It's a beautiful day outside, and I'm screaming into my pillow.
I ought to stop doing that.
In my defense, I only did it for a little bit. It was only the natural thing to do once I remembered what I had been looking up on my laptop last night after I woke up properly.
I double checked that my browser history really was gone, then I briefly considered throwing my laptop out the window. Reason prevailed, and I simply checked it another time. With a sigh of relief I concluded that my internet history was gone.
It was a dark chapter of my life that must never be revealed.
Though it will be repeated.
I went through my morning routine next, and dressed in a pair of white shorts and a teal top before I put my hair up in a pony tail. My outfit was something quickly thrown together, but since I was just staying home and hanging out with Jun it should be fine. I took a look in the mirror, and decided I needed a haircut soon, before I turned around and went downstairs.
My parents were still glowing from their romantic getaway.
"Do you have any plans for the rest of summer?" mom asked as she brought breakfast to the table.
"Not really? I plan to ask coach about kicking up my training another notch at some point," I said with some hesitation.
"It's summer vacation, just remember to have some fun too, okay?" dad joined in.
"I can wait until school starts again?" I tried to reassure him, "Oh, and Jun is coming over soon."
"How delightful. Should we set a plate for him too? When is he coming?"
"I don't know?"
"Teenagers," mom huffed and shook her head.
I quickly pulled my phone out and started texting to find out.
"You were a teenager once upon a time too, honey," dad defended me.
"Careful, or you can sleep on the couch."
Dad did the smart thing and shut up. I discreetly gave him a thumbs up.
"Jun will be here soon, but he already ate," I put my phone away and focused on the meal.
"He's a boy, so I'm sure he'll be hungry anyway. I better go find a plate for him," mom got up and left to acquire cutlery and a plate.
Her logic was beyond the understanding of mortals. Why did I have to find out if he had eaten, if he was going to get a plate no matter what? I shook my head and focused on my food. Mom returned, and I was interrogated further about my summer plans. Plans which could be surmised quickly: I don't know.
It was a relief when I heard our front door open.
"Hello!" Jun called out.
"We're in the kitchen having breakfast!" mom called out.
Best friends stuck with each other, but I still gleefully threw Jun to the wolves as he politely ate something while undergoing a thorough cross examination. As if he would know what my plans were, and apparently he knew about as much of his own plans.
Finally I took pity on him though.
"We'll be going to my room now, mom. Thanks for breakfast!" I grabbed Jun by the arm and started hauling him away.
"Thank you for the food, ma'am," he said politely before he was dragged out of the kitchen.
I dropped on the bed with a grunt and Jun got comfortable on the floor with his back against the bed.
"So, how did the tournament and vacation go?"
"Fine? I made some friends on vacation, and tried the hot springs, so that was nice," I nodded to myself, "how have things been at home?"
"Rather lazy," he hummed with satisfaction, seemingly content to leave it at that. This chapter was copied from g.com without permission.
"Come on, I didn't manage to pick up a single guy on vacation, so I need to live vicariously through you," I urged.
"Don't you have Noburo?"
"This is this, that is that," I lectured, "we're not even together, so of course I am looking for some sweet summer romance when I go on vacation to a beach somewhere."
"Romance?" he turned to look at me with a raised brow.
I threw my pillow at him. Poor pillow is destined for abuse.
"Stop being a smartass and tell me about Rin. I helped set you up with a hottie right before summer break, so you have to tell me!"
Jun looked away again. A great mistake of his which he shall pay for dearly if he doesn't gossip properly.
"Well, we've been on a few dates," he said slowly.
I sat up, devoting a bit more focus to him. I hope he can feel my glare into the back of his skull.
"Jun, I will fist you."
He turned slowly to look at me.
"Are you propositioning me or threatening me?"
"Yes."
Slowly he turned back again. I moved in quickly and gave him a smack on the forehead.
"Ouch!" he curled up, protecting his forehead, before he finally peaked out between his fingers and looked at me with an aggrieved expression on his face, "what did you do that for?"
Internally I rolled my eyes; Jun has always been a bit of a cry baby. He grabbed my arm and pulled me down on the floor, then scurried up and occupied my bed. It was too warm to fight, so I sprawled out on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. The floor is friend-shaped.
"You've pestered me for details, of course I'm returning the favor," I said.
"Well, we've kissed," he murmured quietly.
"My little Jun, he is slowly climbing the steps to adulthood," I sniffle theatrically.
"Piss off."
I snicker, feeling very satisfied with myself.
"Oh hey, is that new?" I take a look, and see that he has spotted my laptop, and is already reaching out for it.
Internally I panic for a few moments over my browser history, before I reassure myself that it is truly dead and gone.
"Yeah, my parents got it for me as a late birthday gift," I explain as he boots it up and starts tapping away.
"Sweet."
"What are you doing?" I ask curiously.
