“Ouch, my head hurts!”
“You jinx of a girl! I told you not to let him leave in the first place. Now look at where we are—nothing left, and who’s going to support you now that you’re back at your maiden home?”
“It’s just too unlucky. Who gets divorced these days? Even if you have to die, you’re marrying that village idiot. Let me tell you, dead or alive, you’re still that idiot’s wife.”
Listening to this nagging outside, Shang Yinyin opened her eyes, wincing at the sharp throbbing in her head.
She looked around at the familiar yet distant memories. This was a wooden-structured house with a hole in the tiled roof, walls made of a mixture of mud and covered with old newspapers and discarded books. She was lying on a wooden bed that creaked loudly at the slightest movement. The house bore the clear marks of a bygone era, and the paint on the wardrobe was already peeling off.
“Where am I?” she muttered, listening to her aunt’s angry rants outside.
“Good-for-nothing parasite! If I didn’t lack a son and weren’t counting on you two girls to bring a live-in son-in-law into the family to provide extra labor, things wouldn’t be like this. Now, the most promising one has actually gone back to the city! I told you right from the start not to get involved with a city boy, but you wouldn’t listen to a single word.”
Hearing this familiar voice, memories rushed back to Shang Yinyin. It was the summer of 1979.
Shang Yinyin had traveled to the city to find her husband, Xie Quanzhou, only to be humiliated by his neighbor, who told her that Xie Quanzhou had already married another woman and would never want a country girl like her again. Feeling humiliated, helpless, and with nowhere else to go, Shang Yinyin had no choice but to return to the countryside.
When her aunt learned that she had been abandoned by her husband, she immediately arranged a marriage for her: she was to marry the village chief’s mentally disabled son as his wife, in exchange for a bride price of 150 yuan. Unwilling to accept this fate, Shang Yinyin had smashed her head against the wall in a suicide attempt, though she survived. In the end, she was still forced to marry the village chief’s son.
It wasn’t until Xie Quanzhou returned from the city to look for her later that she learned the truth: Xie Quanzhou had never married anyone. He had been away on a classified mission and was completely out of touch, unable to contact his family during the assignment.
The person who had humiliated Shang Yinyin outside the family compound that day was Luo Qingshui, a young woman living in the military quarters who had been fond of Xie Quanzhou for a long time. Upon discovering that Shang Yinyin was his wife from the countryside, Luo Qingshui had deliberately lied to chase her away.
Back then, Shang Yinyin and Xie Quanzhou had held a wedding banquet, but they never officially registered their marriage because Xie Quanzhou promised to bring her back to live in the city once his life stabilized. That wait stretched on for six years. At first, Xie Quanzhou regularly sent her letters and money, but eventually, all communication stopped, and no money came home. That was when her aunt began to panic.
When Xie Quanzhou had originally been implicated by his family and discharged from the military, everyone in the village stayed away from him. Only her aunt treated him like a hidden treasure, sending Shang Yinyin to deliver medicine and food to take meticulous care of him. When the time was right, her aunt made Shang Yinyin confess her feelings and forced Xie Quanzhou into becoming a live-in son-in-law.
When Xie Quanzhou initially refused, her aunt slipped drugs into his food so that Shang Yinyin and Xie Quanzhou would consummate the relationship. Because Shang Yinyin was under eighteen at the time, they could not legally register their marriage.
Afterward, Xie Quanzhou treated her exceptionally well, taking on all the heavy farm work without a single complaint. But just a month before Shang Yinyin turned eighteen, Xie Quanzhou was suddenly recalled by his former military unit. Though her aunt initially resisted letting him go, military orders could not be delayed. Xie Quanzhou promised to send money every month and return to register their marriage during his next leave. Helpless, her aunt let him go.
Who could have known that six years would pass without a single word from him? The family panicked. Learning about Xie Quanzhou’s family background from somewhere, her aunt had sent Shang Yinyin to the city to get a clear answer.
That was how she ran into Luo Qingshui outside the residential compound and suffered that devastating blow. Believing that Xie Quanzhou had abandoned her for a city wife, a heartbroken Shang Yinyin returned to the village, only to be strong-armed into marrying the village idiot.
Three months after she married the idiot, Xie Quanzhou returned. Finding out what had happened, he demanded to take Shang Yinyin away. The village chief’s family refused, leading to negotiations. Ultimately, Xie Quanzhou paid one thousand yuan to secure a divorce so Shang Yinyin could leave.
Even so, Shang Yinyin had grown deeply insecure and sensitive. Even though she and the idiot never shared a room, she felt unworthy of Xie Quanzhou. She grew depressed and would inexplicably lash out whenever she saw him interacting with other women.
Though Xie Quanzhou patiently explained and comforted her, his specialized work meant he could rarely visit. He intended to have Shang Yinyin move with him to the military base. However, Luo Qingshui—the same woman who had humiliated her before—poisoned her mind by saying that instead of wallowing in insecurity, she should spend her time studying for the university entrance exams so she could become successful enough to be worthy of Xie Quanzhou.
