The Font of Light lay high within the snow-capped peak of Mount Aurelis, and everything about it felt holy and divine. Not as divine as Seris's Big Sister, of course, but close.
The vast mountain lake spread before Seris like a mirror made of sunlight. Its surface shone so brightly that Seris could barely tell where the water ended and the light began. The air hummed with concentrated faith.
It hurt. Every breath felt sharp and wrong. Seris clung tighter to Big Sister and tried very, very hard to be brave.
Seris had known that this would happen. Had been warned. And had nodded.
So Seris must not cry. Because Seris was a good child. Because Seris was the Saintess of Light.
She had always been the Saintess. Big Sister had said so, so it must be true. So Seris would work hard. She would get back what Vhal had taken from her.
Then Seris would hurt that ugly skeleton back. Hurt it very, very badly. Because it was evil and deserved it.
Lady Seralyth had said that being here would keep that scary, mean, evil, and ugly thing from ruining everything. Seris had not understood all of it, only the important parts. The dead god was bad. Mount Aurelis was good. The sacred mountain air would hurt, but it would also help. That was enough.
Seris drew in a deep breath. Pain lanced through her chest so sharply her fingers curled into Big Sister's robes.
It hurt even worse than that time those mean adults had tried to burn her. But that was okay. Seris was used to pain.
Lady Seralyth had been right. The pain was terrible, but beneath it, Seris could feel something loosening. The pressure behind her eyes had lessened. Her head felt lighter, and the whispers were gone. That alone made the pain worth it.
"The Goddess of Light's holy power is specialized for purification and exorcism," Big Sister's big sister had said earlier, her voice smooth and patient in a way Seris had come to secretly like. "In a place saturated with her authority, the dead god Vhal will not be able to touch you so easily."
Seris had sat very still while Lady Seralyth adjusted the silver chains of glowing charms around her wrists and ankles, each one warm against her skin.
"The doctrine of Light teaches discipline and venerates the sanctity of the soul," Lady Seralyth had continued. "And faith leaves echoes. In a place shaped by generations of prayer, your sense of self will be strengthened. But it will hurt, Seris. Very much so."
Seris had swallowed and whispered, "How much?"
Lady Seralyth had paused at that. Then she had reached out and, very gently, tucked a loose strand of Seris's hair behind her ear.
"Enough that I wish I could bear it for you, little one," she had said softly. "But I promise to do everything in my power to keep Mount Aurelis's holy energy from harming you more than necessary. Will you trust me?"
Even now, everyone was working hard for her sake, so Seris must smile.
She pressed her face into Big Sister's shoulder and held on.
The air around the lake shimmered.
Lines of light spread across the water in huge glowing patterns Seris couldn't understand. Some sank into the lake below them. Others rose into the sky and disappeared into the clouds. Bright symbols swirled through the air like pretty fireflies.
The whole mountain felt like it was paying attention.
Big Sister's embrace was warm and steady as she walked across the water's surface. She did not sink even a little. With each step she took, pale gold ripples spread outward beneath her bare feet and lingered long after they should have faded, overlapping and multiplying until the entire lake looked like one giant fractal of living light.
Seris peeked over Big Sister's shoulder and stared.
"So pretty…" she whispered.
Big Sister smiled. "It is, isn't it?"
Her voice was soft, but it carried clearly across the stillness, as though the mountain itself wanted to hear her speak. When they reached the center of the Font, Big Sister stopped.
The water beneath them shone brighter than anywhere else. Seris looked down and down, but couldn't see a bottom. There was only light.
Big Sister shifted Seris in her arms and cupped her cheek.
"Seris," she asked quietly, "are you really alright?"
Seris wanted to say yes right away. She almost did. But Big Sister's golden eyes were looking at her in that way that made lying feel impossible.
So Seris hesitated.
"A little scared," she admitted in a tiny voice.
Big Sister's expression softened at once. "That's allowed."
