She remembered. She remembered everything.
Madam Chen and Grandmother had both been cruel and calculating by nature. Only after she was taken into her grandaunt’s care in the main branch of the family did she manage to grow up safely.
When she was fifteen, the Third Prince unexpectedly chose her sixth cousin from the main branch as his principal consort. For someone of her cousin’s status, becoming a prince’s lawful wife was an immense honor. Moreover, at the time, the Third Prince was considered one of the strongest contenders for the throne. Naturally, the Xie family was tempted and unwilling to reject him.
The problem was that Sixth Cousin had already been betrothed to the heir of Marquis Changping. This was not an engagement they could casually break. In the end, Third Uncle came up with a substitute-bride scheme. And so she was married off to Lin Yuanzhi in her cousin’s place.
She had no way to refuse. For more than ten years, she had eaten the main branch’s food and lived under its roof. Because of that, she could not refuse. In fact, if she had rejected the marriage, Madam Chen would have married her off as someone’s second wife. Compared to that fate, Lin Yuanzhi had already been the best choice available to her. So she married happily. Yet in the end, she still couldn’t protect Zhen’er.
Since she knew exactly what kind of future awaited them, how could she possibly stand by and watch those days return once more, tearing her family apart all over again?
“I won’t! I won’t go back!” She shrieked at the top of her lungs.
Beside her, her still-young brother Xie Yi jumped in fright. Then he hurriedly wrapped his arms around her and awkwardly comforted her. “A-Man, don’t be scared. Don’t be scared.”
But no matter how much she cried or struggled, the carriage beneath her continued steadily down the road.
Xie Shuning knew that once they arrived, the Xie family she had worked so hard to escape would appear before her once again. Even though she had ultimately died in the Lin family, she still disliked the Xie family more. If given the choice, she would rather return to the Lin family instead!
“A-Man…” Madam Song helplessly stroked her hair and said softly, “Nothing will happen. Your mother and father are both here, and so is your brother. Even if we live here from now on, things will be just as they were in Yanling.”
Her eyes red from crying, Xie Shuning looked first at Madam Song, whose face carried both anticipation and a hint of nervousness, and then at her brother, who was doing his best to comfort her.
Suddenly, she fell silent. The same? How could it possibly be the same?
Gripping Madam Song’s arm, she started to speak, but her movement abruptly halted—a small, chubby hand. Soft and plump. The moment she clenched it into a fist, several tiny dimples appeared on the back of her hand. Her own hands had always been slender and delicate, the hands of a naturally thin woman. How had they become like this?
Short. Round. Childish. How could this possibly be her hand?
A terrifying thought surfaced in her mind. Unable to believe it, she lowered her head and bit herself. At once, teeth marks appeared.
And it hurt. A lot. This wasn’t a dream.
“Madam! The Son-in-law (Guye) has come to receive you and the young master and young miss!” Nanny Gui’s excited voice penetrated the carriage curtain and reached Xie Shuning’s ears.
Before she could remember whether her father had come to meet them back then, she heard her mother softly scold Nanny Gui: “We’ve already reached the capital. It’s no longer appropriate to call him ‘son-in-law (guye).’ From now on, you’ll have to address him as ‘Master.'”
At those words, Xie Shuning remembered. Before her father recovered his memories and returned to the Xie family, he had lived as a uxorilocal husband in the Song household. Had her uncle not saved his life, he would have long ago been nothing more than a pile of bones. Indeed, the moment her father recalled his family name, her mother had their children change their surname to Xie as well. And yet the Xie family had never intended to give the three of them, mother and children alike, even the chance to live!
The year they entered the capital, she remembered clearly, she was only four years old. Yet she had always been precocious and possessed an excellent memory. Even the events of her early childhood remained largely intact in her mind. With only a little effort, she could recall most of them. She remembered that her mother’s decision to bring her and her brother back to the Xie family marked the beginning of every tragedy that followed. Therefore, no matter what exactly was happening before her now, she refused to walk the same path again. A solemn expression, utterly at odds with her age, appeared on her plump little face.
Amused, Madam Song tapped her forehead lightly. “What is this?” she asked. “Your father has come, so why do you look unhappy instead?”
Unhappy? Xie Shuning nearly swept her mother with a look of outright disdain.
Even many years later, she still wondered: when her mother had traveled all the way to the capital with her and her brother, had she truly never considered the sort of life that awaited them? Could anyone in the Xie family really have been pleased by their arrival?
“Whoa!” The carriage stopped by the roadside.
The curtain was lifted, and her father, Xie Yuanmao, only twenty-five years old at the time, poked his head inside. Looking at her, he smiled. “Has A-Man missed Daddy?”
Missed him? Xie Shuning looked coldly at the tall, handsome young man before her. He wore a slate-blue silk robe patterned with grain motifs, covered by a gray fur cloak. The outfit only enhanced his elegant bearing and striking appearance. But through that youthful, attractive exterior, all she could see was an ugly man who broke his promises, was weak and incapable, and was ultimately heartless and faithless.
She sneered inwardly. She wished she had never had such a father. How could she possibly miss him?
“Furou, was the journey smooth?”
Seeing she didn’t answer, Xie Yuanmao showed no irritation. Still smiling, he turned to ask Madam Song instead.
“Yes. A-Man and Brother Yi are both well too.” True to her name, Madam Song spoke in a voice that was almost always gentle and soft.
Thinking back, that earlier sharp cry of “A-Man!” must have been born from pure shock at hearing such ominous words from the mouth of a four-year-old child.
After hearing Madam Song’s reply, Xie Yuanmao’s smile deepened. Without hesitation, he climbed into the carriage, lowered the curtain, and called outside, “Follow the carriage ahead. We’re heading to Shijing Alley in the northern district.”
Then he squeezed himself into the seat beside Madam Song and reached over to pick up Xie Shuning.
Although she and her brother were twins, they looked nothing alike. As a child, she loved to eat and always ate well. She was a thoroughly chubby little girl, fair and round like a freshly steamed bun. Her head was round, her body was round, and while she looked adorable, she was still a very long way from being called a beauty. No wonder her cousins had always teased her back then. Yet compared to her brother, her fair, plump appearance made her father’s favorite. Thus, even though she was nearly five years old now, her father still had a habit of scooping her into his arms the moment he entered the carriage.
Furthermore, the Song family consisted only of her mother and uncle, with no elders above them. When she was born, her uncle had happened to be away beyond the frontier, leaving only her parents and the twins at home. As a result, the family had not been particularly strict about etiquette.
In her memories, while she was very young, her father had indeed doted on her greatly. A heaviness settled over her heart. Almost unconsciously, Xie Shuning drew back and avoided his hand. In the past, she would certainly have flung herself joyfully into her father’s arms. But now she no longer liked him.
Naturally, Xie Yuanmao had no idea what she was thinking. Seeing her reaction, he turned to Madam Song, confused.
“What’s wrong with A-Man?”
“Perhaps she hasn’t seen you for many days and finds you a little unfamiliar now.” Madam Song shook her head worriedly as she spoke.
Hearing that, embarrassment flickered faintly across Xie Yuanmao’s handsome face. “It’s all Father’s fault,” he said. “I should have sent someone to bring you here much sooner.” As he spoke, he reached out and gently patted her head.
But Xie Shuning had no mind to pay him any attention. Her thoughts were entirely occupied by the Xie family.