I wish God made me racist.
Okay, a bit out of the blue, and a little bit of an overexaggeration. Let's take a step back.
Of course I immediately got to work setting my new laptop up, sending out a flurry of messages on my phone as I worked.
And what is a teenager going to do with their own computer and unrestricted access to the internet?
Research of course.
No, not that. Actual research.
Admittedly, I felt a little weird as I typed in 'why do black people exist' in the search bar, but needs must.
There was a whole lot of scientific mumbo jumbo that I was too blonde to understand, but apparently long ago in human history it was caused by a genetic quirk. That's it. It's not like black people originate from somewhere specific, they come from everywhere. I could go out there and dig up a black guy, and he could tell me all about how his many times great grandfather was a renowned samurai. I'd argue with it, but my best friend has blue hair, so I decided to just move on.
It was also why there were no black women. This quirk in women manifested as a very tan look. It took me a little to connect the dots and think about all the gyaru women I had seen in my life. There was such a girl in my class, but I always thought she was just a hooker. I mentally extended an apology towards her.
It was at this point I was starting to feel very blonde, as I suspected this world might not be some real hentai shit.
Slut brain had pushed me in that direction, and the black men and gyaru women just served as further confirmation, and I hadn't bothered to think about it any further. Combing through my memories for any other evidence left me with nothing, and I was slowly forced to face the truth: This was not a hentai world at all.
Maybe I was just a regular slut?
I had considered my sex life from the point of view of a rather liberal sexual morality, which had me thinking I was being rather tame. So was I too wild?
That I didn't know, since that depended on sexual morality, which I didn't know anything about. When the girls at school gossiped about boys I tended to tune it out a little, so I was very unsure about how active other girls my age were. Maybe I should keep an ear out for how fast things go with Jun and Rin? That is a sample size of one though, and as such of questionable use.
My vacation friends weren't much help there either, as I didn't actually know enough there to come to conclusions. Yui was happy that she hadn't had sex with the scumbag, but anyone remotely sane would be happy about that, almost no matter how willing they were to spread their legs. Keiko was having sex with her boyfriend, but they were in their first year of college, so that seemed very normal no matter how I tried to view it. Chizuru wasn't in a relationship, but had had sex before, which didn't tell me much.
Perhaps more importantly, I had to ask myself: Did it matter?
It didn't. Whatever the world may consider me, I was perfectly happy continuing as I was. I could concede, that at my age it could carry very harsh consequences if I was publicly considered very promiscuous, but at this point in time I had had sex with one guy once, and I was 17. If that was considered a lot, me and the sexual morality in this new life were going to be mortal enemies. Happy with that conclusion I moved on.
Having thought about Yui I looked up women with big tits, and I could now say I had seen bigger. Then I remembered that I was straight and hurried to look up pictures of big dicks, before I again remembered I still had things I needed to educate myself on.
With that I turned towards the next thing I had to research. Turns out no, black men don't have larger cocks. Good to know, now slut brain can stop obsessing over that.
Which left me with my final topic to research.
Slut brain was fixated on black men, so I had drawn the conclusion that I carried some subconscious baggage when it comes to black men.
I may dissociate from her a little, but slut brain really is just me. Specifically my most carnal desires. There is a large difference between fantasy and reality though. The most obvious example is probably women and their tendency towards rape fantasies. However, just because you fantasize about something doesn't mean you actually want it. I wasn't sure what my desires and fantasies said about me. You are reading on g.com, the official source.
So my final topic for research was actually porn, with slut brain cheering me on as I was finally putting my internet connection to proper use. Specifically interracial porn, though it was not called that here.
So I tucked myself into bed and got to watching a black man absolutely screw the brains out of a woman, and it was definitely doing things for me. After watching for a little while I flicked to another video with a similar setup. And another. And another.
Yup, me likey. I knew I was putting myself in the woman's position, and I absolutely wanted that. I wanted a black man to run his hands over my body, I wanted to run my hands over his body, I wanted him to throw me on the bed, get on top of me, pin me down, and fuck me completely senseless.
I tried watching some porn with gyaru women, which was a bit more hit or miss, and then went back to watching black men. Watching that black cock slide into their pussies was absolutely hypnotizing, and how his hands roamed across her body gave me goosebumps.
I had a weird idea, and then I set about finding some porn that was a bit more obscure.
I really should have stopped at watching black men go at it.
See, it turns out that I don't have a sexual fixation on black men. At least, strictly speaking I don't.
My actual fetish was far more stupid. I briefly considered typing it into the search bar, but I was afraid it would just say 'you stupid, slut?' or something in that vein.
