"Julius! Welcome baaaack!"
The folding tables in the church filled up fast—plate after plate dropped down in a clatter. Roast flame-eater bird. Grilled rampage-oni beef. Sautéed orc. "A feast," they called it. Yeah, right. It was all meat—just meat, stacked on meat. Not that it tasted bad, but after weeks without heavy food my stomach was already bracing for revolt.
Oh—grapes. Nice. Shame about the skins.
I popped one into Olivier's hair.
"Ow! Hey—what was that for?" He stared at me, a mashed purple moon glued to his head.
"Ah... sorry. Habit."
"Habit?"
While Olivier frowned, Katarina leaned close and stage-whispered loud enough for the rafters. "Come on. He got snatched by monsters, remember? Of course he's a little unstable."
Maybe. Or maybe it was the church itself. The place smelled... wrong. I must've gone nose-blind before, because this stench didn't belong in a house of God. No wonder the Children called it a haunted house. Cian's forest had been full of plant-beasts; flowers hung on the air there. Here, the air dragged like old blood.
"Oh no—look, Priest is crying again," someone said.
"He must've been through so much... poor thing. But truly, we're grateful. When this church shut down, we had to go to the next town over for resurrection."
I swatted Rielle's hand away before she could catch my tears with that hungry look, then turned to Olivier. "Didn't headquarters send a Priest?"
"They tried—or so they say. But a church hit by monsters doesn't get many volunteers. There were a few, but then—sudden illness, a landslide, stuck roads... In the end, we remained without a Priest."
That convenient? Sure. And I was the Pope. My mind flashed to the loli Goddess from the dream.
No. Coincidence. Has to be. Because if God's been tying me to this church by the ankles, I've got no way to run.
"Don't look so grim," Olivier added. "The cedar-clearing went well. The monsters were terrified—barely attacked at all. And the Archbishop strengthened the warding. The stronger the monster, the less it can approach the church."
So, being rescued by Cian? Don't count on it.
Besides, we already had a monster in the yard. I wondered what the great Archbishop thought when he saw Margaret-chan. Maybe the same as me: look away and keep walking.
"Hey, hey, Julius. This." Rielle held something up, bright as candy.
I told her a hundred times not to use my name.
It was the letter I'd written to the Hero—to stop them from searching for me. Guess how that turned out.
"Thanks to your letter, I could find you," Rielle sang. "The scent helped, and I wrung the monster carrying it for the rest. See? I worked so hard. Praise me. Praise me."
There was a bloodstain on the paper. Of course there was.
Right—Rielle's a Tamer. She probably has a spirit good at tracking. Stupid of me. The letter didn't just fail—it backfired.
Damn it. Pastel psycho. Mind your own business!
"Ah—no, Julius, don't. Everyone's watching... Wait—don't stop me."
I tried to grab her anyway. It was like tackling a wall. I gave up and folded over the table, face in my arms.
That's right. No amount of moaning is going to bring back my OP-skill, cheat-NEET life.
I'll be here again, stitching the Hero's pieces together, over and over, smoothing bone and knitting skin and—
"Ugh... u-ugh..."
"What's wrong, Julius? Are you hurt somewhere?" Her voice warmed the edge of my ear, gentle as a hand that wouldn't let go.
Notes:
• Julius - The Main Character.
• Olivier - A male adventurer burdened by the constant deaths of his companion Katarina.
• Katarina - A female adventurer known for her cheerful demeanor but cursed with a tendency to die repeatedly.
• Cian - a male forest demon with butterfly-like wings, dotes on his older 'brother' Margaret-chan and sometimes meddles too much.
• Rielle - A female hero dressed in garish pastel colors, hopelessly in love with Julius and persistently pestering him, known for her necromantic abilities and erratic behavior..
• Margaret-chan - an Alraune(?) living in the church garden with pure white petals and hair, flat-bodied like a doll, releases pollen, gender subject to various theories, hopelessly in love with Julius.