“This child cannot stay.”
Ming Ying sat restlessly, her body frozen stiff like a stone. She watched the fireworks rise into the sky but heard no explosion for a long time.
The medical hall was not cold, yet a person could still turn to ice.
She instinctively touched her lower abdomen, feeling both wonder and fear.
Two months.
Thinking back, her monthly cycle had indeed not come for two months.
Ever since that night she hid in the lake to deliver a letter, her cycle had become irregular. Over the past two years, Pei Xiaoyun had found some medicine for her, so it no longer caused her pain.
But the Contraception Decoction—she had been drinking it all along.
Her thoughts suddenly flashed back to that morning when she vomited the Contraception Decoction due to discomfort in her abdomen.
Nearly half an hour had passed before she managed to drink the second bowl of medicine. Perhaps it was the delay that created an opening.
What a twist of fate.
She had fantasized more than once about how wonderful it would be to have a child with him.
For her, this child was undoubtedly the first piece of good news of the new year.
But…
Pei Xiaoyun had not yet married. Would he allow a concubine like her to become pregnant? If not, he wouldn’t have made her drink the Contraception Decoction all this time.
For a moment, she didn’t know what to do. She paid ten coins and hurriedly left the medical hall.
Back at the mansion, she dared not speak of it to anyone.
Everything would have to wait until Pei Xiaoyun returned from Shanxi.
“What illness did the doctor say you have?” Ling Shuang asked, still worried upon seeing her pale face.
Ming Ying hastily covered it up: “The doctor said it was a severe cold and prescribed medicine. I’ve just taken it.”
Such an improper matter must never be spread from her lips. She knew well how cautious Pei Xiaoyun was, and she assumed he wouldn’t want it to become public.
“Then you should go rest,” Ling Shuang urged her.
Ming Ying lay on the bed, her heart in turmoil.
The arrival of this child seemed to shatter all her thoughts, striking her unprepared like a bolt from the blue.
Gazing at the dark, cramped little room, she thought again and again of her status.
She had heard that some maidservants in wealthy households became pregnant before the mistress entered the household. If the master favored them, they would be sent to a manor to give birth. Once the master married, they would be brought back, and the child would be legitimate.
For her, this was the best possible path.
Another half-month passed, and Pei Xiaoyun had yet to return.
Ming Ying’s figure remained slender and delicate, but she felt terribly unwell. However, a cold could not serve as a long-term excuse—she still had to fulfill her duties.
To avoid arousing suspicion, she forced herself to stay alert and applied a light layer of rouge to conceal her haggard appearance.
That day, the mansion hosted a flowing banquet, and she was dragged along to watch the festivities.
She stood with Ling Shuang and a few others on a small bamboo-lined path, peeking secretly. The warm pavilion was filled with women and girls adorned in jewels and finery. In the center of the table was a water channel, with blue-and-white porcelain bowls and plates floating on the gurgling stream—truly an elegant sight.
The flowing banquet was quite novel. As she parted the bamboo leaves to get a better look, she suddenly met a pair of bright, sharp eyes.
The delicate and beautiful face came into view, and her heart skipped a beat. She turned away in panic.
It was County Mistress Jianing, a guest at the mansion.
She sighed softly, thinking that once the County Mistress entered the household, she would surely torment her to death.
Slowly, she touched her flat abdomen, and a wave of worry washed over her. Moreover, she had committed such a grave taboo.
The more she thought about it, the more tangled her thoughts became. Using the cold weather as an excuse, she returned alone.
In the back garden, there was a small abandoned prayer hall. It had always been locked, and no one ever went there. But now, the door was slightly ajar.
As she passed by, she faintly heard a few weak, guttural sounds from within.
Listening carefully, it sounded like a human voice.
Fortunately, it was broad daylight. Summoning her courage, she pushed the door open, and the scene before her chilled her to the bone.
A woman in purple robes, covered in blood, lay on her back on the ground. The blood that had flowed from her had soaked through the dry straw beneath her.
The stench of blood assaulted her senses, making her nauseous. She bent over, retching dryly.
The woman on the ground stared with vacant eyes, seemingly recognizing her. She let out a broken, dry laugh: "It's you… Have you come to laugh at me? I'm going to die anyway, so I don't care if you laugh."
A ripple of emotion stirred in Ming Ying's eyes. Finding the voice familiar, she leaned closer to look and, to her disbelief, recognized the woman as Yu Zhong.
