SHAN
“Come on, Shan!
We’re going to be late!”
My mom’s boyfriend knocked on my room to remind me to come downstairs already.
We were about to spend our summer vacation at the beach after my sixth-grade graduation.
I quickly grabbed my bag and ran downstairs to the car.
Mommy was already waiting there.
We were only going to a nearby exclusive resort in Bataan, so the trip was short.
I was so excited.
It had been a long time since I last saw the sea.
We were planning to stay there for quite a while, so the idea of waking up to the sound of the beach made me feel so happy.
It would be one of those days when I could feel peace.
I was just looking outside the window during the whole ride.
When we arrived at the resort, Mommy’s boyfriend carried my bag, and I immediately ran toward the beach area while they took care of things at the lobby.
I smiled a little to myself when I stopped running and looked at the waves.
My feet were already covered with sand, and the sun was hitting my face.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I felt the wind blowing through my hair and my polo.
It was a good feeling.
“Good morning!”
I looked at the girl beside me when she shouted so loudly while facing the sea.
It was like she was shouting it to the sky.
She was wearing a beach dress and a cute hat.
“Hello!”
She turned to me when she noticed me looking at her.
She was probably younger than me.
“Hi,” I said before looking away.
Why is she talking to me?
I wasn’t used to strangers talking to me.
The beach was so huge, yet she chose to stand right beside me.
“Are you new here?!” she asked again energetically.
What a kid.
I didn’t answer and just looked back at my mom to see if they were already looking for me, but I saw her talking to a familiar woman.
I think I had already seen that woman before, when I was younger.
Well, she looked busy, so I just started walking on the sand to look around.
Surprisingly, the girl still followed me.
“Hello!
Where are you going?!”
She was smaller than me, so she had a hard time trying to keep up with my footsteps.
I didn’t answer her again and continued walking.
She was still trying to follow me until I couldn’t feel her behind me anymore.
I stopped and looked back to see if she had already left, but I saw her sitting on the sand, trying to take off her sandals.
“Wait for me!” she told me in a small voice.
“Please?”
I blinked twice when I heard her say “please.”
What is this?
She’s so persistent.
I don’t even know her.
She should be scared of strangers.
“I’m from Bataan too!
It’s my dad’s province!
We’ve been staying here for three days already!
What about you?
How old are you?” she asked while still trying to take off her sandals.
“Don’t ask me,” I answered shortly without any emotion.
She pouted and stood up, holding her sandals in her hand.
After that, she walked toward me and smiled.
“What’s your name?
I’m Ayi!
That’s my nickname here in Bataan!
My dad’s relatives call me that!” she introduced herself to me.
“Kierra, we’re going to eat now!” I heard a woman shouting from afar.
“Wait, I have to go!
See you again!” She waved at me and ran away.
She’s so persistent.
I just shook my head and walked back toward the lobby.
It looked like Mommy had already finished checking in.
They gave me my own room, but it was connected to my mom’s and her boyfriend’s room.
I had a view of the sea, which I really loved.
After unpacking my things, we went out to eat, and then I took a nap.
At night, I took out my phone to play games while leaving the television on.
“Ledezma Group rising in the hotel and resort industry…”
I stopped playing when I heard the surname.
My eyes immediately went to the television and saw my dad’s face.
He looked so presentable and calm during the interview.
The total opposite of how he was in reality.
“Shan?”
I immediately finished the game when my mom’s boyfriend knocked on my door before coming inside.
I looked at him and raised my brows, waiting for him to speak.
“I heard you want to go back to Manila for high school…”
He sat at the edge of my bed.
“Yes, but Mom doesn’t want to.
She doesn’t want me to go near my dad,” I told him.
I had already talked to Mom about it, but she was firm.
She was really trying so hard not to let me see my dad under any circumstances.
“Do you really want that?” His voice was so calm and comforting.
“I can talk to your mom about it… I’ll try to convince her.”
