Their remarried life had barely gotten on track when Lin Wanying still felt uneasy inside, because she thought of Xu Youcheng and Li Qiuzhen, thought of how they’d gotten what they wanted and were now all lovey-dovey together.
And on her end, forming a family with Gu Liansheng felt like a joke that only served to highlight how happy that other couple was.
She felt terrible and sighed quietly. Gu Liansheng asked what was wrong, tonight they were sharing a bed again, so what was there to sigh about?
Gu Liansheng probably felt the same way, right? Lin Wanying didn’t hide it and explained what was affecting her mood.
“Today I saw my ex-husband and your ex-wife looking for a maid. Her mother got her back pay for five years after rehabilitation, got the family’s house returned, a two-courtyard traditional compound. My ex-husband’s new mother-in-law used connections to get him a job. Xu Youcheng and Li Qiuzhen abandoned us, they should be facing consequences, living badly, but instead they’re not, and it makes me so upset, that’s why I sighed.”
“Actually, I’m not jealous of their material life. What upsets me is, if they loved each other that much, why did they need to marry us as a stopgap first, since they couldn’t bear the hardship alone? I regret those five years of mine, used as a stepping stone by Xu Youcheng, from eighteen to twenty-three, such good years, just used by them to tide themselves over, and yet they end up living better than us. I just can’t accept it.”
Gu Liansheng felt the same way. When his other godmother’s family got raided, he’d been told to marry Li Qiuzhen, so he did, thinking that’s how every family managed things.
But Li Qiuzhen was cold as ice. He’d tried many times, talking about family matters, work matters, but she’d always be annoyed, unwilling to listen, wouldn’t communicate, how could he ever reach her heart that way?
And in that other matter, things weren’t harmonious either. Probably out of her own guilty conscience, she only initiated it a month or so after the wedding, and afterward only wanted it once or twice a month, getting annoyed if it lasted too long. Thinking back now, she must have hated this marriage she’d been forced into.
…
Gu Liansheng really liked how honestly Lin Wanying spoke her mind. That she could say it out loud made him happy.
He comforted her: “Stay optimistic, there are still ten more five-year stretches ahead. This first five years got off to a rough start, but it’s over now. Let’s work hard together for the new five years, who knows, we might even catch up to them. Doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”
Gu Liansheng was willing to say this, to think this way, and it made Lin Wanying happy.
“When I used to plan our life together with Xu Youcheng, he’d get so impatient, saying the future could wait. Thinking back now, he didn’t want a future with me, so he didn’t want to plan. You’re willing to plan with me, and that makes me happy. This second marriage, the wedding banquet, getting Mom’s illness treated with medicine, renovating the room, buying furniture, we already owe over a hundred yuan, and now there are five mouths in the house. I don’t earn a salary, and you only make fifty-some yuan a month. We need to eat, save a bit, and pay off debt, we have to plan carefully and budget.”
“This is short-term. Once the debt’s paid off, the two brothers will be grown before we know it, they can’t cram into this shared compound to get married. Building their own families, they’ll need housing and jobs, that’s the big thing we need to worry about next.”
…
Gu Liansheng felt sweetness swell in his heart, listening. He used to want to plan a life like this with his ex-wife, but Li Qiuzhen had said she had no future.
It wasn’t that she had no future, she simply didn’t want to imagine a future with him.
Things were different now. Lin Wanying was the partner he wanted, the two of them, discussing things together, could surely build a good life.
Gu Liansheng felt himself growing warmer and warmer, and suddenly asked, “What about us, then? When should we plan for our own child?”
Lin Wanying felt bad about this, saying with worry: “I was married to Xu Youcheng for five years without a child. I’m wondering whether it’s my problem or his, what if I can’t have children?”
Gu Liansheng’s heart sank a little. Who didn’t want their own child, but he couldn’t just say it might be Wanying’s problem.
