"Se-in, if that's how you feel, I won't stop you."
"That's right. Do whatever you'd like."
Father nodded. Mother agreed with his decision, and overjoyed, I bowed deeply to both of them and said,
"Thank you!"
I left my parents' room and went into my own.
Now all that was left was to put together a concrete travel plan. Muahahaha!
My name is Park Se-in, a nineteen-year-old high school student.
To add to that, I'm a third-year high school exam-taker, a position regarded as rather pitiful in this country.
But right now, I'm not pitiful. Why? Because I'd just gotten permission for a long summer vacation trip! Muwahahaha!
For an ordinary exam-taker at an academic high school, this would earn a 'Have you lost your mind?', but just as I'd predicted, my parents gladly gave me permission.
Whether it's laissez-faire or free-range parenting, I'm not sure, but my parents believe that my choices should be respected above all else.
That's why, even though I'm the eldest, I haven't had to shoulder all sorts of responsibilities. I'm always very grateful for that.
My name, Se-in, was given to me by my grandfather. It's said to mean 'become a person of the world.'
In keeping with that name, I tried to head out into the world, but the idea was rejected due to financial circumstances.
So I decided to start by looking around our own country first.
As I said earlier, I'd been given the chance to do what I wanted. Though I still had to study, I was told to try anything if it would help me find my aptitude, so I tried all sorts of things and quickly lost interest. Piano, English, sports.
As time passed and I became a third-year exam-taker, I realized there were a lot of problems with the way I'd been living.
Compared to my friends, that thought of mine wasn't an unfounded worry.
My friends had clear visions of their futures.
"Me? After I graduate, I'm going to do my military service and then take over my dad's business. I'm already learning the work, but I figure I'll forget most of it once I'm in the army, so I'm only learning a little at a time."
"I'm going to the army first. And if it comes to it, I'll just put down stakes there. Isn't the military the ultimate iron rice bowl?"
"Law school. I'm going to be a prosecutor."
"I'm thinking about a creative writing major."
Of course, these guys were great people with their heads screwed on straight. That's why they could talk about their goals and futures without hesitation.
My friends sometimes asked me. What did I want to do later?
Every time they asked, I casually dodged the question and changed the subject.
Because I didn't have anything I wanted to do yet.
In truth, even full-grown adults often don't know what they really want.
I once seriously thought about why I hadn't been able to decide on anything.
After thinking about it for days on end, I reached a conclusion.
It was a problem with my environment.
The circumstances, the background, or something else surrounding me was keeping me from shining.
For stars to shine, night has to fall. People are the same.
To make the talent you have bloom, you need soil suited to it, right?
The reason I can't spread my wings is that something around me is constantly getting in the way!
But because I've been so thoroughly tamed by my current reality, I can't tell what the problem is.
So the conclusion was that I had to step back a pace and think it over again.
Ah, what a progressive idea! Thinking and rethinking to identify the problem, and seeing all the way through to its essence. A round of applause for me.
And so I decided to do something my other friends couldn't even imagine.
I'd take the money I'd saved from my allowance and part-time jobs (most of which didn't last more than three months) and go on a trip over summer vacation!
The school would say I should focus on picking out likely exam questions, but I decided to carefully pick apart my own problems in a different environment.
That was my conclusion. So I told my parents I was going on a trip, and as you just saw, they didn't oppose it.
It wasn't an enthusiastic agreement, but I could leave with a clear conscience.
"Now then, where should I go?"
I pulled out my geography atlas. Of my twenty-plus textbooks, the one I liked best was the geography atlas.
Looking at the full-color maps, I began seriously pondering where would be good.
Just then, someone knocked on my door.
Knock knock knock.
"Big bro, can I come in?"
"Hm? Come in."
Ji-hee, dressed casually, opened the door and peeked her head in, then grinned sheepishly and walked over to my side with a bouncy gait.
Cheerful Ji-hee moved much more expansively than her younger sister Ji-seon and had a breezy personality, so she got along with anyone. She's my sister, but she really is a likable person. But what did she want?
"What is it?"
