I put my new fiddle in my inventory and went to check on Aaron who was still out cold. When I reached him, I flipped him over onto his back and he started to snore, clearly sleeping deeply. I resisted the sudden urge to slap him and instead looked up at my friends who were moving from body to body, presumably looting them.
I sighed. Suddenly, I had a thought that I was sure would get me strange looks from my friends, but considering how everything we had picked up to that point had auto-sorted itself to the correct tabs, I figured it was worth a try.
“Um, guys? I know this is going to sound weird, but just trust me on this…” I paused briefly before continuing. “After you loot… Actually, Matt, before you loot that next one, try pulling the entire thing into your inventory, body and all.”
That made all of them pause and give me a look.
“Just humor me,” I said. “After you put it into your inventory, see if all its stuff automatically sorts into the right tabs.”
Lynn’s eyes lit up as she figured out what I was getting at.
“You’re not going to share what he is thinking are you?” Matt asked looking at Lynn.
“Nope,” she replied smugly. “Remember, for larger and heavier objects you have to be able to lift and hold it for around four seconds before you can store it.”
“I remember, but why me?” Matt asked with a grunt as he struggled to lift the nearest crocodilian body.
“Because it is ridiculous to think that one of us girls could lift one of those monsters, Aaron is sleeping like he doesn’t have a care in the world, and Marv is a horse which means he doesn’t have hands.” Lynn answered before I could respond.
“Unicorn,” Marv replied, with a sigh, but I could tell he wasn’t really annoyed despite his protests. “And because I am a quadruped, I actually have a modified rule set regarding my ability to add objects to my inventory, so technically I could likely test My Lady’s theory out, whatever it may be, without you looking as though you are about to defecate in your pants.”
“Then remind me again why I’m doing this and not you...” Matt grumbled and the body he had been lifting in a princess carry disappeared, presumably into his inventory. “Huh. It did auto sort the loot into my inventory tabs. So, what now, dump the body in a pile?”
“Nah, just hold onto it for now. Who knows it might become useful,” I said with a shrug.
“How could a dead monster body be useful?” Mary asked, her face full of doubt.
“I don’t, maybe there is crafting and monster parts are involved,” I replied. “Simbul was kind of all over the place with her tutorial if you’ll remember, and she clearly didn’t tell us everything, though we have access to her for the rest of this level and the next, so we can just ask as we think of stuff… though we may have to wait for her to wake up for an answer. I got an ‘I can’t come to the phone right now’ kind of message when I asked her about Aaron’s arm.”
I looked down at the large shaggy haired guy sleeping at my feet.
“Though this would go faster if his ass would wake up to help loot stuff,” I muttered softly so that nobody else could hear me. I nudged him with my foot which cause him to snore even louder.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Mary said in an exasperated tone and she marched over to where Aaron laid.
A metal flask appeared in her hand and she unscrewed the top, releasing the powerful fumes of very potent alcohol. She held the flask over her brother and upended it, spilling its contents all over him.
Aaron woke up abruptly, sputtering and choking on the moonshine that had gotten in his open mouth.
“Wake up, asshole!” Mary hissed and kicked him in the hip.
“I’m awake!” Aaron protested. “Fuck! What did I do to deserve that?
“You coldcocked my boyfriend for one,” she stated. “Then you attempted to attack Clay before you faceplanted like an idiot. What the hell were you thinking?”
“What are you talking about?” he looked confused. “Wait, why are all the monsters dead?”
He rolled over and started to push off the floor with his remaining arm, and for a second it looked like he would succeed, then he shifted his weight to his missing arm and, predictably, tipped over and belly flopped on the stone of the floor. He groaned and rolled back onto his back.
“What the hell?” he asked. His eyes went wide as he finally noticed that his left arm was missing. “What the fuck happened to my arm?!?”
“Aaron! Calm down.” I said forcefully as he started to hyperventilate. “This isn’t the time for one of your freak outs.”
I extended a hand to him hoping he would calm enough to accept the offer to help him stand. Instead, he slapped at my hand with his remaining arm which again caused him to tip over and hit the floor, this time landing on the stump of his left arm. He gave a sharp intake of breath in pain then fainted.
A moment later he came too again and groaned. When he opened his eyes, I extended my hand again.
“Come on, dumbass,” I said with a roll of my eyes, “it’s time to wake up. The rest of us are trying to get these bodies looted so we can make our way to the Safe Room.”
He reached up and took my offered hand and I pulled him to his feet… at least that was what I tried to do. Instead, what actually happened was his weight pulled my off balance and instead of lifting him up, I fell on him after lifting him partially. He crashed back to the floor and a split second later I landed squarely on top of him. My legs straddled his stomach and my breasts smashed painfully into his face, causing his head to snap back and bang into the stone floor. I managed to catch myself, my forearms flat on the floor and for a moment I held that position, stunned by the sudden change in altitude.
“Aaron, stop flirting with my girlfriend and come help us.” I heard Lynn say. I could only imagine her face.
Heat flooded my face and I briefly considered simply staying there until everyone forgot I existed. Unfortunately, Aaron picked that exact moment to groan.
