July 16, 1970??
Zhan Lin was filled with utter disbelief. Her gaze shifted from the calendar to the dressing mirror. The person in the mirror was someone she knew all too well—it was her younger self.
Her face was full, her skin fair and firm; there wasn't a single wrinkle at the corners of her eyes or the sides of her nose. Her lips were a soft pink, more delicate than a rose dusted with dew.
Good heavens, she’d seen a ghost!
She had been living a beautiful life in 1993; how could she have suddenly returned to 1970? Was she dreaming?
It didn’t feel like a dream, because… her bladder was about to burst.
Zhan Lin didn’t even bother sliding into her slippers. Barefoot and pressing her legs together, she shuffled to the door. She gripped the handle and, almost instinctively, lightened her movements as she opened it.
In the middle of the night, the house was silent. In the outer room, moonlight streamed through the window, clearly illuminating the square table, the sofa, the coffee table, the sewing machine, and other furnishings.
In July 1970, she was still living in the annex of the small Western-style building at No. 6 Qigu Lane, Nanshangfang, Weiyang City. Although she hadn't lived here for many years, it was her former home after all, and she remembered the layout clearly.
Hunching her back, Zhan Lin tiptoed toward the bathroom. Before long, the sound of a flushing toilet echoed out. In the master bedroom, although Zhan Guocheng and Hong Huiying had retired for the night, they weren't asleep yet.
Hearing the noise, Hong Huiying let out a sigh, only to be met with a cold snort from the man beside her.
"I thought she was on a hunger strike? Where did all that waste come from then?"
"Why are you being so cynical? Are you blaming me?"
Hong Huiying couldn't stand that tone of his. She sat up and looked at the man lying with his back to her. Even without the light on, she couldn't see much, but she was frustrated. "I took sponge cakes and water to Linlin's room right in front of you. Why didn't you stop me?"
Zhan Guocheng remained silent and did not turn around.
After a moment of stalemate, Hong Huiying wanted to say more, but she opened her mouth and found no words. A breath felt trapped in her throat, unable to go up or down. In her resentment, she kicked Zhan Guocheng, turned over indignantly, and lay down with her back to him.
The electric fan hummed as it blew air, and the room returned to its previous stifling silence.
Zhan Guocheng kept his eyes open, his heart feeling as if it were being scorched by fire. He had never in a million years imagined that his daughter would fall for Ning Zezhao’s son.
Ning Yunshu was undeniably outstanding. At fifteen, the boy had been admitted to Renmin University. Before he had even graduated, he was recommended by his professor to study at the Beijing Municipal Party Committee. Later, as the situation in Beijing grew increasingly tense, he had decisively left the city to gain experience at the grassroots level in Guizhou Province.
If it weren't for the incident at the end of '67, Zhan Guocheng thought he would have woken up laughing from his dreams if Zhan Lin and Ning Yunshu could have been a pair.
But there were no "ifs."
Hong Huiying listened to the sounds outside. When there was no more movement, she knew her daughter had returned to her room. She didn't want to keep sulking with Zhan Guocheng, so she flattened her body out on the bed.
"Is there really no possibility at all?"
Though she spoke without context, Zhan Guocheng knew what she was asking. He replied, "What do you think?"
Hong Huiying knew the answer, but she just couldn't let it go. "But Ning Zezhao’s death… that report letter you wrote…"
"That's enough." Zhan Guocheng suddenly turned over and sat up.
Hong Huiying was startled by his sharp tone.
"Are you tired of living a good life?" Zhan Guocheng hissed through gritted teeth, his voice low. "I told you, never mention that matter again. That report letter had nothing to do with me." And indeed, it truly had nothing to do with him.
He knew the report letter he had written was full of one-sided statements and was extremely vague. Even if it had reached the Revolutionary Committee, it wouldn't have been enough to bring Ning Zezhao down; at most, it would have gotten him detained for a few days.
Moreover, by the time Ning Zezhao was taken away by the Revolutionary Committee, his letter was still buried in his drawer. After he had sobered up, he had forgotten all about it. Who knew why the report letter the Revolutionary Committee received was word-for-word identical to the one he had written?
