As usual, I'm out in the yard tending to my latest unwanted roommate—Margaret, the Alraune.
"Here you go, Margaret-chan. Nice, fresh water. Tastes good?"
Her petals glisten like they've just had an expensive spa treatment.
Damn it. Why isn't it working? It's supposed to be herbicide.
After giving up on destroying her head-on—since even Aegis couldn't defeat her—I decided to poison her slowly, working from the roots. So far, no visible results.
"Tch. Useless..."
That's enough for today. Staying here any longer will just ruin my mood.
I toss the watering can aside and turn to leave—
—but Margaret isn't done with me.
"Eh—"
A vine snaps tight around my arm and yanks me backward. My whole body spins, and suddenly I'm face-to-face with her humanoid form nestled inside the massive blossom.
The next thing I know, I'm lifted off the ground.
"Gyaaaah!?"
Pathetic scream, even by my standards. Can't help it—my stomach lifts, my heart freezes.
She knows. She knows I tried to poison her. I'm dead.
The vine lowers me down, setting me in the middle of her petals.
"Wh—what? What's going on!?"
Margaret just stares. Her face is humanoid, but expressionless; I have no clue what she's thinking.
Then, slowly, she spreads her petals and leans down over me. I brace for the squeeze of death.
Instead, she brushes her petals against my cheek.
"...What... what is this?"
No answer. Just the sound of petals brushing my robes as she rubs against me, like she's marking territory.
"What is this!? What's happening!?"
* * *
"Ah—achoo! Achoo!"
Damn it, I can't stop sneezing.
I brush the pollen off my clothes, blow my nose, and sigh. Thought I was going to die there. What the hell was that about?
Still, her strength and speed were unreal. No wonder Aegis couldn't defeat her. I mean, even when Gram attacked me, I didn't stand a chance.
...Maybe I should get in shape a little.
Not to beat Margaret—or any hero, really. Compared to ordinary people, they're on another level. But it'd be nice to at least have enough strength to shake free and run away.
Now, if only I had something to lift. Not likely—this is a church, not a gym. Oh, wait... that'll do.
Whoa, that's heavy. Better be careful.
"...What are you doing?"
The sudden voice makes me jump. I turn—slowly, creaking like a rusty gear—and meet Olivier's tilted-head stare.
"Ah, uh... redecorating."
I set down the statue I've been using as a weight.
"Sounds interesting. Shall I help?"
Before I can answer, Olivier casually lifts a large statue beside him—with one hand.
"Ah—no, no! Put that down! You'll damage it!"
Yeah, heroes are on another level. Forget training; what's the point? We're not even close. I'll think of another plan.
"So... how's Margaret doing?"
"Eh? Oh, uh... she's fine, I guess."
Of course. That again. Even nearly dying didn't teach him a lesson.
I try to change the subject, but Olivier moves before I can.
"Hmm? I hear something outside. Maybe Margaret needs me."
"Wait—stop—!"
He ignores me and opens the back door.
Heroes shouting. Swords clashing. A miniature battlefield sprawls across the yard.
"What... what is this?"
Ah, right. This is going to be difficult to explain.
When the church's backyard sprouted an Alraune, I told the heroes, "Surely God placed this monster here so you can train safely." Total nonsense—but they bought it.
Then again, this is the same God who allows resurrection. At this point, nothing surprises them.
For some reason, Margaret never harms the heroes who attack her. She just deflects their blows. No one's been seriously injured.
Even Aegis has fought her a few times, but still can't defeat her.
"Damn it... she's strong..."
The heroes drop to their knees, lamenting their own weakness. A necessary sight. People grow through adversity.
But Olivier doesn't understand.
"My poor Margaret... forced to fight all these heroes...!"
He trembles, muttering incoherently, then rushes forward.
"Wait! I'll protect you!"
"Stop!"
I grab him just as Margaret's vine lashes out, grazing his neck.
"Ugh... it's nothing."
Blood beads on his skin as he staggers. Guess there are exceptions—she really dislikes him.
Can't imagine why. Olivier's a good person. Handsome, kind. What's not to like?
"Why, Margaret..."
"Calm down. And stay away from the garden."
Supporting the shaken hero, I lead him back inside. He clutches my sleeve and notices something glittering.
"What's this?"
"Eh?"
Golden pollen gleams on my sleeve. I brush it off quickly.
"N-nothing. Must've gotten on me while I was... gardening."
"You're lying."
Olivier leans in, eyes narrowed. His gaze is intense.
"This is Margaret's pollen, isn't it? Why are you lying? Why won't you look at me?"
His accusation leaves me speechless.
Then, in a low voice, he asks:
"Don't tell me... you've been with Margaret..."
"N-no! I didn't—she—she attacked me—!"
"You're lying!"
And that's how I spent the most pointless afternoon of my life, arguing over Margaret. In the end, I escaped only by agreeing to give Olivier some of Margaret's petals.
Seriously, Olivier, that's not healthy.
Notes:
• Margaret-chan - an Alraune(?) living in the church garden with pure white petals and hair, flat-bodied like a doll, releases pollen, gender subject to various theories, hopelessly in love with Julius.
• Aegis - a female red-haired holy knight in silver armor, harsh to others and herself but shows weakness to Julius, to whom she swore loyalty, leads the Secret Police Squad.
• Gram - a male thug-like hero who frequently forgets to pay resurrection fees, occasionally snaps and tries to kill Julius, yet kind to children.
• Olivier - A male adventurer burdened by the constant deaths of his companion Katarina.