Around evening, the front door clattered open.
"......"
A brief silence ran, and then a banging sound came again.
The one who came in with rough footsteps was my younger sister, Ha-yul.
"......What's the occasion? You're actually coming to our house?"
A sharp line landed as she passed through the entryway.
I sat on the living room sofa and smiled as if I hadn't noticed, but there was no way not to mind those words.
Still in her part-time work clothes, Ha-yul tossed the bag slung over her shoulder onto the sofa.
I watched her back and muttered quietly to myself,
'...Exactly the same, of course.'
"Ha-yul, your oppa came down on purpose. Just......"
"Ha, on purpose? And here I thought you'd cut ties with us."
Ha-yul lifted her eyes and sharpened the ends of her words.
Resentment was thick inside them.
An older brother who hadn't set foot in the house for years suddenly showing up, it was fair enough.
I pressed my lips together. There was plenty I could have said, but I knew all of it was just excuses.
"Ha-yul, that's enough."
Mom hurried out of the kitchen and soothed Ha-yul.
"Your oppa must have had a hard time too. Isn't it something that he came at all?"
Ha-yul went into her room without a reply, and I watched her back without a word.
What remained was nothing but a heavy sense of guilt.
"...Since you're here after so long, go see your father too."
Mom said it quietly.
Then she hesitated a moment and took out a bottle of soju and a handful of chestnuts in a paper bag from the cupboard.
"The chestnuts were your father's favorite... and the soju is so you can have a drink together."
Mom's fingertips trembled faintly as she held out the bag. I took it and nodded.
"......Yes."
My voice came out low and cracked without my meaning it to.
***
The sun tilted west and the sky was staining a deep violet.
Past the vegetable patch in front of the house, a narrow hill path ran on.
The smell of earth and grass rose together underfoot, and wildflowers by the path shook in the wind.
When I climbed the hill, buildings like black silhouettes came into view far off at the end of the fields.
The shadows stretched long, making it a scene that seemed to stand at the boundary between day and night.
And at the end of the ridge, one modest grave sat alone.
I stopped in front of it.
"...Father."
A name I hadn't said in a long time. Something rose all the way to my throat, but in the end I swallowed it.
After greeting him in silence, I opened the paper bag and took out the chestnuts Mom had carefully prepared. I set the neatly peeled chestnuts down in front of the grave.
Beside them I opened the bottle of soju, poured it into a small paper cup, and set it gently before the headstone.
The clear liquid in the cup caught the sunset light and glimmered softly.
The wind blew.
It was a cool autumn wind, but it seemed to carry an inexplicable warmth inside it.
***
"Hey! Get up!"
"Guh...!"
A heavy weight crushed down on my waist and the pain spread. When I snapped my eyes open, there was a face looking down at me.
My younger sister Ha-yul.
"The sun's high, how long are you going to sleep?!"
"...What time is it?"
"Eight thirty!"
"...Huh?"
"I work part-time at the biggest library downtown. If anybody looks for me there, you're a dead man, got it?"
Ha-yul dumped out everything she had to say and slammed the door on her way out.
Even her footsteps rang out with attitude.
I sat blankly on the bed for a while before I came to my senses.
'...She's unhinged. Completely unhinged.'
A sincere note of admiration came out on its own.
But strangely, it made me laugh.
Even bickering with a strange little sister was a scene that felt like home, for the first time in a long time.
After visiting the grave yesterday, I'd laid myself down in bedding for the first time in ages.
And I slept deeply until morning without waking once.
I could hardly believe it.
In my semi-basement single room in Seoul, I woke to motorcycles at dawn, to drunks shouting at night, and by day I was worn down by noise coming through the thin windows.
All I ever did was toss and turn and barely manage to close my eyes.
But here it was different.
The stillness of my hometown house wrapped around my body as thick as a blanket, and a quiet that felt like I was the only one left in the world ran on all night.
'...Home really is home.'
A sigh of relief broke out of me without my meaning it to.
"Eun-yul, if you're up, come eat."
I'd never been good at breakfast, and it never went down my throat easily.
"......"
But the smell of doenjang stew spreading through my hometown house sat me down in front of the table as if it had taken me by the hand.
On the table were seasoned greens and simmered black beans and braised cucumber, side dishes I wouldn't have touched as a child, laid out in neat rows.
But something was strange.
Those things I used to hate, laid over white rice, somehow tasted like the best side dishes in the world.
It didn't feel like I'd eaten much at all, and yet my rice bowl was showing its bottom.
'Who was it that called these the rice police......'
Just then Mom asked carefully,
"Are you still living in that semi-basement?"
I stopped my chopsticks.
"...Yes. I'm still living there for now."
A shadow passed briefly over Mom's face.
"You said you're doing a drama now... can't you move somewhere decent?"
Instead of answering, I somehow just let out a small snicker.
The truth is, I knew.
In a small country town, how fast the rumor that I was back on TV would spread.
There was no way Mom didn't know.
"...I'm sorry."
"Come on, why would you be sorry?"
I said it lightly, but instead of answering, Mom dropped her head.
The money I earned as a child had all gone to paying off the family's debts.
What was left was only this one house we'd barely managed to keep.
That fact had always stayed with Mom like a burden.
The more I said I was fine, the more her eyes filled with apology instead.
That look wasn't unfamiliar to me.
Every time I looked like I was struggling, it was always the same expression.
So I smiled, a little by force.
Half sincere, half a lie.
But if it could make Mom's heart a little lighter, I could tell as many lies as it took.