Seris blinked. "It is?"
"Of course it is." Big Sister brushed her thumb over Seris's cheek. "Being brave does not mean you are never frightened. It means you keep going even when you are."
Seris thought about that very hard. Then she nodded solemnly.
"We will begin soon," Big Sister said. "Are you ready?"
Seris straightened in her arms and tried to look as dignified as Lady Seralyth always did.
She probably failed.
But she still nodded resolutely. "Tell me, Big Sis. What must I do?"
Big Sister adjusted her hold and spoke slowly, carefully, as though each word mattered.
"Your body changing is unavoidable," she said. "Every living thing is shaped by its nature, and your nature is being rewritten. I cannot stop that. But all magic is a manifestation of will, Seris. Power follows shape, and shape follows intent."
Seris frowned very hard.
Big Sister laughed softly. "That means your thoughts matter. A lot."
"Oh."
"As the ritual's focus, you should be able to nudge the transformation in the direction you desire."
Big Sister took Seris's hand and placed it gently over Seris's own chest.
"So I can choose?" Seris asked, eyes wide.
"Some of it," Big Sister said. "Enough that it matters."
That felt very important.
Big Sister gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Picture a coin in your mind," she said. "On the side facing up right now is you at your worst. The version of you twisted by fear, pain, and everything Vhal tried to force onto you. On the other side is who you want to be."
Seris listened with all her might.
"Become one with the coin," Big Sister murmured. "Feel it. Understand it. And then will it to flip over while reaching for your ideal self. Can you do that, Seris?"
Seris buried her face against Big Sister's shoulder for just a moment and let herself drown in her warmth.
Big Sister smelled clean and warm, like leaves after rain. Seris liked it. It made her feel safe.
When Seris finally lifted her head, her little hands were clenched into determined fists.
"I will not disappoint you, Big Sister," she vowed, voice trembling but firm. "I will become the best Saintess ever. I promise."
Big Sister went very still.
Then she gently pulled back and held Seris at arm's length. Her golden eyes were more serious than Seris had ever seen them.
"Forget everything I said about the Saintess, Seris."
The words fell into the sacred stillness like stones into deep water.
Seris looked back at her with wide, questioning eyes.
Big Sister's voice, when she spoke again, carried a strange and terrible weight. It was still gentle, still warm, but beneath it was something vast enough to make the mountain seem small.
"What matters to me," she said, "is that you are happy."
Seris's lips parted.
"So think carefully, little one. Think of nothing else but what would make you happy, and who you want to become. Then reach for it. Reach for the ideal you. Driven only by your own will. For no one else but your own self."
Big Sister leaned forward until their foreheads almost touched.
"Think very very carefully about who you wish to become," she whispered. "Can you promise me that?"
Seris hesitated. Because that sounded harder than becoming a Saintess.
Harder than enduring pain. Harder, maybe, than anything.
She did not know what she wanted if she was not trying to be useful. She did not know how to think only of herself without feeling wrong.
But Big Sister had asked, so Seris nodded slowly and committed every word to memory.
"I promise," she whispered.
For a long while, as the light around them gathered and brightened, Big Sister simply looked at her.
Really looked at her.
Her beautiful golden eyes moved slowly over Seris's face, as though searching for something hidden under skin and bone and fear. The attention made warmth creep into Seris's cheeks. Her gaze felt almost ticklish, and Seris squirmed under it, blushing.
"B-Big Sis?"
Big Sister blinked, then smiled.
"Sorry," she said. "I was making sure I had not missed anything."
"Did you miss anything?"
"No." Big Sister's smile deepened, small and private and full of relief. "I think you're ready."
Then, before Seris could ask what that meant, Big Sister leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her brow.
"I believe in you."
The words wrapped around Seris's heart more tightly than any blanket ever had.
Then Big Sister released her.
