Yun Si forced herself to endure the turmoil of emotions—holding back in the carriage, restraining herself while paying respects to her mother upon returning home, and persisting until she reached her private chambers, where she immediately ordered water to be drawn for a bath.
As steaming water was brought in, the maids prepared to assist Yun Si with her bath as usual, but she shooed them all out. “I’ll bathe myself.”
Yun Si slowly sank into the fragrant bathwater, using the sound of the water to mask her uncontrollable tears as they streamed down her face.
After a good cry, she wondered, what should she do? How could she possibly rid herself of that vexing dream?
Once out of the bath, Yun Si remembered to toss her inner garment into the tub before calling for the maids to change the water.
Bai Hao and Lu Ya entered and were startled to see Yun Si’s reddened eyes. “Miss, what’s wrong?”
Yun Si replied, “I accidentally got water in my eyes while bathing.”
Shortly after, Bai Hao noticed an inner garment floating in the bathwater. “This is…”
Yun Si feigned embarrassment. “It fell in by accident.”
Lu Ya quickly chimed in, “Miss, you insisted on bathing yourself! When have you ever done such a thing? Please let us serve you from now on!”
Yun Si nodded. If not for the unusual circumstances of the day, she wouldn’t have bathed alone. Just washing her long, thick hair had left her arms sore.
Moreover, Yun Si couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t clean—not truly unclean, but haunted by the memory of the dream, she longed to bathe several more times.
She instructed the maids to refill the tub and assist her in bathing once again.
Before bed, Lu Ya brought over a toothbrush, tooth powder, and fragrant mouthwash. Yun Si brushed her teeth over and over.
Lu Ya watched nervously. “Miss, you mustn’t brush any longer. You’ve already brushed for half an hour…”
Yun Si’s mouth ached, and she knew she should stop, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something remained unwashed…
The maids were already sensing something amiss. Unable to find another excuse to continue brushing, Yun Si forced herself to ignore the lingering sensation and set down the toothbrush.
Before sleeping, Yun Si, for the first time ever, began reading Buddhist scriptures.
Bai Hao exclaimed in surprise, “Miss, you’ve never liked these before!”
Yun Si shot her a glare. “Don’t speak nonsense!”
It was true—she had never been fond of Buddhist rituals before, always feeling that gods and Buddhas were elusive and intangible. Had anyone ever truly seen them?
Rather than seeking divine intervention, it was better to rely on oneself.
Do not seek externally; look within.
But now, Yun Si truly couldn’t think of any other solution. The calming medicine prescribed by Doctor Xu hadn’t worked, nor had the sedatives from the imperial physician. She forced herself to stay awake at night to avoid dreaming, yet after drinking two cups of mild lotus wine during the day and dozing off, she found herself trapped in another dream…
Yun Si began copying scriptures.
Madam Zheng was also a devout Buddhist, as were most noblewomen in the capital. When she learned that Yun Si was copying scriptures, she saw it as a positive development.
“Being betrothed truly makes a difference—it helps one settle the mind.”
A few days later, Madam Zheng planned to visit Great Nation Temple to offer incense. In the past, Yun Si had always declined to accompany her.
But this time, when Madam Zheng asked again, Yun Si agreed without hesitation.
Great Nation Temple was nestled at the foot of a mountain on the outskirts of the capital—a serene, ancient temple with solemn halls.
As soon as Yun Si stepped inside, she felt a refreshing coolness wash over her, clearing her mind.
Before the Buddha statue, Yun Si prayed devoutly, beseeching the Buddha to deliver her from her suffering.
After offering incense, Yun Si followed her mother to listen to the master’s sermon.
The scripture hall was located at the back of the temple. Yun Si walked along the small paths between the temple buildings, turning one corner, then another.
Xie Yan was also at the Great Nation Temple today. He had concealed his identity and did not have the temple closed to visitors.
The previous abbot of the Great Nation Temple had once given him a medicinal formula. After taking it, it could alleviate his headaches, so Xie Yan used to come to the Great Nation Temple frequently to request the medicine.
Later, the imperial physician discovered that this medicine was harmful to the body, and the previous abbot was beheaded.
But even though the abbot had changed, Xie Yan’s habit of coming to the Great Nation Temple remained unchanged.
Occasionally, he still took that harmful medicine. He had no desire to live a long life anyway—what did it matter if he took it a few times when his headaches became unbearable?
Today, as Xie Yan strolled through the Great Nation Temple, he caught a glimpse of a water-green skirt fluttering ahead.
For some reason, Xie Yan instinctively quickened his pace to follow.
However, when he reached the front and turned the corner, there was no one in sight.
The new abbot beside him whispered, “Your Majesty?”
Xie Yan shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
He didn’t even know why he had acted that way just now.
Was it because of the familiarity that glimpse of water-green had evoked?
But he didn’t know any woman who wore water-green skirts… In fact, he had no interest in women, no matter what color skirts they wore.
Xie Yan quickly brushed aside the strange feeling that had momentarily gripped him.
.
Yun Si had no idea that she had just brushed past the man from her dreams.
Sunlight slanted in through the high windows of the scripture hall, passing through the lush green trees outside and gently falling upon Yun Si and her mother.
Yun Si listened to the master’s sermon in the scripture hall alongside her mother, her expression calm and composed. The scriptures, which had once seemed dull and tedious, now resonated deeply within her, each line lingering in her mind.
Yun Si finally understood why her mother was so devout. There were many things in life that could not be changed, no matter how hard one tried. In such moments, one could only place their hopes in the gods and Buddha.
After the master finished the sermon, her mother bowed respectfully, and Yun Si hurriedly followed suit.
Once they stepped out of the scripture hall, Madam Zheng looked at Yun Si with an approving gaze. “You are becoming more and more well-mannered.”
Yun Si hadn’t expected to receive praise from her mother and felt a pang of guilt.
“Mother, I would like to draw a fortune stick,” Yun Si said.
Madam Zheng looked at Yun Si in surprise, then a moment later, a look of understanding dawned on her face. She recalled her own youthful days after her engagement, filled with similar anxiety in the inner chambers—unsure whether the man she was to marry was a good match, uncertain about what her married life would be like.
Her daughter must be feeling the same way now.
Madam Zheng gazed at her daughter with tenderness and said softly, “Go ahead.”
Seeing her mother’s expression, Yun Si knew she must have misunderstood, but she couldn’t explain and could only remain silent.
She knelt devoutly before the Buddha statue, holding the heavy bronze fortune stick cylinder in her hands. As she shook it, the sticks clattered against each other with a rustling sound.
Yun Si closed her eyes and sincerely asked: Where was her way out? What path should she take?
“Clatter—” A stick fell to the ground.
Yun Si picked it up and read the scripture inscribed on it.
“The phoenix takes flight, its harmonious cry resounds.”
The monk interpreting the fortune stick smiled. “This is the highest auspicious sign for marriage. Good fortune is near for you, young lady.”