What could possibly be “smarter” than trying to kidnap the daughter of the local chief interrogator right in the center (well, almost) of a hidden shinobi village?
The only way it could be more brilliant is if the kidnappers were residents of the very same village.
But wait, it gets better!
Now imagine that they aren’t ANBU or Root operatives, but just regular Chunin nursing some petty grudge against the girl’s father.
Not bad, right?
And now for the cherry on top: two out of the three kidnappers had clearly been drinking.
Now, having sobered up just slightly, these three…
specimens were trying to figure out what they were actually supposed to do next!
Absurd was the only word for it.
These geniuses hadn’t even thought past the actual abduction.
Honestly, the only reason they succeeded in the first place was because Ino was one of those targets who was rarely guarded.
And why would she be?
Assigning a dedicated detail of babysitters to every single clan heir inside a heavily guarded village is excessive, especially in peacetime.
Besides, what kind of idiot would willingly antagonize the village’s chief torturer?
Turns out, exactly three of them.
Now, the System constantly tells me I’m no intellectual, but even I wouldn’t have pulled something this monumentally stupid.
Furthermore, even if village residents were usually above suspicion, I’d bet good money they had an hour, tops, before her parents realized she was missing and unleashed professional tracking shinobi to hunt these amateur blackmailers down.
While I wasn’t being threatened with any penalties for failing this time, I had a chance to earn a massive thousand EXP for saving the “Princess of the Mind-F*ckers.” Sure, that was way higher than my first rescue quest, but that had just been a childhood scuffle—even if Sasuke’s parents could have eventually made my life hell.
Here?
One quick slice of a kunai from any of these three, and I was a corpse.
“So, what do we do now?
They’re hardly going to let your brother go, and anyway, how do we even blackmail them?
We should’ve just filed a complaint,” the most sober of the trio grumbled.
Bound, gagged, and staring at them with furiously spinning eyes was Ino Yamanaka.
Yes, I recognized her instantly, mostly because I’d seen her around a few times already.
“Maybe we just gut her?” the drunkest one suggested.
Right, time to intervene!
I had serious concerns about the structural integrity of their brain cells, so it was best not to tempt these alcoholics with an easy but fatal mistake.
Besides, a thousand EXP…
that had to be worth two entire level-ups!
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Calm down!” I started out calmly, but nearly shrieked the last part as all three of them whipped around to face me with terrifying speed.
Any one of them could snap me like a twig, no kunai required!
And I didn’t have the stats to “carry” this fight.
There was only one way out.
I had to do exactly what this girl’s father did for a living: I had to mess with their heads.
“You could easily overpower a kid, so there’s no need to react so aggressively.
But think about this…” I put on my most innocent face and kept my tone smooth and soothing.
Between the alcohol in their blood and my Rhetoric and Talk no Jutsu skills, it was working.
But God, was it difficult.
I had to constantly weave through their logic, subtly steering their thoughts in the right direction while pretending to be on “their side,” relentlessly pushing a very specific narrative.
On the bright side, I found out exactly how they ended up in this mess.
As it turned out, the older brother of one of the friends had been locked up on what was essentially a bogus charge.
The idiot had managed to insult the Daimyo while he was visiting Konoha.
They only locked him up for appearances—just while the VIP was in town.
He would have been released quietly a couple of days after the Daimyo left.
But the trio, having gotten completely hammered in their grief and completely forgetting this standard political practice (which even I knew about, having caught between-the-lines references to it in my reading), stumbled across Ino walking home.
(I learned later from Ino herself that she had just left Sakura’s place.) And in their alcohol-soaked brains, a “brilliant idea” was born.
And then I showed up and started dismantling their logic.
No one will ever know the sheer effort it took to convince them to untie Ino and willingly march over to Ibiki Morino to confess their crimes and their underlying motives!
I talked their ears off about how “we’re all brothers in Konoha,” and how “if you confess openly, you won’t be punished, you’ve already repented!” I even slipped in a hint that speaking directly to the head of interrogation was “the easiest way to get your brother out.” It took almost half an hour.
By the end of it, one ANBU (whom I barely noticed, and only by sheer luck) and one Yamanaka clan representative (whom Ino definitely noticed, while the alcoholics remained completely oblivious) were perched in the two nearest trees.
The young Yamanaka was untied.
The trio drunkenly apologized to her, and then immediately disappeared into the trees, marching straight toward Morino’s base.
Oh, I would pay money to see his face when they walk in!
Well, quest complete.
The EXP dropped, and my reputation with Ino increased; she clearly understood exactly what I had just done.
I also got a microscopic reputation bump with the Yamanaka Clan, their specific observer, the ANBU faction, and their specific representative.
I was completely drained!
Meanwhile, Ino Despite her young age, Ino was not a stupid girl.
She fully appreciated the act the boy had just put on, as well as his sheer bravery.
At the same time, she knew perfectly well that if his opponents had been even slightly more sober, they wouldn’t have listened to a word he said.
He had gotten lucky.
But then again, wasn’t luck one of the defining traits of a truly excellent shinobi, just as her father always said?
For a split second, right when he stepped into the clearing, she had vividly imagined him dropping to the ground with a kunai in his head.
And for the first five minutes of his speech, she hadn’t held a single drop of hope for a successful outcome.
She often stayed late at her friends’ houses, meaning her parents wouldn’t have noticed her absence for a while.
