“Mn, I am happy. The court is just now getting back onto the right track, and everyone has been busy lately, so it’s rare that we get a chance to go out for a drink. A’duan, why don’t you come with me next time? You’re already familiar with Lao Xu and the others.”
Qin Duan blinked. Although everyone up and down the military ranks was fully aware of the relationship between him and Xie Zhengming, he had never dared to openly place himself side-by-side with Xie Zhengming, rarely ever going out in public with him. He worried that his existence as a sworn pact-brother would make Xie Zhengming lose face in public. Furthermore, Xie Zhengming had yet to take a wife, and unlike the southern regions of Min and Guang, many people in the north held a scornful attitude toward sworn pact-brothers. If they learned that Xie Zhengming already had a male partner, those noble, well-read maidens would likely be unwilling to marry him.
“I… I’m quite content staying right here in the Prince’s Estate, reading books by myself in peace and quiet.”
Hearing this, Xie Zhengming frowned imperceptibly. In his previous life, he would have accepted such words from Qin Duan at absolute face value; looking back now, he realized how utterly foolish he had been back then the lie had been so glaringly obvious.
Gently stroking Qin Duan’s face with a tenderness laced with deep remorse, he said:
“However, I remember that you are very fond of sweet-scented osmanthus wine. The Zuiming Tavern in the imperial capital makes exceptionally good osmanthus wine; next time, we shall go together, all right?”
At those words, a ripple passed through Qin Duan’s eyes. In the past, when he and Xie Zhengming were strapped for cash, Qin Duan would always manage to buy a small jar of osmanthus wine for Xie Zhengming’s birthday. And Xie Zhengming would invariably pour half into his own cup and save the other half for Qin Duan, knowing full well that Qin Duan loved the sweet wine just as much.
Later on, as their circumstances improved, he hadn’t tasted that osmanthus wine in a very long time. For Xie Zhengming’s birthdays over the past two years, a swarm of military generals always gathered to celebrate with him; yet there wasn’t even a designated seat for him at the banquet, leaving him to silently wait out the hours inside his own tent until Xie Zhengming returned from the festivities.
During those banquets, all manner of fine, exquisite wines and delicacies were available in abundance, but the osmanthus wine he prepared naturally could not grace such refined occasions.
For reasons unknown, even though he had long since made peace with this in his heart, Xie Zhengming’s sudden mention of it today caused a strange, aching sourness to twist through his chest. It felt like an old, chronic ailment suddenly flaring up, the surging agony hitting him with such force that it nearly drove him to tears.
Hastily averting his gaze, Qin Duan replied:
“…All right.”
Right now, Xie Zhengming’s entire focus was locked onto Qin Duan. Every breath Qin Duan took played out transparently under his watchful gaze, making it impossible for any emotional shifts to escape his notice.
A wave of agonizing guilt crashed over Xie Zhengming. In his previous life, he had actually chipped away piece by piece at this person who loved him so deeply, ultimately shattering him completely.
“A’duan, shall we get married? This very month, how does that sound?”
Qin Duan was thoroughly startled by this. Staring with wide eyes, he looked at Xie Zhengming in sheer disbelief, even wondering if the wine his Highness had consumed this morning had yet to wear off!
As years had passed, the promise of a formal, open marriage that Xie Zhengming had once made to him had come to feel like a breathtaking rainbow he had witnessed once upon a time: it truly had existed, but it could never remain forever in the sky and was bound to dissipate sooner or later.
He was grateful that it had once appeared before him; he had truly beheld its brilliant colors and experienced the breathtaking wonder it brought him and that was quite enough. As for Xie Zhengming, he was like that rainbow someone he could never truly grasp and whom he would inevitably have to let go of sooner or later.
Noticing the complex, searching expression in Qin Duan’s eyes as though treating him as someone spouting nonsense, Xie Zhengming felt a bitter ache in his heart.
“A’duan, you don’t believe me? I said I would take you as my legitimate wife through a proper, public ceremony, and I mean it!”
Qin Duan lowered his head in silence. He didn’t want to reject him outright; after all, this was the very sentence he had waited six long years for, yearned for day and night. Suddenly, he found himself desperately wishing to hear Xie Zhengming continue, even if the man wasn’t entirely sober right now.
Watching Qin Duan’s reaction, Xie Zhengming grew frantic with anxiety. Was he being too impatient? Or perhaps Qin Duan no longer felt toward him the way he used to? Could it be that because of his neglect over the years, Qin Duan’s heart had changed and he was planning to leave him in the future?!
