Previously, on our tragic tale: I got caught.
"Hey, let's go get dinner."
Her irises—bright but strangely dull—locked onto mine and refused to let go. Her grip on my arm was iron. There was no winning by force. I knew I couldn't escape, so I simply shook my head.
"I'm not going."
"It's a gourmet place—they serve monster meat."
"I'm not going."
"They've got this whole gimmick where a retired hero-chef wheels the food in on a coffin."
"I am absolutely not going. Ever."
What is with this woman? Why won't she just leave me alone?
Rielle—the pastel lunatic—had healed completely, her heart beating once more in a body that should've been lifeless. And yet, she showed no sign of leaving the church. For someone who made such a terrifying entrance, her way of asking for a date was... disappointingly normal. A small mercy, maybe. But following her would only end in ruin.
If God recognizes her as a hero, then He must be getting desperate.
The thing is, for all her corruption, her face isn't bad. That's probably why those three poor heroes agreed to form a party with her.
Ah, right.
I suddenly remembered and spoke up.
"That stuffed-toy familiar of yours—"
"Come on, let's go on a date."
She refused to answer any of my questions about those three colorful little familiars. Surely she didn't turn her former comrades into plushies and enslave them... right? Right? If not, then she's been teaching random spirits creepy little lines for fun. Either way, her soul's twisted beyond redemption.
"Priest! Father Julius!"
Ah, finally—divine intervention. Took You long enough, God. Keep this up and You'll lose followers fast.
I welcomed the boy bursting through the church doors with the brightest smile I could muster.
"Welcome, Olivier. What brings you here?"
Formalities, mostly—I already knew.
He glanced toward the coffin he was dragging behind him and said quietly:
"Katarina is dead."
"Let me see... oh my."
I cracked the lid open and frowned theathetically. From head to chest, a clean, elegant gash split her in two. If she were a planarian, she'd be sprouting a second head by now. Lucky for her, she's human.
"This will take some time to fix. Rielle, perhaps you should—"
"It's fine. I'll watch."
...What?
"Go on, keep working. I'll just sit here and watch."
Rielle smiled as she gazed into the coffin—and at the mangled corpse inside. Her eyes, however, didn't smile at all.
* * *
She really did watch. The entire time I worked on repairing Katarina, Rielle stared without blinking once.
Creepy. Distracting. Miserable.
Completely unaware—or pretending to be—Katarina scratched her head and laughed sheepishly.
"Thank you so much, Father. That monster was faster than I thought!"
"And why, as a mage, were you more injured than Olivier? Remember—mages support the vanguard, not outshine them."
I lectured in my priestly tone, sneaking glances toward the pastel psychopath beside me. Please, just go home.
But the heavens were silent. Or ignoring me.
"Hey, Julius. You're done now, right?"
Her voice was honeyed, cloying—and the way she leaned in made my blood run cold.
How does she know my name?
"Aah..."
Olivier, the annoyingly perceptive child, suddenly understood something. His eyes widened, then dropped to the floor.
"Let's go, Katarina. The Father... must be busy."
Oh no. Oh no no no. He thinks I brought this woman here for... unholy reasons, doesn't he? If you think that, at least say it! I can't defend myself if you just silently judge me!
Also—don't leave me here. Please don't leave me alone with her.
Next time you come back to this church, there might be nothing left but a single white stuffed toy on the floor.
"Don't say that, Olivier. We should thank the Father properly for healing me."
Katarina—ever the master of ignoring context—pulled a filthy little bundle from her robe and offered it to me.
"You still have that? I told you to throw it away!"
Olivier muttered darkly, eyeing it like it was rotting garbage. What the hell is that?
"This, Father, is meat from that huge snake we fought in the forest! I salted and dried it for us to share. Let's grill it over charcoal again, just like last time."
"Oh my, dried snake meat? How... delightfully fresh."
I've seen all kinds of monsters and their remains, but this was my first time seeing blood-soaked jerky. And yet Katarina was all smiles.
"Sorry, this is my blood. But it's fine — it's wrapped up and waterproofed... uh, maybe it's seeping a little... but it's probably okay. If we cook it well. Probably."
How many times can one person say "probably" in a single sentence?