He said quickly: “I didn’t have any children in those five years either, maybe it’s my problem too. Good thing neither of us needs to feel burdened about it.”
Lin Wanying was delighted, saying, “Then let’s not go to the hospital to check either, that way we won’t know whose problem it is, and neither of us needs to blame the other.”
…
Gu Liansheng smiled. A wife this down-to-earth and full of life was so much better than his ex-wife, adorable, not fierce at all.
And besides, five years without children could very well have been Xu Youcheng and Li Qiuzhen’s problem too, there was still a fifty percent chance they’d end up with a happy family of three.
Gu Liansheng didn’t know if his actions would be pushed away or accepted, but in any case he couldn’t hold back, turning over and changing position, pressed against that soft warmth, his mind went blank instantly.
What greeted him wasn’t stiff resistance but a soft, warm embrace. So this was what it meant to truly accept someone, different from body to warmth.
Gu Liansheng felt a pang of sadness, thinking of those previous five years when he’d just been a wronged provider of living expenses, resented on top of it.
Even his hardened heart felt sad thinking of it, Lin Wanying must have felt the same way, how wronged she must have been too.
They were both afraid the other would recall bad memories, so they took extra care of each other’s feelings, and in doing so discovered a whole new realm, so this was how wonderful it was when two people truly wanted each other.
Gu Liansheng thought, no wonder his newly married coworkers had a different kind of smile than his. This, now, was what normal looked like.
Lin Wanying was also surprised. So this was what joy looked like for a man in this moment. Had Xu Youcheng’s bitter, resentful demeanor before been about physical need clashing with the guilt of feeling like he’d betrayed his first love?
If it caused him such pain, and yet he couldn’t do without it, her ex-husband really was a hypocrite with no shame.
…
Lin Wanying and Gu Liansheng’s relationship improved a little after that. Afraid of setting their expectations too high, they didn’t dare be as sweet and affectionate as typical newlyweds, keeping things normal instead, lest getting too happy one day led to a fight that turned physical, injuring the body was one thing, but injuring the heart would really sting.
Take today, for instance, Gu Liansheng’s rehabilitated former mother-in-law picked exactly the wrong time, showing up while they were about to eat dinner to put on a pitiful act:
“Liansheng, I know you’ve been wronged. It’s Qiuzhen’s fault. I’ve hit her, scolded her, but none of it can save your marriage. I don’t care what happens to her, from now on I’ll treat you like my own son.”
Lin Wanying was furious at this cunning middle-aged woman, clearly her own daughter was at fault first, and after arranging things for her daughter and son-in-law, she comes running over to play the victim, saying she’d treat Gu Liansheng like her own son, trying to smooth over the grudge while gaining a son to support her in old age too?
What made it worse was that her mother-in-law softened and joined in sighing about fate’s twists and turns.
If anyone had been played by fate, it was her and Gu Liansheng.
Lin Wanying didn’t hold back an ounce, scolding: “Stop with the crocodile tears. If you really blamed my ex-husband for corrupting your daughter, why did you go arrange a good job for him? That day I saw Xu Youcheng and Li Qiuzhen kissing right there in the street, does that look like the behavior of someone ashamed after being scolded? I hate them, and I will never make peace with them, don’t try your little schemes on our family.”
Her mother-in-law was about to say something conciliatory, but Lin Wanying cut her off:
“Mom! Your son is the wronged party of a divorce, not me who married in. He goes to work while taking care of you, plus a mischievous younger brother causing trouble, do you want to work him to death? It’s me who carries you to the bathroom every day, bathes you, washes your hair, carries you outside to sit in the sun. And now you’re taking her side? Think about whether that’s appropriate.”
Her mother-in-law immediately lowered her head and said nothing.
Gu Liansheng was of course angry, but the relationship with the godmother’s family couldn’t be settled in a few sentences, counting these five years, they were even.
He said, “Godmother, I don’t have the good fortune to be your son. Our two families can’t go back to how things were. Please leave.”
