Lin Ruhai fell silent.
Grief hung over the two of them like an invisible cloud of smoke.
After a long while, Jia Min could no longer bear the oppressive atmosphere and changed the subject.
“Master, there’s something I want to discuss with you.”
“Go ahead.”
“If I…”
Jia Min’s tone became solemn.
“If I’m gone, will you remarry?”
Lin Ruhai’s hand stilled.
“What nonsense are you saying?” His voice was slightly hoarse. “You’re not going anywhere. Daiyu is still young. You still have to watch her grow up.”
“I said if.” Jia Min persisted. “If you do intend to remarry, could you let me help you choose someone beforehand…”
“Who do you want me to marry?” Lin Ruhai’s expression darkened.
“Madam Weisheng of the Li family, who was widowed last year.”
Lin Ruhai froze.
“Who did you say?”
“The recently widowed madam of the Li family,” Jia Min repeated. “Li Yanming’s widow.”
“What nonsense are you talking about?” Lin Ruhai stood abruptly, his brows drawn tightly together. “She’s a widow and still observing mourning. How could you…”
“Not now!”
Jia Min cut him off.
“I mean later.”
“What ‘if’ is there?”
“She still has a year and a half of mourning left. If I…” Jia Min paused. “Wouldn’t you also have a year of mourning to observe? If she still hasn’t remarried by then, and you decide you want to take another wife, why not…”
She drew a deep breath.
“Don’t worry, Master. I’ll leave a letter for Mother. I’ll personally ask her to act as matchmaker for the two of you.”
“Impossible.”
Lin Ruhai rejected the idea without hesitation.
“Master…”
“I said it’s impossible!”
His voice was hard, but under Jia Min’s gaze, it gradually softened.
“I know what you’re worried about. You’re worried about Daiyu. You’re afraid that if I marry again, her stepmother won’t treat her well.”
Jia Min’s eyes reddened.
“But none of that is going to happen.”
Lin Ruhai spoke to her earnestly.
“I’m already over forty. After all these years, I gave up on the idea of having a son long ago. Daiyu is exceptionally capable. She can remain in the Lin family and have her future husband marry into our household.
“Otherwise, why would I have found a jinshi to teach her? What family’s daughter… No, even a son highly valued by his family might not have a teacher this accomplished.
“Daiyu is the heir to the Lin family. Why create unnecessary complications?
“Besides, I’m hardly lacking women.”
Lin Ruhai did his best to soothe Jia Min’s restless heart.
“There are concubines in the inner residence to attend to me, and the household affairs are handled by the stewards. I have no need to remarry.
“If you’re still worried…”
Lin Ruhai gritted his teeth.
“I know you’ve always wanted Daiyu to be raised at the Rongguo Residence. If you truly can’t feel at ease leaving Daiyu with me, then after you… I’ll personally find someone trustworthy to escort her to the capital!
“Daiyu is my daughter. I won’t let anyone bully her.”
As Jia Min listened, tears began spilling from her eyes one after another.
Lin Ruhai’s words were deeply moving.
Yet in her heart, Jia Min did not believe them at all.
It was not that she distrusted him as a person.
She distrusted the human heart.
The world had always been unpredictable, and people’s hearts were quick to change.
Who can guarantee what will happen in the future?
He’s saying now that he won’t remarry because I’m still here. What man would tell his gravely ill wife to her face that he plans to take another wife after she dies?
No man would be stupid enough to do that.
But what happens after I’m gone?
He might keep his promise for a year or two and refuse to remarry.
But what about two or three years?
Four or five?
Jia Min had waited so many years before finally having a daughter.
She could not bring herself to gamble Daiyu’s entire life on a man’s heart.
Seeing how strongly Lin Ruhai resisted the idea, Jia Min did not continue the subject.
She did not want to quarrel with him.
The husband and wife chatted about other things for a while longer before Jia Min began showing signs of exhaustion.
Lin Ruhai rose and left, not daring to disturb her rest.
What he did not know was that the moment he left, Jia Min opened her eyes.
She reached toward the young maid standing nearby.
“Help me up!”
The young maid immediately stepped forward.
After Jia Min sat up, she rested for a while before struggling to get out of bed.
The young maid was startled.
“Madam, you…”
“Are you blind? Help her!”
Another maid heard the commotion and came in. Seeing the situation, she pushed the younger maid aside, pulled back Jia Min’s blanket, slipped one arm beneath her shoulders and the other beneath her knees, then lifted her straight into her arms.
Jia Min was startled.
“Why didn’t you warn me first? You frightened me, picking me up so suddenly!”
The maid apologized repeatedly.
Only then did she ask, “Where would you like to go, Madam?”
Jia Min pointed toward the outer room.
“I’m going to write some letters. Carry me out there and prepare the brush, ink, paper, and inkstone.”
“All right.”
As she answered, the maid glanced at the younger girl. Her lips were smiling, but there was no warmth in her eyes.
“Didn’t you hear Madam’s instructions?”
The young maid immediately scampered away.
The older maid muttered, “She’s still young. She doesn’t know how to handle things properly yet.”
Jia Min knew she was trying to make excuses for the girl and smiled as she shook her head.
“I chose her myself. Wouldn’t I know what she’s capable of? I only keep her around because she’s amusing. I never expected her to be much help.”
By the time they finished speaking, they had reached the outer room.
The maid set Jia Min down on a stool, then returned to the bedroom and brought out a chair piled with soft cushions. She placed it in front of Jia Min and helped her move into it.
The young maid soon returned with the writing materials.
The older maid took them and arranged everything one by one.
Jia Min sat in the cushioned chair with her eyes closed, resting for a while as the maid ground ink beside her.
“Madam, it’s ready.”
Jia Min opened her eyes, picked up the brush, and dipped it into the ink.
The tip of the brush touched the paper, leaving behind a spreading blot of black.
Yet for a long time, she could not bring herself to write.
The maid asked curiously, “Who are you writing to, Madam?”
Jia Min lowered her eyes.
As she wrote the words “Farewell Letter,” she answered, “Yu’er, the Old Madam, and Master.”
The maid’s face changed dramatically.
“Madam!”
“What are you panicking for?”
Once the first character was written, the thoughts that had been blocked inside Jia Min seemed to burst through a floodgate, surging forward all at once as though they might drown her very soul.
Her eyes reddened, but she continued writing as she comforted the maid.
“Writing a farewell letter isn’t going to make me die on the spot.
“My illness is already like this. I most likely won’t recover. Rather than dying suddenly one day and leaving everything behind in a complete mess, I’d rather arrange everything now while my mind is still clear. That way, I won’t leave all of you scrambling afterward.”
The maid could no longer hold back and began to sob.
“It’s all Heaven’s fault! Madam is such a good person. You should have lived to a hundred! How could you have ended up with this wretched illness that can’t even be cured? How could…”
“That’s enough. It’s not worth making such a fuss over.”
Jia Min had already been ill on and off for more than a year.
She had accepted reality long ago.
Now she only wanted to make proper arrangements for Daiyu. She did not want to dwell on anything else.
Brooding over it would only exhaust her mind and body and do her condition no good.
Hearing that, the maid immediately fell silent.
But tears continued to gather in her eyes, trembling there without falling, making her look especially pitiful.
Jia Min did not see any of it.
She was already completely absorbed in writing her farewell letters.
By the time the maid had managed to compose herself, Jia Min had finished the two letters for Daiyu and Old Madam Jia and had begun the one for her husband, Lin Ruhai.
[Ruhai, I hope this letter finds you well.
If you are reading this, then it means you have changed your mind and decided to remarry, taking another wife to manage the household…]