Seris gave a startled little gasp as the water beneath her feet dissolved into radiance. She did not fall. The light simply lifted her, soft as warm hands, and the world began to drift away.
The Font of Light rose around her in gleaming ribbons.
Liquid holiness curled through the air around Seris, and the space itself seemed to change with it, cool at first, then warm, then neither. It folded inward without ever quite touching her, cocooning her in radiant white-gold brilliance until Mount Aurelis, the lake, and even Big Sister vanished from sight.
Seris floated in a place where nothing could be felt at all. There was no body here. No breathing. No heartbeat. No pain. Only thoughts.
For a while she did nothing except hold onto Big Sister's words.
What would make her happy?
Seris turned inward and searched her memories, trying to find the moment she had been happiest.
At first, she found only faded pictures.
She remembered the time from before. Before the first flare of green fire. Before everything had broken open.
She had lived with her parents then.
Those days all felt the same in Seris's memory. The same small room. The same scriptures to copy until her fingers hurt and her eyes went blurry. She was never allowed to leave. Never allowed to meet anyone. Never allowed to ask too many questions.
Her parents' faces were vague now, worn smooth by time and terror, but she remembered their voices: Sharp. Tense. Always afraid. Always angry. Always telling her to be good.
Always punishing her harshly for the smallest mistakes.
Compared to what came after, those days had still been peaceful. She had been clothed. Fed. Sheltered from the world.
Seris thought she understood now, at least a little, why her parents had acted that way.
They had been afraid of her. Afraid of what she was. Afraid of what would happen if anyone found out.
But had Seris been happy then? No. No, she had not.
Life on the run after her power went wild was harder to hold. Those memories came in flashes.
Smoke. Mud. Hunger. The smell of wet wool and rot. Men shouting. Torches in the dark. Her own magic spilling out in ugly green bursts that made people scream.
The less she remembered of that long nightmare, the better.
But even then, there had still been a few good moments. Small ones. The kind that felt even brighter because everything else was so awful.
In her darkest hours, when Seris had wanted to curl up and disappear, a divine voice had descended from heaven and reaffirmed her.
It had told her she was not wrong for existing. That she must endure. That everything would be alright.
Those memories were vivid. More vivid than many things that had certainly happened. And yet…
Seris hesitated. Had it really happened that way? Had Big Sister truly spoken to her all those times? Hadn't Seris only met her for real a few days ago?
It should have felt strange. But somehow, it didn't.
Instead, Seris hugged the memory close. She chose to believe it was real. It had to be real.
Big Sister was a Goddess.
Of course a Goddess could send her voice backward through time to comfort Seris when Seris needed her most. That made perfect sense. And if it did not, then Seris did not care.
In that long nightmare, hearing Big Sister's voice had made her happy.
And meeting Big Sister for real had made her even happier still.
Seris would never forget that first moment. Not in any number of years. Not for as long as Seris lived. The Goddess of Life in mortal form, standing in open air, kissed by sunlight, crowned by the green and growing world, her hand extended. The way that hand had felt like an answer to a question Seris had been asking for a very long time: This was it. This was why Seris had been born. She had been born to meet her.
What followed had been a beautiful dream. There had been frightening moments, more than a few, but the dream had been gentle underneath all of it, and Seris never wanted to wake up.
She finally gave voice to what had always been true.
Liria. Seris's happiness was Big Sister Liria.
The thought rang through the stillness with the clean certainty of a bell. And then came the harder question.
Who did she want to become?
Seris thought. And thought. And thought.
Then, slowly, painfully, she admitted another truth. One she had hidden even from herself.
Ever since meeting Big Sister, Seris had been afraid. She had been afraid of the day Big Sister would say goodbye.
The fear had been sitting inside Seris for a long time. It had sat quietly in the back of her heart while she smiled and laughed and basked in borrowed warmth.
Big Sister was the Goddess of Life in mortal form. She had real siblings, a real family, a real place in the world. Seris was a cursed child she had come back through time to save. When the saving was finished, when everything was set right, what reason would she have to stay?
