“Shi Hanshang, regarding this child, I am the one who has failed you.”
Shi Hanshang sat down as if nothing were wrong. He had just poured himself a cup of tea when he saw Sheng Yuli following him, his face twisted in a grimace. The General immediately began to grumble, “Shi Hanshang, how can you be like this? I saved you. At the very least, I am your savior. Even if you do not thank me, what would it have hurt to help me up? Look at you, in the future, how could you possibly expect anyone to?”
“Tch!” Shi Hanshang set his cup down and frowned at him. “Are you still not leaving?”
Sheng Yuli’s arrogance instantly withered. He hesitated for a long while before thinking to himself that a great man does not dwell on the faults of a lesser one.
Pouting, he sat opposite Shi Hanshang and reached for the teapot, muttering, “We have not finished explaining things yet.”
Shi Hanshang pulled the teapot away. Just as he was about to retort, Sheng Yuli waved his hands dismissively. “Wait, wait, stop! If you say another word about this having nothing to do with me, I am truly going to get angry!”
Shi Hanshang rolled his eyes. “Who is afraid of you?”
Ultimately, he decided to save some face for the Grand General. Perhaps as repayment for Sheng Yuli acting as a human cushion during the fall, Shi Hanshang said nothing more.
Seeing this, Sheng Yuli swallowed hard and bolstered his courage. He slapped his thigh and declared, “Shi Hanshang, let me tell you. No matter how much you deny it, I am determined to be this child’s father! Even if you stretch the truth and insist it is not mine, I will still claim it!”
These words were unexpected. Shi Hanshang had not imagined that the illustrious General of the Agile Cavalry, the man who occupied the dreams of countless noble ladies in Jinling, would be so willing to play the role of the voluntary father.
Shi Hanshang remained silent for a moment before asking, “Have you done this sort of thing before?”
Sheng Yuli blinked. “What thing?”
“Taking responsibility for someone else’s mess,” Shi Hanshang replied.
Sheng Yuli’s eyes widened. “Hey, Shi Hanshang! Do you really see this General as such a fickle and promiscuous person?”
Shi Hanshang looked at him as if he were a fool and spoke the plain truth. “There are few women in the military. It is a place of suppression and gloom, and rumors of romantic dalliances in the mountains often circulate. The common soldiers are one thing; they might have the heart for it but lack the courage, at most seeking out brothels to satisfy their desires. But you are the leader of an entire army.”
Shi Hanshang’s gaze swept over Sheng Yuli from top to bottom, lingering briefly on a certain area before indifferently turning away. He took a sip of tea, his meaning left unsaid but clearly understood.
Usually, when a noble son reached the age of twenty, his elders would arrange for maidservants to warm his bed or hire specialized instructors to teach him of intimate matters. Although Sheng Yuli’s parents were gone, his elder sister was still alive. A sister is like a mother; though Shi Hanshang did not know Sheng Yuesheng well, he assumed she would follow tradition.
Furthermore, since Sheng Yuli was best friends with Qin Zhen, the most famous playboy in Jinling, Shi Hanshang’s suspicions ran deep.
Qin Zhen had been a classmate of both Shi Hanshang and Sheng Yuli. However, he had been a shiftless student, reading few books and spending his days fooling around. At every opportunity, he would run to the pleasure districts. The old General Qin had been so furious that he pulled his son out of school and threw him into the military for training. His reasoning was that since his son did not want to study, he should not study at all.
Shi Hanshang’s family was one of integrity and strict discipline, so he had always looked down upon such a lifestyle. Qin Zhen understood this perfectly. Back at the Imperial Academy, he always avoided Shi Hanshang, fearing that a single wrong word would give the man leverage to cause him trouble.
As the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
At that time, Sheng Yuli and Shi Hanshang were like fire and water. Since there were few sons of military families at the Academy, Sheng Yuli and Qin Zhen hit it off immediately. It did not take long for them to become sworn brothers with a profound bond.
Because of this, Shi Hanshang’s impression of Sheng Yuli had soured even further. Back then, the Academy held frequent examinations. In his quest to outperform Shi Hanshang, Sheng Yuli had no time to accompany Qin Zhen to the brothels and had remained relatively clean.
Now that they had left the Academy, even though they still competed in political affairs, they both had Li Yi above them to keep them in check. They lived by the principle of not provoking one another. Shi Hanshang had no desire to meddle in Sheng Yuli’s military business.
However, when Shi Hanshang had practiced martial arts under General Huo, he had spent time among the troops and heard of the atmosphere there. Consequently, he never imagined that Sheng Yuli was without romantic history, much less that he was still a virgin.
Sheng Yuli realized the implication. So, this was how Shi Hanshang had viewed him all these years? His face darkened and he wanted to explode in anger, but remembering he was in the wrong, he could only stew in frustration for a moment. Finally, he got straight to the point. “I have never done those things!”
“What?” Shi Hanshang did not react immediately.
Sheng Yuli continued with a dark expression, “The rumors of having seven women in one night, the taking of responsibility for others, and those intimate acts. I have done none of it.”
Shi Hanshang was surprised. “You have never?”
“Never!” Sheng Yuli said unhappily. “What, have you?”
“No,” Shi Hanshang shook his head.
For some reason, hearing those words made Sheng Yuli breathe a sigh of relief. He clapped his hands happily. “Then it is fine! It was your first time, and it was my first time. We are even!”
“Even?” Shi Hanshang glanced at him and spread his hands, lifting his loose outer garment slightly to reveal his lower abdomen. He tilted his head.