Suddenly, Xie Zhengming pulled Qin Duan tightly into his arms and, without giving him a chance to protest, captured those cherry-red lips he hadn’t tasted across two lifetimes.
Qin Duan was utterly stunned; after all, Xie Zhengming had never lost control to this extent even when drunk. Shrinking back slightly, he stiffly endured Xie Zhengming’s kiss.
When the kiss finally broke, the delicate, ambiguous silver thread stretching between their lips made Qin Duan’s face burn with shaming crimson. At some point, his body had imperceptibly grown boneless and soft, leaving him completely dizzy—perhaps contaminated by the lingering scent of alcohol on Xie Zhengming’s breath, he had grown intoxicated along with him.
“A-zheng… stop messing around. I’ll have the kitchen prepare a bowl of hangover soup.”
How could Xie Zhengming be willing to let Qin Duan slip away? He hurriedly grabbed hold of Qin Duan’s sleeve, refusing to let him leave.
“A’duan, I’m not drunk, I’m truly not drunk. Besides, look at me… I’ve already reached this state… don’t go, please stay with me.”
Xie Zhengming had originally intended only to gaze at Qin Duan properly and converse with him, but that long-awaited, soul-stirring kiss had instantly ignited the pent-up, suppressed desire for Qin Duan burning deep within him raging like a blazing fire, swelling until the discomfort became nearly unbearable.
Following his line of sight, Qin Duan lowered his gaze, his face instantly flooding with scarlet heat:
“You… you this… but, it’s still daytime…”
Qin Duan’s voice grew fainter and fainter, because he knew deep down that his own resolve was crumbling. When it came to Xie Zhengming, he had never possessed any principles to speak of.
Knowing Qin Duan’s temperament inside and out, Xie Zhengming didn’t push him too hard. Softly coaxing him, he guided Qin Duan’s hand downward…
After a long while, Qin Duan’s hand was aching and sore, while Xie Zhengming stared blankly up at the ceiling, mentally sighing with profound sentiment:
Let her be some peerless beauty of breathtaking, otherworldly grace—even if ten or twenty such women stood before you, they couldn’t compare to a single hand of Qin Duan’s!
In his previous life, after marrying that venomous woman Yanning, he had indulged himself more and more. Out on military campaigns, whenever desire struck, he would summon a few attractive camp followers to his tent, and gradually, he even accepted every beauty offered to him by sycophantic flatterers, living through a remarkably dissolute period.
Yet once that initial wave of novelty faded, he always found it utterly tasteless. More often than not, holding those beauties in his arms, his mind would be entirely occupied by thoughts of Qin Duan, and the guilt gnawing at his heart regarding Qin Duan would only grow heavier. He resolved never to touch anyone else again; once Yanning gave birth to the child, he would devote himself heart and soul to Qin Duan.
Yet, tragedy struck in the end anyway. Qin Duan’s legs had been shattered; imperial physicians stood helpless before the crushed bones, stating that simply walking again in the future would be a miracle.
At that time, Qin Duan was like a withered tree drained of all vitality, lying on his bed like a living corpse. He didn’t cry, nor did he protest his innocence ever again; he simply closed his eyes and remained completely silent. Across his pale, emaciated face, all signs of life were extinguished, to the point where a casual glance made it impossible to tell whether he was alive or dead. Only when the pain in his legs flared up fiercely would a trace of agonizing torment flash across that weathered face, proving he still breathed.
Later, just as the imperial physicians had predicted, Qin Duan was left permanently disabled, transforming from a dashing, graceful young man into a limping cripple. He left the Prince’s Estate to live out his days in solitude within a small rural courtyard.
Watching that fragile figure who seemed as though he might collapse at the slightest gust of wind, Xie Zhengming never dared to forcibly bring him back to the Prince’s Estate, leaving him with no choice but to yield to his wishes.
Later still, once he finally uncovered the full truth, the realization had pierced straight through his heart like a knife, leaving him wracked with agonizing remorse. That day, he had knelt outside the small courtyard, hammering on the door and weeping bitterly through the night, yet he failed to coax open that weathered wooden door he could have easily smashed to pieces with a single strike of his palm.
He had petitioned the Son of Heaven to be dispatched far away to garrison the northern frontier, purely hoping that time might dull everything and that Qin Duan might one day find it in his heart to forgive him. Regrettably, in the end, all he received in return was Qin Duan’s wedding invitation…