Pov: Takumi.
I ponder upon the front steps of this Sakumo Hatake... I cannot break in, that would be rude- should I slip a note under the door and hide the book in his yard? Or perhaps have Kakashi Hatake pick up the book himself?
A good idea- I take out my trusted notebook from my jacket and rip out a page... I grab my pencil and write a letter:
'Sakumo Hatake, possibly the White fang?
I am Takumi Uchiha, I wish to contact a possible relative of yours named Kakashi Hatake and give him a book I bought. The third series of Protectors of the leaf. I had purchased it after overhearing the bookseller deny Hatake his book and wished to give him the book he had pre-ordered.
I deeply apologize for taking up your time but I do not have the knowledge of his current location or place of residence.
Tell him to come pick it up at Takumi Uchiha's house, I believe he helped break into my house some time ago'
I slide the note under the door and place my note book back into my jacket and get up to walk away- *Click*
"Takumi Uchiha?" I turn around to see a white haired man say my name.
"Correct. I suppose I should have spoken aloud first before writing a note in hindsight" I tell him.
He must have been just sitting there on the other side of the door... listening to whoever was out here.
"You went to the academy with Kakashi right? The lazy one if I recall the entrance ceremony correctly" He recalls trying to find a smile... but ultimately falls into a sombre expression.
"That would be me, did you read the note? Would you know his current residence?" I ask.
"I do know... he lives with me, I am Kakashi's father- he will probably be back soon if you wish to wait?" He offers.
This man probably needs company that won't berate him, even if that company is from a child.
"If possible" I bow slightly.
"Then... please don't mind the mess" He says as I follow him inside.
It isn't messy at all... maybe he was referring to outside?
I follow him down his hallway and into his dining room, I kneel down with him at the small table in the centre of the room.
"Are you Kakashi's friend? I haven't heard him talk about you" He asks me.
"No. An acquaintance at most- I just overheard his conversation with the bookseller and thought to get him the book he did order" I tell him.
"Did you want a drink? Water? Tea?" He asks.
"I am fine for the moment" I answer.
"You mentioned in the note he broke into your house?" The man questions.
"Yes, I was in a depressive state for a moment after my grandfather died and he helped my two friends break in to talk with me, I owe him for waking me up and getting me out of my own head" I exaggerate on how he helped me a little, I would like this person to get better too.
"Ah... that was good of him" He comments.
"Hn. It was, may I ask if your son is a fan of this series?" I place my books on the table and push the protector book forward.
"Oh? I suppose so... I bought the first one for his birthday a while back, I think he is interested in seeing the ending but not so much enjoying the book like some others he reads- the second book doesn't compare as much to the first" He says thinking about his son, as he does I notice his eyes shine just for a moment.
"Would you recommend it? To be honest I just decided today that I should start reading for fun and don't have any opinions on where to start" I ask him a follow up question.
"I would, if you have the time the first one is good. It has a simple plot and some clichés but it doesn't fall flat at any point" He tells me and eyes my purchases.
"Do you prefer romance?" He asks.
"I am unsure... but it did catch my eye more than the ninja stuff, I had to sift through the more adult themes but found these at the back" I say and show both covers.
"A preference for something more wholesome then? I think I have a few suggestions... though I would have to double check their names" He thinks to himself.
...
"I might have to come back to ask for them then, I would prefer the insight from someone well read over my instincts" I tell him and he nods his head slowly.
"Sure... I can find them for you" He replies unsure, probably not expecting me to come back after today.
He does not know just how much free time I have to do anything but train, and how curious I am about social lives within the village... especially ones that remind me of myself.
"...So... how is the academy?" He asks awkwardly.
"I sleep through every lesson without fail, though I have been leaving the classes halfway through recently..." I tell him.
"That's... any reason why?" He asks.
"None that I would like to share, though resting is the main reason" I tell a technical truth.
...
Ah. An awkward silence, I never got any lessons about social events in my past life... so I do not know how to proceed.
"How is your job as a shinobi of the leaf?" I ask him as he asked about my current occupation of school child.
"I..." He seems to struggle on what to say.
Hn, it seems I have stepped on a social land mine... how inconvenient.
"What are you doing here?" I turn my head to see Hatake at the door looking between me and his father.
"I am sure you noted my presence in the bookstore, I have obtained the book that was rightfully yours Hatake" I slide the book across the table as Hatake approaches it.
"Oh, thanks..." He looks at me suspiciously but thanks me.
"Isn't it academy hours still?" He asks.
"Yes" I answer.
...
"I suppose I have created far too many awkward silences thus far, I should probably get going" I stand and bow to them before making my way out.
"Thank you for the book" Sakumo Hatake thanks me.
"Wait- what did you want?" Kakashi follows me out to the hallway.
"Hn?" I question.
"You didn't get me this book for no reason... you are lazier than that" He rudely implies... he is correct with his assumption however.
"It would be rude of me to bring up my question right now so I will ask you the next time I see you" I tell him and his eyes widen a bit.
It was rude to even say that part.
"Why..?" He asks warily.
"I sleep through everything, just curiosity" I reply.
...
He walks through the door and I follow, shutting his door behind me I watch as he stands on the steps and half heartedly glares at me.
"My father chose saving his comrades over the mission and it got Konoha pulled straight back into war" He tells me bluntly.
...?
"Is there anything else?" I ask.
"No" He frowns.
"Oh, I apologise I expected something with a bit more... I suppose I don't know what I was expecting" I say confused.
Perhaps I was too excited to see someone else going through what I went through... and wanting to see how they dealt with the problem without ignoring it.