"Yu Zhong…" she called out disbelievingly, repeating the name several times.
She remembered that Yu Zhong had long ago gone to serve the Second Master. On New Year's Eve, when she went to the main courtyard to fetch the New Year's wine, she had even crossed paths with her. Yu Zhong had been adorned in gold and silver, looking quite favored. How could she have ended up in such a wretched state?
Yu Zhong's belly was swollen, and the area beneath her was soaked in blood. As Ming Ying approached, her shoes became stained with the sticky mess. "What happened to you?"
She had worked alongside Yu Zhong for a time. Although Yu Zhong had been domineering, seeing her in this state now was truly heart-wrenching and terrifying.
"I was carrying the Second Master's child…" Yu Zhong's voice was faint as a thread, none of her former spirit remaining. In her dying moments, she thought she would never see anyone again, never expecting to lay eyes on Ming Ying.
"Madam found out. Fearing it would damage the Second Master's reputation, she ordered someone to force me to drink an abortifacient." She coughed painfully, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth down her chin and neck. "My constitution is strong. One dose didn't work… so they… beat it out of me with clubs."
Yu Zhong cried out between sobs, her hoarse voice clawing at Ming Ying's heart. Unconsciously, tears streamed down Ming Ying's face, and she tasted the saltiness in her mouth. "I'll go beg Gatekeeper Granny Lu to find a doctor for you through the side gate."
Just as she was about to stand up, her skirt was yanked violently.
Yu Zhong's bloodied hand clutched desperately at her hem. "You're so foolish. What am I, after all? No one wants me to live anymore…"
"Didn't the Second Master favor you? Why didn't he protect you?" Ming Ying crouched before her.
Yu Zhong gave a bitter laugh, her eyes staring blankly. "He grew tired of me long ago and has brought many new women into his courtyard."
A bone-chilling cold instantly flooded Ming Ying's limbs.
She recalled how Yu Zhong had strutted off that day, like a bright and beautiful flower. Now, she lay here in misery, like withered petals, utterly neglected.
And it had only been a few short months.
Yu Zhong's parched lips kept moving, as if using her last breath: "I used to oppose you at every turn because the Eldest Master favored you. I couldn't stand the sight of you, so I followed the Second Master. But everyone in this mansion is cold-hearted and unfeeling. How much true affection is there? I don't envy you at all anymore. I only hope you won't follow in my footsteps, end up like me."
Her tragic face reflected in Ming Ying's eyes. Ming Ying felt the world spin, her breath turning cold.
She held Yu Zhong's hand until it gradually grew cold and limp…
Her hands were covered in Yu Zhong's blood, a shocking, dizzying sight. Overwhelming fear gripped her throat, strangling her until she felt suffocated, collapsing weakly to the ground.
With a loud bang, the door to the small Buddhist chapel was pushed open.
Ming Ying turned her head and saw several tall footmen walking in.
"Hurry up, Madam told us to deal with her, don't let her disturb the distinguished guests."
"Ugh! What bad luck!"
When those people saw Ming Ying and recognized her as the Eldest Master's person, they restrained their expressions of disgust somewhat. "It's Miss Ming. What are you doing here, miss? Hurry back. Someone died here—it's inauspicious."
Seeing that the person on the ground had stopped breathing, they worked together to carry her out.
The hem of Yu Zhong's skirt slowly slipped from Ming Ying's palm, dragging a trail of gruesome bloodstains on the ground.
She watched helplessly as the side gate opened a crack, and a frail body was carried out.
Like willow catkins, like withered leaves—lowly and insignificant. Lovely and delicate while still on the branch, but once fallen, they are forgotten.
She sat in the small prayer room until dusk fell before returning. She stumbled several times along the way, covered in mud from head to toe. As soon as she entered her room, she grabbed the spittoon and vomited, covering her mouth and nose as she wept silently.
That night, she had many bizarre and chaotic dreams.
She dreamed of Yu Zhong covered in blood, reaching out to her, begging her to save her. She woke up drenched in sweat, startled awake many times, her palms scratched bloody by her own nails.
She also dreamed that Pei Xiaoyun treated her the same way, leaving her alone in the small prayer room. She pleaded desperately, but he walked away without looking back.
She leaned on the couch. Outside, it began to rain, the rustling sound of the rain suppressing the fear in her heart.
She touched the bracelet he had given her on her wrist. A thread of coolness seeped into her palm, bringing her a measure of comfort and calm.
