you smile.
I shuddered as the new achievement popped up as the first of the two boxes, the silver apparel box, appeared before me. As the lid cracked open there was a sudden blast of fanfare and a shower of glittery sparkles. In the middle of my HUD the words Oh, H4ll, Yeah. appeared in a flash. Suddenly, I felt a tight constricting sensation around my upper torso as a heavy weight settled on my chest, causing me to tip forward before I managed to catch my balance.
Nearby, I heard Lynn gasp and I glanced over to her and my other friends, only to see all of them staring in shock.
MARV: My Lady, you cut a most fetching figure.
The second and final box moved into place. It was Pepto Bismol pink with a huge pair of puckering lips displayed on its latch. Its lid popped open and the box disappeared with a poof, leaving behind three items in its place. There was a ring, a bottle of something, and a shimmery white bundle of cloth that was folded neatly. Quickly I examined them before they could vanish into our increasingly crowded inventory.
Fleeting Ring of Shared Burdens
Oh, aren't you clever? Why bother dodging a sword or managing your own health bar when you can simply trick someone else into paying the toll? Relationships are all about compromise, sacrifice, and occasionally shoving your injuries onto a chivalrous idiot who loves you enough to tolerate it. The System has graciously decided to reward your complete lack of self-preservation by transforming your partner into a literal meat shield. A true maiden should never have to suffer alone, especially when there’s a perfectly good martyr standing nearby waiting to polish your crown. It’s a beautiful arrangement, you get to play the delicate princess, and he gets to bleed for the both of you. Just try not to get too reckless; if he drops dead from your secondhand trauma, or if you get bored and take this ring off, both items instantly turn into a pile of sad, sparkling dust. No pressure.
Charisma +1
Equip Effect: Noble Devotion. 5% of damage received by the wearer is transferred to the Fleeting Bracelet of Noble Devotion.
This item is fleeting. If either paired item is removed, both items disappear.
True love means never having to tank your own damage. Why manage your own consequences when love provides a completely automated safety net?
I felt a sudden twinge in my back.
K-Y Ultragel (Jumbo Size)
The Dungeon is a rough place. It can get dry and abrasive. Sometimes things just don’t slide into place the way they’re supposed to. That’s where the Borant Corporation’s favorite multi-purpose friction reducer comes in! This isn't your grandpappy’s sticky K-Y Jelly, either. This is the UltraGel. It’s slick. It’s smooth. It’s premium water-based technology designed to ensure that when two objects meet at high speeds, they glide right past each other instead of tearing each other to bloody ribbons.
And because it's the Jumbo Size, you’ve got enough fluid here to coat a small sedan or, more realistically, a very angry, very naked, very hairy Borough Boss.
“Seriously?” I asked no one in particular.
The Star-Maiden’s Bridal Gown
You have sealed a sacred pact with your loyal companion and immediately demonstrated a level of emotional maturity that can only be described as “deeply concerning.” Naturally, this means it is time for a wedding dress to celebrate your union. Crafted from shimmering silk and adorned with enough lace, pearls, ribbons, bows, embroidery, and other decorative nonsense to bankrupt a small nation, this breathtaking gown represents the purest ideals of romance, commitment, and making everyone around you profoundly uncomfortable. The fabric sparkles softly in the light. The veil drifts dramatically despite the complete absence of wind. The train extends several feet behind the wearer because practicality is for cowards.
Equip Effect: This item exists solely to commemorate your recent change in relationship status. You already received a very special item from this loot box. Did you really think I was going to give you another one? Having your dream gown gifted to you should be enough.
Clay, most people spend years planning for their special day. You managed to stumble into yours completely by accident. The truth of the matter is, that is kind of impressive. Now hold still while I imagine the wedding photos.
[System Note: For legal reasons, this does not constitute an actual marriage recognized by the Syndicate, the Crawl Administration Bureau, the Intergalactic Revenue Service, or most civilized governments. Certain fringe agricultural communities may disagree.]
