And yet, the most epic moment of the morning was Sasuke’s arrival in the classroom.
He was the very last one to enter, barely dragging his feet.
Crawling over to the back desk just to the right of ours, he literally collapsed into the empty seat.
I felt my preconceived notions of the timeline tear at the seams.
“Hey, scrawny, what’s wrong with you?” Kiba asked, dragging his face across the desk to look at Sasuke, his cheek squeaking disagreeably against the wood.
“My brother…
agreed to…
train me!
He…
trained me…” The poor guy condescended to answer, completely failing to notice the “scrawny” insult.
It was both hilarious and sad, especially remembering how canon Sasuke was constantly chasing his brother around and getting rejected.
But here, Itachi had apparently agreed just this once.
I guess he finally found the time.
It was ironic, and I really wanted to laugh, but I didn’t have the energy.
Besides, a certain sense of martyr’s solidarity prevented me from mocking him.
“Understood,” Kiba and I said in perfect unison, dropping our heads back onto the desk.
[Received: +350 Reputation with Sasuke Uchiha.] Ah.
It seemed I wasn’t the only one feeling the martyr’s kinship.
After that came roll call and some sort of class introduction, but it completely bypassed my conscious mind.
I couldn’t even remember if my name was called.
An Outside Perspective “Next, Choji Akimichi,” Iruka-sensei continued.
“I’m Choji.
I love good food and my mom.
I don’t like an active lifestyle,” a large boy said, jumping up from his seat.
His final words provoked a strange reaction: from the back row by the window, three pairs of hands shot straight up into the air and began to applaud.
Considering the owners of those limbs hadn’t even bothered to peel their faces off the desk, it looked incredibly bizarre—even to an experienced shinobi like Iruka.
“Very well, sit down, Choji.
Next, Ino Yamanaka.” Iruka sighed.
He was already realizing he had been handed a difficult generation.
“Hello!” The blonde smiled brightly and warmly, immediately endearing herself to the rest of the children.
“I’m Ino Yamanaka.
I love and cherish my parents and my clan…
and one specific person.
I dislike overly loud crowds, drunks, and two specific individuals.” Everything seems normal so far, Iruka noted.
But what did the Uchiha twins ever do to her to earn such a menacing glare?
And who is she in love with?
He followed her gaze…
straight to the last desk by the window.
Not Sasuke Uchiha?
That’s surprising.
Could she be interested in the descendant of the lazies?
No, she doesn’t seem like the masochistic type, and you’d have to be one to fall for that.
Then the Inuzuka heir?
Hmm.
Surely not the demon brat?
Or could it be?
I need to report this to the Hokage!
When the Uchiha sisters came up next on the list, Iruka wanted to clutch his heart.
Both of their speeches sounded remarkably similar to the young Yamanaka’s, except they weren’t quite as friendly to the rest of the class.
They “disliked kidnappers, arrogant individuals, and one specific person,” glaring vindictively at Ino as they said it.
And they, too, directed their positive feelings toward a single individual in the back row.
This was stressing Iruka out.
Straight to the Hokage!
Urgently!
The Hyuga heiress managed to calm Iruka’s nerves a bit.
A shy, modest girl who clearly harbored feelings for the Inuzuka heir.
Perfect.
Everything was completely within normal parameters.
Unlike the absolute horror of the previous three introductions!
But then things got worse.
“Next, Shikamaru Nara!” “I’m Shikamaru, and everything is a drag,” the heir of the sloth clan drawled, not even lifting his head from the desk.
Well, that was within expectations, Iruka thought.
“Next, Kiba Inuzuka.” Iruka braced himself for a loud, boisterous speech from the representative of one of the village’s most hyperactive clans.
“I’m Kiba, and I’m dying,” came a weak groan from the back.
Alright, we’ll survive this, Iruka rationalized.
“Next, Naruto Uzumaki!” the sensei called out, massaging his temples, still not fully recovered from the previous answer.
“I’m Naruto…
and I got wrecked,” the demon brat replied, his tone suggesting he was speaking in his sleep.
He got what?!
Wrecked?!
What else could he have expected from this creature?
Certainly not proper manners.
“Sigh.
Very well, next, Sasuke Uchiha!” Finally, an end to the parade of slackers.
The Uchiha stood up heavily…
to the sound of polite applause from the neighboring desk…
and began to speak exhaustedly.
“I am Sasuke Uchiha.
I love my family, I value my clan, and I want to sleep.” And on that bizarre note, he collapsed back into his seat.
What is wrong with this class?!
Iruka wanted to howl, tear his hair out, and throw things…
but he had to calm down and actually conduct the lesson.
His attempts to flunk the snoring students were completely unsuccessful.
He couldn’t go too hard on the Uchiha; the clan might not let that slide.
Shikamaru answered all of his questions lazily but calmly.
The demon brat also answered apathetically; he phrased things in his own words, but he clearly knew the material.
The young Inuzuka was constantly glancing at the first two and obviously answering off their whispered prompts.
However, Iruka’s hearing wasn’t sharp enough, and he was too far away to prove it, so technically, he dodged the bullet as well.
Finally, just when Iruka had managed to calm down, the lunch break began…
and three specific girls made a beeline for a single blonde boy with incredibly obvious intentions.
Same Place, A Little Later “So what the hell was that?” I asked, still struggling to peel my eyes open.
“I was wondering the same thing.
They should be happy—more food for them,” Kiba agreed, watching Saya, Aya, and Ino stomp away.
“I’d explain it to you, but it’s such a drag,” Shikamaru chimed in.
Here’s what happened: I was abruptly woken up when three bento boxes were simultaneously slammed onto my section of the desk.
The girls posed a very clear question: Choose!
And then they immediately started arguing with each other.
Not fully awake, and absolutely unwilling to listen to them buzzing in my ear, I told them I already had my own food and showed it to them, suggesting they go eat theirs.
I think they misunderstood me.
Actually, I know they misunderstood me now, but at the time, I was practically still asleep.
And honestly, there was no other way out of that trap.
Well, maybe I could have handled it more delicately.
If I had only taken the twins’ food, I would have offended Ino, and I didn’t want to do that.
And taking Ino’s food…
look, I still wanted to live!
Even the System had evaluated her cooking as a top-tier poison.
But yeah, I should have been gentler.
God, I’m as dense as a piece of wood!
[New Trait Acquired: “I Am Wood”] [It’s not as terrible as it could be, but it’s not as rosy as you’d like, either.
Though many romantic comedy protagonists claim that being as dense as wood is useful, in this specific world, it actually is useful.
Affinity with Mokuton (Wood Release) +50%.
Lightning Element is permanently locked.
Affinity with Fire Release -20%.
The Senju view you as either a distant relative or a literal tree.
Probability of stumbling into compromising situations +2%.] Are you absolutely kidding me?!
Though…
acquiring that much affinity for the Wood Element…
wait, is the System actively categorizing me as a literal tree?!