"No, I mean, what were you talking about with Mom and Dad earlier? From what I heard, it sounded like something about a trip or whatever."
"You eavesdropped?"
"Huh? N-no, do I look like that kind of nosy kid to you?"
Seeing how flustered she was, she'd have been better off just nodding and admitting it.
She's still bad at lying.
I nodded with a stiff expression.
"Yeah, you'd totally do that."
"Hehe. Sorry, big bro! I was curious. So what trip? A third-year dares to go on a trip?"
"That's a little grating. What's with 'dares'?"
"Don't worry about it. Anyway, is it true?"
"Yeah. I'm going on a trip. About three weeks? I'm going to push back supplementary classes and everything else and wander around here and there."
Hearing that, Ji-hee crossed her arms and let out a deep sigh.
Right, so even you think I'm pathetic, huh? Honestly, it's not like I don't feel that way a little.
"Big bro, please think about reality. Do you know what time of year it is right now?"
"Who cares. It's my call. If you've checked everything you wanted to, could you leave? I need to make plans."
"Okay. Oh, right, do me one favor."
"Hm? What favor?"
Ji-hee grinned with a mischievous look, blurted it out, and ran out of the room.
"Ulleungdo pumpkin taffy! The genuine article! Make sure you buy it as a souvenir! Kyahahaha!"
Taffy......? She still loves old-fashioned snacks, same as ever.
Fine, I'll buy it. What kind of big brother can't even do that much?
I chuckled and looked back down at the atlas. Then, as a sudden thought flashed through my head, I jumped up from my seat.
When I flung the door open, Ji-hee, who was in the living room, dashed into her room like a startled cat.
I ground my teeth and shouted toward Ji-hee's door.
"Hey! Are you telling me to go all the way to Ulleungdo to buy pumpkin taffy?!"
"Kyahaha! You only just figured that out? Stu-upid!"
The voice from beyond the door was pure mockery. Just how much does that brat intend to tease her big brother?!
"Big bro? Where are you going? Why Ulleungdo all of a sudden?"
The youngest, Ji-seon, asked with her eyes wide.
I let out a huge sigh at the thought that I'd fallen for Ji-hee's prank yet again today.
"Ugh......! Just wait till I get my hands on her."
"Big bro? I asked where you're going."
A sulky look slowly crept onto the face of Ji-seon, who was a year younger than Ji-hee.
Seeing Ji-seon, who resembled Ji-hee a lot, probably because they were sisters, a spiteful streak popped out of me before I knew it. I said bluntly,
"I'm going on a trip. Why? You want something too?"
"A trip? Hmm...... An Andong Hahoe mask."
My youngest sister, not noticing the spite in my tone, promptly settled on her souvenir.
Come to think of it, she loves folk crafts. I always think this, but why do both of them have such tastes?
Wait, Andong? How far is that from Ulleung...... Wait! I haven't even decided I'm going to Ulleungdo yet!
But my misfortune didn't end there. Because Mother, coming out of the master bedroom, delivered the finishing blow.
"Oh, Se-in. Your father wants you to buy him some horse bone powder from Jeju Island. And while you're at it, could you pick up a bottle of omija extract?"
"J-Jeju Island?!"
"Oh my, wasn't it a nationwide trip?"
"Ahaha, ahahaha! Cough! I can't breathe......! Kyahahaha!"
At Mother's nonchalant words, breathless laughter came from behind Ji-hee's door.
Aaargh! That brat got me stuck with all of this!
***
98...... 99...... 100!
I lay on the board, gasping for breath. My abs were burning like crazy. Doing strength training and calisthenics whenever I had a spare moment, I could feel my body getting healthier.
It was rewarding. Though it took a lot out of me.
"Phew......"
I'd thought that if I exercised, pointless thoughts wouldn't come. But despite that, I ended up recalling my days on Earth as if I were being sucked in.
Every time my family and friends came to mind, a piercing longing welled up inside me.
The sky I saw was a sky they couldn't see.
Nowhere beneath this sky were they.
When the sun rose and the moons rose and I watched them, that thought tormented me even more.