The slightly more obscure porn I found was people fucking while wearing body paint.
I really didn't have a sexual fixation on black men, instead I had a fetish for colors. Watching a black man fuck a pale woman? Very much yes. Watching a painted couple have sex? Very much yes.
It does come with the caveat that the colors have to match properly. Two people going at it with body paint that doesn't match is apparently a crime against nature, as it makes slut brain hiss like a vampire which has just been dunked in garlic dressing. Which does explain the whole thing for black men though: It's naturally occurring everywhere, and it makes for a good contrast compared to my own skin tone.
I groaned into my pillow.
Then I mentally added to my bucket list that I had to find a black man to have sex with at some point in my life.
At least I could be less awkward around them now, since I didn't have to watch myself for subconscious bias.
So yay?
Ugh. Why do I have a stupid fetish?
Actually using body paint in my sex life was discarded right away, as it was just far too unlikely to actually work. I would have to find someone willing to spend all that time to get painted, and I knew myself well enough that I would likely find some fault, and then we would have to redo the whole process.
Imagine someone inviting you over for sex, and instead you spend fucking hours finger painting instead of actually fucking.
After groaning into my pillow a little more I felt better.
It wasn't like my type of guy or anything had changed. I wasn't going to go on a grand crusade to sleep with every black man I could possibly get my grubby little mitts on. Masculine facial features, of the handsome kind, a little tall, and a good physique. This chapter was taken from g.com without permission.
Black was just a little bonus. Kind of like my obsession over large cocks, which was still going strong.
I had accepted that as part of me by now, no matter how uncomfortable I knew it was likely to be. Perhaps I was one of the lucky women who could handle it well? I hadn't measured Noburo, but he was about seven inches which should be above average.
Having sex with him, even though it was my first time, hadn't felt bad at all, and at no point had I felt that he was too big. Maybe women in this world could just handle more?
I put porn to the side for now and started searching for average penis size, which did conform to the idea that I had. Then I went looking for what women thought about the sizes of men, which of course was a rabbit hole of contradictions that didn't help at all.
I instead turned my search towards a good enough forum to use, and once I found a suitable one, made a throwaway account and made a post myself:
"Title:
18 year old girl obsessed with large cocks
I'm an 18 year old girl, and recently I had my first time with a guy. He is about 7 inches long, but I didn't feel any discomfort either before or after. Is that normal? Does it mean I have a higher tolerance for larger men than I normal?
I want to know, since I've found out I have a fetish for large cocks, and I wonder if it's something I can safely pursue."
I took a few moments to consider it, then changed my age just to be safe. My birthday wasn't that far away anyway. It looked fine to me, so I posted it. I put it aside, then I kept browsing. Jun had texted me back, and I exchanged messages with him as I went to the strangest places.
Hookup places were apparently a thing. I considered it for a little while. If I wanted to find a man who was very well endowed, it would be the easy and simple solution. I wasn't too sure about it though, but as a girl I would have my pick of whoever I wanted. Probably? Did it even work like that here? I didn't know. I kept the sites in mind, but clicked out of them.
I found the cute cat pictures and got a little distracted for half an hour, before I suddenly remembered my earlier post, and I clicked back to it wondering if someone was being helpful.
They most certainly were not, with a few rare exceptions.
There were plenty of people who had sent me pictures, which I was not interested in at all. Seriously, why would I want pictures when I had porn right there in another window? Some were calling me a troll, which I was not interested in at all either.
The best I got out of it was advice to go slow, and that the more aroused a woman is the easier it is, which did seem obvious in hindsight, but in my defense my brain was all over the place right now. Just because a man is large, didn't mean I had to immediately take all of it. I could safely have sex with a man, even if he was too large for me to take him entirely inside me.
Satisfied enough, I did my best to ignore my post's existence and moved on.
I looked up guidelines for anal sex next. I wasn't up for taking it up the butt, but I also wasn't against it? Half a year ago I was against vaginal sex, but now I was very open to the idea, so I was trying to keep an open mind. Hopefully my new reading material could help me settle the issue a little.
I was distracted from my research by a message on my phone. Jun was going to come over tomorrow morning, but it wasn't too late yet. I was a little tired from all the traveling, but there were cute animals to watch. I briefly considered masturbating since I had discovered the glory of porn, but I wasn't really feeling it.
I closed out of everything, then spent an hour admiring cute animals, for some reason landing on camels. Turns out camels are cute.
After I was finished I cleaned my browser history completely. I briefly thought of all the things I had been looking up, and while napalm was probably a better option, I sadly didn't have any on hand.
I set my laptop to charge, got up and went through my nightly routine, before I tugged into bed and fell asleep.