Falling for Luo Qingshui’s trap, Shang Yinyin refused to join Xie Quanzhou at the base. She studied hard and passed the university exams, purely driven by the desire to be “worthy” of him.
Instead of success, however, she later received a photograph: Luo Qingshui had taken up a nursing position at Xie Quanzhou’s base, and the picture showed the two of them standing intimately together.
That final blow broke Shang Yinyin, and she fell chronically ill until she died, with Xie Quanzhou never returning in time.
It was only after her death, when her soul lingered by Xie Quanzhou’s side, that she learned the truth. Xie Quanzhou had always loved her deeply. He kept writing letters to her from the base, but Luo Qingshui’s mother had intercepted all of them because the local postman, familiar with the close ties between the Luo and Xie families, routinely handed them over. At the base, Luo Qingshui constantly spoke ill of Shang Yinyin behind her back, yet Xie Quanzhou always trusted Shang Yinyin unconditionally. Whenever he called home, Shang Yinyin’s insecurity caused her to clam up, keeping the conversations heartbreakingly brief.
After her death, Xie Quanzhou went utterly mad, losing himself entirely in his work. During a subsequent rescue mission, he sustained fatal injuries while saving a comrade and passed away shortly thereafter.
Only then were Luo Qingshui and her mother’s actions exposed. Xie Quanzhou’s superiors exposed Luo Qingshui for maliciously sabotaging a military marriage. The mother and daughter lost their jobs, and Luo’s father was forced to resign and move out of the residential compound in disgrace. With no employment or prospects, Luo Qingshui drifted away, eventually falling prey to human traffickers who sold her deep into the mountains as a forced bride to a man in his fifties, where she ultimately died in childbirth.
As tears streamed down her face, Shang Yinyin suddenly smiled.
“I’m back. I really came back.”
Shang Yinyin had returned to the time before she was forced to marry the village idiot—a time when she could still see Xie Quanzhou again. But she had no money right now, no travel permit, and no idea where Xie Quanzhou was stationed, meaning she couldn’t just pack up and leave.
Outside, her aunt was still shouting curses.
Shang Yinyin pushed herself up from the bed with great difficulty. Her aunt, Chen Cuihua, was a harsh and pragmatic woman. Village rumors could be deeply damaging; although Shang Yinyin and Xie Quanzhou hadn’t registered their marriage, they had held a ceremony and lived together, which the village regarded as a true marriage. Word of a “divorce” would bring endless mockery.
Chen Cuihua had been widowed just a year after marrying Shang Yinyin’s uncle, left pregnant and tasked with raising both Shang Yinyin and her younger brother, Shang Zhi, who was two years younger. Shang Zhi was twenty-two now and attending university in Beijing, and Chen Cuihua still had to send him living expenses every month. She also had a daughter of her own named Shang Nianshen—literally meaning “yearning for the deceased second uncle”—named in memory of her late husband.
Pressured by financial ruin and the village chief’s offer of 150 yuan in bride price for Shang Yinyin, Chen Cuihua had reluctantly agreed, seeing it as the only way to secure a future for the household.
Shang Yinyin walked over to the mirror and looked at her reflection. She truly was young again. Her hair was braided into two neat plaits, and she wore a faded floral blouse paired with blue cropped trousers. The clothes were yellowing and fraying at the seams.
Yet, looking at her face—she had always possessed a delicate beauty despite her rustic upbringing. Though she lacked color and was painfully thin from malnutrition, her bright, sparkling eyes remained striking. A white gauze bandage was wrapped around her head, placed there by the village barefoot doctor after her suicide attempt.
“Let me tell you, whether you like it or not, you are marrying him!” Chen Cuihua shouted through tears, her eyes red-rimmed. “It hasn’t been easy for me to raise you this big, on top of funding your brother’s university tuition. Your sister is eighteen now, still in high school, and about to take her college entrance exams too. I have no other choice! I’m on my own, my monthly salary isn’t even five yuan, and this family is drowning in debt. Don’t hold a grudge against your aunt. Once your brother and sister make something of themselves, they’ll look out for you.”
Though she wasn’t truly a malicious person, reality had driven her to this corner.
Shang Yinyin stepped out of her bedroom and walked straight toward the front door.
“Where are you going?” Chen Cuihua asked anxiously, blocking her path. “If you try to kill yourself again, you’ll ruin your brother’s whole life! He’s still in college, and his tuition for the next semester is waiting on this!”
Shang Yinyin glanced at her aunt and replied calmly, “I’m not going to kill myself. I’m going to make a phone call.”
“Call who?” Chen Cuihua asked, baffled.
“Xie Quanzhou.”
“Huh?” Before Chen Cuihua could process the words, Shang Yinyin had already stepped out the door.
“Hey…”
Standing at the doorway, Chen Cuihua watched her head straight toward the village entrance. Letting out a soft, heavy sigh, her heart ached, but cold reality forced her to keep her silence.