SHAN
“Kuya, reach the cookies for me, please?”
One.
“Kuya, can you get my doll, please?”
Two.
“Kuya, I’m hungry.
Order for me, please?”
Three.
I had no idea how long it could go on.
Ever since I moved to this house, I saw my dad less frequently because he was always busy with work, which I really liked, but Elyse just became more and more dependent on me.
I didn’t know what to do.
Because my dad was always away, I thought that she was starting to think that I was her dad…
And like a good brother, I would always get her what she wanted.
I was spoiling her too much, I guess.
I was always attentive to her needs because I wanted to give her a life with no worries… a life I never had.
I spent most of my time with her because she couldn’t be left alone.
She was always so clumsy and curious, and I knew she would break a lot of stuff if she was left alone.
It wasn’t helping that her mom also started working in the company, so we had always been left alone together.
School was about to start again, so we wouldn’t be together anymore.
I was worried for her at school.
She was enrolled in Heinrich, and I was enrolled in Lopez High by my mom before she passed away.
I couldn’t get out to finally meet my friends in the neighborhood because I couldn’t leave Elyse alone.
I didn’t even know if Hiro and the others knew that I had already come back here.
I also didn’t know if they knew what happened to Mom.
I didn’t attend the wake after that one time, so I had no idea who attended during the following days.
“Shan…” Elyse’s mom, Tita Erin, knocked on my door that night, so I hurriedly sat on my bed so I could see her.
I was uncomfortable seeing her around the house after… all of those things happened when I was a kid.
“Yeah?” I asked coldly.
“I heard Elyse broke your phone, so here’s a new one.
You can use this to communicate with your friends.
I asked Kuya Roel to get your friends’ numbers, and they’re already saved in there.
I hope that’s okay.” Her voice was soft and soothing as she placed the paper bag on my study desk near the door.
I didn’t talk when she smiled a bit and closed the door.
She probably knew I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her.
I wasn’t always in the mood to acknowledge her presence or my dad’s presence.
AllI wanted was Elyse to have a good life.
I felt like I was sent here by the heavens so I could protect her from dad.
Whenever I saw Elyse, it was like seeing a part of me.
It was like seeing the past me.
The kid version of me…
and my instinct was always to protect her because no one could do it for me before.
I respected her relationship with my dad and as much as I wanted her to be as far away from him as possible, he was treating her nicely…
and she deserved a father.
Only that the man in front of her wasn’t the man I knew before.
I didn’t know how long he could keep that face up.
I didn’t know if he had already changed…
but all I knew was that if that time ever came when I had to protect my sister from him, I would drop everything I had just to go to her.
Her mom was nice, but I really could not accept another mom after losing mine.
I appreciated her efforts but that was as far as it went.
I got out of bed to get my phone.
Hiro’s contact was there, also Chevy’s.
I felt grimaced when I saw that my dad’s number was also saved there, but I couldn’t delete it because what if something happened at home?
I should know.
Tita Erin’s contact was also there.
Good thing she didn’t save their contacts as “Mom” or “Dad,” instead, she saved them as their full names.
I immediately called Hiro as soon as I got to bed.
[Hello?] he answered after three rings.
[Who’s this calling?]
“Hi,” I greeted.
I felt a little awkward because we didn’t talk as much when I moved to Bataan.
“It’s Shan.”
There was a long silence before I heard him gasp.
[Yo, you’re back?!
Where did you get my number?!
Wait, wait…
How have you been?!]
He sounded so excited to talk to me so I felt relieved.
I thought there would be a gap between us.
“I’m back at home…
here in Manila,” I told him.
He was so happy to hear it, oblivious of what it was like at home.
“Because my mom…
died…
so my dad’s here to take care of me.”
I heard him sigh.
[Yes, I heard.
My family attended her wake, but I didn’t see you there.
I wanted to check up on you, but I figured you didn’t want to talk to anyone at that time.
I’m so glad you’re doing better now…]
Hiro was always so nice and compassionate.
He understood me the most.
Not just me, but he was always so understanding with everyone around him.
He was just too nice, and when I thought no one could be any nicer than him, I met Acel.
Damn, I was surrounded by people full of love and kindness…
and here I was, trying to pull myself up from the darkness.
“I enrolled in Lopez High.
I hope we’re classmates!” I told him.
“Let’s see each other by then!”
[Why wait for the first day of school?
Let’s hang out tomorrow!]
“Uh…
I can’t…” I looked at my door.
“I can’t leave my sister alone.”
[You have a sister?!]
I didn’t know how to explain it better, but I still tried to gather my thoughts.