But the woman wouldn’t leave, this woman must be doing it on purpose, still going on and on. Lin Wanying, furious, slammed her bowl and chopsticks down on the table: “Fine, you all keep chatting. I’m leaving!”
…
Lin Wanying stormed off, and Gu Liansheng put down his bowl to chase after her. Lin Huinan called out: “Brother-in-law, no need to chase, my sister will come back in a bit.”
How could he not chase her, what if something happened to her out there? Gu Liansheng would regret it forever. Even more upsetting was that her own brother said there was no need to chase.
He asked bitterly: “When your sister fought with Xu Youcheng, did he never go out looking for her?”
Lin Huinan looked at his former brother-in-law’s current mother-in-law, then at his current brother-in-law, and said, “That freeloading son-in-law Xu Youcheng, living in my family’s house, was the one who angered my sister into running off, and yet he’d still go sleep peacefully, saying my sister had nowhere else to sleep and would come back once she got tired.”
All the more reason to go find her then. Even if he couldn’t find her, he still had to look, this was a matter of attitude.
…
Lin Huinan, now seeing clearly the troublemaking woman, said: “Auntie, you’ve already tested out my sister’s temper. Not leaving now would be rude. I’ve been timing it, you know, however long you spend today making trouble at my brother-in-law’s house, I’ll spend the same amount of time making trouble at my former brother-in-law’s house. I hold grudges, and I mean it.”
He Jinzhi’s goal had been achieved, the former son-in-law marrying the current son-in-law’s ex-wife, who could’ve thought that up? Wanting to disgust her family, well, she’d disgust them right back.
He Jinzhi said, “Since that’s how it is, our two families won’t stay in touch anymore. From now on, none of your family should get close to ours, in case seeing our good life stings your hearts.”
Ji Wenju couldn’t believe it: “My family took in Li Qiuzhen during your hardest years, kept her safe for five years without suffering. How can you say this today?”
He Jinzhi said, “And how can you say what you just said? These five years, hasn’t your son found himself a wife too? We owe you nothing.”
…
Now only an old woman and two kids remained in the house. Lin Huinan raised his eyebrows at the furious Gu Shuisheng: “See, I was right, that woman came to make trouble for your brother and my sister.”
Gu Shuisheng was angry: “And you can still laugh about it?”
Lin Huinan said: “I’m going to go dump manure at their door. You coming?”
Gu Shuisheng didn’t back down: “Let’s go right now. One bucket each. No chickening out.”
…
Lin Wanying wandered aimlessly through the streets, memorizing every road name so she wouldn’t get lost on the way back. Right now she was living in Gu Liansheng’s house, without earning any money herself, and she had no real footing to speak in that household, better to be out here instead.
But Gu Liansheng caught up with her quickly, apologizing, explaining the reason he still kept one last thread of goodwill toward that family:
“She carried my father’s body back home. My birth mother remarried, and the mother I have now is actually my aunt. My father could have a proper burial thanks to that favor, and it has to be repaid.”
That kind of debt did need repaying, and the fact that Gu Liansheng could bring himself to say so showed a kind of spousal concern that hadn’t existed in the past five years. Lin Wanying’s anger dissipated at once.
“What you just said back there, does that count as the debt repaid?”
“In my heart, it’s repaid.”
Good that it was repaid. Lin Wanying said, “I’ve got a sharp eye for people. Your former mother-in-law has heavy selfish motives. That she can accept Li Qiuzhen remarrying my ex-husband shows she was satisfied with Xu Youcheng before, it’s just that back then he couldn’t offer Li Qiuzhen a stable life, so she was entrusted to you. Now she’s putting on this fake apology, not a good person. Her carrying your father’s body back, I think, was more about wanting your family to feel grateful.”
Gu Liansheng saw through it now too, but couldn’t go back and change the past, better to just look forward.
“Everything’s been said clearly today. Next time she comes, we won’t even let her through the door.”