Eagre was still nursing his shattered dignity, muttering ancient curses under his breath when Saira’s brain abruptly shifted gears.
She leaned forward, her innocence face resting in her palms, her eyes wide with terrifying, unblinking curiosity.
“So Eager,” she began, the questions cascading out of her mouth before he could even draw a breath.
“How does your anatomy work?
Do you sleep upside down like a bat or do you just float like a dead jellyfish?
How do you keep your skin from turning into raisin?
What happens if you get a cramp in your tail-do you just drown?” Eagre’s mouth opened and closed silently, his brain completely short-circuiting as he tried to process different absurd interrogations at once.
“I-we don’t float like-my skin has an enchanted coat-” “And most importantly,” Saira interrupted, her voice dropping into a solemn, deadpan whisper, “How do you pee?” Eagre’s entire body locked up.
His glowing emerald eyes-wide, stunned-snapped to hers like he hadn’t heard her correctly, or maybe he did…and that was the problem.
His aquatic fins slammed flat against the sides of his head in sheer, adulterated horror.
“What?!” He squeaked, his voice pitching higher than a dying seagull.
“It’s a legitimate scientific query!” Saira argued, completely unabashed as she gestured vaguely toward his shiny, scaled lower half.
“You’re half man, half tuna!
Where does it go?!
Is there a hatch?
A secret trapdoor?
Or do you just…leak into the ocean while you’re swimming around?!” Eagre scrambled backward so fast his tail kicked up a massive cloud of dry sand, burying his face in his webbed hands to hide the violent, neaon-blue blush spreading across his gills.
” I am an ancient, ethereal creature of the deep!” He yelled into his palms, sounding utterly scandalized.
“I am not answering that!
You are appalling!
Your are an appalling human!” ” So it’s true.” Saira gagged dramatically, clutching her throat and leaning away from the shoreline as if the entire ocean had suddenly become a toxic waste dump.
“Ugh, gross!
To think I almost swallowed some of that while I was drowning!” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, shuddering in theatrical disgust before her eyes lit up with a brand-new, equally vital inquiry.
She snapped her fingers and leaned forward again.
“Wait.
Is there underwater Wi-Fi?” Eagre slowly lowered his webbed hands from his bright blue, blushing face.
He stared at her, his expression a mixture of sheer exhaustion and profound confusion.
“…why-fy?” He repeated blankly, pronouncing it like a bizarre species of crab.
“What is a why-fy?” “Wi-Fi!” Saira repeated, waving her hands in the air as if trying to catch invisible signals.”The magical wave-magic!
How else am I supposed to stream ocean beats, check my cosmic horoscope, or leave a devastating review about this island’s guest services?
Don’t tell me an ‘ancient, divine sanctuary’ doesn’t even have 5G?!” Eagre pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a long, deep breath to steady his rapidly fraying sanity.
“I have existed for three thousand years.
I have guided lost souls, capsized flagships, and sung the songs of the stars into the dark trenches.
I do not have…five-gee.” Saira gasped, slapping a hand over her heart as if he had just delivered a fatal blow.
“Zero stars,” she whispered, her voice trembling with absolute, tragic betrayal.
“This resort is a zero out of ten.
Marooned on a creepy island with a leaking fish-boy and no internet.
Death by drowning is looking better and better by the second, Eager.” “Hey hey, how do you all mate?” She asked casually, poking at the embers of her fire with her fish stick.
“Is it an egg thing?
A spawning ritual under the full moon?
Or do you guys just hold hands and hope for the best?” Eagre’s soul instantly left his body.
He didn’t just freeze-he turned into a literal statue.
His gills flared so hard they made a sharp snap sound, and the neaon-blue blush on his neck shot all the way up to the tips of his translucent ears, making him glow like a luminescent jellyfish in the dark.
He slowly brought his webbed hands back up, covering his entire face, and let out a muffled, high-pitched screech that sounded like a tea kettle coming to a violent boil.
“WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!” he wailed into his palms, his voice echoing off the dark cliff side behind them.
“Who asks an ancient entity that?!
Within an hour of meeting them?!” “I am a woman of science and boundless intellectual curiosity.” she replied smoothly, taking another bite of her fish.
“Besides, we’re stuck here together, Eager.
We need to break the ice.
So…do you have a fish-wife?
A lovely mermaid back in the trench waiting for you to bring home the kelp?” “I do not have a fish-wife!” Eagre choked out, peeking through his webbed fingers with wide, terrified eyes.
“I am a solitary terror!
A lone hunter of the abyss!” “Ah, so you’re single,” Saira noted with an unbothered nod.
Without breaking eye contact, she slithered across the sand with the quiet stealth of a hunting cat.
Sitting right beside him, she propped her chin in her hands, her sapphire eyes sparkling in the firelight as she dramatically batted her lashes at him.
Her terrifying chaotic energy had instantly vanished, replaced by a smooth, deliberate, heavy-handed charm.
“You know, Eager…” Saira cooed, her voice dropping into a soft, velvety purr that was entirely too polished for a girl covered in campfire soot.
“A solitary terror of the deep sounds so…
lonely.
A grand, powerful, incredibly handsome sea creature like you shouldn’t have to wander the vast, dark ocean all by his big, bad self.” Eagre froze, his webbed ears twitching as her sudden proximity sent a jolt all the way down his tail.
He glanced from her soot-dusted cheeks to the way the firelight caught her eyes, his ancient ego puffing back up like a proud peacock.
So, she was susceptible to his charm after all.
She was finally swooning under his natural, predator magic.
“Well,” Eagre began, puffing his chest out slightly and smoothing down his aquatic fins with a smirk.
“It can be a lonely existence…bearing the weight of such terrifying power all on my own.” “Exactly.” Saira purred, resting her hand lightly on his forearm.
“Which is why a magnificent, ancient creature like you must have a hoard of deep-sea treasures just sitting around, right?
Like…
flawless pink pearls?
The ones rich people lose their minds over?” Eagre’s smirk faltered.
“I…I beg your pardon?” “I mean, look at you,” she coaxed, dropping the flirty act instantly and tapping his chest like a pushy salesman.
“You’re practically royalty!
You must have easy access to, giant, rare deep-sea pearls, right?
You fetch me enough ocean jewelry to pay off my loan sharks, and I promise I’ll upgrade your singing voice to a solid four out of ten.” Eagre stared at her, his glowing eyes wide with horror as the realization hit him like a tidal wave.
There was no romance.
There was no awe.
She was just a shameless, gold-digging menace trying to use an ancient apex predator as a underwater treasure retrieval system.
“You…you deceitful, shameless leech!” Eagre gasped, practically leaping backward into the surf as if her touch was toxic.
“Oh, don’t be dramatic!” Saira called out, scrambling to her feet and brushing sand off her knees.
“I’m offering you a mutually beneficial business transaction!
Give me five pearls and I’ll even throw in a five-star review!” Eagre let out a sound that was half-shriek of absolute indignity.
He threw his hands up in utter defeat, whipped his giant tail around, and plunged headfirst into the churning waves.
A moment later, carrying across the dark, open water, a long, mournful wail of pure, unadulterated siren frustration rang out against the night air Saira crossed her arms, watching the ripples fade with a thoughtful frown.
“I’ll take that as a ‘let me check my inventory’!” She shouted toward the ocean.