"Ugh, you're heavier than I remember," Aaron muttered from beneath me.
"Shut up," I hissed at him, then rolled off of him, lying on the floor beside him.
MARV: Are you ok, My Lady? Your health dropped slightly just now.
CLAY: Yes, Marv, I’m okay, just a little embarrassed. Thank you for checking.
I struggled back to my feet as Marv clopped over. Once I was on my feet again, I used him to steady myself, ashamed of how much my new assets were throwing my off.
“Thanks, Marv,” I said before asking, “Matt, can you help Aaron up?”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll take some time out from being the human corpse disposer to help the berserker idiot who tried to kill me to his feet,” he replied dryly.
See that Matt was actually moving to help Aaron, I set my sights towards where we had entered the chamber and the crocodilian band had fled. There, the corpses of Derrik and the other crawlers lay.
“Come on, Marv,” I said, motioning him to follow and I started walking towards the mess of bodies. “I want to check the other crawlers to see if they have anything useful on them. Will you work on the crocodilians while I do that? And if you can, pull the bodies into your inventory, just like Matt did. After we clean them all up, we can get a proper count on how many there were.”
“I know the excuses you gave Sir Matt, but are there any other reasons for picking up the corpses, My Lady?” He asked me.
“Oh, those were mostly bullshit excuses to fuck with him, though there may be some truth to the crafting thing, we just don’t know enough yet,” I told him. “To be honest, I’m more concerned about the bodies attracting scavengers. There is no telling what form they would take in this fucked up place.”
“An excellent point. Carrion seldom remains unattended for long.” Marv commented with a nod of his head.
I made my way to the nearest crawler body to me, the one that had been labeled Corpse – Crawler Ashley #666 on my map. It was a young man wearing a long-sleeve blue denim shirt and brown canvas pants, probably not much older than me, with short black hair. His left hand was missing, the arm ending in a stump just above the wrist. There was something about him that looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I knelt down carefully, intending to just loot him but then, after a moment of thought I instead decided to try picking him up.
As long as I’m careful, I should be able to lift him enough to put in my inventory then we can give him and the other crawlers a proper burial when we find a suitable location.
Moving slowly so that I didn’t trigger the balance check by my bra, I slowly shifted Ashley until I could get a hand under his shoulders and knees. I didn’t have to lift far, just enough to have him clear the ground. As soon as the option popped up, I hit accept and his body disappeared.
New Achievement: Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers
You have scavenged and stashed the fresh corpse of a total stranger you did not save from the dungeon’s local fauna. Are you having fun playing the world's most depressing game of cleanup crew. They didn't make it, the monsters didn't eat them, so now they are… what, exactly? A souvenir? A backup snack? A tactical paperweight? Honestly, it’s a bit weird, but hey, free stuff!
Reward: Bronze Scavenger's Box!
I dismissed the achievement and moved on to the next crawler, Jackson #1000. He was small, like under four feet tall, and were it not for his adult features, I would have thought he was a child. As with Ashley, I carefully lifted him up so that I could store him. He was surprisingly heavy for his size but wasn’t as heavy as Ashley had been.
Then I moved on to the body of Beatrice #843. She was a petite woman with blond hair. She wore a stylish navy-blue dress that was torn and would have been really cute were it not for the blood and damage to the fabric. There was also an oversized taupe tote still slung over her left arm. It was still zipped closed though there were a couple of pins stuck to it, one of which declared ‘I ❤️ MY CAT’. I eased the tote off of her arm and put it into my inventory then carefully lifted her and pulled her body in too.
Then the only one left was Derrik, and looking at his remains, I wasn’t sure where to start. His torso had been obliterated, with only about the lower quarter of it left. One arm was still fully intact with a part of his shoulder attached while his other arm appeared to have been cut off just below the shoulder. His head, like his torso, was spread in a line of chunky gore that followed the path the fan had taken on its way toward the wall.
Not even 24 hours ago, such a sight would have made me want to throw up, not because it was gory, but because it was human gore. I have worked on a ranch, and grew up with livestock. Gore is something I have been exposed to my whole life. But when it comes from another human being, it changes it. There is no longer that sense of detachment you can force yourself to feel when it is just animals whose whole purpose is to be led to slaughter.
Now, I felt a similar sense of detachment, but this was more from shock at the violence of it all. Even with the monsters, I had blown holes in them, I had watched them hack each other to pieces. I had seen Marv goring them and crushing them under his hooves, and yet all I felt for them, and even poor Derrik, was just a numb sensation that sat heavy in my chest.
I lightly chuckled to myself, soft enough that no one else could hear.
We were now in a similar position as that livestock, only we were entertainment. Once the people of the galaxy started watching us, the gore as we get slaughtered wouldn't bother them. They’ll expect it and likely revel in its presentation as the exploits of us crawlers get glammed up for their viewing pleasure.
We are all going to die and I’m the idiot who led us here. Tommy, Jenn, Kylie, even Derrik, their blood is on my hands.
I looked around at Marv and my friends.
When they get killed, it'll all be on my hands too. What have I done?
The world spun and I numbly felt my butt slam into the floor as the world swam around me. Vaguely, I heard Marv calling my name from too far away.