He wouldn't be so cruel.
The Second Master is the Second Master; he is different from the Second Master.
Besides, on New Year's Eve, he had even told her that he hoped to have a child in the future.
And now, wasn't it here?
When he returned, she would tell him. He had said he would be happy.
Thus, she endured another half-month. At night, she noticed her lower abdomen had swelled slightly, though it was not yet noticeable to outsiders. She could not reveal even a hint of it.
This was the longest Pei Xiaoyun had been away on official business.
She counted the days, both longing for his return and fearing that if he were gone for half a year, what would she do then?
The back garden was to be renovated with a new pavilion, and all the maidservants were called to clear the plants and flowers.
After a day's work, she returned to the courtyard. Just as she reached the Chuihua Gate, she unexpectedly saw Kong Qing.
Seeing her, Kong Qing said urgently, "Miss Ming, the Eldest Master has returned and is looking for you everywhere."
Ming Ying's heart trembled, feeling as though it would leap out of her throat. Finally, she smiled sincerely.
She rushed to her room to wash her hands, changed into clean clothes, brewed a pot of tea, and pushed open the door to the main room.
"Young Master, you're back."
Pei Xiaoyun had just bathed and was wearing a moon-white robe, leaning over the desk reading a book. He looked like pine trees in the wind and moonlight on water—a figure of immortal grace.
He liked having someone attend to him as soon as he returned to the courtyard. Though he had thought of Ming Ying on the road, she had once again made him wait, and he couldn't help but feel a bit displeased.
He remained silent, waiting for her to come over and serve the tea.
Ming Ying didn't notice his expression. As long as he was back, she was happy.
She set down the teacup and stepped forward, trembling slightly. "Young Master, I missed you."
Pei Xiaoyun was weary from the journey, but hearing her soft, affectionate words, the irritation in his heart dissipated somewhat. He looked up at her. Usually, she disliked adornment, but today she had applied powder and rouge. Her skin was fair with a rosy glow, and her dimples were bright and charming.
Instead of taking the tea, he first pulled her into his embrace, his fingertips brushing her lips as he chuckled softly. "Did you know I was coming back and dressed up especially for me?"
One of his hands had already slipped beneath her skirt.
Ming Ying blushed and struggled, her slight resistance causing Pei Xiaoyun's displeasure: "What airs are you putting on now? After so many days apart, won't you even let me take a good look at you?"
Ming Ying slipped down from him and stood to the side, her expression tinged with awkwardness. For a moment, she didn't know how to begin. Such a significant matter inevitably made her uneasy, and she was uncertain of his reaction.
"What's wrong? Are you unwell?" Pei Xiaoyun noticed her furrowed brow and hesitant manner.
Ming Ying shook her head, opening and closing her mouth several times.
These subtle movements did not escape Pei Xiaoyun's notice. After all these years, he knew her inside out. Recalling how she had gone behind his back to visit Fuguang Tower last time, his voice turned stern: "What are you hiding from me?"
His words carried a hint of interrogation.
Meeting his dark gaze, Ming Ying's heart skipped a beat. Finally, she revealed the secret she had kept to herself for so long: "Young Master, after you left, I discovered I was with child."
The room fell into silence for a long moment, with only the sandalwood incense from the burner drifting through the air.
"Are you telling the truth?" Pei Xiaoyun emerged from his astonishment, his voice betraying neither joy nor displeasure.
Yet his calmness felt like a sting to Ming Ying. After a pause, she could only nod truthfully: "Almost three months now."
"Did you stop taking the medicine?" he asked.
There had never been any issues before—how could this happen at such a critical time?
Ming Ying stiffened, replying anxiously: "I was taking it, but perhaps that day I was unwell and didn't drink it on time."
How could she dare to stop the medicine without his permission? Yet by some twist of fate, it had come to this. The child in her womb was his, and he had once said he would be happy about it.
She had guarded this secret with bated breath, waiting for his return to tell him, hoping that with him sharing the burden, she would feel less afraid.
"I kept it strictly to myself and didn't dare tell anyone."
"You did well." Pei Xiaoyun took her hand, as if to comfort her, but his eyes were shadowed.
With his words, Ming Ying felt a weight lift from her shoulders.
He had returned, and she finally had someone to rely on.
But the next moment, his icy words echoed in her ears: "This child cannot stay."
Author's Note:
[Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands][Waving hands] Ten slaps