Seris had never dared say it out loud. Had barely dared think it, pushing the thought away whenever it surfaced, because thinking it too clearly felt like it might make it true.
But what if it did happen? What if the dream ended?
Seris did not want that. Seris wanted to become someone who could stand beside Big Sister without shame. Someone who belonged there, not by accident or obligation, but by right.
The Saintess of Light.
She wanted it with all her being.
Wanted it with her own will.
For no one else but herself.
Just as the Goddess of Light was the Goddess of Life's younger sister, the Saintess of Light could stand proudly as the younger sister of the Goddess of Life's mortal form.
It fit. It made sense. It felt right in a way that made Seris want to cling to it forever.
Even Big Sister herself had said Seris was the Saintess of Light, so it must be true.
This was right. This was how things were supposed to be.
Vhal had stolen that from Seris, and now Seris was taking it back. It was time to set things right. Time to reclaim her destiny.
The visualization came easily after that.
A coin.
Cold, heavy, and ancient.
One side seethed with green fire and black corruption. Its surface was warped and ugly, engraved with the face of the dead god Vhal, the thing that had stolen her body in an erased future and turned her into something wrong.
The other side blazed with the holy power of Mount Aurelis. Clean gold and white. Its surface was engraved with the face of the Saintess of Light as depicted in the scriptures she had copied a thousand times with aching fingers.
Seris was the coin.
Seris was Vhal.
Seris was the Saintess.
In that twisted future, Seris had become Vhal's vessel. She would become the Saintess of Light in the true timeline.
With all the force of her soul, Seris willed the coin to flip.
At first, nothing happened. Then something inside her shifted. There came a sensation like a key turning in an ancient lock.
And the whole world lurched.
Seris reached for her ideal self with desperate, greedy intensity.
She pictured herself with the Saintess's blue eyes and golden hair. Beautiful and courageous. Merciful and just. Someone people looked at with love instead of fear. Someone holy. Someone wanted.
Big Sister Liria's proud younger sister.
The coin turned. Slowly. Heavily. Ponderously.
And as it turned, euphoria flooded through Seris so suddenly it almost felt like pain.
The world stopped rejecting her. She had never even realized it had been rejecting her until that pressure began to lift. Something heavy began to lift from Seris. Little by little, the world stopped feeling so hostile.
Slowly but surely, the hungry resentment that had always clawed at the edges of her being was falling away.
The coin turned. Further and further…
And then the world split open.
YOU DARE.
The voice slammed directly into her soul. Rage crashed through the stillness like a mountain collapsing.
Seris flinched. Her perfect white void shattered. In an instant, she was no longer floating in light.
She stood on the blasted plains of the Ashen Wastes.
The sky above was gray and sick-looking. The ground beneath Seris's feet was cracked black earth with dim green fire glowing through it. The air smelled like ash, blood, and something rotten-sweet that made her stomach twist.
The horizon was lined with jagged silhouettes of broken monuments and half-buried skeletons large enough to have once belonged to things no longer meant to exist.
Across the cracked earth, the dead god Vhal sat upon a throne of fused bones, tall and terrible above the ruined wasteland.
Seris looked at it steadily. She had promised herself she would not look away.
Its skeletal frame was draped in tattered ceremonial vestments that looked as though they had once belonged to a king and had since been dragged through a grave for a thousand years. Sickly green flames burned in the hollows of its eyes. A crown made of jagged metal spikes rose from its skull, ugly and wrong.
When it looked at her, Seris felt the same way she had once felt under the gaze of angry adults, except magnified a thousandfold.
Contempt. Ownership. Violation.
"My deluded, defective vessel," the ugly skeleton hissed. Its voice rasped like brittle things grinding together, and Seris hated it instantly.
"What," Vhal asked, each word dripping with disbelief and fury, "do you think you're doing?"