His words struck like a heavy mallet, leaving Ming Ying dizzy and disoriented.
For over a month, she had lived in constant fear, struggling to conceal her condition, thinking everything would be fine once he returned. Yet what awaited her was his icy declaration: “This child cannot stay.”
His murky, low breath seemed to form an all-encompassing net.
Ming Ying felt her heart tighten, her feet unsteady as if treading on cotton. Trembling, she reached for the hem of his robe: “We… can’t keep it?”
Tears fell one by one. She still thought this was a dream, unable to believe he could be so heartless. “But didn’t you say… you would love our child?”
She hoped he would change his mind, that what he had just said wasn’t true.
“I also said that would be later, not now.”
Though Pei Xiaoyun’s expression softened slightly, his resolve remained firm. He pulled her into his arms to comfort her. “There are things you don’t understand. If we have this child, everything I’ve worked for will be wasted. We spent three years in Yangzhou living like that—isn’t life better now? Do you really want to go back to those days?”
For him, it wasn’t just those three years; there were also the two years of darkness in Zhaozui Temple. Unwilling to remain subordinate forever, this was the only viable path forward.
But the child in her womb was a sudden stumbling block on that path—one that even caught him off guard.
Listening to his resolute words, Ming Ying felt bitterness flood her mouth.
What kind of career could hinge its success or failure on an unborn child?
It was so small, lying innocently in her womb—what threat could it possibly pose?
She didn’t understand, but she knew this was her child, a living being.
Seeing her stubborn expression, Pei Xiaoyun realized she hadn’t taken his words to heart. He reminded her, “Besides, remember who you are. Don’t forget your status. The mistress hasn’t even entered the household yet—how would she feel?”
Ming Ying’s heart trembled violently. She exhaled a cold breath against his chest, feeling the chill from his body seep into her bones.
How could a child possibly hinder his future? If he truly wanted to protect it, he could find a way.
In the end, he was still thinking of his future wife.
Yes, she was merely a chamber maid. Giving birth before the mistress would be a slap in the face to the County Mistress.
So he said the child couldn’t stay.
And then what? Force a miscarriage potion down her throat, turn her into another Yu Zhong?
The vivid crimson stain in the small Buddhist hall flashed before her eyes. Yu Zhong’s prophecy had come true—dying while crying that this household was filled with heartless masters.
Back then, Ming Ying had clung to a sliver of hope: others were others, but Pei Xiaoyun was different.
Now, it seemed there was no difference after all.
Perhaps from the day she discovered her pregnancy, she had already stepped onto a dead-end road.
A chill ran down her spine. Words tumbled out in desperation, hoping to sway him: “How about this, Young Master? Send me to the estate. I’ll give birth there. If it’s inconvenient, I’ll stay there with the child, teach him to read and write. Just… visit us sometimes—”
Before she could finish, Pei Xiaoyun cut her off: “You teach him? How many books have you read? How many characters can you write?”
He mocked her naivety. No matter how discreet they were, Prince Yi’s household would inevitably find out.
He was warning her not to act on her own foolish ideas.
“If this servant gives birth to the child…” Ming Ying clutched the corner of her garment, her voice nearly hoarse as she spoke, “the Young Master can find a scholarly family for the child and have it fostered outside for the time being.”
As long as this child could be kept, even if she never saw it, she would be content.
“No.” Pei Xiaoyun uttered the two words heavily, dismissing her naivety.
With each word he spoke, Ming Ying’s hands and feet grew colder, as if a mayfly trying to shake a tree or a mantis trying to block a chariot. Before her stood a mountain, and her feeble strength could not move it even a fraction.
She understood his mind was made up. He was only afraid that if the child were born, it would bring shame to his future principal wife. He would not even agree to send it to a manor, fearing that if word somehow leaked out, it would slight the County Mistress.
With her lowly status, she dared not question whom he loved or whom he intended to marry. She only wished to curl up in a corner and live peacefully, but now even that was impossible.