Maybe I just regret too much...
...Maybe I just wanted to see someone validate my regret.
"That's it. Thanks for the book" Kakashi says and walks inside.
No, maybe my regret shouldn't be validated- I scrunch my face think for a moment.
"The mission... should never be worth that much" I mutter.
No single person should ever have to make these choices- saving many or saving few is always a losing game... this mission must have been immensely important for everyone to hate him so suddenly...
"Sorry?" Kakashi stops in his doorway.
...he may have let the many down but- but why was he given that choice to begin with!? Why the hell does that man have to break his back by himself? Why is everyone around the strong so weak? Why is everyone always in need of being saved?
Why... why didn't ... why didn't I save myself?
...
Why did I always choose the mission?
"Nothing. Have a nice day Hatake" I bow and leave for my home.
...
It makes sense why everyone is upset.
If I didn't track down those demons they would have come back with more numbers and get revenge... possibly when I was dealing with what came after them.
I don't know what Hatake's father is going through at all but it is making me mad- terribly angry at life.
It would be cruel to make that same choice he did... condemning Konoha to another full out war just after getting out of the last. Do I want that same life? Is it worth it to rest in this life at all? If I don't gain strength and protect those around me how can sit and rest at all?
If I am not out there doing something can I even call myself me anymore? I know I am not a weapon... but what other life could I have lived?
Why can't I... I have to go pick up a blade.
I am spiralling with thoughts again- I have to get this itch out of my head and my system.
What a terrible habit my Old man ingrained into my soul... can't even think or make decisions without first grabbing a weapon.
Can't even enjoy these books I got.
I gnash my teeth as I enter my home and stomp my way upstairs, I grab one of my caretakers old Kunai and I grip it tightly.
The sensation of it being in my grip calms me down... and allows me to feel through my thoughts.
What am I thinking...
Why do I still feel so angry that I saved people? Helped them? Why am I so... emotional about being the best of the best?
And if I am certain that I would make those same choices of sacrificing my personal life for them... then why have I been so hellbent on being lazy here?
Being cruel to the people of Konoha by not becoming the best version of me that I can be? By not serving in their war?
Because that's what it is. Cruel- to have such power and actively refuse to help people with it.
... I am not feeling enough- Ha!
I start swinging around the kunai following the current Form A- and I am annoyed how much clearer my head is when actively training.
*Swish!*
A part of me is greedy. Everyone always has a part of themselves that wants what is terrible... that's how demons are made after all.
*Swoosh!*
I can't give in to my darkness and reverse my Aura here... so I cannot feel if I am starting down the wrong path, I just have to hope.
*Woosh!*
Hope that being greedy in this new life is the right choice...
*Swish!*
But why would feeling greedy here make more sense than not? Why would I save others in my past life while also agreeing not to in this one? Is that not hypocritical? Is it because of expectations? That I was expected to be someone and now I am expected to be no one?
This training isn't enough- not enough at all!
I stomp my feet and take a breath.
I rile up my chakra and try to force it to move like my Aura once did!
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
My arms start bleeding heavily as I try to attach sharpness to the chakra... I cease the attempt and take a breath.
Before doing so again.
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
And again.
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!* *SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
And again.
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
*SLASH!* *CUT!* *SLICE!* *SEVER!*
...
I take the stance of the [Bladed Emperor: Great Slaughter style].
And everything feels fine... body covered in wounds... mind focused- soul calmed.
Kunai held in front and my legs in a wide stance I take a deep breath and slash once outwards.
Had I been in a bigger room I would keep my feet moving- but nonetheless my arms start to speed up as I spray blood around the place.
*SPLATTER!* *STEP* *SPLATTER!* *STEP!*
... it takes me seconds to ignore the small room problem and start moving around the house- fighting off the shadows as if they were a horde.
But in my current terrible state, I gain clarity.
"I don't care about this village" I state to no one.
"Nor do I care about this clan" I say to no one.
"I am still myself- and so my loyalty is to the empire" I tell no one.
My head calmer than ever realises something, something I would have understood sooner if I had just trained like normal, like now.
"...I miss my old life..." I mutter.
"That's why I am upset and regretful, why I don't want to work for this village now but want to work for my empire then" I focus my gaze as I understand.
"I... wanted to love my wife, visit my friends... talk to the people I saved... I wanted to have a hobby and repair my relationship with that sinister Old man- I don't want this life... I said yes to a second life in the empire I had saved- I didn't want to be friends with these people, I did not want to become some shinobi! I am an honourable blade master of the empire!" I sadly mutter out... to no one.
I keep thinking back. Because that's what I truly want...
...
So what do I do?
I am stuck right now.
I genuinely don't care for these people.
Nor for my life here.
...
I bought some books so I could get closer to a love I can never obtain.
She will move on.
My friends... if I can call them that will move on.
My empire... my soldiers- my enemies.
They still live- have lived for years now. Dead to me but I am to them too.
....
...
..
.
That little flame I had that gave me curiosity of my surroundings died just like that... now I just feel depressed again.
When I read those books all I will do is feel sad...
I stop moving and let go of my kunai... it drops to the floor and I head back through the halls I absentmindedly walked through to my caretakers room to find some basic medical gear.
After that I should clean up all this blood.
... I wrap myself in bandages and frown... at least I can hide these cuts with my jacket and pyjamas.
Soon I pick up a bucket full of hot water, chemicals and a sponge- I start scrubbing my floors and walls without thought.
But eventually I snap from my silent head.
I am tired.
Thanks for reading! :)