After all, in Earth's night sky, two moons didn't rise side by side, as close as a mother and child holding hands.
Every time I opened my eyes in the morning and saw the ceiling, the thought that I was still here dragged me down.
I'd thought that if I somehow lived hard for my goal, I'd be able to forget, but homesickness kept showing up faithfully, like a loan shark's collector coming by for his daily payment, as if mocking me.
"Goddamn it......"
I got up. Having done my strength training, it was now time to work on flexibility.
Thanks to driving my body as hard as I longed for home, it had gained considerable flexibility and strength.
Even spreading my legs out to the sides and pressing my chest flat to the ground didn't bother me much. In that position, I stretched out my arms, touched my forehead to the ground, and pushed my body hard.
If I did this, I'd be able to forget. At least for a moment, I could ease the longing.
But whenever I arched my back and looked up at the sky, that blue sky reminded me of that time.
The time right before I came here, when I was running away, trembling with fear.
Watching the clouds drift across the blue sky, I suddenly found myself lost in memories.
The blue sky I'd seen through the trees while lying halfway up the mountain suddenly came to mind.
That sky and the sky now looked a little alike.
***
The summer sun was piercingly bright, and the heat blazing up from the road made me feel dizzy.
Ji-hee's warning to be careful because walking trips could kill you with heatstroke suddenly came to mind.
Unlike when she was playing pranks, her expression had been quite serious. In her own way, she seemed to be worried about her big brother.
She's a terrible prankster, but maybe it's because she has that cute side that I can never truly get angry at my sister.
But when she said she absolutely wouldn't give up on the 'Ulleungdo pumpkin taffy,' I was crushed.
For that reason, two days earlier, I'd stopped by Ulleungdo and sent 5 kg of pumpkin taffy home by Korea Post parcel. Stuffed full of the wish that she'd eat to her heart's content and then go off to the dentist she hated so much.
Yesterday, I'd taken a boat off Ulleungdo, and now I was on the road to Chiaksan Mountain.
Somehow, the purpose of my trip had turned into a nationwide souvenir-collecting spree.
Right now, I'd been about to head to Andong to buy the Andong Hahoe mask Ji-seon had mentioned, but I'd veered off slightly toward Chiaksan Mountain instead.
At first, I'd intended to stop by a famous mountain along the way.
I walked wherever my feet took me, pitched my tent at suitable spots, and took care of food and lodging.
Sometimes I borrowed a school's playground or imposed on a church for a spare room.
At times, I'd sit on a wooden platform in a small village, leisurely enjoying the breeze, then walk along roads where cicadas sang, using the clear sky as my guide and enjoying the trip.
I'd deliberately gotten off about a day's distance from Chiaksan Mountain and walked leisurely, watching the mountain range slowly draw closer.
As a result, I was now climbing Chiaksan Mountain.
It was a mountain, but the heat on the way up was no joke. Having decided to enjoy some forest bathing and a vacation mood at a cool valley stream, I entered the mountain without hesitation.
Firmly believing that if I could just make it halfway up, cool breezes and water would be there to greet me.
"Honey! Over here!"
"Daddy-!"
"Wow! Wow!"
The mountain valley was cool, and it was peak vacation season. Naturally, it was swarming with people escaping the heat.
Aaargh! I feel like it's getting even hotter!
The noisy racket of the vacationers was a far cry from the pristine image of a famous mountain I'd had in mind.
For a moment, I regretted it a little, wondering if I'd come to the wrong place, but the buzzing cicadas and the rustle of bright green leaves brushing against one another made me forget the heat entirely.
Yeah, this alone makes the trip worth it.
There's even a saying that people climb mountains because they're there, right?
Even if the vacationers are a bit noisy, they won't be spread evenly across the whole mountain, so it'll get quieter if I go up a little more.
Wanting to spend some tranquil time, I began climbing to a height the vacationers' feet wouldn't reach. The vacationers were distributed(?) within the range cars could reach anyway, so I'd only need to go up a little.
Before long, halfway up Chiaksan Mountain, I found a huge boulder jutting out.