And who the hell knew that Ning Zezhao would suffer a sudden illness and die while in custody? Who the hell knew that Ning Zezhao's wife, upon hearing the tragic news, wouldn't be able to take the shock and would pass away as well?
No matter how much he tried to explain this, it would never be clear. As for his daughter and Ning Yunshu, what possibility was there? Only the possibility of being irreconcilable enemies.
In the darkness, Hong Huiying accurately captured the ferocity flashing in Zhan Guocheng’s eyes. She held her breath, her hands tightening over her stomach. He was becoming more and more impatient with her.
Zhan Lin stood frozen outside the master bedroom door, one hand braced against the wall, her toes digging hard into the floor. She hadn't intended to eavesdrop; she had just calmed down in the bathroom and barely accepted the fact that she had returned to 1970, and she wanted to see her parents and hear their familiar voices.
But what had she just heard? Her parents were saying that the letter reporting Uncle Ning was written by her father?
How was that possible?
Three minutes ago, she was still cursing Ning Yunshu in her heart as a hypocrite, thinking about how to expose his phoniness in this life, how to drag him down, and how to make sure he remained so busy and mediocre that he could only watch others ride in Audis until he retired.
Now, she was being told that the disaster that befell the Ning family was caused by her own father.
"I’ll say this one last time," inside the room, Zhan Guocheng pointed his finger, his eyes wide and staring straight ahead. "If you want to continue living this stable, good life, you are not allowed to mention any report letter. I never wrote such a thing, and I never reported anyone."
Seeing Zhan Guocheng like this, Hong Huiying felt a bit fearful. But she couldn't bring herself to nod in agreement right then; she just pursed her lips and remained silent.
At this moment, Zhan Lin really wanted to knock on the door and ask her father why. But with her hand against the door, she hesitated. Her mind was a chaotic mess. Ultimately, she dragged her numb legs back to her own room.
All along, her understanding of her father was that he was a bit timid and very good at putting on a front. With a square face and a decent appearance, paired with black-rimmed glasses, he looked like a man of great depth, but in reality, he didn't have much substance. The fact that he could climb to the position of Vice Director of the Weiyang City Power Plant was entirely due to the luck of his ancestors.
Closing her bedroom door softly, Zhan Lin leaned her back against the wall, the light fading from her eyes.
In her previous life, after her father was caught in an illicit affair, rumors had circulated that Comrade Ning Zezhao, the former Vice Director and Director of the Power Plant Research Institute, had been taken away by the Revolutionary Committee because of internal power struggles—that someone didn't want him promoted to Director.
Those rumors never explicitly said who didn't want Ning Zezhao promoted, but they might as well have named names.
Later, when Ning Yunshu was transferred from Guizhou to the Weiyang City Agricultural and Industrial Department, he had told her bluntly. She just hadn't believed him, privately thinking that Ning Yunshu was just a common man who, seeing her father’s downfall, was looking for an excuse to break up with her.
She had challenged Ning Yunshu to produce evidence, and when he couldn't, she had mocked him relentlessly.
Now, everything was clear. She had heard it with her own ears.
Zhan Lin let out a scoffing laugh and rubbed her face with her hands. The sponge cakes on the dressing table emitted a sweet aroma, making her stomach growl, but she had no appetite at all.
What was the point of this rebirth for her?
To let her know the truth behind the Ning family’s ruin? To let Ning Yunshu slap her face in this life for all the things she’d done in the last?
Just thinking about it made Zhan Lin feel suffocated. She paced to the bed and lay down flat. Since there were some things she couldn't accept, she would refuse to face them. It wasn't like she hadn't died before. She turned off the light and squeezed her eyes shut.
She had enjoyed enough wealth and glory in her past life, and she had tasted enough bitterness. In this life, no one should even think about waking her up.
But after just a few minutes, Zhan Lin opened her eyes again and blinked. She had a faint feeling that she had overlooked something, but she couldn't put her finger on it. In such a short time, she had received too many shocks. Now, not only her mind but also her heart was a tangled mess of a thousand thoughts.
In the master bedroom, Zhan Guocheng hooked his leg up and rested a hand on his knee. "We must find a way to get Linlin and Ning Yunshu to divorce."