Even so, Mom still smiled with a sad expression.
I added, for no particular reason,
"Mom, do you know Director Na Han-seok? He's the best action film director in the country......"
Mom tilted her head and looked at me.
The expression of someone who didn't know.
"You know, the film [The Maze], or [Blood and Memory]? You don't know them?"
Only then did Mom's eyes brighten a little.
Ah, the face of someone who thought she'd heard of them.
"I got a lot of praise from that director too. If things go well I might get to work with him. If things go well......"
As I kept talking, my words trailed off without my meaning them to.
Because I knew better than anyone how unrealistic it sounded.
But Mom's eyes went wide and she let out an exclamation.
"Wow! My son is amazing!"
I smiled sheepishly.
There was nothing amazing about me at all, and yet in Mom's eyes everything seemed amazing.
...An actor is supposed to deliver a perfect performance on stage, but in front of Mom there was no need for that.
No, maybe—
In front of Mom, it's fine to give an imperfect performance.
A slightly clumsy performance with lies and sincerity mixed together.
Because even so, Mom was the one audience member in the world who would always believe it was the best.
***
My hometown was a town smaller than most districts in Seoul.
The fact that I'd come down reached a friend's ears in less than a day.
My father's grave sits where it can be seen from a distance, so someone must have seen me stop by.
Even meeting a hometown friend after several years, strangely there was no awkwardness.
Three or four exchanges in, the conversation picked up like it used to.
And before I knew it, I was telling him about what had happened with my sister that morning.
"Hey, that's not her telling you not to come. That's her telling you to come, isn't it?"
"Pffft—!"
The coffee I spat out sprayed across the table.
My friend grimaced and brushed off his collar.
"Ugh, gross......"
Then he continued with a serious expression again.
"Think about it. If she really didn't want you to come, would she go out of her way to wake you up while you're sleeping and even tell you where she works? That's a signal to come."
My friend lifted his coffee cup, took a swallow, and then spoke as if declaring it settled.
"One hundred percent. Going to see her is the right move."
"...You think so?"
At that oddly plausible logic, I found myself nodding.
He used to be the guy who swiped ice cream from the neighborhood shop, and now he was putting on cop airs and reading people's psychology.
It was funny, and at the same time he did seem to have sharpened up like a real officer.
"Not bad?"
"Hey, I'm a police officer. I studied criminal psychology too."
"...? You're treating my sister like a criminal?"
"It's just an expression~ Drink up."
My friend raised his coffee and grinned.
"So what are you going to do? Want me to drive you?"
"Are you crazy? Why would I ride in your car?"
I turned my head to follow where my friend was pointing.
A genuine police car, white with a blue stripe and a big police emblem on it, stood there shamelessly.
On the roof, blue and red emergency lights caught the sunlight and glittered.
"...Hey, that's a patrol car!?"
"So what! It's got style. Not just anyone gets to ride in it."
"I know, criminals ride in it."
"I'm a police officer. Not a criminal."
"If you gathered up all the ice cream you stole from that shop in elementary school, you could've handed it out to the whole school."
"......"
My friend stopped short for a second, but my sarcasm didn't faze him.
"Think about it. An actor showing up in a police car, the whole neighborhood loses their minds. Style overload. Your image would get an upgrade too, wouldn't it?"
"No, how is an actor riding around in a police car an upgrade? That's how you end up on the news."
My friend shrugged and gave a sly smile.
"Get in already. Let me drive an actor around once. So I get some of the good energy."
Wearing that sly smile, my friend threw the driver's door wide open and said it.
"Ah, seriously......"
I grumbled for no real reason and headed for the back door.
"Huh? No, sit up front."
"I can sit up front?"
"Yeah. It's just me right now, so it's fine."
I hesitated a moment, then opened the passenger door.
Air mixed with the distinctive car air freshener and the smell of old equipment brushed past.
The moment I sat down, what caught my eye was the neatly ordered dashboard and center console. A radio unit where the stereo would be, a baton propped beside the driver's seat, and a small red light button glinting on the windshield.
'It's a little different... from what I've seen in dramas.'
A real police car was more 'realistic' than any prop.
There wasn't a single stray trace of clutter, and everything was arranged so it could be pulled out fast.
There was a tension to it that made you straighten your back for no reason.
"Hey, but is it okay for you to give me a ride like this, personally?"
"It's not personal, though?"
My friend grinned slyly, then suddenly picked up the radio.
"This is 02-13, one lost young man safely picked up. Currently escorting him home. Consciousness clear, health condition good. Over."
"...What are you saying, are you out of your mind?"
My friend laughed loudly and let go of the transmit button. Then he lifted the radio slightly and turned it to show me the side.
"Look, I've got the power cable unplugged."
The cable dangled loose at the back of the radio.
At the sight of him joking with a straight face, a laugh mixed with a sigh broke out of me.
"Wow, you really are insane."
That was when it happened.
[On successful radio transmission, you can acquire the 'Police Officer' title.]
At the sentence that surfaced in front of my eyes, my heart dropped without my meaning it to.
'...Radio?'
I carefully turned my head and looked at my friend in the driver's seat.
The same friend who'd always run around the neighborhood, exactly as he'd been as a child.
Just an ordinary friend who drank and made jokes laced with swearing.
In that instant, the blue letters floating above his head slowly wavered.
And then they changed from [Neighborhood Friend Baek Seong-won] to [Police Officer Baek Seong-won].
I lost my words for a moment and looked at the title above his head.