I said we should talk about it at another time, when Acel is around so he won’t feel left out.
I didn’t want to retell the story because it was painful for me, too.
I knew I had to tell them someday…
And it was impossible to explain how I got a sister that was, I think, three years younger than me without telling them about what was happening with my family.
I also talked to Acel over the phone, and we tried to catch up on things.
We talked a lot, but I still failed to ask him where he enrolled in high school, the reason why I tried to find him in Lopez High on the first day of school.
I checked the bulletin board to see which section I belonged to and then tried to find the room, but I ended up in the office because my Tita wanted to see me.
It was the office of the director of the school.
As soon as she saw me, she immediately gave me a hug like she was hugging her late sister.
She looked like my mom…
so I had the urge to cry, but I didn’t.
“How are you?
Your dad would not let me see you…
He said you didn’t want to see anybody while you were grieving,” she said, holding my cheek.
We were not the closest, but she was the only sibling my mom had.
They would fight a lot but also hang out a lot.
I failed to meet my cousins, though.
I didn’t even know if I had one.
I could stay with her rather than stay with my dad, but I chose not to.
They didn’t have an obligation to keep me with them.
I’lil just be a burden to them.
I didn’t want to depend on another household. You are reading on g.com, the official source.
Not to mention…
It would be awkward.
“I met with your mom when she went to Manila so we could process some papers you would probably not understand because you’re still young, but it involves her properties…” She gave my head a pat.
“I will tell you once you’re eighteen…
but the transfer will be once you’re twenty-one.
It was her last request.
Just know that your mom loved you so much and told me to take care of you at school.”
“Thank you, Tita,” I said.
She hugged me again and told me to be a good boy for my mom before she walked me to my room.
All the teachers were looking at us and putting their heads down while we walked, respecting my aunt.
Words will probably go around the faculty that I was the son of the…
owner?
The late owner of the school.
“Shan!” Hiro immediately waved at me as soon as he saw me at the door.
My face lit up when I realized that we were classmates!
I immediately ran over and sat beside him.
He had reserved a seat for me, like he was already expecting me.
“Where’s Acel?” I looked around, but I didn’t see him.
“Is he in a different section?”
“Acel went to Valeria High,” Hiro said sadly.
“He was granted a scholarship there, so he went there.
He also said he wanted to explore the environment there.”
Oh… Maybe because Valeria High was a co-ed school and Lopez High was an all-boys school.
I understood that, but we agreed to meet after school.
The two of us just went to him because they got out later than we did.
“I don’t know what I want for college.
It seems so far away but also near… How about you?” Hiro said.
We were talking about college.
“Just a job related to aeronautics.
I thought you wanted to be a pilot?” Acel asked Hiro while eating his ice cream.
“Well, that’s for sure… but I also want to go to college with a different degree just for… a degree.
My dad said I’m still too young to think about it, so I try not to.
How about you, Shan?”
I shrugged.
“Something… related to the mind.
I want to understand why people act the way they act…” I wanted an explanation for why I deserved that kind of treatment when I was a kid.
I wanted to understand my dad’s actions… and maybe… just maybe, I could lessen the anger inside of me… but I also didn’t know if his actions could still be explained by something.
Maybe he was just born like that.
“Hey… How did you get a sister?” It was Acel’s turn to ask.
There, I had no choice but to tell them everything.
I tried to make it as light as possible so the atmosphere around us wouldn’t be too dark… but Acel started tearing up because of my story, and Hiro looked so mad.
He pursed his lips and looked away, his eyes shooting daggers.
It was such a long story to tell… and I was glad that I was ready to tell it to somebody, although my hands were still shaking just thinking about it, so I didn’t go into full detail.
“I’m sorry,” Acel started wiping his tears.
“I had no idea you were going through that.
I should have reached out more…”
“Was he the monster you were talking about when we were kids?” Hiro’s voice was as cold as ice.
His eyes showed a level of anger I had never seen before.
“Sadly… It wasn’t like in video games where I could swing my sword, and he would vanish away.” I let out a painful laugh.
“But maybe… someday, I could finally face him head-on when I level up.” I smirked.
“Oh, you will…” Acel gave me a smile.
“Because you’re a strong person.”
KIERRA
“You’re a strong person.”
I kept whispering those words to myself as I tried to drink water with shaky hands.
I closed my eyes again and did some breathing exercises to calm myself down right after another nightmare.
I couldn’t see his face anymore this time, so it was less scary… but I could still hear his voice.
It was enough to make me feel fear.
I cried… I cried a lot that time.
And a big part of it was not because he did that to me… but because he never faced the consequences of what he did.