“You will do that for me?” My eyes lit up when I heard his offer.
“Wait… In exchange for what?”
During the times when I would catch my dad flirting with other women, he would always ask me not to say anything in exchange for money.
He would always put money on my bedside table at night even if I didn’t say yes.
It was not an offer.
It was a threat.
“In exchange?” He laughed at me.
“No exchange.
I just want you to live the life you want.
You’re like a son to me already.”
My lips parted when I heard the word “son.”
I couldn’t say anything to him.
A lot of thoughts started running through my mind.
Why?
Was it another scheme to get me to trust him before he could break me too?
What was he planning?
What could his intention be?
“You don’t mean that.”
I looked down and started playing on my phone again.
“I know it’s hard for you to accept me as a part of your life…” He sighed.
“But don’t worry.
I’ll keep trying until you finally accept me.
I know what you have been through, and it wasn’t easy at all… But I promise to protect you and your mom until I die.
Your mom is scared for you to go back to Manila because she doesn’t want you to see your dad again, but if you really want it… then let’s do something about it, okay?”
“Okay…” I nodded, although I wasn’t accepting everything he said.
“Thanks.”
The next day, we ate breakfast with another family.
It shouldn’t have been that weird, but the girl from yesterday was seated in front of me, and she was smiling like there was no tomorrow.
What is her problem?
Is she teasing me?
“My sister will handle Lopez High for the meantime…” my mom told the other woman.
“I’m still trying to adjust to my life here…”
“If you need help, you can always contact me,” the other woman said.
“Oh, is this your son now?
He’s gotten really tall!”
“Yeah, sorry if he doesn’t talk much.
He’s still not used to people,” my mom said, giving a small smile.
“Ke, on the other hand, really looks like a lovely girl.”
“At her age, she’s become really talkative and energetic.
She’s such a mischievous kid!
I think she picked it up from her cousin!
They’re always together!”
I looked at the girl again while chewing the slice of pancake in my mouth.
She was looking at me again, smiling.
I frowned and raised an eyebrow at her.
Her smile grew even wider, and she even scrunched her nose while giggling.
My brows furrowed even more before I rolled my eyes at her.
“Aw, that’s rude!” she told me.
“But it’s okay!
Do you want to play with me?
Let’s build sandcastles!
Please?
Please?”
“No,” I told her while drinking my orange juice.
“Why not?” She pouted.
“Because I don’t want to.”
“But… there are no other kids here!
You’re my only friend!” she insisted.
I almost choked on my drink because of what she said.
“We’re not friends,” I told her before standing up to go back to my room.
I just sat on the lounge chair on my room’s balcony while playing games on my phone.
Since I had a beachside view, I could see the girl struggling to build her own sandcastle.
Her hands were too small to gather a lot of sand.
She would always get up to put water into her small bucket, then go back again.
I didn’t know how long she had already been building that sandcastle, but I was the one getting impatient because it was taking so long.
“What is that…” I whispered when her sandcastle collapsed.
She looked like she was about to cry, so I just put my phone down and left my room to go to the beachfront.
Her eyes lit up when she saw me walking toward her.
I took her bucket and filled it with sand before getting some water.
I sat down on the sand too and helped her rebuild what she had made earlier.
“Thank you!” she told me, smiling.
“I thought you didn’t want to!
Does this mean we are friends now?!”
“No, we are not friends,” I clarified again.
“Aw, you don’t have any friends?” she asked in confusion.
I gave her an annoyed look.
I did have friends.
I had Hiro and Acel… and Haze!
But in my school here, I was really alone.
“It’s okay!
I’ll be your first friend here!”
“I told you… I do not want to be your friend,” I said firmly.
“Why not?
I’m nice!
And… and… a lot of people want to be my friend!
And… my cousin said I should get more friends and be friendlier!
That’s why… I’m trying to make friends!
Because whenever Daddy and I come back here to the province, I don’t have any friends in our neighborhood.