For the past two years, he had been walking on eggshells, terrified that someone would mention the Nings or that anonymous report letter. He hadn't even dared to investigate it in secret for fear of leaking something that would make people suspicious and link him to the letter.
Things had been calm for so long, and he had been on edge for so long, only for his daughter to hit him with this bombshell.
Hong Huiying was also nursing a massive headache. She sat up, leaning against the headboard. "I really didn't expect that Linlin’s previous active cooperation with the District Propaganda Department—volunteering to go to Guizhou to visit the 'Sent-down Youth'—was all just to see Ning Yunshu."
"Among the girls around here, how many haven't admired Ning Yunshu?" Zhan Guocheng had been young once; he understood his daughter, but this time, he simply couldn't allow it.
Indeed, Hong Huiying knew of at least three. But once those three reached the right age, they had all obediently followed their families' arrangements, gone on blind dates, and gotten married.
"There's a five-year age gap between them, and they didn't seem to have much contact in the past. On the other hand, Wenbin used to run over to the Ning house to play all the time before Ning Yunshu went to university."
"It's still your fault," Zhan Guocheng said, feeling regret as he remembered. "Regarding Old Lady Qin’s house, I said the title had already been transferred, so there was no rush to separate Zhan Lin’s household registration. What did you say?"
Blaming her again. Hong Huiying turned her head away, completely unwilling to engage.
"You said housing was tight in that area and many people were eyeing Old Lady Qin’s house. You insisted on making Zhan Lin’s household registration independent and registering it under that house."
"I just don't understand. What's wrong with housing being tight? The house Old Lady Qin left to Zhan Lin is private property. What do those sparrows in the courtyard have to chirp about?"
"If she didn't have an independent household account, would she have been able to get a marriage certificate with Ning Yunshu in Guizhou without family consent?"
"Your Neighborhood Committee's way of doing things isn't rigorous either. Even if they were going on business trips to other provinces, you shouldn't have issued so many blank letters of introduction."
At the mention of the letters of introduction, Hong Huiying felt a bit guilty. She had only discovered this morning that several blank letters of introduction she kept in the study cabinet were missing.
"Years ago, I told you that as our daughter grew up, it wasn't appropriate for me as a father to be too close, and that you as a mother had to keep a close watch. What were you watching?" Zhan Guocheng grew angrier as he spoke.
"Have you ever seen a family like ours where a girl marries someone outside without her parents' knowledge? You must take primary responsibility for her willful and reckless behavior."
"Right, right, right. It's all my fault. You're a great father, you're magnificent. Whatever Zhan Lin has become today is all because of the sins I committed as a mother."
Zhan Guocheng: "Are you resenting me?"
"What do I have to resent you for? I've admitted my mistake. What do I have to resent? Zhan Lin is strong-willed, and I indeed spoiled her. I only have one son and one daughter. As soon as Wenbin got engaged to Zhu Hongmei, you and Zhu Manyi used your connections to get them a house. You only told me and tried to convince me after the house was allocated."
"They've been living out on their own for three years. When Zhu Hongmei gave birth to Qingqing, she didn't even bother to inform me; she just called her own mother to look after her during the confinement month."
"Oh, Zhu Manyi spoke so beautifully—'Huiying, you have work to be busy with, don't let a small family matter delay your work.' He said his wife didn't have a job and could devote all her energy to taking care of Zhu Hongmei."
"Aren't they just afraid that since Zhu Hongmei gave birth to a daughter, I would look down on her? I have a daughter too; am I that kind of person who favors boys over girls?"
"I carried big bags and small bags to my son's house to see my granddaughter. Zhu Hongmei was in the living room, and her mother said, 'Oh, look who's here. Why did you bring so many things? Come in and sit.' In my own son's house, I was like a guest. But why? That's my son's house."
"Do you feel wronged?" Zhan Guocheng sneered. "Before you criticize Zhu Hongmei, shouldn't you conduct some self-reflection first?"
As if her sore spot had been poked, Hong Huiying suddenly exploded. "Me? Reflect? If I reflect, can your mother give me back my child? He was over four months along in my belly; his hands and feet were already fully formed. If everything had been fine, he would be twelve years old now. Would I have given all my favoritism to Zhan Lin otherwise?"
The air suddenly turned cold and stagnant.