I cried because it was unfair.
I cried because I knew I did not deserve it.
I cried because he should be in jail right now… but because of his dad’s power, it was like what happened to me… did not happen at all.
He could easily forget about it and move on, while I stayed in a cycle where I would always remember what he did… Like I was not allowed to forget… to let go.
He could freely go around to places while I was trying to pick myself up every day just to conquer the fear of going outside, thinking that he could be anywhere near me… that he would hurt me again.
“Unfair… Unfair… Unfair!” I started throwing things in my bedroom.
Luna rushed out of her room and went into mine, worried.
“Kierra!” she called when she saw me holding the glass of water, about to throw it against the wall.
She ran and hugged me tightly, holding the glass in my hand so I couldn’t throw it away.
I cried harder as she embraced me.
“Shush… Shush… I’m here,” she whispered.
“I love you,” her voice broke as she started tearing up too.
“I’m here…”
“It’s unfair…” I cried to her over and over again.
“How… How can he bear it…”
“I know…” She stroked my hair.
“I know, Ke…”
I couldn’t say anything anymore.
I just cried and cried on her chest until I fell asleep.
The next morning, the sun shone on my face, which woke me up.
I was just about to get up when I felt Luna hugging me, and she had squeezed herself onto my bed.
Did she hug me on my bed all night so I wouldn’t feel alone?
So I wouldn’t start breaking down again?
She even gave me all of the blankets, and she even placed the pillow beside me.
She had no pillow or blanket, and she barely had any space, but she still stayed by my side.
I could hardly remember what I did last night.
I slowly got up and covered her with a blanket, letting her sleep a little longer because our classes wouldn’t start until later.
They were in the afternoon.
When I walked out of the room, I saw the scattered plates on the floor.
I cleaned them up and set them aside first.
So Luna didn’t get to finish what she was doing last night… probably because of me.
I went out first and headed to Yesterday’s Coffee to buy breakfast for the two of us.
I was wearing a hoodie to hide my face because it was obvious that I had cried myself to sleep last night.
I woke up so early, and I was slowly starting to understand Ciandrei’s work schedule here.
On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, he was already here by six in the morning.
I didn’t know what time he left.
On Saturdays and Sundays, he was here until late evening… But even outside that schedule, I still sometimes ran into him!
What even is it?!
“Good morning,” he greeted me immediately when he went to the cashier.
He leaned both of his arms on the counter so he could see my face clearly.
I immediately looked away from him.
“Had a rough night?” he asked with a faint smile.
“Just didn’t get enough sleep,” I replied.
“Two lattés, and two corned beef pandesal.”
“No iced americano, huh?” He noticed as he entered my order into the monitor.
“I want to try a different drink,” I said.
“Then let me make you a special drink.” He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes before giving him cash.
I noticed that he only made me pay for one drink.
He didn’t include the “special drink” he was talking about.
I wondered what that was.
I waited on the side as I watched him work his way through making the drinks.
He looked so serious and passionate as he made them.
He didn’t look like an asshole for a second.
His barista uniform really suited him well, too.
“What’s your favorite fruit?” He suddenly asked when he caught me staring.
“Strawberry?”
“Yes.”
I was so annoyed because he was right again.
His hands did magic on the drinks.
He put my order in a take-out box but served the special drink right before me.
It looked so pretty with the mixture of colors pink, red, and white.
It was in a tall glass too, with a cherry on top and some slices of strawberries.
“I’d like to call it the Sakura drink.
It’s an iced strawberry latté made with love.” He had that annoying playful smirk plastered on his face again as he lightly pushed the glass to my side, urging me to try it.
I took a sip from his Sakura drink.
Damn, it was so good.
I didn’t want him to get cocky, so I didn’t say anything, but I had never tasted anything like this before.
This would become my favorite drink.
“Why is it a special drink?” I asked.
“Because I only made it for you.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and tried to stifle a smile after saying that.
I almost choked on my drink.
“Cut it out.” I shook my head at him and took another sip of the drink.
I loved coffee… a lot, but this taste… It was so addicting.
I was going to start ordering this.
“You like it a lot,” he pointed out.
“You can’t find that drink anywhere else, so you’d have to come back here for that.
You fell into my trap.”
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow while finishing the drink.
It was just that good.
When I finished it, only the cherry was left, so I picked it up using the spoon on the side.
I was just about to eat it with my fingers when he suddenly came closer.
In just a second, he took the cherry into his mouth, with my finger lightly touching his lips.
My lips parted as I stared at him.
“There’s a customer.” He said, looking back for a moment before looking at me again.