I wasn't the only one thinking "please stop" — Olivier's face tightened in a frown.
"Put it away, Katarina. That thing was poisonous."
"It's fine! The poison's from the fangs, right? The meat's safe. And if it's bad, the priest can cure the poison."
Is she seriously treating the church like a safety net for eating hazardous things?
I snatched the dripping bundle from Katarina with a single motion.
"Perfect!! You have no idea how much I love blood-dripping dried snake meat. Let's roast it until it turns to charcoal!"
"Are you... sane?"
Hey now, Olivier — don't look at me like that. I'm the sane one here. Rielle is the one off her rocker.
Eating meat soaked in a woman's blood seemed a safer bet than being left alone with her, I figured. It was a dark sort of logic, but a logic nonetheless.
Look at her — Rielle's face shifted from pale blue to cherry pink, like an LED on a loop.
"Huh... you won't go to that gamey restaurant, but you'll eat this woman's meat..."
Hey, what I eat inside the church is my business. Sure, it borders on extreme for a place before the altar, but still.
"This meat soaked in her blood... blood-soaked... meat..."
Rielle muttered to herself, rose from where she sat, and then lifted her arm. Something silver flashed in her hand.
Is that a mackerel? No. It's a knife.
"That's not fair! She's always the lucky one!!!"
Rielle screamed and brought the small blade down into her own arm. Blood splattered with a wet sound, staining my priestly robes red. Then she held out her arm like an offering.
"Drink my blood...?"
What kind of ritualistic request is this, exactly?
I began a quiet healing spell and reached for her wrist.
"Ten copper coins, please."
"Okay..."
Rielle produced coins with a rapt expression. She paid well, that one.
"You can do healing magic, Father? Any tips? I can't seem to get it right."
Katarina pushed into the middle of the madness like she always did. I respect her for it in a way, though I curse the hours she steals from the garden with her constant troublemaking.
See — Rielle's looking scary now... oh.
"Don't interrupt."
A thin line of blood traced down Katarina's nose. A small knife was buried deep between her brows.
"Rielle! What have you done? That's—"
"...It isn't that simple. Look, the obstacle is gone."
Rielle wiped the smear of blood from her cheek and smiled with terrible calm.
I couldn't believe it. Rielle, you've truly lost it.
Katarina crumpled to her knees. White light swelled around her. A heartbeat later, that light folded itself into the coffin that held her corpse.
"She's a hero. Killing her only means more work for me when she comes back. Please, spare me."
"Aah... this is the fifth time this month." Olivier buried his head in his hands. "The resurrections are eating up the food budget."
Rielle clasped her forehead the way Olivier did. "Five times?! I can only afford once a month."
Are you doing this on purpose, Katarina?
Never mind. I won't push it. Right now: revive the woman.
"Ugh... this woman gets revived five times a month..."
Still complaining. While Rielle watched with hungry eyes, I finished the ritual. Katarina's form stilled, then unfolded like a bloom.
"Huh? Did I fall asleep?"
The whole thing happened so fast she looked genuinely bewildered. Even as the one who killed her leaned near, Katarina blinked in innocent confusion.
"Stop it, Rielle! It's useless no matter how many times you try. Don't add to my workload."
"It's fine, Julius. I won't let this woman come near here again."
Really? Is that a promise? And don't call me by my first name like that.
"I'm joining your party."
"What?!"
Olivier made a sound like someone stepping on a frog. Rielle ignored him and pressed in on Katarina.
"I— I don't follow. This doesn't make sense."
Rielle corralled the baffled Katarina against the wall, hands planted on either side like a cage.
"Heh heh... tough luck. You'll never visit this church again. I won't let you die. I'll protect you even if I die for you."
Katarina's cheeks flushed pastel pink.
What the hell — who's getting romantic here?
Olivier, meanwhile, had already rolled his eyes back and begun foaming at the mouth.
Notes:
• Rielle - A female hero dressed in garish pastel colors, hopelessly in love with Julius and persistently pestering him, known for her necromantic abilities and erratic behavior..
• Julius - The Main Character.
• Olivier - A male adventurer burdened by the constant deaths of his companion Katarina.
• Katarina - A female adventurer known for her cheerful demeanor but cursed with a tendency to die repeatedly.