Her permanent detail…
usually met her the moment she stepped out of a friend’s house.
If they weren’t there, she normally waited for them.
Today, for only the third time in her life, she had decided to walk home alone when she didn’t spot her shadows.
It was a bad call, as time had proven.
The boy, however, had surprised her.
It was incredible how effortlessly he had manipulated them into doing exactly what he wanted.
She wondered if he belonged to her clan.
Probably not.
He was blonde, sure, but there weren’t any blondes in the main branch, and his eyes weren’t pale and cloudy like a Yamanaka’s.
She would have to tell her father everything and ask if she was allowed to be friends with him.
If he was clanless, maybe they should try to recruit him?
(No, Ino wasn’t quite that politically manipulative yet; to a child, it was all just a game of making friends.) “Phew!” the boy exhaled loudly.
His knees had been shaking for a while, and he simply collapsed onto the grass before flopping entirely onto his back.
“That’s it!
No more heroics.
I’m done,” the blonde muttered under his breath, trying to calm down.
Ino’s lips twisted slightly.
That was not the behavior a girl expected from the boy who had just rescued her.
But a rational part of her brain understood the immense pressure he had been under.
He clearly knew what those three could have done to him if he had failed.
Blaming him for his currently undignified posture would be stupid, even if it did annoy her.
“So, what’s your name, rescued princess?
And please tell me that’s not one of your clanmates sitting on the branch directly above me, staring at me with extreme interest?” the boy asked apathetically.
The adrenaline crash had clearly hit him, though it manifested as emotional bluntness rather than hysterics.
Ino’s mother had already warned her about this kind of psychological reaction.
“Ino Yamanaka.
And you?
And yes, he’s mine!” she finally declared proudly.
“Naruto Uzumaki.
That’s good.
Have him walk you home.
I’m going to lie here for another hour.
Not only do I not want to go anywhere right now, but just standing up feels like an epic quest,” the boy sighed.
Now that pushed the young princess’s indignation to a whole new level!
How could he save her and not escort her home?!
That’s not how it happens in the books!
The young Yamanaka was ready to march over and physically kick the “hapless prince” until he stood up and escorted her properly.
Fortunately, the situation was resolved without violence.
Her uncle in the tree, reading the expression on his ward’s face perfectly, decided to save the boy from an imminent beating.
Whatever.
She would remember this.
Both of them would.
Two days before the start of the Academy year The entire saga with Ino only truly concluded once we reached the gates of her clan compound.
No one will ever know how much effort it took me to walk that far!
And the kiss on the cheek from the rescued girl didn’t help one bit.
First of all, I have no interest in girls that young!
Second, our relationship only bumped up to “Close Friendship” anyway.
Third, I was almost certain she was still going to spend her time chasing after Sasuke.
I had zero romantic interest in her, even her adult version.
Friendship, though?
Friendship I could work with.
Over the past few weeks, I had developed a genuine phobia of that park.
I saved the Daimyo’s wife’s cat from a pack of feral dogs there (the woman tipped me very generously, and the Genin team assigned to chase the beast was thrilled their hunt was finally over).
I helped some Akimichi kid my own age who was being bullied for being fat.
And no, it wasn’t Choji.
Then I essentially did the exact same thing for Sakura, except the bullies were calling her “Billboard Brow.” The girls picking on her were easy to scare off, especially given my rather sinister reputation among their parents (the civilian populace really doesn’t like me), and the fact that Ino jumped in alongside me.
Speaking of which, little Sakura’s forehead really did stick out a bit…
which thoroughly cooled any desire I might have had to pursue a relationship with her.
I completely missed Hinata’s event, though.
She was saved by…
Kiba.
Yeah, I was shocked too, but he described it perfectly, earning some genuine praise from me.
It truly was the action of a “man, not a boy.” Plus, it was hard not to notice Hinata lingering on the periphery of my vision after that, constantly sneaking glances at my first friend.
On the flip side, I became a firm believer in the power of karma!
A shinobi with an unrecognizable forehead protector tried to smuggle Hanabi Hyuga out through that exact same park late one evening.
You know, sometimes it really pays to be small.
The bastard didn’t even look down.
In the darkness of the late evening—honestly, it was basically night—and because I’d been pushing myself during training, my Stealth skill performed flawlessly!
And my punch to the groin was an absolute masterpiece.
Thank God my arms were at just the right height, and my Iron Fists connected at the perfect angle.
And so, here I am, deciding to grind out the last bit of EXP to hit Level 12.
I’ll admit, my misfortune in this park has netted me some decent levels.
That said, Sasuke’s stats (which only I can see) proudly display Level 16, along with STR and AGI that would be better suited for a final-year Academy student, not a kid who hasn’t even enrolled yet.
The kid is a monster.
Then again, it’s easily explained.
He has two Traits I don’t: Uchiha Legacy and Reincarnation of Indra.
As you might guess, there’s not a trace of Asura in me.
Honestly, I have a strong suspicion I completely merged with Naruto’s soul rather than replacing it.
Whatever.
I’ll grind my way to the top anyway.
And so, I was walking back toward the cursed park.
It was the only way I could see myself leveling up before the Academy started.
Only this time, I wasn’t going empty-handed.
Two dull kunai I found on an abandoned training ground, three shuriken, and a decent stack of explosive tags I found buried under a tree.
Now I was ready to deliver democracy, American-style.
At least, that’s what I thought…