In her past life, Xie Mingzhu truly had no idea that Huo Xuan loved her. After all, they had been extremely close since childhood, and she had never once considered their relationship in that light.
But now, she was no longer that young girl. Having lived through so much, she naturally understood that Huo Xuan felt far more than just friendship toward her.
“Huo Xuan…”
The moment she spoke his name, he pulled away and cut her off. “What would you like for dinner? I went to the county town today and bought some meat. How about braised pork tonight?”
Xie Mingzhu looked closely at him. His expression was calm and composed, making that moment of vulnerability just a moment ago feel like nothing more than a figment of her imagination.
Before she could reply, he rolled up his sleeves and headed toward the kitchen.
“You go rest in your room first,” he said as he walked. “I’ll call you when the meal is ready.”
The instant his back was turned, however, his face fell into a look of regret. Clearly, he felt he had been far too forward just now.
He dared not hear what she would say next. He was terrified that she would turn him away and forbid him from coming near her again.
At times, he grew to hate his own hesitation and timidity.
Yet the vast gap in their social standing held him back again and again.
She was the beloved young mistress of a wealthy family, while he was merely the son of their housemaid.
Even his own mother had once told him: Even if her family’s fortunes have declined, people like us are still worlds apart from her. Do not let your hopes run wild.
In their past life, he had kept his distance from her—and in the end, it had led only to her tragic death.
Thinking of this, Huo Xuan’s gaze suddenly hardened with resolve. He turned around and walked back outside.
When he reached the courtyard, Xie Mingzhu was nowhere to be seen. He glanced into her room, but she was not there either.
Frowning deeply, he scanned the yard and finally looked toward the outhouse.
He sighed softly and turned back toward the kitchen.
In reality, Xie Mingzhu had not gone to the outhouse at all. She had simply felt her chest tighten and her breath grow short, so she had stepped out of the yard to clear her head.
Outside, the sky hung heavy and dark, and the air felt thick and sweltering—it looked as though rain would fall soon.
She wandered aimlessly for a while, and only when dusk began to settle did she turn back toward home.
Standing at the gate of the yard, she hesitated, unsure if she should go in.
To be honest, she had no idea how to face Huo Xuan right now.
Just as Huo Xuan was about to step out to look for her, he spotted her lingering at the gate, kicking small stones across the ground. A flicker of emotion crossed his eyes.
He quickly broke into a warm smile and called out, “What are you standing there for? Dinner is ready. Come wash your hands and eat.”
He did not mention what had happened earlier at all.
Hearing his easy tone, the unease that had been twisting in Xie Mingzhu’s chest finally eased a little.
The truth was, she herself could not quite sort out her own feelings toward him.
She had always known that Huo Xuan was a good man—there was no question about that.
But right now, she was simply not ready to enter into a new relationship.
She let out a faint, almost imperceptible sigh. Huo Xuan, who had been watching her closely, did not miss it.
He sighed as well, but then spoke as if nothing had changed, still smiling gently. “What are you standing there in a daze for? Come wash up and eat.”
Xie Mingzhu smiled back and nodded softly.
For dinner, there was steamed rice, a plate of braised pork, a serving of stir-fried greens, and a bowl of cabbage and tofu soup.
Simple fare, and not too much—just enough for the two of them, so nothing would go to waste.
As always, Huo Xuan was a skilled cook; the meal tasted wonderful.
Throughout the meal, neither said much. Huo Xuan only asked once if the food was good, and she replied that it was. After that, silence fell between them.
The atmosphere felt distinctly awkward.
When they finished eating, Xie Mingzhu reached out to clear the bowls, but Huo Xuan stopped her.
“Let me do it.”
He spoke swiftly, gathering the tableware and carrying it away to wash.
Xie Mingzhu nodded and said nothing more, turning to walk out of the kitchen.
Huo Xuan glanced back at her retreating figure, and once again a look of regret flashed across his face.
Things had been going so well between them, and it was all his fault for losing his patience—now he had turned the mood stiff and uncomfortable.
He sighed inwardly, while already wondering how he could smooth things over and ease the awkwardness between them.
Not long after dinner, the sound of thunder rumbled from outside.
Huo Xuan was still heating water for their evening wash. Seeing that his clothes were still hanging on the line in the yard, Xie Mingzhu got up and went out to bring them in.
She had just stepped out of his room when she found him standing right at the doorway.
Her face flushed with embarrassment. “I noticed it’s starting to rain,” she explained quickly. “Your clothes were still out there, so I brought them in.”
Huo Xuan nodded. “Thank you.”
Xie Mingzhu waved her hands hurriedly and hurried past him as if fleeing.
Huo Xuan watched her scurrying away and shook his head, half-amused and half-exasperated.
Did he really look like some kind of monster now?
Back in her own room, Xie Mingzhu slowed her breathing and pressed a hand against her chest, where her heart was beating far too fast. Taking several deep breaths, she gradually calmed her racing pulse.
Whether it was the oppressive heat brought on by the storm or something else, she felt a heavy tightness in her chest, as if she could not quite draw enough air.
From outside the door came Huo Xuan’s voice. “Mingzhu, the hot water is ready. Would you like to wash now? Shall I bring the tub in for you?”
Xie Mingzhu called back in agreement. She had intended to say she could carry it herself, but as soon as she opened the door, there stood Huo Xuan, already holding the wooden wash tub in his hands.
“Thank you,” she stammered out.
Between them, an unexpected formality had settled in.
Huo Xuan only gave a soft “Mm,” said nothing more, and turned to fetch the hot water.
He carried the water over, set it down, and left again without a word.
Watching his back, Xie Mingzhu felt a strange tightness in her throat. On impulse, she called out, “Huo Xuan!”
He turned back and raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
She opened her mouth, then shook her head. “Never mind.”
After a short pause, she added, “Just close the door for me when you go out.”
Huo Xuan smiled faintly and nodded.
As he stepped outside, he gently pulled the door shut behind him.
Xie Mingzhu raised her hands and patted her own cheeks, then shook her head hard, as if trying to shake away all the jumbled thoughts swirling inside her mind.
She took out a fresh set of clothes, stepped into the steaming water, and felt herself relax instantly.
Her mind, which had felt so fogged and tangled, finally began to clear.