By now, my back was really starting to hurt and there was a strange tension in my shoulders as the weight on my chest tried to pull me off balance again. I rolled my shoulders in an effort to get a little relief only to be met with an unfamiliar sensation as the weight on my chest shifted. I reached my right hand up to rub my left shoulder, only to meet soft jiggly resistance halfway up.
I did the only reasonable thing a man could do to that… I froze.
By now, I could see my friends beginning to recover from their shock. Aaron now had a look of horror on his face. His sister, Mary, shifted from shock to concern, then to sympathy. Matt once again was leaning against the wall holding his sides as the start of a wheezing laughter began to escape his lips. Lynn though… her lips curled up into a sly grin. I already knew the nonsense that was going through her head just from the look on her face.
Slowly, I turned my gaze downward and was met with what would have been a magnificent sight had it belonged to literally anyone else. Two large masses with plenty of cleavage and quivering flesh sat upon my chest. They moved like Jello.
This isn’t how real breasts move. That fucking Ai gave me Dead or Alive Volleyball breast physics.
“OH…” I heard from nearby and turned just a little too quickly, almost throwing myself off balance again. Simbul, still hugging her knees, was no longer rocking back and forth. Her eyes which had been glassy were once again bright and sparkly.
“Ah, it seems the Lady Simbul has recovered,” Marv said before performing an awkward bow by dipping his head and bending his front legs. “My utmost apologies for any distress My Lady must have caused you.”
Simbul stood up and calmly brushed herself off, not that she had anything to brush off. She flew in front of me, her eyes level with mine. She turned her gaze downward and mine followed… She was staring at my chest.
Instinctively I covered my breasts with one arm, even though I was already clothed. The touch of my arm and hand, through the material of my battle fuku, sent little shocks coursing through me that were far from unpleasant. I felt my face flush.
What the fuck did that box do to me?
“Simbul, my eyes are up here.” I said, attempting to keep my affect as flat as possible.
“Wha-? Oh, right!” Simbul chirped. “Did you know your breasts have grown?”
“No… I was not aware.” I replied robotically. “Of course I know, how the fuck did the system give me boobs?”
She looked up at me as if examining a fine piece of art, she flitted to one side, then behind, then to the other side, before settling in on a table in front of me.
“Well?” I asked.
“This is most upsetting, Clay,” she said.
“I agree, I have huge tits when I shouldn’t have any.” I said angrily.
“Those will take some getting used to, Clay,” I heard Mary say, her voice full of sympathy. “You appear to be about my size and I had the benefit of growing into mine. Your back is going to be killing you.”
“This won’t do at all!” Simbul said shaking her head. “I’m going to have to completely redraw the entire first volume now!”
“What?” I asked in shock as the little fairy produced yet another notebook and began scribbling away. “WHY DO I HAVE BREASTS?!?”
Simbul looked up for a moment then went back to her drawing.
“Oh, examine your paper doll and you’ll understand,” she explained with a wave of her hand.
I pulled up my paper doll and saw that I had a new item equipped in my Chest-Underwear slot that looked like a bra. I examined it.
The Star-Maiden’s Blessed Bra (Cursed!)
This enchanted, starlight-infused silk undergarment is designed to be worn beneath your Battle Fuku. The material is lighter than air and provides excellent posture support! Its specially designed cups are guaranteed to fully display your… personality. They are majestic, Clay. They are an architectural marvel. They defy both gravity and your biological reality.
Charisma +4
Equip Effect: The Fan-Service Buff. Outwardly projects a highly detailed visual illusion that gives the user an incredibly voluptuous increase of 5 cup sizes of feminine chest structure beneath their armor. The illusion includes full physics and weight simulation.
Curse Effect: The True Maiden’s Burden. This item cannot be unequipped by normal means. The user experiences a permanent, passive -1 penalty to Dexterity due to a severely altered center of gravity and sudden, inexplicable back pain. Additionally, whenever the user attempts to execute a high-speed maneuver, sprint, or perform a somatic sequence (like a 360-degree balletic Passé), they must succeed on a passive Balance check. Failure results in the [Disoriented] condition for 3 seconds due to the unexpected... rhythmic bouncing.