Behind it, thick brush cast a pleasant shade, and in front, the view was wide open in every direction. On top of that, there were no people!
This place is for me!
I promptly set down my backpack and plopped down on the cool rock. Then I began to fully take in the scenery spread out below my feet.
Green. Green. Green. Everything was green.
The color filling the foothills was green, the color covering the mountains far off was green, and the forest below my feet was green too.
The soothing green stretching far into the distance was a breathtaking view that cooled you down just by looking at it.
"Haa...... How refreshing......"
It was a scene that made me understand why people shout 'Ya-hoo-!' on mountaintops.
The vast, sweeping green curves were utterly magnificent. A green world pulsing with overflowing summer vitality. An overwhelming awe that no human could ever create.
It felt like my stifled chest had been blown wide open.
Coming here really was the right call. Hahaha!
Grrrumble......
"......Hey, did you really have to go off at a time like this?"
I looked down at my stomach in dismay.
It certainly was about time to eat. But when a person is being moved, couldn't you hold it in a little?
Halfway through lecturing my stomach, I chuckled. Geez, what am I doing? It's just growling because it's mealtime.
Since it's come to this, I'll eat here, rest a while, and then head down.
I opened my backpack and took out the triangle kimbap and drink I'd bought at a convenience store at the foot of the mountain.
Somehow, food eaten out in nature tastes much better. Triangle kimbap scarfed down in the grimy air of a big city tastes kind of miserable, somehow.
Holding the drink can, I leaned against my backpack and looked up at the blue sky.
Transparent blue and pure white clouds. Looking at the sky so many poets had praised, I felt like I could compose a line of poetry on the spot.
A hue that resembles the sea.
Clouds that resemble waves.
Within a purple of unfathomable depth......
"Purple?"
I hurriedly rubbed my eyes.
Wh-What the?!
The sky was purple!
I hastily looked around. A huge circle that had to be ten meters across, no, twenty meters, was surrounding me!
"Wh-What on earth is this?!"
The circle was slowly rotating with me at its center, and inside it, incomprehensible symbols and all sorts of shapes were intricately drawn, spinning around in the air.
I quickly grabbed my backpack.
Something was dangerous.
I had to get out of this spot, out of this circle, right now.
Some feeling that came before even instinct was driving me.
Flutter! Chirrrp! Caw! Screech!
The birds all around took off in every direction in a flurry of wings. Crying noisily, they flew up in chaos, some even colliding with one another, and scattered everywhere.
Not a single one flew toward where I was.
Hummm-! Hummmm-!
The forest was crying.
The forest was trembling.
Because of this unidentifiable purple circle, every mountain beast, the grass and trees, the whole mountain was crying!
"Wh-What is this! Aaaaaah-!"
Fear seized me. I had to get out now. Getting out of the circle was a simple matter. It isn't even that big! Right! Just a few more steps and......?
"Why, why! Whyyyy-!"
The circle was following me.
The circle was following me, as if I were its center. I ran frantically. This is a hallucination! It's fake!
Hummm! Hummm!
The mountain cried. The mountain trembled.
Chirrrp! Flap-flap-flap!
The birds cried. The birds fled in a frenzy.
What's going to happen? What is this?
"What is thiiis-!"
In that instant, the ground beneath my feet went empty. No, it felt like it did. Along with a sudden sensation of falling, everything before my eyes was dyed black.
And like that, I passed out.
TL Notes:
iron rice bowl: Korean expression for a job with total security that can never be lost.
Ulleungdo pumpkin taffy: Ulleungdo is a remote volcanic island off Korea's east coast, famous for its pumpkin yeot (a traditional chewy taffy). Getting there requires a long ferry ride, hence the prank.
Andong Hahoe mask: Traditional wooden masks from Hahoe Village in Andong, used in a centuries-old mask dance drama.
horse bone powder / omija extract: Traditional health products. Jeju Island is known for its horses, and omija (five-flavor berry) is a tart berry made into syrups and teas.
triangle kimbap: Triangle-shaped rice balls wrapped in seaweed, a staple convenience store snack in Korea.