The muscles in Zhan Guocheng’s jaw twitched. He stared at Hong Huiying; even if he couldn't see the expression on her face clearly, he kept his eyes fixed on her.
Hong Huiying stiffened her neck, her chest heaving violently. Time ticked by second by second, but she didn't show the slightest sign of weakness.
"Time and time again, I have really had enough of you," Zhan Guocheng murmured. "You want to talk about that miscarried child? Fine, let's talk."
Hearing his tone, Hong Huiying couldn't help but feel her skin tighten.
"I’ll just ask you this: when you were pregnant with Wenbin and Zhan Lin, as long as my mother was around, you wouldn't even move if the oil bottle tipped over. How come you suddenly became so 'diligent' after we had both a son and a daughter and you were pregnant for the third time?"
"The day you miscarried, when Guoli brought the coal over, didn't my mother tell you to stay in the room? While my mother and Guoli were moving the coal, you suddenly stood behind her. Four months pregnant, you were bumped by my mother, and you miscarried."
"Zhan Guocheng, what do you mean by that?"
"What do I mean?" If there weren't several other families living in Building No. 6, Zhan Guocheng would have started shouting long ago.
"You truly are Zhang Yufeng’s niece. Asking my mother to return your child? You have the nerve to say it, but I don't even have the face to hear it. What kind of intoxicating soup did Zhang Yufeng feed you to make you so devoted to her and make you mistreat my mother like this?"
"Zhan Guocheng," Hong Huiying struggled to remain calm, her tears falling. "Do you have a conscience? If you're dissatisfied with my aunt, why didn't you say so when you were benefiting from her? When the Old Man was alive, why didn't you call her 'Zhang Yufeng' to his face? Don't forget, without my aunt, where would you have gotten your…"
"Without your aunt, my mother would have taken the three of us siblings to live in the Beijing government compound. Everything your aunt has today was given to her by my father. My mother and my father were childhood sweethearts. She was the wife my grandparents personally paid a betrothal gift for, the wife my father officially married. She was my father's original wife."
"What's the use of saying all this? The one living in the Beijing government compound now is my aunt. My aunt and the Old Man's marriage was approved by the organization."
"Yes, your aunt is capable. Compared to her, my mother just cared too much about her dignity and the bigger picture. Zhang Yufeng was such a clever person; while her husband’s bones were still warm and her two daughters were still lying in hospital beds, she set her sights on my father. What kind of work did my father do before the Liberation? Underground work. How did she manage to cling to him?"
"As soon as she managed to marry my father, she was in a frantic hurry to get pregnant."
"When my father encountered us—his mother and children—in Weiyang City, she got word of it. Despite her bulging belly, she rushed to Weiyang overnight, plopped down on her knees before my mother, and spoke of nothing but how hard my father had it and the future of us children."
"In the world back then, did my mother have any choice but to back down? And that one concession has lasted until now. You talk to me about conscience? Have you ever talked about conscience with your 'good aunt'? Have you ever felt your own conscience?"
Beads of sweat broke out on Hong Huiying’s forehead, and goosebumps rose on her forearms. She had never seen Zhan Guocheng so harsh and stern.
Zhan Guocheng had been holding these words back for over twenty years. "Why did Zhang Yufeng send me to Beijing to study for two years after she gave birth to Zhan Shuping?"
"Because Zhan Shuping was a girl, and she lacked confidence. She wanted to win my father over and keep my mother quietly in Weiyang. Once Zhan Guosheng was born, she had her pillar of support, and she kicked me back to Weiyang."
"Why did you marry me, and why did I marry you? You and I both know the answer. It’s because Zhang Yufeng needed you to marry me to keep an eye on me and my mother. It’s because Zhang Yufeng wanted me to marry you so that I would always be 'sensible'."
"Conscience? What conscience? It was all damn calculations."
"Kicking me back to Weiyang wasn't enough; she even married He Zhenghong and He Zhengli off to Weiyang so I could look after them. Tell me, which of those two little vixens is easy to deal with?"
"All these years, they’ve been taking things from me. Have they ever had a single sincere word of thanks? They use my name to pull strings outside. Which time was it not when the matter was almost finished that they finally told me? How many favors have I had to return for them through gritted teeth?"