What did the vows of that night even mean? Everything was false.
When he said he wanted a child with her, he had lied. In the future, he would never want to have offspring with her.
She no longer had the strength to deceive herself.
Through the fabric, she could not feel his heart beating. It was so cold, hard as a stubborn stone.
“This servant can take the child and leave now. I will never return to Guogongfu, never speak of it to anyone, never tarnish your reputation, and never embarrass the County Mistress.”
It took all her courage to say these words.
He kept her only as a pet to toy with. It would be better for her to leave on her own—at least she would not die so miserably.
A faint flame flickered in Pei Xiaoyun’s eyes. He pressed her head down, his words striking her ear one by one: “Do you know what you are saying?”
How dare she speak of leaving him.
Everything else could be negotiated, but this alone was not allowed.
“You cannot leave, and the child cannot stay.” His words were resolute, leaving no room for rebuttal.
Ming Ying’s heart shattered into ashes, scattering with the wind.
He had blocked every path, pushing her step by step toward a dead end.
A familiar discomfort churned in her abdomen, perhaps the child reminding her that a living being was inside her. It had stirred for so long that she had grown accustomed to its presence.
Once, she had been so hopeful, even joyful.
“Young Master, but this is my child too.”
He had arrogantly stripped her of her right to be a mother. Did he think everyone was as cold-blooded and heartless as he?
“Enough.” Pei Xiaoyun listened to her sobs, his gaze falling to her flat abdomen. Something inexplicably pierced his eyes, and his voice grew hoarse. “I know, but the timing is all wrong. We can still have children in the future.”
“I may never have another.” Ming Ying stared at him blankly.
The female physician had told her she suffered from uterine coldness and had taken Contraception Decoction for years. Conceiving this child was a blessing from heaven, something hard-won.
His casual words, spoken only to avoid displeasing others, lightly dismissed a life.
“When the time is right, I will invite a renowned gynecologist to treat you…”
His lips moved, but Ming Ying no longer wished to listen, nor could she hear clearly.
Days of fear and the pain he had inflicted piled up in her heart. Darkness clouded her vision, and she fainted in his arms.
Pei Xiaoyun’s heart sank. Frowning, he called out to her: “Mian’er?!”
A sudden rain fell, droplets pattering down from the branches.
The maids in the courtyard whispered among themselves, "What's going on? As soon as the Eldest Master returned, Miss Ming fell ill? I heard the Eldest Master brought a physician from outside and won't let anyone get close."
"Probably pretending, trying to win favor while the Eldest Master is back. Isn't that just like her? So delicate."
…
When Ming Ying awoke, the physician had already left.
As soon as she opened her eyes, she saw Pei Xiaoyun's face—he had, against all odds, stayed by her bedside.
Pei Xiaoyun watched as her eyes fluttered lightly before fully opening. He touched her pale face and said, "The physician said you collapsed from exhaustion and poor blood circulation. What kind of work have you been doing while I was away? Did someone take the opportunity to mistreat you?"
Ming Ying did not answer his question immediately. Instead, she reached under the brocade quilt and touched her abdomen, feeling that strange sensation. Only then did her tense nerves relax slightly, and she spoke slowly.
"This servant hasn't done any heavy work. Young Master, have you forgotten? I've been frail since childhood. Ever since that year when I delivered your letter and spent the night soaked in the lake, my health has only grown weaker."
Her dark, bright eyes stared directly at him.
She hoped he would think of her a little. She didn't want to end up like Yu Zhong, with both mother and child lost.
Pei Xiaoyun gazed at her intently. Her eyes held a pool of clear, flowing water, as if ready to spill over at any moment.
Delivering the letter.
That was three years ago, when she had just begun following him.
He had a secret letter that needed to be delivered discreetly to the Yangzhou garrison commander at the time, avoiding the old emperor's spies. But spies and informants were everywhere, and Kong Qing couldn't shake them off.