[SYSTEM DEBUG INFORMATION]
Curse_Target=TWFsZQ==
Visual_Override=RW5hYmxlZA==
Physics_Simulation=RW5hYmxlZA==
Eligibility_Revalidation=MzAgTWludXRlcw==
Eligibility_Status=VmFsaWQ=
Curse_Status=QWN0aXZl
AI_Note=T2gsIEg0bGwsIFllYWgu
I looked down at my oversized chest.
“This is just an illusion?” I asked and poked my right boob a little too hard. A wave of pain shot through my chest and it jiggled in response. “Ow. That feels too real to be an illusion.”
“That’s because it is a bit more than just an illusion, Clay!” Simbul explained. “Honestly, if you think about it, it is an engineering and programing marvel!”
I tried to unequip the bra but it just flashed red while refusing to budge from the slot.
“Oh, you can’t unequip it.” Simbul said. “The item is cursed. Until you find a way to nullify the curse, you will simply have to accept that you are blessed with a most magnificent pair- “
“I get it. There is no need to finish that statement,” I said irritably.
MARV: They truly are magnificent, My Lady, they really bring out your eyes.
CLAY: Marv…
Marv: Oh, what’s this?
I felt the air around me shift and a thin silky veil settled over my vision. I look down and see myself clothed in the voluminous wedding gown which, I had to admit, was a sight to behold, even from the perspective of the one wearing it.
Too bad there aren’t any mirrors here.
My face flushed at the thought and I was grateful for the veil now covering it.
Simbul looks up at me, her glistening eyes wide in delight.
“I can work with this. This makes the whole redesign so worth it,” she said.
I turned to Marv, pointedly ignoring my friends because I didn’t even need to see them to know how they were reacting.
“Marv…” I started to say.
“My, my, My Lady. You appear as a vision from a poet’s dream. I am the most fortunate of men, for you are a vision of elegance and this day is blessed by your radiance. I am profoundly honored to call you my maiden.” He said, bowing reverently to me. I felt a weight settle on the ring finger of my left hand.
“Marv…” I said again. “What did you do?”
“Ah. Whilst examining your delightful new undergarments in our inventory, I noticed that lovely dress just sitting there,” he said as if examining someone’s underwear were a normal thing to do. I was going to have to have a serious talk with him about boundaries. “And, when I examined it, I saw an option most curious. I clicked it, and, then suddenly you were clad in this exquisitely sublime garment. My Lady, I must say, you are positively peerless.”
“You can equip gear to me?” I asked. I glanced down and saw the Fleeting Ring of Shared Burdens on my hand.
“’twould seem so,” he stated.
“I wonder then…” My voice trailed off as I went pawing through our inventory.
I saw several boxes of pet biscuits with Marv’s name in parenthesis beside them and clicked on them. A small menu popped into existence.
Use Item
Use Item on Marv
Out of curiosity, I clicked to use the item on Marv and one biscuit disappeared from the total.
“Hmm. Curious, my appetite seems to be sated.” I hear Marv mutter to himself.
I pretend nothing had happened and reequiped my battle fuku, which led to both Lynn and Simbul making the same disappointed sound.
“Come on guys, we have waited around here long enough,” I said with a glance at the timer which was showing 4 DAYS : 14 HOURS : 13 MINUTES. “We still need to find a Safe Room that we can make a base of operations to work out of as we search for a set of stairs leading down to the next floor.”
I spun towards the door and lost my balance. As I was starting to tip over, Marv appeared and I fell into his side, jostling my breasts painfully, but it allowed me time to recover. I marched with purpose towards the doors and pushed them open. I could hear my friends and Marv following behind.
I checked my minimap and saw that there were even more of the crocodilians. Quickly I counted them. There were sixteen red dots and their levels varied from 1 to 4, with most being level 1 and 2. Only a couple were level 3 and one was level 4. We would have to go through them to get to where the Safe Room was on the map Simbul showed us.
Squaring my shoulders, I stepped out into the hallway and my friends followed suit.
“Remember to IM me if you girls need anything!” Simbul called as the door shut behind us.