"Looking up dresses of course! We are no longer at the mercy of TV and magazines, Akane! Imagine the possibilities," he says with excitement.
I nod, or as close to it as I can while laying down, since he does have a good point. Now I have an additional reason that no soul must know about last night. If he knew what I had immediately looked up instead of clothes would he ever forgive me? I think not; I have brought great dishonor upon myself.
"So we're looking at clothes all day?" I ask as I start sitting up.
"Oh right," he stops and looks at me, "some of our friends are hanging out at the fountain today, so we should probably go there."
"Do you want to look at dresses for an hour first?"
Sitting side by side we achieve enlightenment over the next hour. Afterwards I quickly change out my bra so my nipples won't show in case I get splashed by water.
Our residential district does technically have a place for shopping. It's just a small square with a fountain in the middle surrounded by shops, and while it is better than nothing it is usually more appealing to accept a short train ride for a wider selection.
Apparently it's where some of the people we are friends with, including Noburo, have selected to hang out during the summer, and it's where Jun drags me after we leave my home behind. Likely because the weather is far too hot, ice cream is nearby, and the air around the fountain is notably cooler.
I receive a far warmer welcome than I expected, with a few of the girls even giving me a hug, though I suspect they are mostly just starved for entertainment. I tell them about how the tournament and my vacation went, before I encourage them to tell me about their summers. It's a mixed bag; some of them have already gone on trips while others first have plans later. Slowly people start putting a plan together about going to a water park in a few days. I'm willing, since it does sound fun.
About an hour later of idly chatting I track down Noburo, and then drag him off to a cafe where we can talk in private. We grab our drinks and sit down somewhere quiet.
I should probably ease into things, but at this point I'd rather just have it over and done with, so I go right for the throat.
"So, did you figure things out?" I ask.
"I think so, maybe. I want to try to make whatever this is work," he says slowly, as if he is still figuring things out. I narrow my eyes and decide to give him a solid poke.
"You know, I met a guy while I was on vacation, though it didn't go further than kissing and some touching," I say, as his head turns to me with his eyes slightly widened.
I take a moment to study him before I continue.
"You don't like that."
"No," he finally says after a full minute of silence, and I let out a sigh. This will probably be easier if we manage some sort of agreement.
"I'm willing to come to a compromise. We'll go on dates and we'll stay exclusive, well, I will, I don't care if you fool around with other girls, and once you graduate we completely break it off, if you agree to a compromise in return," I offer.
"Okay," he says, eyes hopeful as he looks at me, "what do you want?"
"I'll only stay exclusive while at home. If I head out of town, I'm free to do whatever I want. Considering your graduation date, that will only be around December most likely, with a small chance of Fall."
Me traveling abroad for the tournament in Fall was far from a certain thing. Sure, coach believed in me, but that wasn't necessarily enough, and it was a very high level competition.
"Why?" he asks, at seeing my confused look he clarifies further, "why am I not enough? Why do you have to be with someone else?"
"It's not a you thing, it's a me thing. And it's not that I have to be with someone else or that I'm even planning on it. It's possible I'll return from winter break without even having looked at another guy," I explain.
"I don't think I understand," he shakes his head.
"It's a matter of choice. I want to live freely, I want to do what I want to do. Maybe it makes me a bitch, but your happiness is not my responsibility; my own happiness is. I don't want to accept any chains."
"Chains? Is that really how you see it? That seems awfully pessimistic."
"Whether people want to admit it or not, falling in love, being in a committed relationship, it's a set of ball and chains. From my point of view it's a bad thing yes, but it's not a pessimistic point of view. These are restrictions people happily accept in the name of love, but I don't care about love, so why should I accept it?"
It grows quiet between us once more, and I take a sip of my cool drink to wet my throat.
"I have already accepted the compromise, that as long as I'm here I'll be monogamous with you, now it's up to you if you want to accept the compromise I ask for in return. You can also just accept, and then we break things off before I leave town," I offer.
I lean back in my seat and let him take his time. It's a difficult lesson to accept, that even if you avoid relationships, they still tend to barge in and complicate matters. Perhaps I should just give up on Noburo and find someone else to satisfy my urges, it would certainly be the easy path. But I'm enjoying my time with Noburo, and I don't want to stop seeing him.
I look towards our friends. Someone has dropped Jun in the fountain, and I'm a little sad it wasn't me who did it. Oh well, I can always go throw him in the fountain later or something.
"Okay," Noburo finally breaks the long silence, "I'm willing to give it a try."
I turn to look at him, and he doesn't look entirely sure. Should I try to dissuade him? I feel like I've already done that. I'm not entirely sure what to do here, so I decide to just move past it. It's his choice, and I can't make decisions for him.
We talk for a bit more before returning to the others, and the plan to go to a water park is locked in.
With a free day tomorrow, perhaps I should see Noburo? As I walk home with Jun a few hours later I start planning.