They’re all either older brothers and older sisters or super little babies.
You look like you’re my age!
We should be friends!”
“I’m not your age.
I’m about to enter my first year of high school,” I told her.
“What?!
Really?!
That’s why you’re bigger than me!
But… but… we’re close in age!
It’s still okay!” she insisted.
The thing was… I couldn’t build new relationships with people.
I could… but it would take such a long time for me to really feel a connection with them.
I didn’t want to accept new friends… or a new family.
I was having a hard time letting people into my life and my heart.
I preferred being alone… rather than being replaced.
I couldn’t even remember the last time I saw my friends.
Ever since I moved here, I couldn’t see them at all.
We would sometimes message each other, but even that was rare.
I didn’t want to lose the connection I had built over the years… that was why I wanted to go back to Manila.
I wanted to be classmates with them again.
“Son… Can we talk for a second?”
My mom approached me, so I immediately stood up.
I followed her into the room and sat at the edge of the bed to hear what she was going to say.
She knelt in front of me and held both of my hands.
“You want to study in Manila… right?
Your stepdad already talked to me about it.
Why do you want it so badly?
Aren’t you scared that your biological dad might come after you again?”
That thought scared me the most… but I really just wanted to be with my friends again.
I wanted to surround myself with my friends.
I was tired of living here… feeling so alone.
“I want to spend high school with Hiro and Acel.”
That was the truth.
She sighed heavily before tightening her grip on my hand.
It was as if she had just made the hardest decision of her life.
“Okay… We will go back to Manila… but… but you have to learn how to defend yourself, okay?
I don’t want him to hurt you again…”
She touched my cheek.
We were still staying at the beach resort, but every morning I attended my mixed martial arts classes for kids.
My mom thought it was necessary for me to learn how to fight back.
It was what she wanted, so I did it.
“Hello!
What are you up to?!”
The girl came up to me while I was trying to practice what I had learned today.
I was practicing in the sand, and she saw me.
“I’m practicing,” I told her.
“But your hands are shaking!” she pointed out.
I hid my hands behind my back and looked away.
Truthfully, I was scared of tomorrow’s match… because I didn’t want to hurt people.
It reminded me of what my dad did.
I just kept convincing myself that we would have protective gear.
It shouldn’t hurt too much.
“Are you okay?”
She suddenly grabbed my wrists and held both of my hands inside her smaller hands.
I raised a brow and looked at her.
What is she doing?
“See?
They aren’t shaking anymore!”
“You’re distracting me.
Go away,” I told her and put my hands back into my pockets.
She pouted at me and copied what I had done earlier.
“You’re wrong.”
“Meanie!”
I turned my back on her and started walking away.
“Hey, we’re leaving tomorrow!”
I ignored her and kept walking.
I just waved while my back was turned before entering my room.
“See you when I see you…”
KIERRA
“Why don’t you buy coffee at Yesterday’s Coffee anymore?
Isn’t that your favorite?
Why is it always Starbucks now?”
I couldn’t answer Luna properly while we were washing plates.
Ever since I confirmed that that man was working there as a barista, I haven’t gone there anymore!
I don’t want to see him anymore!
It’s just that… I miss my favorite coffee shop.
It was beautiful there too, especially the interior.
There were lots of flowers and plants.
The space was also spacious.
I always studied there.
“Wash those plates already,” I said to her.
I wanted coffee again because I was going to stay up all night tonight.
I still had an exam, so I was going to review after washing the plates.
Luna only pouted and continued what she was doing.
She also fell asleep immediately because of the exhaustion after doing that.
It looked like she had already studied for tomorrow, so I didn’t wake her up anymore.
I just took my things and walked to Yesterday’s Coffee to study there.
While I was walking, I prayed that hopefully he wasn’t at the counter.
“Yes!” I was so happy when I peeked inside and didn’t see him at the counter.