"Hong Huiying, honestly, I used to pity you. I thought you had it hard—orphaned at eleven and living under someone else's roof."
"In Beijing, He Zhenghong and He Zhengli were grown girls, yet they wouldn't even wash their own dirty undergarments. In the dead of winter, your ten fingers would be frozen thicker than carrots from the ground as you washed their things clean. Did either of those sisters ever wash a single one of Zhan Shuping’s diapers?"
"Seeing your fawning attitude in front of He Zhenghong and He Zhengli made my heart ache for you—aching because you didn't have parents. But all that heartache vanished after you came back to Weiyang with me."
Hong Huiying regretted arguing with Zhan Guocheng. At this moment, he made her shrink back.
"Hong Huiying, you and I know each other's roots. Once, I really wanted to live a good life with you and make our family prosper. But how did you live with me?"
"Do you know? Every time I see you acting high and mighty in front of my mother, in front of Guoli and Shumin, my mind can't help but picture your slave-like behavior in front of Zhang Yufeng’s daughters."
In the July heat, Hong Huiying was shivering, her soaked nightgown clinging to her back. She wanted to tell Zhan Guocheng to shut up, but facing those eyes staring intently at her, she inexplicably didn't dare.
Seeing Hong Huiying shrinking back, Zhan Guocheng grabbed her collar and pulled her close, almost pressing his nose against hers. "You’re just a person with a cheap bone. My mother was so good to you, yet you took advantage of her and threw filth at her. When He Zhenghong and He Zhengli call you 'sister,' you revolve around them like a dog."
"All these years, I’ve lived with you with one eye open and one eye closed, and you damn well assumed I was blind. Since you married me, have you calculated how much money you’ve given to Zhang Yufeng? Do you have any idea how much you’ve flattered the He sisters?"
"You complain that Zhu Hongmei doesn't respect you as a mother-in-law, but have you considered why she doesn't respect you?"
"When your only son got married, who were you showing that fake, cold smile to at the wedding?"
"Last October, at the critical moment of Wenbin’s job transfer, I asked you to take out the ginseng Hongjun gave me to use as a gift. You couldn't produce it; you said you ate it to nourish your body. In the end, it was Zhu Manyi’s wife who went back to her family home in Liaoning and bought one at a high price to use for your son's gift."
"Did you ever mention the money for the ginseng?"
"How do you expect Zhu Hongmei to respect you?"
"And Zhan Lin, the daughter you supposedly favor. When she graduated from high school, policies for 'going to the countryside' were tightening. You, as the director of the Xinhua Road Neighborhood Committee, clearly had a recommendation slot for a sales clerk position at the department store. You didn't think of your 'favored' daughter, but gave it to He Zhengli to suck up to her in-laws."
"I asked you what to do about Zhan Lin. You said Old Lady Qin had some old connections in Sanhuaguo Street, and that connections should be used while people are alive, because they’d be useless once they're gone."
"Are those words even human?"
"You truly disgust me."
"Are you finished with your accusations?" Hong Huiying couldn't take it anymore. "I've been with you for over twenty years, I've given you two children, I've managed this household until now—even if there's no merit, there's hard work, right? And you say I disgust you?"
"You and Qin Xiaoqin have been fooling around for sixteen years—don't the two of you disgust people?"
"Qin Xiaoqin is so gentle and sweet that you treat her son like your own. Shi Xiangying is about to start working at the power plant, right? Vice Director Zhan, do you know what the rumors are outside? I don't find that disgusting?"
"Whether Qin Xiaoqin and I are 'clean' or not, haven't you always had people watching us? On the other hand, you…" Zhan Guocheng smiled, letting go of Hong Huiying’s collar. "When did you stop being pure?"
The words Hong Huiying was about to say caught in her throat, and a sharp ringing sound filled her ears.
Zhan Guocheng got up, stepped over her, and got out of bed. He pulled a cigarette from his briefcase, put it in his mouth, and struck a match. After lighting the cigarette, he took a deep drag, glanced at Hong Huiying who was still frozen, and turned to leave the room.
Hearing the door close, Hong Huiying suddenly collapsed, slumped on the bed, buried her head in the thin quilt, and sobbed.
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