Did you try to fool the daughter of a flower lover? It's not that you had to be, but you tried to hide it. You are as shy as ever, but I love how you have the courage to do things in spite of it.
I love watching you struggle to get the words off your chest, without hiding anything. But I don't have to be my mother's daughter to notice. You couldn't have been more obvious, my everything, with black hair and black eyes.
I know there are no wild red roses around here, much less one with tens and tens of beautiful petals like this. You achieved a change; I grant you that. The red tulip in spring, I liked it, it was the perfect declaration: You gave me your heart.
The orchid surprised me. Did you remember those nights where we almost crossed the line? I remember them too. Your self-control is surprising. And frustrating sometimes.
The red camellia, vivid and burning, warmed my winter. It was a nice change. Not that much has changed, in comparison. Your devotion kills me. And I love it.
The red sunflower was unusual. Where did you get it? I know what it means: your eyes are fixed on me. I can feel it. I can see it. Because mine do the same to you.
The last one was... a white rose. On my birthday. The last summer before you left. It was the best gift. Pure. Beautiful. Sincere. Chaste. Eternal...
It hurt to press them all. But I'm glad I did. That way I can see you, shining every time I think of you, every time I see those confessions of love. Shining a million times brighter than a diamond under the sun's rays.
For a long time, I lied to myself saying it wouldn't work. I thought you would be better off with someone else. I felt unworthy since forever. As if I didn't deserve anything. I still believe it sometimes.
I remember the coldness and apathy I felt even toward my mother's unconditional love. The same mother I would now, thanks to you, give everything for. I felt punished. "If only they knew," I thought. You, on the other hand, seemed to know. You knew more about me than I did myself. That was enough.
You slowly removed my shell. With love, understanding, patience, respect. You educated me. You made me live.
So, forgive me if I am selfish now and want you with me at all hours. I love you. Forgive me if I love you too much. Forgive me if I didn't tell you. The truth is, I never imagined being with anyone else. I dreamed of waking up with my face buried in your chest.
Please, teach me again what it is to love. I beg you. I need you.
All those times you laughed. I liked to imagine I was the reason. You are laughing.And God, it would be great if I were the reason.
Even in your final moments. When you suffered the most. I wanted those tears not to be from the pain. Not to be from the helplessness, from your organs failing one after the other. I wanted to wrap you up. I want to carry that weight too.
I want those tears to be for the future we planned that looked more impossible every day. You are crying.And it would be great if I were the reason.
I owe you an apology for something: I didn't go see you rest. I couldn't. I am selfish. I wanted the last image of you to be that smile.
But I will live for you.And for me. Even if I still struggle to imagine it. I will live. I promise. Just as you wanted.
And when I finally succeed, I swear on my soul that I will go see you rest. I will tell you everything. We will talk about you. We will talk about me. We will talk about us. Lying on the grass for hours, just like before. What flower would you give me this time? I look forward to it.
Forgive me for only taking and taking from you. I couldn't save you. I cannot have you. But it’s okay. It’s okay now. We will see each other again, after all.
I will bring the book you gave me, the one with all our flowers inside. I will gather the courage to open it again, just as you did with me.
I won't say I'll remember you. Because I will never forget you.
So, see you later. Tonight, I will go to sleep with the vivid image of your last smile. That smile you gave me despite everything. That smile that will shine forever in my memories. That smile that will always shine a million times brighter than a diamond under the sun's rays.
My everything. I love you. Forever.