I bought coffee and a slice of cake before sitting at a table for two.
I placed my things there before starting to study.
It’s really a good thing that this shop is open 24/7.
While I was studying, I noticed that there were two people talking at a table far from mine.
It looked like they were arguing.
It’s not that I was invested, but I happened to see the woman slap the man before walking out.
My lips parted in surprise as I followed her with my eyes.
The man didn’t even chase after her.
He just stood up and took his things to transfer to another table… but then our eyes suddenly met.
The worried look on my face immediately faded when I saw who the man was.
“Hah…” I scoffed when he immediately smiled because he saw me.
“This asshole… My God.”
I acted like I didn’t know him while he walked toward me.
I even covered my face with my book when he sat across from me.
He wasn’t at the counter, but he’s a customer instead!
Why is he here?!
He doesn’t live near here, does he?
Was that his girlfriend?
Why did they fight?
And why am I curious?
“Let me borrow this, okay…” He took my iced americano and pressed it against his cheek.
I immediately lowered my book and glared at him.
“Get away from me.
Why are you even here?”
“Because someone asked me if we could meet here… then got slapped.
Damn.” He even shook his head and touched his lips to check if they were bleeding.
I really can’t deal with this guy.
“What did you do?” I was so sure it was some stupid shit he did again.
He was so good at provoking people.
Even when he wasn’t doing anything, I still got annoyed at him.
“Let’s keep this a secret between us,” he whispered.
Secret?
Were we even that close to share a secret together?!
“I had a one-night stand with that girl… As a gentleman, I did some after-care, of course.
I even bought her breakfast before I left… Then… she asked if we could meet again here, I said yes, and then—”
“So that earlier was only your second meeting?” I asked just to be clear.
He nodded and continued telling me the story.
I didn’t even know why I was listening to him.
“She asked me if we could date and I said, ‘No, it was just a one-night stand for me,’ then she slapped me and walked out.
End of a tragic story.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back on the chair.
“Serves you right,” I muttered and continued studying again.
“What are you expecting me to say?
Try to reverse the situation.
What if after our one-night stand… which I really enjoyed, by the way… I suddenly ask you if you want to date?
What would you say?” He raised both of his eyebrows.
“Even without a one-night stand, I would still not date you,” I firmly said without hesitation.
“You didn’t even think about it.” His voice suddenly went low as he leaned over the table and flashed his playful smile.
“Let’s try then.”
“What now?” I asked when he brought his face closer to mine.
I didn’t budge and just looked straight into his eyes.
“Do you want to date?” he smoothly asked, then offered a flower that he had probably picked from the side.
I gave him a smile.
“No.” Then, I rolled my eyes and pushed him away, along with the flowers.
“You’re distracting me.
Go away.”
“So you’re distracted by me now?” He bit his lower lip to stop himself from smiling.
“That wasn’t a compliment, idiot.”
I shook my head while reading.
I just heard him laugh before he also took out the book he had been carrying earlier.
It was a thick law book.
He also started studying in front of me.
I just sat there in silence while typing on my laptop.
I was preparing a reviewer so I would remember it better.
On the other hand, he was busy highlighting and putting post-it notes on his book.
“La Salle Law School?” I asked when I saw his I.D.
He had placed it on the table.
“Interested?” The side of his lips rose into a playful smirk while his eyes were still glued to the book.
“Your face is as thick as the book you’re holding.”
Instead of getting offended, he laughed it off and closed the book so he could rest his elbow on top of it.
He rested his chin on his palm while looking at me.
He was smiling like a dummy.
“Why are you smiling?
Are you getting butterflies because of me?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“I feel like we’re on the getting-to-know-each-other stage,” he teased me.
I ended up laughing sarcastically.
“You’re not feeling well.”
He laughed before taking out his cellphone.
He was texting someone and looked so irritated.
After that, he answered a call and fixed his gaze on me.
“No, I won’t attend the party tonight.
