After leaving the nerd squad
stunned and terrified
with his existence, Raja
blinked
straight back to
Charlie Harper's Malibu paradise
.
And the
first thing he saw?
Uncle Charlie.
With another girl.
Again.
Raja just
sighed
, grabbed a snack from the fridge, and
noped
out of there.
His destination?
Rose's house.
When he got there,
Rose was glued to her telescope
, eyes
laser-focused
on Charlie's house.
Raja:
"Still spying on him?"
Rose (serious):
"Yes. He's up to something. He's cheating on me... even though we're not dating. But I KNOW he's cheating."
Raja just shook his head,
walked into the kitchen
, and started cooking.
Twenty minutes later, he called Rose for dinner. She
reluctantly
sat down, grabbed a plate, and took
exactly
three bites before standing up again.
Rose:
"I have work to do."
Raja turned on the TV.
Raja:
"Let me guess. Spying?"
Rose:
"It's called surveillance, Raja."
Raja just
rolled his eyes
and watched a movie. A few minutes later, Rose
peeked
from behind the couch.
Rose:
"You coming to bed, or should I find someone else?"
Raja
grinned shamelessly
.
And like a
true degenerate
, he
followed her.
The next morning, Raja was
still tangled in Rose's sheets
when his phone rang.
It was
Jessica Pearson.
Jessica:
"We've got a problem. Some cartel punks are trying to get us involved in drug trafficking."
Raja
sat up immediately
.
The
next second
, he snapped his fingers—
Dobby appeared.
Dobby:
"I am ready, sir!"
Raja:
"Dobby, get me to the ladies. We have some cartel trash to clean up."
Dobby:
"With pleasure, sir."
One blink later, Raja was in Jessica's office.
Jessica and Jan
briefed Raja
. The cartel wanted their
trucks
to help move
drugs across borders
. If they refused, the cartel
promised violence
.
Raja looked at
Dobby
.
Raja:
"Dobby, do you have details?"
Dobby (proudly handing over a scroll):
"All locations. All key members. Criminal records attached. It is... a very long list, sir."
Raja (grinning darkly):
"Dobby, you've made me and your late master
so proud.
"
Dobby (bowing):
"Thank you, sir. Now, shall we begin the massacre?"
Raja (cracking his knuckles):
"With absolute pleasure."
Jessica and Jan exchanged a
knowing
look.
Jessica:
"Bloodbath incoming."
Jan:
"At least the problem will be solved."
*
And just like that, Raja and Dobby
vanished.
They
struck at night
.
No
magic
that could be traced back to the wizarding world.
Just
pure, unfiltered destruction.
Scene 1: Warehouse Raid
The cartel members were laughing, drinking, and counting drug money when suddenly—
BOOM! The
doors exploded open
.
A
shadow blurred through the room
.
Gunshots fired.
Nothing hit.
Within seconds gun shot heard, half the men were
on the ground, broken, bleeding, and unconscious.
One guy
charged at Raja with a machete
Raja caught it mid-swing and broke it in half.
Cartel Guy:
"Wha—how the f—"
Raja (grinning):
"Shhh. Sleep."
One punch.
Lights out.
Dobby, meanwhile, was
a whirlwind of destruction
, using
enchanted knives, shadow step dodges, and house-elf kung fu
.
In
one night
, a
major cartel operation and all dangerous criminals are
disappeared from the
face of the Earth
.
The survivors?
They fled the country.
Back at HQ, Raja
calmly sipped a mojito
as he recounted his meeting with other women and night of
murder and mayhem
to Jessica and Jan.
They
weren't mad about other women or the mayhem.
But they
did
try to assert dominance.
For the
next week
, they took turns
trying to overpower him.
They
failed.
Because Raja's
Ultimate Body™
is undefeated.
Even they had to
admit defeat.
Raja? Raja just
smirked
and enjoyed his
vacation.
After his vacation, Raja
visited the Brooklyn 99 crew
.
He
drank with them at a cop bar
.
At drink
four
, Detective
Amy Santiago
pulled Raja to the back alley.
Amy:
"Listen, I don't usually do this, but—"
Then she tried to
have her way with him.
Raja, ever the
gentleman
, took her home
before
she could do something she'd regret.
Except... she didn't regret anything.
Amy
woke up, apologized, got cleaned up—
Then
round two happened.
Then
round three
.
Then...
Amy:
"It's a one-time thing, okay?"
Raja:
"Got it."
They
did it again.
For
two days straight
.
Raja officially became
Amy Santiago's biggest weakness.
Three months later, Raja sat in his penthouse, sipping
tea
, feeling like
a degenerate.
Raja:
"Maya... what's happening to me? I feel like a harem protagonist on steroids."
Maya (deadpan):
"That's because you are."
Raja:
"WHAT?!"
Maya:
"Your Ultimate Body™ enhances
all
aspects of you—including your deepest, darkest desires."
Raja:
"Wait... does that mean I'm turning into an incubus?!"
Maya:
"If not for your extreme
self-control and adaptability
, yes, you would've become a
breeding monster.
"
Raja
dropped his tea cup.
As Raja
processed
this revelation, a
letter arrived.
From
Harry Potter.
"Hey Raja, want to come watch the Quidditch World Cup with us?"
Raja
grinned.
Raja:
"Welp, I guess it's time to go back to the wizarding world."
Maya:
"Try not to corrupt the entire magical society, please."
Raja:
"No promises."
And just like that,
Raja's next adventure was set in motion.