Sheng Yuli went silent. “Fine. Consider it my debt to you,” he muttered, looking toward the ceiling.
Shi Hanshang could not help but let out a soft laugh, feeling somewhat cheered.
After thinking for a while, Sheng Yuli suddenly stood up, walked over to Shi Hanshang, and crouched down before him. Seeing Sheng Yuli staring at his stomach, Shi Hanshang asked in confusion, “What are you doing?”
“Can I touch the child?” Sheng Yuli asked carefully.
Shi Hanshang froze. His instinct was to refuse, but seeing the earnest expression on Sheng Yuli’s face, he reconsidered. Knowing that Sheng Yuli was the father, he eventually relented. He loosened his grip on his white belt and nodded.
Sheng Yuli had never been this careful while commanding troops or planning battles. He used the gentlest, slowest movements of his life, fearing he might disturb the little person inside. His fingertips touched the area briefly and pulled away, repeating the motion several times until, with a trembling hand, he finally rested his palm fully against Shi Hanshang’s lower abdomen.
The man’s palm was incredibly warm and carried a sense of strength. As it rested there, the soreness Shi Hanshang had been feeling seemed to vanish entirely. Perhaps sensing the father’s comfort, the little one inside finally settled down.
Feeling this subtle change, Shi Hanshang’s heart stirred. Looking at Sheng Yuli’s focused expression, he could not help but throw cold water on him. “It has only been two months. What can you possibly feel now?”
Sheng Yuli shook his head and did not speak.
The candle on the table flickered, casting a dim yellow light on the two men. One was cold and ethereal, the other rugged and proud. The light revealed a softness and caution that contradicted their usual appearances. The study was silent, save for the rustling sound of a palm brushing against fabric.
After a long time, Sheng Yuli slowly raised his head. The candlelight reflected in his eyes as he said in a raspy voice, “Shi Hanshang, this is my first child.”
The candle crackled, striking a chord in Shi Hanshang’s heart. Looking into those bright, spirited eyes, his mind wavered. His lips parted, but he did not know what to say. Eventually, he lowered his gaze to avoid the other man’s eyes and whispered almost inaudibly, “Yes, I know.”
The expression on Sheng Yuli’s face just now was one of anticipation and happiness, the look of a man about to become a father. Did he truly look forward to the birth of this child?
Shi Hanshang’s hand at his side curled instinctively, a ripple appearing in the depths of his heart. Was this not also his own first child?
He truly did not like Sheng Yuli, and he had indeed projected his hatred and anger onto this unformed life. But did he really hate the arrival of this child that much? He asked himself if he truly felt no pity or reluctance. Had he never imagined what the child would look like, what personality they would have, or what their voice would sound like calling him “Father”?
Shi Hanshang’s gaze dimmed. With the glory of his family before him and his own reputation at stake, love, hate, and national duty were all shackles. How could he allow himself to commit such a monstrous mistake? He suddenly felt a sense of loss.
A powerful thought surged in his heart, like bamboo shoots after rain, struggling to break through the soil. Just as he was about to speak, a sharp crack echoed as the red candle burned out. The room was instantly plunged into darkness.
Sheng Yuli’s face vanished into the shadows. Shi Hanshang was startled and instinctively reached out, but his hand caught only air. What he did not know was that in the final moment before the light died, Sheng Yuli had seen the endless conflict and sorrow in his eyes.
The last flicker of hope in Sheng Yuli’s heart was extinguished. He let out a bitter smile.
After a long time, Shi Hanshang, unable to adjust to the sudden silence and darkness, called out, “Sheng Yuli, are you still here? Have you left?”
“No,” Sheng Yuli replied calmly. Sensing a slight movement beside him, he hesitated for a moment before reaching out to grasp Shi Hanshang’s hand, which was searching uneasily in the air.
Shi Hanshang was startled. He had only intended to confirm if Sheng Yuli was still there and had not expected him to be so bold. His instinct was to pull away. But this time, Sheng Yuli did not let go. He firmly gripped the other man’s wrist, stubbornly refusing to release it.
In the middle of the night, in a room with no light and no vision, he was alone with his rival. Even though he knew Sheng Yuli would not harm him now, Shi Hanshang still felt a sense of unease.
After a while, a faint sigh echoed in the darkness. Shi Hanshang could not see Sheng Yuli’s expression, but he could feel the man’s movements as he helped straighten his sleeve. Just as he was about to speak, Sheng Yuli’s lonely, drifting voice sounded in his ear.
“Shi Hanshang, regarding this child, I am the one who has failed you.”
“If you truly do not want it, I will go to Song Qing in a few days to discuss a strategy more carefully. We will see if there is a better way to terminate the pregnancy, preferably one that does not harm your body.”
“If there is not, next month I will personally travel to Nanzhao. No matter what, I will find the Blood Leaf Orchid for you.”
The region of Nanzhao was distant, remote, and filled with danger. Shi Hanshang wanted to say it was unnecessary, but before the words could leave his lips, the grip on his hand loosened. The warmth vanished instantly.
Sheng Yuli fled toward the window as if escaping. He only had time to hurriedly leave a few words, “I am leaving now. It is late. You should rest as well.” Then, he immediately jumped out the window and vanished.
The wind wailed as it blew through the open carved wooden window, flowing into the room and stirring the white robes and black hair of the man inside. As his dark hair fluttered, the man’s pale eyes remained frozen in a stunned gaze.
Shi Hanshang stared at the moonlight and fallen leaves in the empty courtyard for a long time, unable to return to his senses.