He tapped the counter twice.
“See you yesterday.”
“Yesterday is already in the past.
You should say, ‘See you soon,'” I corrected him.
“This day will just be another yesterday tomorrow, and tomorrow will be another yesterday the next day.
The past is certain.
The future is not… so I’ll see you certainly.”
He even raised a finger, grinning.
“That’s what it means.”
“See you at Yesterday,” I replied before I picked up my takeout and walked out of the coffee shop.
I already knew I would see him again at Yesterday’s Coffee for that special drink.
I just accepted it.
Luna and I also went to class that afternoon, and she didn’t bring up the topic of what happened last night anymore.
It looked like she knew I didn’t want to talk about it either, but I knew she was worried about me.
I had to assure her somehow that I was okay.
I still had to get something printed, so Luna went home first while I went to Dapitan.
While I was waiting, I stayed under the roof of the printing shop because it suddenly started raining.
I looked down at my shoes as raindrops landed on them.
Seriously, this is going to flood later, so I need to get home.
I even scratched the bridge of my nose because there were people smoking nearby.
The place was like a small alley, and sometimes other students hung out there to smoke or drink.
There was also a nearby drinking place that was hidden and didn’t have many people.
I didn’t like that place because the one time I drank there, there was a dead rat in a bucket.
Just remembering it gave me goosebumps again.
When I finished getting my papers printed, I immediately put them in my bag and waited for the rain to stop.
I still had a lot to do when I got home.
While I was arranging the papers in my bag, I felt someone stop in front of me.
I couldn’t feel the rain hitting my shoes anymore.
When I looked up, I saw Theo holding an umbrella.
He gave me a small smile.
He was still wearing his uniform and had just come from playing at the computer shop with his friends.
He probably came from Paci.
“Thank you!” I happily said to him.
“Are you heading home?”
“Yeah.
Come with me back to the school.” He said.
It was perfect because I didn’t have an umbrella, so I walked back with him.
I kept glancing at him over and over because the umbrella was covering me more than it was covering him.
“Are you okay?
Aren’t you getting wet?” I asked worriedly.
“Not really.” He said to me.
“Are you getting wet?” He moved the umbrella back again so my shoulder wouldn’t get wet.
“I’m okay.
I’m not getting wet,” I replied.
When we reached the school, we stopped in front of the AB building because there was a roof there.
The rain was already letting up, so I just waited there.
Theo folded his umbrella and left it on the side to dry.
“Oh my gosh!
You’re soaking wet!” I said in surprise when I saw his uniform.
His shoulder and the side of his pants were completely soaked, even his shoes!
His undershirt was already visible through his uniform because he was so wet.
Even his hair was wet too.
I immediately took out my handkerchief and tried to wipe him dry, but he just laughed at me and gently held my wrist.
“Don’t.
I’m going home anyway.” He said, running his hand through his wet hair to fix it.
“Do you have an extra shirt?
Change into it first.” I said, still trying to wipe his arm.
He took the handkerchief I was holding and reached for my wrist to wipe away the water there.
I had only gotten a few raindrops on me earlier when the wind blew.
He had it much worse, but he didn’t seem to care!
“Come on, I’ll walk you to the jeepney stop while it’s not raining,” he said to me.
So we walked to Noval so I could catch a jeepney home, but because it was raining and already night, there were a lot of people waiting for rides.
Every single day, you really had to compete for a ride at that stop, especially during rush hour and when it was raining.
Theo waited with me for a long time so I could get on, but I still couldn’t.
All the jeepneys and even the UV Express vans were full, so we went back toward Lacson instead.
There was a tricycle terminal there.
“Don’t.” I said to him when he got into the tricycle going to my condo too.
“I’ll just ride from there to go home,” he replied.
“Don’t worry about me.”
But that would only take him farther away from his house!
Their house was in the opposite direction, but he insisted, so I didn’t argue anymore.
“Where’s your car?” I asked him.
“I don’t drive to school.
It’s my dad’s car.
I just commute,” he explained to me.
“How about you?
It doesn’t look like you and Luna went home together.”
“I still had to get something printed,” I replied.
“Why don’t you come up to our place first?
I’ll find you a change of clothes.
Your shirt is soaking wet.
You might get sick.”
He laughed for a moment before looking away.
He turned his attention outside the tricycle, his clenched hand covering his mouth.
“Ah, Kierra…” I heard him say as he shook his head.
“Don’t worry about me too much.
If I end up falling for you…”
“Idiot,” I said, laughing.
“It’s getting close…” He smiled and looked at me for a moment.
“I’m really close to losing my mind.”