Back then, he had just redeemed Ming Ying but hadn't yet allowed her to serve him closely. He only thought her pipa playing was excellent and would occasionally call her in to play a tune for amusement.
With no one else to use, after much thought, he remembered her. He gave her a letter, hoping she could distract those people so Kong Qing could deliver the message.
She promised earnestly, but he held little hope for her. If she were caught, it would be her fate.
Unexpectedly, to protect the letter, she jumped into the icy lake in the dead of winter and returned the next morning to report the mission accomplished.
From then on, he let down his guard and allowed her into his chambers to serve.
His thoughts returned to the present. He saw Ming Ying take his hand and shed a few tears onto the pillow.
She looked exactly as she did three years ago, her face unchanged.
He leaned closer. "Don't attend to duties anymore. Rest well."
He realized he had pushed her too hard. The child was hard-won; she must be reluctant to let go and surely afraid. She needed some time.
Ming Ying felt a surge of emotion. She tried hard to convince herself that what she had seen in his eyes just now was genuine feeling. She tightened her grip on his hand. "Young Master, the child…"
Would he agree to keep the child?
They had spent those years together, gone through so much together. How could he not love their child?
The charcoal in the brazier burned bright red, suddenly sparking with tiny flames. Orange-red light flickered on the walls, filling the room with stillness.
For a moment, Pei Xiaoyun's expression turned murky, but it finally settled into resolve. "It's still early. First, take some tonic medicine for a while and focus on recovering your health."
He had already arranged things with the physician, ensuring no hint of the truth would leak out.
While she was still unconscious, he had asked the physician about terminating the pregnancy. The physician, skilled in women's health, said her body was too weak. Everything else would have to wait until she recovered.
Hearing his words, Ming Ying felt as if all the air had been let out of her. Her hand fell limply, and she stared blankly at the canopy above the bed.
Pei Xiaoyun had no official duties for several consecutive days and would come to see her every day, personally supervising the maid as she fed her medicine.
These were all top-grade tonics, and she drank every last drop of the bitter medicinal brew, leaving not a single trace.
"Are you feeling better?"
He personally went to Qianwei Lou to buy several types of pastries she liked, deliberately avoiding the greasy meat-filled ones and selecting some vegetarian fillings instead.
"I'm better, thank you for your concern, Young Master."
Ming Ying took a few bites of the pastries, which tasted like wax in her mouth. His attentiveness and concern sent chills down her spine.
She had also seen other women who were pregnant, with their husbands constantly by their side, eagerly awaiting the birth of their child.
But he came to watch her drink medicine only because he feared she might delay taking it, and if she didn’t recover her health, she wouldn’t be able to get rid of this child.
With every bowl of medicine she drank, her fear grew stronger.
These past few days, she not only dreamed frequently of Yu Zhong but also of her time at Mianyuelou, where women who accidentally became pregnant were forced to drink bowls of abortion medicine. Those with weaker constitutions would be dragged away, barely alive, leaving pools of blood on the ground.
As she ate, stuffing her cheeks until they bulged, her eyes reddened once more.
Pei Xiaoyun watched her scrunched-up face and couldn’t help but reach out to rub her jaw. "If you can’t eat, don’t force yourself. We’ll have a meal later. I’ve asked the kitchen to stew some codonopsis and pigeon soup for you. Drink a few bowls."
After touching her chin, he moved to stroke the tip of her ear. For the first time, Ming Ying felt with stark clarity—she was nothing but a pet he kept. To pamper or scold, to beat or kill, he could do as he pleased.
"Does Young Master have no duties to attend to these days?"
Was this matter so non-negotiable that it occupied his thoughts day and night, making him come to watch over her all the time?
Considering her illness, Pei Xiaoyun could tolerate her question and even smiled. "What do you mean by that? I’m here to keep you company, and you’re not happy about it?"
Author's note:
[Question marks][Question marks][Question marks]