Of course, Grandma Jiang had no desire to take care of the child. Her husband was in poor health, and she was the one handling all the chores inside and outside the home. Her youngest son was still unmarried, and the bride price kept rising every year. She needed to save money for his wedding, and taking care of a child would only interfere with her work.
Moreover, she had so many sons. If she agreed to take care of one child, she would have to take care of the others as well, or else she would be accused of favoritism.
But her second daughter-in-law acted first and asked for permission later, directly dumping the child on Grandma Jiang without any explanation before leaving.
This was undoubtedly adding fuel to the fire. Grandma Jiang cursed for days out of anger, but she couldn’t just ignore the child. However, with so much work in the fields, she had no choice but to leave the child with her grandfather to look after.
That same year, Uncle Jiang’s family followed his younger brother’s example and also left their three children with Grandma Jiang while the two of them went out to work. This made Grandma Jiang curse even more fiercely.
Fortunately, the youngest of Uncle Jiang’s three children was born in the same year as Jiang Xue, while the other two were older. The eldest, Jiang Xian, was already seven years old and could help take care of her younger siblings. With Grandpa Jiang lending a hand, they managed to get by.
But the daily consumption of food, piles of dirty clothes, and the mess the children made around the house meant that the four of them grew up amidst Grandma Jiang’s constant scolding throughout their entire childhood.
She would curse the children’s parents in front of them, complain that her two sons gave too little money, grumble about how much they ate, how they dirtied their clothes, and how they delayed her work.
Because she disliked her second daughter-in-law, she also disliked the granddaughter born to her. She would often say, "Look at you, you’re exactly like your mother."
At the slightest dissatisfaction, she would threaten not to raise Jiang Xue anymore and send her back to her parents.
She would say, "Your mother doesn’t want you anymore. She dumped you on me and ran off. I don’t want you either. Go beg for food."
Jiang Xue spent her early years in a state of extreme insecurity, afraid that her grandmother would abandon her, that her mother didn’t want her, and that she would end up like the homeless people she saw in town—begging for food, fighting with stray cats and dogs, and scavenging through trash bins for something to eat.
Uncle Jiang’s three children stuck together, distinguishing their relationships, competing for favor and food. It was one against three, so she acted like a little dog, trying to please her grandparents, striving to be a good child, which later developed into the people-pleasing personality she came to despise.
When she was little, Grandma Jiang often asked, "Xiaoxue, who will you take care of when you grow up?"
She would immediately flatter her by saying, "Grandma, I’ll take care of you and Grandpa when I grow up."
"What about your mother? Won’t you take care of her?" Jiang Xue chose to remain silent because if she said she would also take care of her mother, her grandmother would start cursing her for being ungrateful and impossible to raise properly.
Even during the New Year, there was no peace. Grandma Jiang demanded money, but her parents argued and refused to give more.
She was kicked around like a ball. Jiang’s mother was only willing to match what Uncle Jiang’s family gave. Since they had only one child while Uncle Jiang’s family had three, she would give one-third of what Uncle Jiang gave, not a penny more.
But Aunt Jiang would leave pocket money for Jiang Xian, who would buy snacks and share them with her two younger brothers. Jiang Xue was always the one watching longingly from the side.
Aunt Jiang would send clothes, backpacks, books, and even ask others to bring food and necessities for her three children, but her own mother gave her nothing.
So, from a young age, all her clothes and shoes were hand-me-downs from Jiang Xian or her cousin from Eldest Aunt’s family.
The clothes were either ill-fitting or already worn out, which made her feel inferior, timid, and fearful.
In this household, she was the most invisible and lowest-ranking presence.
Jiang Xian from her eldest uncle's family was the opposite—confident, academically excellent, and Grandma Jiang's favorite, praised as the most sensible child. With Jiang Xian leading the way, the younger children all performed well in their studies.
Back then, Aunt Jiang sent many books to her eldest sister. She followed along, reading them and becoming immersed in the dazzling worlds within the pages. Perhaps she only half-understood them at the time, but seeds were planted.
When she grew a little older, Grandma Jiang would deliberately act kind to her whenever Jiang's mother returned for the New Year, forcing her to choose: Did she want her mother or her grandmother? Did she like her mother or her grandmother more? Who treated her better—her mother or her grandmother? When she grew up, would she be filial to her mother or her grandmother? And so on.
Afraid to answer, she would cautiously glance at her mother and choose her grandmother. She knew her mother would be unhappy if she said "grandmother," but she still had to say it. In those days, only consignment shops had telephones, unlike later times when video calls were possible on mobile phones. As she grew older, her parents' impressions grew fainter. Mom and Dad were two somewhat unfamiliar people who only returned during the New Year.
So, faced with the choice between her stranger-parents and the grandmother who raised her, she instinctively chose her grandmother.
Because compared to this mother she spent only a few days with each year, she was more afraid of displeasing her grandmother—afraid she would stop taking care of her, stop feeding her, or beat her afterward.
Throughout her entire childhood, she was caught between these two women—mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
This was likely one of the reasons her mother despised her. Jiang's mother couldn't accept a daughter who wasn't close to her and instead teamed up with her detested mother-in-law to provoke her.
Later, Jiang's mother became pregnant again—this time with the rare blessing of twins, a boy and a girl.
By then, they had some savings, their debts were paid off, and they had a stall in the vegetable market selling produce.
The children were born in a big city, with relatively low birth weights. Jiang's mother raised them with meticulous care.
Jiang Chao and Jiang Lu grew up by their parents' side. Later, due to the children's schooling needs, they gave up their stall outside and returned to their hometown.
In their region, there was a strong preference for sons over daughters. When Jiang Xue was young, she thought it must be because her mother had given birth to a son later, which was why she favored her younger brother and sister more.
But that wasn't the case. Her mother treated Jiang Lu even better than Jiang Chao.
She still remembered one New Year when her mother, holding a neatly dressed Jiang Lu, said to a neighbor, "While we were working outside, people there didn't favor sons over daughters at all—they actually preferred daughters. I think that's right. When we grow old, daughters will surely be more attentive than daughters-in-law. If you can't even rely on your own children, how can you expect to rely on someone else's daughter-in-law? Sons grow up, marry, and forget their mothers. Only daughters are their mothers' little cotton-padded jackets."
The neighbor chimed in, "Then you're blessed to have two daughters."
Jiang's mother glanced indifferently at her, who stood nearby looking disheveled, and said, "I'll only rely on my younger daughter in the future. She's on her grandmother's side." At the time, she only half-understood, but those words still left her feeling hurt, sad, and wronged.
Unable to win against Grandma Jiang, Jiang's mother took out her frustrations through verbal attacks on this daughter who sided with her grandmother, as if it had become an outlet for her emotions.
Having slept too much during the day, it was difficult to fall asleep again. Memories that had almost faded grew clearer and clearer, simply because she found herself back in this environment once more.