I’m on a date.” When he gave me a wink, I almost made a vomiting gesture.
“My ex-fling?
Which one?”
I just went back to reading when he stood up for a while to move away from me while talking on the phone.
When he came back, he simply gathered his books and put a post-it note on my forehead before smiling and walking away.
I removed the note from my forehead and read it.
I gotta go.
P.S: Don’t miss me too much 🙂
He just ruined my night.
I hurried my studying so I could return to the condo and sleep… but when I lay down on my bed, I stared at the ceiling for a long time, thinking about whether I should sleep or not.
Because he might appear again.
There were only a few hours left before the sun would rise.
I decided to just wait for it.
For me… it was better to stay awake than to see him again in my dreams.
I did not want to go through all that again.
I started purposely staying up at night so I could avoid the nightmares until I exhausted myself.
I was probably starting to look so pale because Luna pointed it out too.
“Kierra, you’re going to get a fever at this rate.
Go sleep first.
I’ll buy medicine,” she said to me.
“Don’t.
I’ll buy it myself,” I told her.
I quickly changed into my hoodie before going out.
Instead of buying medicine, I went to the coffee shop to buy some coffee.
I wasn’t even in the mood to be surprised anymore when I saw the barista again.
“Good—” He suddenly stopped when he saw me.
“Are you okay?” he asked me worriedly.
“One iced americano,” I told him while looking for cash inside my wallet.
“I don’t think you need coffee today…” he said to me hesitantly.
“You know what you need?
Sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep,” I told him.
He was about to say something, but he stopped himself.
He just stared at me and started preparing my cup.
“Pay later,” he said because I was struggling to find enough cash inside my wallet.
I sat down for a while at one of the tables while waiting.
I didn’t know what happened.
I was just looking around and closed my eyes for a bit… then everything went black.
“Please, let’s talk tomorrow instead… You’re still too angry right now, Miguel…”
“Are you coming, or do I have to drag you into the car?
Get yourself together, Kierra, unless you want me to make a scene here.”
My heart was beating so fast, and I was starting to cry out of nervousness.
I knew what he was capable of doing.
I didn’t want to get inside the car.
I wanted him to calm down before we could talk.
Scared… I was… scared.
“Kierra, hey.”
I suddenly woke up when I felt a light touch on my shoulder.
I straightened my sitting position and stared at the man beside me.
My hands were shaking on the table.
When I touched my cheek, there were visible tears.
I was also sweating so badly.
He immediately put his hands up to show me that he wasn’t touching me before handing me his handkerchief.
I couldn’t talk.
My mind was still replaying the dream inside my head.
“Can I hold your hand?” Ciandrei asked carefully.
It took me a long time before I could nod.
He put both of my hands inside his hands while trying to calm me down.
“We’re in the coffee shop.
You’re okay…” he said.
I started looking around and noticed that it was already dark outside.
I didn’t know how long I had been asleep.
All I knew was that I was terrified even after waking up.
I started breathing heavily.
“Breathe with me… Slowly… Slowly…” he guided me through breathing exercises.
“Close your eyes.
You’re safe here, okay?
Listen… Breathe in… Hold…”
I started taking deep breaths while closing my eyes until I calmed down.
“I’ll get you water.”
He was about to leave, but I tightened my grip on his hand while looking at the floor.
He stopped and knelt in front of me again.
With one hand, he grabbed a cup of water from one of the trays he had set on the other table and handed it to me.
I couldn’t talk while I was trying to recover.
He just waited until I let go of his hand.
He gave me a small smile and sat in front of me.
“Let me walk you home.” He started taking off his barista apron and stood up.
“Come on.”
“No…” I shook my head at him.
Luna shouldn’t see me like this.
“I don’t want to go home yet.
Let’s go somewhere else.”
He paused for a moment and thought first before nodding.
“Alright.
Let’s go.” He gave me a comforting smile and offered his hand.
“I’ll take you out on a date.”