How the hell was I supposed to explain this? My lips just flapped without sound, and Cha Gweonwoo beat me to it.
“When I saw my memories, Guide Kim Doweon was there.”
He stared straight into my eyes. It felt like he was seeing me inside them.
“It looked like the Guiding Center. I was waiting there… Guide Kim Doweon promised he’d come at three o’clock, but he only showed up two hours later.”
My jaw twitched in shock.
Out of all those memories, why the hell did he see that one? We had good ones too. And anyway, which day was he even talking about? I’d been late so often they all blurred together.
“And then when he came, he didn’t even look sorry. He just smiled and said the traffic was awful—an obvious lie anyone could see through.”
Gweonwoo rubbed his brow slowly with a fingertip. I swallowed hard, watching him. There were so many times I’d made that excuse, I had no clue which one he meant.
“And still, I didn’t get angry. I didn’t say anything at all. Normally I would’ve.”
Wait. He didn’t get angry at me?
That was wrong.
I remembered crystal clear: every time I showed up late with some lame excuse, he’d stare at me like he couldn’t believe it, shove his hand out all impatient like Sit down, grab my hand already.
So why that memory, of all the past ones? Why not the ones where I actually guided properly?
My cheeks burned with shame.
“And then Guide Kim Doweon said he’d guide me, but instead he just held my hand and started nodding off. Before long, like it was the most natural thing, he climbed into my bed. And I just sat there watching.”
Yeah… I had a similar memory myself.
I hadn’t realized it before, but apparently when I nodded off, I always ended up hunting down the comfiest spot around. If I disappeared during a drinking party, anyone who’d gone out with me more than once wouldn’t even blink.
“Kim Doweon? He’s probably passed out on some couch. Check the sofa at the next table—don’t even bother looking.”
“And you’re saying I hated Guide Kim Doweon?”
Gweonwoo asked, like it was impossible.
What floored me even more was the confidence with which he decided from just those memories that he must’ve liked me. Where the hell in those scenes was there any trace of love?
Even with my baffled face in front of him, Gweonwoo just scratched his forehead in confusion.
“If I hated Guide Kim Doweon, then why…”
“…”
“Why does my heart race every time I look at him—both in the dream and right now?”
True enough, his heart was pounding.
He was sitting right next to me, and I could hear it in my ears.
I tilted my head, thinking it over.
Good question. Why was his heartbeat so fast? Was it always like this?
Was it because his wavelength levels were unstable? Or side effects from losing his memories and powers? If not that, then was his heart literally failing? At this rate, wasn’t this straight-up arrhythmia?
I got so worried I decided I’d have to ask the doctor. My face turned serious, but then Gweonwoo asked, dead earnest:
“So please, tell me honestly.”
“Tell you what?”
“What we were to each other.”
What we were? That could be summed up in one word. But it wasn’t the answer he wanted, so I hesitated, treading carefully.
“Well… if I had to put it in one phrase, contracted partners?”
“…”
“Or… a professional relationship?”
Or maybe, two people tied together by government pay, fulfilling our duties to each other. I guided him as much as he needed, and he called me whenever he wanted guiding. Except he called so damn often it wore me down and made me resent him.
We saw each other every day, but never contacted each other outside of it.
Didn’t he feel anything when his summoner didn’t even have me saved as a favorite?
“When we met, we barely said three lines a day. I’ll start guiding now. We’re done. Goodbye.”
And even those were all me!
Gweonwoo’s expression showed clear displeasure, like he didn’t like the answer one bit.
“Partners?”
He rolled the word around on his tongue, then suddenly looked at me, voice rough.
“So I’m the partner, and then… that woman?”
“That woman? Who—”
I blinked, then realized he meant Kang Juhui. My forehead went hot.
Seriously? Why was her name popping up again here?
“No!”
“Is she your lover?”
“No!”
God.
This bastard was exactly like my uncle who, every damn time we marathoned Harry Potter together, would ask if those two were dating. Even when I told him hundreds of times they weren’t, he’d fold his arms and smirk, Just wait. At the end they’ll kiss.
Gweonwoo must’ve read way too many comics as a kid. That’s the only explanation.
Exasperated, I spread my arms wide.
“No, Kang Juhui is—”
“Hyung.”
The low warning voice cut me off. I shut my mouth and glanced sideways at him. No matter how many times he said it, I couldn’t get used to that word.
“What.”
“Don’t say her name. Not in front of me.”
The rest of my words rolled off onto the table like they’d been chopped clean. She and I are nothing like that. Linking me romantically with her is an insult to her. You should apologize to her.
I tried to scoop those words back up and lay them out again.
“No, what I meant is—”
“Whether you are or aren’t, I don’t want to hear it.”
Chopped again.
His blunt tone left me open-mouthed, then clamped shut.
What the hell was this? His face looked like a kid at the playground throwing a tantrum because his mom wouldn’t let him go down the slide three times in a row.
At this point I wanted to grab a random passerby and beg, Excuse me, do you know why my friend here is pissed?
“If you’re nothing, then why do you stop me from calling you mine, but let her?”
I was going crazy.
“No. I’m not listening.”
This asshole! For once, please just listen to me!
After being cut off again and again, I ended up pounding my chest like an orangutan.
“Hey, will you let me talk!”
“And you won’t even do mucosal guiding with me…”
“That’s because—!”
“Forget it. I get it now.”
“Goddammit!”
Now I finally understood why my mom always looked like she wanted to smack me when she was tutoring me and I’d say, Got it, I know now. She’d always glare and snap, You don’t know shit!
I had no clue how to handle a twenty-year-old Cha Gweonwoo. I wasn’t ready to wrestle with this kind of childishness. I was a grown twenty-three.
I sighed, turned my shoulders away, and sat facing the other side.
If he didn’t want to hear a word from me, then what else could I do? If I couldn’t talk, I’d just eat fruit. He was stomping around in his own misunderstandings and huffing on his own.
I shoved pineapple into my mouth, crunching. The sweetness eased the heat boiling in me.
I’d used the same tactic with my ten-year-old nephew. Fine. I’ll play alone. You go play alone too. Then the kid would sulk by himself before eventually shuffling over, embarrassed. Apparently, Cha Gweonwoo at twenty wasn’t much different.
“Is it good?”
Halfway through the fruit, he snuck the words out. I ignored him. Then he took my hand, pulled it to his mouth, and ate the pineapple piece still there. His face twisted, and he grabbed a tissue from the end of the table to wipe his mouth.
How the hell could anyone hate fruit? Was he born on another planet?
I tilted my head and deliberately ate with relish. Gweonwoo sat meekly, like a cat that had knocked over its food bowl and was now too embarrassed to meet its owner’s eyes.
Maybe he’d slept badly. Babies got cranky when their sleep was disrupted. Not that I was calling him a baby. But he was acting childish enough to qualify.
Then something brushed my arm. I startled and looked over. His cheek was leaning against my forearm. He muttered, lips barely moving.
“Hyung, I think I’ve got a fever.”
His tone dropped flat at the end like he didn’t even have strength to finish. Now that I looked, his eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks red as sweet potatoes. With my spoon still in my mouth, I reached out. His forehead burned hot against my palm.
“What—”
My eyes widened. He blinked up at me with a pained look.
“I feel like my whole body’s been beaten. Everything hurts…”
Hold on. What was wrong with him? Was it because he’d used his powers yesterday during training? Had he pushed himself past his current stats?
I lifted his wrist to check his summoner, but he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.
“Guide me…”