What am I supposed to now.
My husband who I thought forgot about me for 15 years actually loved and cared for me the whole time.
The letters he wrote that told me he loved me, cared for me, and told me he was doing everything he could to try and keep himself in my life, got taken from me…by my own parents even.
Not only that, my parents attempted to marry me to this Jackson guy, who I have to assume isn’t a good guy.
Why you may ask???
The twins.
When they talked about their favorite person being involved in this mess.
Both of them got extremely tense and the air temperature dropped considerably.
The icing on this cake….erik’s parents are either involved or are the ones who are responsible for making my parents hide letters from me.
I feel like I’ve lost everything, like the last 15 years were stolen from me and not by Erik like I originally thought, but my parents and maybe Erik’s parents.
I don’t know what to do, what to feel, or even why I’m here at all anymore.
Anna, my sweet Anna, she’s stuck by my side through everything.
Derricc…..Erik…..I feel like I don’t know them anymore either.
We met at boot camp 17 years ago.
The twins and I got paired up for a group assignment and i remember being in awe of how well they worked together.
It was like watching two person machine work in perfect harmony.
Erik seemed like he always knew what to do, how to do it and always had a way out of any situations.
Derricc was the guy who could boost morale, take command of a situation gone wrong or something that Erik didn’t catch/anticipate and use what he knew about Erik’s plans, turn it around and find a way out of the situation.
Derricc excelled at hand to hand combat and always gave out orders from the front.
We could always tell whether Erik or Derricc made a call based on how confidently Derricc made a call.
It seemed like Derricc always trusted Erik to make the right assignments and calls while his orders felt less organizational and more situational which i think he feels isn’t always right and caused his voice to be less confident.
Either way Derricc has the sheer presence, and willpower to handle any situation and always made sure he was the first on the battlefield, last one off.
Any decisions he made were based on him leading the charge.
Derricc is a big guy and he lead his squad like a man who had something to protect and refused to do anything without him being upfront handling the front lines.
Erik, my first love.
Back then he looks almost exactly like Derric does now.
Baby faced, chiseled, but he didn’t like the spotlight.
He excelled in guns.
He could assemble, disassemble, and fire any gun in seconds.
He didn’t miss targets.
As a sniper, he could bullseye a target almost 2 miles away with no scope.
It was scary.
He could assassinate at will, shoot whoever he wanted, and no one would know because of his ability to shoot from so far away with ease.
His ability to cover Derricc’s back without even trying is even scarier.
It’s almost like he knows how Derricc will fight, how he’ll move in a fight and be able to hit his targets perfectly without Derricc even having to break a step.
It’s was beautiful to see.
It won me over.
He didn’t take unnecessary risks.
He didn’t second guess himself.
He made his shots count and made everyone be able to focus on their jobs easier.
I loved that.
5 months into our military training Erik and I agreed to date and a year later, we got married.
I was happy.
Erik had grown from 6’1 to 6’6 but carried it well.
We were happy, we had plans to start a family and build a home in the mountains to keep around fresher air.
Things were going great.
That is until 6 months later.
Derrick and Erik were recognized for their efforts and prodigy level talents and asked to join a special ops unit that directly worked for the presidency.
I was genuinely happy for him.
We spent our last few days before his move in bliss.
I waved him goodbye at the airport and didn’t see him again until today, 15 years later.
I remember that first birthday we spent apart.
I waited all day for a call, text, or something but got nothing.
I think I cried for a day because I thought I had been forgotten.
A year later I spent time with a friend and walked by a park that looked like the one I asked Erik out in.
It was a very happy day and Erik played at the park with me the rest of the day.
3 years later got invited to eat at a restaurant that served beef tips.
One of Erik’s favorites.
I found myself ordering it and as I ate it, I remember the way Erik smiled as he brought a piece of meat to my face and messed with my nose annoyingly before eating it just to get a rise out of me.
7 years passed by before I stopped allowing myself to be reminded of Erik.
At this point I had gone back to the military to be a training instructor for new recruits.
Eventually I got recruited for a mission to save people from a human trafficking ring.
We arrived too late and the traffickers killed everyone….except for Anna who I found on my way out.
I gave her a home, and she asked to be a maid to serve me as a way to thank me for saving her life.
It was thanks to Anna that I was able to move on from Erik.
Up until a week ago that is.
My dad comes in with 3 letters claiming they’re from Erik.
I’m genuinely shocked, angry and happy at the same time so I thank my dad and read the letters and all I got was letters that kept saying he was going to be delayed.
I was mad, genuinely mad.
Anna did everything she could to calm me down and I was about to go to my drawer and write back angry things until the wedding ring Erik bought me rolled forward with a letter attached to it.
I never wore it after the wedding because I was busy handling military stuff and didn’t want the ring to get dirty.
I tear up because the ring meant everything to me and i was happy the man of my dreams gave me one.
I took the letter and it did something to me that changed everything.
My sweet love.
If you’re reading this, then I’ve let you down.
I realized before my first deployment that I may not be coming back for a while.
It could be weeks, months or even years.
I’m not allowed to explain but the thing Derricc and I signed up for doesn’t allow for us to have direct contact with anyone for a while.
At the time you’re reading , there’s no telling when I can see you again.
Just know that I love you, always will, and I can’t wait to see you again.
This letter told me that he had an idea that this could’ve happened but it made me mad that I haven’t received more.
So imagine how I felt when I got a letter saying he and his brother were ok and looking forward to returning home.
The two of them were 1 in a million soldiers.
My husband, one I’ve missed out on my adult life dead.
I was a mess, a full blown mess.
I was ready to let it all go and try to find him in the afterlife until that fateful knock on the door changed everything I knew about everything.